Should we be expecting our leaders to “Walk The Talk?”

I wish I had a nickel for every time I have heard the phrase, “The leaders in this place don’t ‘walk the talk.’” I’d be wealthier than a lottery winner. I’ve heard this said about leaders in every walk of life – business, politics, and government.

I understand the frustration when people see a lack of congruence from their leaders between what is espoused and what is lived. It’s called an authenticity gap. While the frustration is legitimate, the problem is the way we see the problem and the way we approach it. A lack of congruence will prevail as long as we continue to see this as a leadership problem. In fact, I contend that we are actually contributing to the problem by the way we view the situation.

There will always be an authenticity gap in our positional leaders because of the nature of our expectations. No one will ever meet our expectations completely for “walking the talk” because we are human. Think about it. Where in your life have you maintained all the habits that you know are important? Do you exercise as much as you say you should? Do you always eat what you say is a healthy diet? Do you spend as much time with the people you love as you say you should? Do you ever watch more TV than you know is healthy? Where do you have perfect alignment between your espoused values and your actions? Where in your life have you completely closed this “authenticity gap?”

I contend that it’s not the gap that’s the problem. The real problem is that we aren’t talking about the gap – directly, honestly, and respectfully. What authentic, accountable leaders do, rather than pretend that there is no gap, is create a space for people to honestly and respectfully discuss the gap and work toward closing it. What authentic, accountable employees do, rather than complain about the gap with a sense of entitlement, is have the courage to face the incongruence directly when they see it.

If you are working in an environment and feel that your positional leaders are not “walking the talk,” here are some suggestions:

Strategy #1. Start by giving what you expect from your leaders. Take a careful inventory of yourself. Where are you not “walking the talk” in your professional or personal life?  Where is there an authenticity gap in your life? Try taking the focus off your leaders and bring it back to yourself. Deciding that you have co-created the world around you – and therefore you are the one to step into healing it – is the ultimate act of accountability.

Strategy #2. Once you have earned self-respect and credibility by working at closing your own authenticity gaps, initiate courageous, open, and respectful conversations with your leaders about that gap in yourself and in your culture. Be sure to bring your solutions, not your complaints to these conversations. Bring a copy of your corporate values to the discussion and ask for feedback about how you can better live these values as an employee.  If you don’t have clear corporate values then make up your own and bring these to the conversation for open, respectful dialogue.

Strategy #3. If you are a positional leader, be aware that you are always being watched and there will always be people in your organization who perceive you as not “walking the talk.” Talk openly about this. Invite feedback continually. Turn your value statements into concrete behaviors and commit publically to living these values, while simultaneously fessing up that you are human, that you won’t ever be perceived as getting it perfect, that you are open for constructive feedback when you get off track, and that you expect the same commitment from your those who report to you.

What’s your experience with leaders not “walking the talk?” I’d love to hear from you.

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

 

What’s the difference between servant leadership vs. pleasing leadership?

I see many leaders trying too hard to make their direct reports happy under the auspices of “servant leadership.” Entitlement is bred in this kind of culture, thinking that we are obligated to give our employees everything they ask for. It’s like parenting, trying to do too much for our children, trying taking away all their stress. This doesn’t lead to responsible kids and it doesn’t lead to accountable employees. And it creates burned out leaders.
The servant leader’s job is to identify and do all you can to meet the needs of their staff to ensure their success. This is servant leadership. Pleasing leadership attempts to meet all the wants of their people. Pleasing leaders become their employee’s slaves  -by allowing their employees/kids to do whatever they want. We all need an environment where standards are set and people are held accountable. We may not want this, but we need it. We don’t do anybody favors by running undisciplined homes or departments. Don’t settle for mediocrity. People need to be pushed to be all they can be. Again, this may not be what we want, but it’s what we need.
Another example: If you pay people what they want, you’ll be out of business and won’t be able to give them what they need: stable, long-term employment.
When politicians make their policy decisions based on the most recent Gallup poll, they are giving people what they want, but probably not what they need.
How do you distinguish between wants and needs?
want is a wish without regard to long-term consequences.
need is a legitimate requirement for one’s survival or success.
You have to know people (starting with yourself) very well to understand the difference.
Start by making a list of the needs of the people who depend on you. Make a list of what you need.
Thanks to Jim Hunter for your inspiration behind this blog. He wrote a good book called The Servant.
What’s your experience with the difference between serving and pleasing?
David Irvine, Author and Speaker

What Is Enough?

I work with some amazing leaders who, in their own unique ways, are quietly and diligently making a tremendous impact on the world. And almost all of them are exhausted. Why is that? We could certainly blame it on technology and how accessible we are to the demands of others. We could probably all benefit from a refresher course in time management. We could all get clearer about our priorities. Certainly a decrease in resources in the organizations we work in could be a contributing factor. Maybe we just live in a more demanding time.

What I submit is that one of the core reasons that people are so tired today is that we have lost connection with the experience of “enough.”

• How much is enough service?

• How much is enough accomplishment?

• How much is enough money?

• How much is enough security?

• How much is enough success?

• How much is enough exercise or rest or food?

• How much is enough of anything?

In a world that demands that  more is better, I think it is imperative that we grapple with these questions because  the world’s standards of enough are not working. If you don’t have an inner experience of being enough, no amount of offering, success, money, or stuff in your life will ever make you feel satisfied, filled, or large enough. What is enough? If you do not know, within yourself, that you are enough, you will die of weariness, because there will always be more to do, more to have, and more to be.

Alternatively, when you know you are enough, beyond what the world tells you, then your giving, your achieving, your expanding and creating, comes from overflow, not emptiness, and the world will nourish you as you, in turn, nourish others with your presence.

My challenge for you is to ask:

• How do you come to know your worth away from your work?

• What does “enough” feel like to you?

• How do you know how much is enough?

• How do you know you are enough?

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

From New Year’s Resolutions To New Year’s Renewal

Making New Year’s resolutions is for those interested in growing, being a better person, and improving themselves. New Year’s is a good time for taking an inventory of our lives to discover where changes need to be made. Just as the fiscal year end of a business  provides an opportunity to take an inventory of stock, a new year provides a opportunity to take stock of our lives. It’s a good time to celebrate successes from the past year, reestablish intentions for the new year, evaluate your life, and set goals for the future. This is a ritual I have done at the close of each year and opening to the next, for many many years now.

Here is some of my thinking about New Year’s resolutions for you to reflect on…

1. Whatever you call it – resolutions, goals, habits – make sure they are yours. Make sure that your intentions are authentically yours, not someone elses. Resist that natural indication to compare and conform with others. Joy in life comes from being true to who you are meant to be. If you are trying to keep up with the Jones, sooner or later they will refinance! One way to ensure that your resolutions will last no longer than a few weeks is to make them out of guilt or inadequacy or inferiority, rather than an honest desire to make a change in your life that comes from within you.

2. Before making any kind of resolution for change, be sure to celebrate the past year. There’s a correlation between those who make resolutions and those who are hard on themselves. It’s always easier to find areas that need changing than to find areas that need celebrating. Make it a point to bring gratitude and recognition of progress into your new year’s resolutions.

3. Along with celebration, bring kindness and patience – for yourself and for others. Life can be difficult, but it’s a lot easier with compassion. A new life is much more likely to grow in the soft, rich soil of compassion than in the rocky ground of judgement. As Thich Nhat Hanh beautifully expresses, “Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with the eyes of compassion.” When you think of compassion, think first of yourself. This is where true compassion starts.

4. Before making any kind of resolution, ask if you are actually committed to change or if you simply making a resolution because that’s what you do this time of year. There’s nothing wrong with not making a resolution if there’s nothing in your life you want to change right now. And there’s nothing wrong with a resolution for the sake of a resolution. Just be honest when you find yourself “off track” in the middle of January. Don’t make a promise to change if you aren’t ready. Whenever you break an agreement, either with yourself or with others, you erode your self-respect.

5. If you are serious about making changes in your life, find a mentor, someone who will guide you, support you, and hold you accountable along the way. From my experience, you will never make changes in your life alone. You’ll only create discouragement.

6. Take an inventory of what “growth” means to you. Be careful about defining growth as simply “more” or “bigger.” “Bigger” isn’t always better. “More” isn’t always satisfying. Think about growth as qualitative not just quantitative. Just because you lose weight doesn’t mean your life will be better. Just because you make more money doesn’t mean you will be happier. Peace is reflected in your relationship to the present moment, experiencing the beauty and magnificance that surrounds you now. Quality of life will sustain you in a way that quantity never will.

7. Whatever changes you decide to make in your life, make room for rest, renewal, and delight in your busy life. In the relentless busyness of modern life, we probably all need to rediscover the rhythm between work and rest. The only life form that doesn’t rest is cancer. A truly successful life is one of balance, perspective, and presence.

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year,” writes G.K. Chesterton. “It is that we should have a new soul.” As you let go of last year may you enter the new with a renewed energy that is fresh and vital. Be good to yourself, and be well this new year.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

Building An Aligned Leadership Culture

We’ve been asked to facilitate a lot of leadership alignment initiatives with organizations lately. Here’s a three step process that senior leaders have found to be helpful:

1) Identify the critical leadership practices required to support and achieve your organization’s strategic goals and objectives. In doing so, your high potential development process will be grounded in helping future leaders be authentic by aligning their career development goals and capability requirements with your organization’s business goals and objectives.

2) Define what “high potential leaders” means using objective, behavioral terms. This allows the organization to clearly define “high potential” in an objective and observable way that provides a benchmark from which individuals can be assessed and create a meaningful and relevant development plan.

3) Create and provide a framework your organization can use to communicate this information throughout the organization. This provides a common language and opportunity for your organization to create a “community” in which high potentials, their managers and mentors can support the development, engagement, commitment and retention of key employees in the organization.

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

Accountability: How One Person Can Transform A Culture

Ron Bynum was the leader of a training organization that used a former summer camp as one of its facilities. One night his phone rang with horrific news. One of the buildings at his training center had caught fire and burned down quickly. Someone had left a towel near a heater in a dormitory where some of the staff lived. The old wooden building had gone up in flames like a pile of dry sticks.

When he got to the center the staff of nearly one hundred was in an uproar of finger pointing, criticism, trying to find who was to blame for the fire. As the furor began to subside, an accountable employee stood up and said, “I’m responsible.” Dead silence filled the room. “Wait a minute,” someone said. “You weren’t even here this week. How could you possibly be responsible?”

“I’m responsible because I’m claiming responsibility. That’s all that really matters. If you’re looking for details, I’ve been in that dormitory a dozen times this summer, and I could have noticed that the towel rack was too close to the heater. But I didn’t. So for that one reason I’m responsible. The details are irrelevant. How about if we all took responsibility rather than blaming ourselves or somebody else? Then let’s find out what needs to be done.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted in that one brief moment. Blame and recrimination transformed into searching for constructive solutions. Stepping into accountability got everyone heading in a productive direction. Now that’s leadership, and he didn’t need a title, only a decision to be accountable.

Thanks, Gay Hendricks (The Corporate Mystic), for this story.

What are you doing to inspire others around you with the courage to be accountable?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

How is the Clarity of Your Conviction?

“Then I asked: Does a firm persuasion that a thing is so, make it so. He replied: All poets believe that it does, and in ages of imagination this firm persuasion removed mountains; but many are not capable of a firm persuasion of anything.” William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

To achieve a goal, you need a clear purpose and firm conviction. In the Sanskrit language there is a word for a firm mind: vyavasayam., which means agriculture. To reap a harvest, a cultivator needs a firm mind with one conviction that “by doing such and such, you will harvest this much.” With such conviction one does everything towards fulfillment. You don’t haphazardly throw seeds on unprepared soil or sow the seeds and say, “I don’t have time to care for it.” A good cultivator doesn’t change when the going gets tough. He continuously uses his effort until his goal is reached. That is what is meant by a firm mind.

People with a fleeting type of mind don’t stick to one thing. They may choose something, but become scattered. When things get difficult or uncomfortable, those with an infirm mind will lose concentration and be distracted by the allure of an easier, softer, or cheaper way. They’ll keep switching to something else. It’s like digging many shallow wells. They never find water and are always thirsty.

The achievement of a worthy goal will require you to ride out the storms with dedicated, focused effort, knowing you won’t get the fruit over night. It won’t be easy. And it won’t happen without the clarity and conviction of a firm mind.

Imagine a fisherman who is determined to catch a fish. He is in a small boat in the middle of the lake. It’s raining, chilly, and windy and his boat is being blown about. He casts his line and keeps his eyes only on that. Nothing disturbs him. He could be sitting comfortably at home in an easy chair, but knows he won’t catch a fish that way. Even for the simplest thing one needs great concentration.

With the clarity and conviction of a firm mind you can stay focused on your goal. It won’t matter if you experience some physical or psychological suffering or if people tell you that you are wasting your time. You won’t be distracted by discomfort or temptation. Nothing will move you from your purpose.

When you hear, “Leave that, and come watch television,” and you say, “No, I’m catching a fish and I won’t budge an inch until I do.” Then you are a true fisherman, not just someone who fishes as a hobby.

How is the clarity of your conviction? What have you achieved lately that’s come through having a firm mind?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

Resolving Conflict – The Authentic Way

We’ve all heard that differences are necessary in any relationship, team, or organization. After all, if we were all the same we wouldn’t have conflict. And without conflict you don’t learn, grow, or create anything new. The challenge is how to make conflict productive. How do you use conflict to discover, expand, and create rather than damage, destroy, and diminish? Have you ever:

  • Found yourself criticizing a colleague and avoiding them?
  • Had trouble sleeping because you were obsessing about a frustrating situation with a co-worker?
  • Been upset when you learned that you would be working with a certain person on a project?
  • Said to yourself,  “If it weren’t for you, we could get along!”

In our courses on conflict resolution, we teach people the skill of being authentic and direct. First, let’s look at the indirect or inauthentic ways that people use to deal with conflict. Inauthentic ways of avoiding a resolution indicate that unresolved anger is being brought into your workplace and include: arguing, avoiding contact, excusing the conflict (not wanting to “make a big deal out of it”), sarcasm, insults, bullying, unfocused busyness, yelling, depression, complaining.

Guidelines for resolving conflict authentically:

1.   Appreciate conflict. Because one of the main purposes of your life is to learn and grow, you might as well accept that as long as you are alive, conflict will be a part of your existence. When we say “resolve” we are not implying that the conflict is “over.” Resolve means it is worked through – constructively, courageously, and with civility – so that you can be more effective.

2.   Take accountability. If you are irritated or in conflict, something within you is seeking to grow and you have an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Taking accountability is not the same as blaming yourself. It means that you decide that all blame is a waste of time and that all change begins with you. “If it is to be, let it begin with me.” If something is irritating you, start by looking inward.

3.   Set boundaries around your anger. This is another aspect of accountability. There are certain ways of expressing anger that are never appropriate in the workplace, or elsewhere. This includes rage (uncontrolled anger), demeaning put-downs, degrading people, and  yelling. If you can’t be mature enough to set these kind of parameters around your anger, then you need to seek help. While everyone has a right to their feelings, with this right comes a responsibility to deal with them in a responsible, constructive, and mature manner.

4.   Be willing to understand. It is empowering to have a person truly listen to you without judgment or solutions. Understanding is different than agreement. If you want to influence another person you must be willing to fully appreciate their point of view and the emotional force of their belief. A willingness to understand is your opportunity to embrace all aspects of a conflict, not just the positions, but all the emotions and beliefs of both sides.

5.   Assess good-will. Early in my marriage counseling career, I became completely exasperated after working for several weeks with a couple. I finally asked them, “Do you want this relationship to work?” It was the first time they agreed on anything. They looked at me and in unison said “No!” I learned a vital lesson that day about mediating. Ask this  question in the first session! The Dakota Nation tribal wisdom says that when you discover you’re riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. If there is not even one small spark of desire from both parties to work on a relationship, then it is best to get off and get on with your life. You simply can’t have interdependence in a relationship without good-will.

6.   Reach for the expectations beneath the surface of the conflict. Like the oil-light on the dashboard of your car, conflict is an indicator that something is missing. It doesn’t help to put a piece of tape over the gauge any more than it helps to suppress your anger or pretend you aren’t annoyed. If you are the one who is irritated, look inside for what you want and take responsibility to meet that need. If there is good-will in a relationship, you can discover and share these needs with each other. If you want to get to the root of what is irritating another person, take time to explore their interests and expectations, and support them to meet their needs.

7.   Let go. There’s an old saying in my work around embracing change that says, “Build a bridge and get over it.” We all need a support system and a process for letting go of resentments – the unresolved anger, hurts, and betrayals that linger and poison you – that spill over into our relationships and our lives. No one can make you happy or meet all your needs, but what we can get from a support system are insights into the conflict and the courage to let go so we can get on with our lives.

8.   Strive for a higher purpose. Work without a vision is drudgery, and in the midst of drudgery, people will inevitably create meaningless conflict to entertain themselves. The aim of authentic conflict resolution is to transcend and include differences of perspectives, interests, and desires. A shared purpose, vision and values will help you do this. This is true in marriages, teams, community associations, and organizations.

9.   Pay attention to your values. Participating in your relationships at work with authenticity means living in accord with your values. Two critically important values in conflict resolution are honesty and respect. Telling someone in a meeting that their idea was stupid may be honest, but it’s not respectful. On the other had, saying it was “interesting” when you think it’s stupid, may be respectful but it’s not honest. Conflict resolution – the authentic way – requires that you hold each of these values courageously and firmly as you move toward understanding and negotiation. You’ll never get it perfect, so strive for realness, not perfection. Authenticity is not a destination; it’s a method of travel.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

The Heart Of The RCMP Culture – The Depot Experience

Last weekend, my fifteen year old daughter, Chandra, and I spent a weekend at Depot Division, the cadet training program of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Over the past three years I have consulted with and facilitated leadership development programs for the RCMP, from front-line constables up to the Senior Management Team in Ottawa. I had yet to experience Depot, however, and was invited to come for a weekend “crash course” in this twenty-four week program. We were also privileged to attend the graduation ceremony of Troop 16, where I was honored to be a guest speaker.

I was inspired by the values, the standards, the disciplines, the professionalism, and the rigor of this life-changing program. I was also impressed by the caliber of cadets going through Depot training. The average age entering the RCMP is now 29 years old. There were engineers, PhDs, even a physician, who had left their careers to join our national police.

I was particularly moved by the graduating ceremony. I left the experience proud to be Canadian and protected by this great national police force. If every Canadian had the opportunity to experience a Depot graduation, it would change our view of this organization. I am convinced that the challenges the RCMP face as a culture are not at Depot. The challenge, among others faced by this amazing organization, is how to sustain the values instilled at Depot.

My sincere thanks to A/Commissioner Roger Brown, the Commanding Officer of the “Depot” Division, and your team of leaders there for making this such a remarkable experience for Chandra and me. We are better people for having had this opportunity.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

The Entitled Generation – And Another Side To The Vancouver Riots

The following editorial was found in the Calgary Herald this morning about the vandalism and chaos in Vancouver this past week.

Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/Letters+Chickens+have+come+home+roost+entitled+generation/4971107/story.html#ixzz1PmPHQWg7

I had my two teenage daughters read this editorial. It lead to a great discussion. Being passionate about accountability, I found myself jumping on this bandwagon. However, we all felt that although Mr. Low makes a valid argument about the disaffected youth of our time and the absence of parental responsibility, it is a sweeping generation and an over-simplistic assessment. As my kids pointed out, the same could be said about a small segment of the youth at any time in history, and lets not forget about the young people who have been contributing to the clean up.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author