What I submit is that one of the core reasons that people are so tired today is that we have lost connection with the experience of “enough.”

• How much is enough service?

• How much is enough accomplishment?

• How much is enough money?

• How much is enough security?

• How much is enough success?

• How much is enough exercise or rest or food?

• How much is enough of anything?

In a world that demands that  more is better, I think it is imperative that we grapple with these questions because  the world’s standards of enough are not working. If you don’t have an inner experience of being enough, no amount of offering, success, money, or stuff in your life will ever make you feel satisfied, filled, or large enough. What is enough? If you do not know, within yourself, that you are enough, you will die of weariness, because there will always be more to do, more to have, and more to be.

Alternatively, when you know you are enough, beyond what the world tells you, then your giving, your achieving, your expanding and creating, comes from overflow, not emptiness, and the world will nourish you as you, in turn, nourish others with your presence.

My challenge for you is to ask:

• How do you come to know your worth away from your work?

• What does “enough” feel like to you?

• How do you know how much is enough?

• How do you know you are enough?

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

Here is some of my thinking about New Year’s resolutions for you to reflect on…

1. Whatever you call it – resolutions, goals, habits – make sure they are yours. Make sure that your intentions are authentically yours, not someone elses. Resist that natural indication to compare and conform with others. Joy in life comes from being true to who you are meant to be. If you are trying to keep up with the Jones, sooner or later they will refinance! One way to ensure that your resolutions will last no longer than a few weeks is to make them out of guilt or inadequacy or inferiority, rather than an honest desire to make a change in your life that comes from within you.

2. Before making any kind of resolution for change, be sure to celebrate the past year. There’s a correlation between those who make resolutions and those who are hard on themselves. It’s always easier to find areas that need changing than to find areas that need celebrating. Make it a point to bring gratitude and recognition of progress into your new year’s resolutions.

3. Along with celebration, bring kindness and patience – for yourself and for others. Life can be difficult, but it’s a lot easier with compassion. A new life is much more likely to grow in the soft, rich soil of compassion than in the rocky ground of judgement. As Thich Nhat Hanh beautifully expresses, “Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with the eyes of compassion.” When you think of compassion, think first of yourself. This is where true compassion starts.

4. Before making any kind of resolution, ask if you are actually committed to change or if you simply making a resolution because that’s what you do this time of year. There’s nothing wrong with not making a resolution if there’s nothing in your life you want to change right now. And there’s nothing wrong with a resolution for the sake of a resolution. Just be honest when you find yourself “off track” in the middle of January. Don’t make a promise to change if you aren’t ready. Whenever you break an agreement, either with yourself or with others, you erode your self-respect.

5. If you are serious about making changes in your life, find a mentor, someone who will guide you, support you, and hold you accountable along the way. From my experience, you will never make changes in your life alone. You’ll only create discouragement.

6. Take an inventory of what “growth” means to you. Be careful about defining growth as simply “more” or “bigger.” “Bigger” isn’t always better. “More” isn’t always satisfying. Think about growth as qualitative not just quantitative. Just because you lose weight doesn’t mean your life will be better. Just because you make more money doesn’t mean you will be happier. Peace is reflected in your relationship to the present moment, experiencing the beauty and magnificance that surrounds you now. Quality of life will sustain you in a way that quantity never will.

7. Whatever changes you decide to make in your life, make room for rest, renewal, and delight in your busy life. In the relentless busyness of modern life, we probably all need to rediscover the rhythm between work and rest. The only life form that doesn’t rest is cancer. A truly successful life is one of balance, perspective, and presence.

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year,” writes G.K. Chesterton. “It is that we should have a new soul.” As you let go of last year may you enter the new with a renewed energy that is fresh and vital. Be good to yourself, and be well this new year.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

1) Identify the critical leadership practices required to support and achieve your organization’s strategic goals and objectives. In doing so, your high potential development process will be grounded in helping future leaders be authentic by aligning their career development goals and capability requirements with your organization’s business goals and objectives.

2) Define what “high potential leaders” means using objective, behavioral terms. This allows the organization to clearly define “high potential” in an objective and observable way that provides a benchmark from which individuals can be assessed and create a meaningful and relevant development plan.

3) Create and provide a framework your organization can use to communicate this information throughout the organization. This provides a common language and opportunity for your organization to create a “community” in which high potentials, their managers and mentors can support the development, engagement, commitment and retention of key employees in the organization.

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

When he got to the center the staff of nearly one hundred was in an uproar of finger pointing, criticism, trying to find who was to blame for the fire. As the furor began to subside, an accountable employee stood up and said, “I’m responsible.” Dead silence filled the room. “Wait a minute,” someone said. “You weren’t even here this week. How could you possibly be responsible?”

“I’m responsible because I’m claiming responsibility. That’s all that really matters. If you’re looking for details, I’ve been in that dormitory a dozen times this summer, and I could have noticed that the towel rack was too close to the heater. But I didn’t. So for that one reason I’m responsible. The details are irrelevant. How about if we all took responsibility rather than blaming ourselves or somebody else? Then let’s find out what needs to be done.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted in that one brief moment. Blame and recrimination transformed into searching for constructive solutions. Stepping into accountability got everyone heading in a productive direction. Now that’s leadership, and he didn’t need a title, only a decision to be accountable.

Thanks, Gay Hendricks (The Corporate Mystic), for this story.

What are you doing to inspire others around you with the courage to be accountable?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

To achieve a goal, you need a clear purpose and firm conviction. In the Sanskrit language there is a word for a firm mind: vyavasayam., which means agriculture. To reap a harvest, a cultivator needs a firm mind with one conviction that “by doing such and such, you will harvest this much.” With such conviction one does everything towards fulfillment. You don’t haphazardly throw seeds on unprepared soil or sow the seeds and say, “I don’t have time to care for it.” A good cultivator doesn’t change when the going gets tough. He continuously uses his effort until his goal is reached. That is what is meant by a firm mind.

People with a fleeting type of mind don’t stick to one thing. They may choose something, but become scattered. When things get difficult or uncomfortable, those with an infirm mind will lose concentration and be distracted by the allure of an easier, softer, or cheaper way. They’ll keep switching to something else. It’s like digging many shallow wells. They never find water and are always thirsty.

The achievement of a worthy goal will require you to ride out the storms with dedicated, focused effort, knowing you won’t get the fruit over night. It won’t be easy. And it won’t happen without the clarity and conviction of a firm mind.

Imagine a fisherman who is determined to catch a fish. He is in a small boat in the middle of the lake. It’s raining, chilly, and windy and his boat is being blown about. He casts his line and keeps his eyes only on that. Nothing disturbs him. He could be sitting comfortably at home in an easy chair, but knows he won’t catch a fish that way. Even for the simplest thing one needs great concentration.

With the clarity and conviction of a firm mind you can stay focused on your goal. It won’t matter if you experience some physical or psychological suffering or if people tell you that you are wasting your time. You won’t be distracted by discomfort or temptation. Nothing will move you from your purpose.

When you hear, “Leave that, and come watch television,” and you say, “No, I’m catching a fish and I won’t budge an inch until I do.” Then you are a true fisherman, not just someone who fishes as a hobby.

How is the clarity of your conviction? What have you achieved lately that’s come through having a firm mind?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

• Found yourself criticizing a colleague and avoiding them?
• Had trouble sleeping because you were obsessing about a frustrating situation with a co-worker?
• Been upset when you learned that you would be working with a certain person on a project?
• Said to yourself,  “If it weren’t for you, we could get along!”

In our courses on conflict resolution, we teach people the skill of being authentic and direct. First, let’s look at the indirect or inauthentic ways that people use to deal with conflict. Inauthentic ways of avoiding a resolution indicate that unresolved anger is being brought into your workplace and include: arguing, avoiding contact, excusing the conflict (not wanting to “make a big deal out of it”), sarcasm, insults, bullying, unfocused busyness, yelling, depression, complaining.

Guidelines for resolving conflict authentically:

1.   Appreciate conflict. Because one of the main purposes of your life is to learn and grow, you might as well accept that as long as you are alive, conflict will be a part of your existence. When we say “resolve” we are not implying that the conflict is “over.” Resolve means it is worked through – constructively, courageously, and with civility – so that you can be more effective.

2.   Take accountability. If you are irritated or in conflict, something within you is seeking to grow and you have an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Taking accountability is not the same as blaming yourself. It means that you decide that all blame is a waste of time and that all change begins with you. “If it is to be, let it begin with me.” If something is irritating you, start by looking inward.

3.   Set boundaries around your anger. This is another aspect of accountability. There are certain ways of expressing anger that are never appropriate in the workplace, or elsewhere. This includes rage (uncontrolled anger), demeaning put-downs, degrading people, and  yelling. If you can’t be mature enough to set these kind of parameters around your anger, then you need to seek help. While everyone has a right to their feelings, with this right comes a responsibility to deal with them in a responsible, constructive, and mature manner.

4.   Be willing to understand. It is empowering to have a person truly listen to you without judgment or solutions. Understanding is different than agreement. If you want to influence another person you must be willing to fully appreciate their point of view and the emotional force of their belief. A willingness to understand is your opportunity to embrace all aspects of a conflict, not just the positions, but all the emotions and beliefs of both sides.

5.   Assess good-will. Early in my marriage counseling career, I became completely exasperated after working for several weeks with a couple. I finally asked them, “Do you want this relationship to work?” It was the first time they agreed on anything. They looked at me and in unison said “No!” I learned a vital lesson that day about mediating. Ask this  question in the first session! The Dakota Nation tribal wisdom says that when you discover you’re riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. If there is not even one small spark of desire from both parties to work on a relationship, then it is best to get off and get on with your life. You simply can’t have interdependence in a relationship without good-will.

6.   Reach for the expectations beneath the surface of the conflict. Like the oil-light on the dashboard of your car, conflict is an indicator that something is missing. It doesn’t help to put a piece of tape over the gauge any more than it helps to suppress your anger or pretend you aren’t annoyed. If you are the one who is irritated, look inside for what you want and take responsibility to meet that need. If there is good-will in a relationship, you can discover and share these needs with each other. If you want to get to the root of what is irritating another person, take time to explore their interests and expectations, and support them to meet their needs.

7.   Let go. There’s an old saying in my work around embracing change that says, “Build a bridge and get over it.” We all need a support system and a process for letting go of resentments – the unresolved anger, hurts, and betrayals that linger and poison you – that spill over into our relationships and our lives. No one can make you happy or meet all your needs, but what we can get from a support system are insights into the conflict and the courage to let go so we can get on with our lives.

8.   Strive for a higher purpose. Work without a vision is drudgery, and in the midst of drudgery, people will inevitably create meaningless conflict to entertain themselves. The aim of authentic conflict resolution is to transcend and include differences of perspectives, interests, and desires. A shared purpose, vision and values will help you do this. This is true in marriages, teams, community associations, and organizations.

9.   Pay attention to your values. Participating in your relationships at work with authenticity means living in accord with your values. Two critically important values in conflict resolution are honesty and respect. Telling someone in a meeting that their idea was stupid may be honest, but it’s not respectful. On the other had, saying it was “interesting” when you think it’s stupid, may be respectful but it’s not honest. Conflict resolution – the authentic way – requires that you hold each of these values courageously and firmly as you move toward understanding and negotiation. You’ll never get it perfect, so strive for realness, not perfection. Authenticity is not a destination; it’s a method of travel.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

I was inspired by the values, the standards, the disciplines, the professionalism, and the rigor of this life-changing program. I was also impressed by the caliber of cadets going through Depot training. The average age entering the RCMP is now 29 years old. There were engineers, PhDs, even a physician, who had left their careers to join our national police.

I was particularly moved by the graduating ceremony. I left the experience proud to be Canadian and protected by this great national police force. If every Canadian had the opportunity to experience a Depot graduation, it would change our view of this organization. I am convinced that the challenges the RCMP face as a culture are not at Depot. The challenge, among others faced by this amazing organization, is how to sustain the values instilled at Depot.

My sincere thanks to A/Commissioner Roger Brown, the Commanding Officer of the “Depot” Division, and your team of leaders there for making this such a remarkable experience for Chandra and me. We are better people for having had this opportunity.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/Letters+Chickens+have+come+home+roost+entitled+generation/4971107/story.html#ixzz1PmPHQWg7

I had my two teenage daughters read this editorial. It lead to a great discussion. Being passionate about accountability, I found myself jumping on this bandwagon. However, we all felt that although Mr. Low makes a valid argument about the disaffected youth of our time and the absence of parental responsibility, it is a sweeping generation and an over-simplistic assessment. As my kids pointed out, the same could be said about a small segment of the youth at any time in history, and lets not forget about the young people who have been contributing to the clean up.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

Since my early days of running, I’ve learned to apply this principle of constancy to every aspect of my life. Whether it’s the day-to-day grind of parenting, business development, serving the customer, or staying with a spiritual practice, constancy is what brings success – and self-worth. If you can’t rely on yourself, how can you be a reliable person? And if you aren’t reliable, how can you achieve anything?

It’s good to get inspired every so often, but it’s the day-to-day work you do when you aren’t inspired that produces the results. Sometimes your heart isn’t in it. Sometimes you’re tired. Sometimes you’re afraid. Sometimes it’s just plain hard work. But you put the running shoes on and show up, not because it’s the easy thing to do, but because it the right thing to do. That’s the Law of Constancy.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

MAKING ACCOUNTABILITY AGREEMENTS THAT WORK:

There are five key elements necessary to make an agreement powerful and meaningful with the people you depend on and who depend on  you.

a) Contribution Statement – What is the highest level value you are committed to bring to this relationship? This is what gives accountability agreements heart.

b) Accountabilities – Accountabilities are the promises you make to others, what they can count on from you.

c) Support Requirments. Support requirements are the accountabilities you require from others to ensure that you will have the support necessary to fulfill your accountabilities.

d) Consequences – Consequences describe the results of the agreement (such as what you would like from others in return for delivering on your accountabilities). They are a statement of what is important to you, considering what is fair and reasonable within your current environment.

e) Follow up – Follow up is a statement that indicates how your agreement will be maintained as a meaningful and flexible document over time, a work in progress.

Assessing Accountabilty Gaps In Your Organization:

Does the Accountability or Authenticity Gap exist in your organization? Are you committed to narrow this gap?

Indicators of an accountability gap:

• A lack of focus; busy but not producing results that matter most
• A lack of dependability, ownership and trust
• Excess dependency on positional leaders for direction and support

Often times accountability gaps are symptoms of authenticity gaps:

• A lack of open, direct communication
• A deficiency of passion, energy, engagement, and commitment

Where do you start? With yourself. Regardless of your position, you are accountable for the level of accountability and authenticity in your organization. You have established the culture. You set the tone.

If there is a gap:

(a)    People are not seeing you as being clear about your accountabilities or do not see you as authentic (you are not walking your talk),

(b)    You are not providing a strong enough model to the organization, or

(c)    People perceive that your team, though accountable, is not aligned in its accountabilities.

Four Steps To Narrow The Gap:

1. Look at your own habits as a leader. Fill any blatant Accountability Gaps you are responsible for personally. Go to meetings on time, follow up on commitments, deliver on your commitments, confront poor performers who are old buddies.

2. Identify accountability and authenticity blind spots. Ask trusted advisors to help identify instances where others see that your accountabilities don’t match your intentions.

3. Make sure your leadership team is pulling together, and that it does not appear to your employees that is okay to pull in a different direction from the team.

4. Write an Authentic Accountability Agreementä for yourself, and encourage your direct reports to do the same so you can ensure everyone is clear about their accountabilities. Be sure everyone has been invited to be authentic, and that everyone is aligned.

You can do all of these things on your own. You have the power, and the ability, to build an accountable, authentic company.

We can help you do it faster, and more completely, if you are committed to setting a tone that fosters accountability, authenticity, trust, and better performance throughout your organization. Here’s how we can help:

• Coaching to help assess your own level of authenticity and personal accountability performance.
• Leadership assessment for you and your direct reports to identify gaps in your accountability and authenticity that are reflected in your staff members’ gaps.
• Assistance for you and your direct reports in writing, aligning and communicating your authentic accountability agreements.
• Customized leadership development programs that promise an increase in accountability and authenticity throughout your organization.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author