My St. Amant Experience

Posted April 30, 2012 By David Irvine and has no comments yet.

Last week I was in Winnipeg working with some wonderful leaders and front-line professionals who have dedicated their lives to work with people with disabilities. The conference was sponsored by St. Amant, a not-for-profit organization that offers a wide range of programs and services to support individuals and their families in Manitoba with developmental disabilities and autism. I am a better person for having spent two days with these inspiring, caring, and dedicated people. Thank you St. Amant.

I was privileged to be there on the first day to hear the lunch speaker, Ian Brown, who shared his very moving and human journey of raising a son who was born with a disability. I liked Ian’s story. And I liked how he told it. He was real. He articulated beautifully the depth of his journey with eloquence and with a simple and magnificent expression of the English language. It is truly an authentic journey that inspired everyone who had the privilege of hearing Ian. I bought a copy of his book after he spoke and I would recommend it. It’s a beautiful story.

Here’s a review on the back cover by The Walrus:

“Given the current glut of smug daddy blogs and cutesy mommy memoirs, it’s bracing to read a story about parenthood in which there is something so extraordinary at stake.”

The name of the book: The Boy In The Moon: A Father’s Search For His Disabled Son, by Ian Brown, published by Vintage Canada, 2010

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

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What is authentic success? It’s what the world doesn’t see.

Posted March 12, 2012 By David Irvine

The past ten days have been both sad and reflective for me and for our family. Our dear friends and neighbors lost their twenty-five year old son to suicide on March 2nd, after his lengthy battle with mental illness. This family has been so very close to us over the past sixteen years, that it felt almost like losing one of our own children.

My last conversation with Curtis was this past New Year’s Eve at a family wedding. I knew he had been battling depression and how he was trying, ever so hard, to look brave. I remember asking him what he was proud of in his life. He shyly spoke of how he was trying to get back into university, get back to the music that he loved to play, and to start getting back into his friends (which he had been withdrawing from in the face of the darkness that engulfed him). During the course of our conversation, a friend who had graduated with Curtis came up and began speaking of his accomplishments in university, graduate school, and how he was already successfully running his own business.

As Curtis listened, you could see his eyes lower and feel his spirit withdraw as he compared his perceived “minor” achievements to those of his friend.

At the funeral, we heard about attributes of real success: a beautiful character and remarkable human being who had faced unimaginable obstacles. When the beauty of a person’s character is impressed upon you, it can change your life forever. It is life-giving to be around a person who exhibits qualities such as honesty, compassion, reverence, humility, courage, integrity, wisdom, or determination. What greater success could there be than the development of these qualities, the qualities of a person with strong character? These are sustaining qualities. This is true success. This was the success that Curtis achieved. This was the difference he made in the lives of every person who was fortunate enough to know him. While the world may not reward these qualities of character like it rewards fame or fortune, strong character is ultimately what matters in life.

May we each reflect upon and come to terms with real success: not meeting the world’s standards, but meeting the benchmark of the soul. Thank you, Curtis, for your life and for reminding me of what matters. Your life was a gift to me. I’m a better person for having known you.

David Irvine, Best-Selling Author and Speaker

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What Is Real Wealth?

Posted February 28, 2012 By David Irvine

This past week I had the privilege of spending three days with a group of two hundred and fifty ranchers from across Western Canada who belong to an organization called Holistic Management (HM). HM is based on a decision making framework which results in ecologically regenerative, economically viable and socially sound management of the world’s grasslands. These down-to-earth, authentic families are clear about their values and their goals.

One of the key principles I have learned from them over the years is to have a clear distinction in your mind between “quality of life” and “standard of living.” While I presented a series of sessions during their conference on the human side of family and business, my concluding keynote was about the real meaning of wealth. Here is a synopsis of that presentation, entitled, “I’m a wealthy man because…”

1)    I’m a wealthy man because of my inheritance of values and character. My parents both died essentially broke. But what would you rather get from your parents: a rich financial inheritance with no character and values, or character and values with no money? With character and values, you can create wealth, and much more. Character is like the goose that lays the golden eggs. Strong character – the courage to face the demands of reality; a commitment to living a principle-centered life; to bring greater value to others than you ask in return – will always be more powerful than money because of the freedom it brings and the wealth it creates.

2)    I’m a wealthy man because of the mentors who have influenced me over the years. My parents and ancestors top the list, but they also exposed me to some great teachers including the world-renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir and Jack Gibb, who taught me about trust. Another mentor was Norris Lowry, a hired hand on our farm who taught me about hard work, how to shake a hand, and the motto, “Happiness is not a destination; it’s a method of travel.”  Other mentors include my good friends and colleagues, Jim Reger, Murray Hiebert,  Bernie Novokowski, and Don Campbell. Then, of course, there are my daughters, Mellissa, Hayley, and Chandra, and my life-partner, Val.

3)    I’m a wealthy man because of being taught to be giver, not a taker. North Americans used to contribute to the betterment of all. Now we are “consumers,” – which means, “people who use up, waste, destroy, and squander.” I was taught early on to give more than you get paid for, to build rather than destroy, to help rather than hinder, and try to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. While I don’t do this anywhere near perfectly, living these values makes me a wealthy person.

4)    I’m a wealthy man because of the love in my life. Love, like health, is precious. Rather than a fleeting emotion, I am learning that love is a verb, not a noun. Love is the result of both a decision and of learning to give of myself to others. My life is richer, deeper, and more fulfilling because of the love that surrounds me. This past week, my daughter and I went to hear Deepak Chopra and after his brilliant presentation, Hayley asked if I want to be as famous as him. (Thankfully, I don’t think I’ll ever be famous in the eyes of my children.) “I don’t seek fame,” I replied, “I simply want to be used for the betterment of mankind.” I have always been inspired by the words of Dag Hammarskjold, former Secretary-General of the United Nations: “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.”

5)    I’m a wealthy man because of my health. Health is a true source of wealth. Without it, joy is not impossible, but difficult. Health habits create quality of life and the older I get the more this gets tested. “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone,” it is said. Living without pain is a gift to be sought after. There’s no guarantee of health to any of us, just has there is no immunity from death. Like love, I guard my health with gratitude and tenacious care.

6)    I am a wealthy man today because of my awareness that I can’t do it alone. I haven’t relied enough on others in my career. I’ve been a pretty independent “lone wolf” consultant who likes to maintain control. But I’m learning to let go and let others help me, let others bring strength to my business where I have weakness, let others help get the creative juices going through collaboration. My business is a tool to create what matters in my life, and I am wealthy because of the team behind me.

7)    Finally, I am a wealthy man because of my faith. Success is not defined in my life by the world’s standards. Success is measured by the touchstone of my conscience – through the eyes of my creator.

I have been rich from a financial standpoint, and I have been poor, and believe me, I’d rather be rich. Money won’t make you happy. If you are miserable and you come across a rich financial inheritance, then all you’ll be is a miserable rich person. But money buys options, and there’s nothing wrong with options. To paraphrase the great business philosopher Zig Ziglar, “Money will buy you a house, but it won’t buy you a home.  Money will buy you a bed, but it won’t buy you a good night’s sleep. Money will buy you a companion, but it won’t buy you a friend. Money will buy you a piece of real estate, but it won’t buy you peace of mind. Money will buy you a trip around the world but it won’t take you on the journey to your soul.”

Take some time to explore what wealth means to you. There really is a huge difference between a standard of living and a quality of life. I wish for you to have both, for in one is an expression of success, in the other, significance. Significance is the true source of wealth, for a life without significance and meaning is a life not worth living.

David Irvine, Best Selling Author and Speaker

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What Is Enough?

Posted January 22, 2012 By David Irvine

I work with some amazing leaders who, in their own unique ways, are quietly and diligently making a tremendous impact on the world. And almost all of them are exhausted. Why is that? We could certainly blame it on technology and how accessible we are to the demands of others. We could probably all benefit from a refresher course in time management. We could all get clearer about our priorities. Certainly a decrease in resources in the organizations we work in could be a contributing factor. Maybe we just live in a more demanding time.

What I submit is that one of the core reasons that people are so tired today is that we have lost connection with the experience of “enough.”

• How much is enough service?

• How much is enough accomplishment?

• How much is enough money?

• How much is enough security?

• How much is enough success?

• How much is enough exercise or rest or food?

• How much is enough of anything?

In a world that demands that  more is better, I think it is imperative that we grapple with these questions because  the world’s standards of enough are not working. If you don’t have an inner experience of being enough, no amount of offering, success, money, or stuff in your life will ever make you feel satisfied, filled, or large enough. What is enough? If you do not know, within yourself, that you are enough, you will die of weariness, because there will always be more to do, more to have, and more to be.

Alternatively, when you know you are enough, beyond what the world tells you, then your giving, your achieving, your expanding and creating, comes from overflow, not emptiness, and the world will nourish you as you, in turn, nourish others with your presence.

My challenge for you is to ask:

• How do you come to know your worth away from your work?

• What does “enough” feel like to you?

• How do you know how much is enough?

• How do you know you are enough?

David Irvine, Author and Speaker

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Some parting words to my daughter as she prepares for college

Posted August 27, 2011 By David Irvine

This past week my daughter, Hayley, and I hiked up to the Barrier Lake lookout tower in Kananaskis. A consummate teacher, I could not miss the opportunity, in this rare and precious time we had together, to pass along some parting wisdom, some seeds of possibility, as she prepares to leave home and start university. I’ll never know whether any of these seeds take root, but my greatest hope is that the way she sees me live my life will speak louder than the words I attempt to convey to her.

Learn the difference between a successful life and a meaningful life.

Success means to:

  • Define your own success on your terms, not what others tell you it should be;
  • Dream big;
  • Remember that the purpose of a dream is not to achieve it; the purpose of a dream is to inspire you to become the person it will take to achieve it.
  • Learn to handle money: spend less than you make; invest before you spend; start saving now; buy less than you can afford.
  • Remember the five laws of success: 1) Show up on time; 2) Keep your promises; 3) See all blame as a waste of time; 4) Be polite; 5) Give more than you get paid for.

Meaning means to:

  • Know what you value, and don’t lose your values on the path to success.
  • Not miss out on the experience of living while you are making a living.
  • Follow your heart, that part of you that lies beneath your impulses and need for approval, that won’t settle for less than you can become, that knows you are meant to be extraordinary and contribute to the world’s evolution.
  • Learn the true meaning of love and service to others – the true source of happiness.
  • Remember that all joy ultimately comes to you in the present moment; you’ll never find joy in the past or the future.
  • Keep alive the spirit of your youth: your sense of wonder, adventure, and love of life. Maintaining your youth as you grow into the wisdom of your age, is a work of art worth going for.

Hayley was a fan of Jack Layton. I think it’s appropriate to leave you with Jack’s final message to Canada before his death this week. Whether or not you agreed with his political policies, you simply couldn’t argue with his passion, his vision, and his love – for the citizens of this country and those who spend a lifetime serving. A great leader, he always made time for people.

“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.”

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

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Bridges Of Trust: Making Accountability Authentic

Posted June 6, 2011 By David Irvine

Everyone’s saying it: organizations needs to be accountable. Leaders need to be accountable. Employees need to be accountable. So why do most accountability programs fail?

The concept and experience of accountability needs rejuvenation. You have to get to the deep meaning of accountability. You have to be clear about who you are accountable to, “for what specific results,” and “for what matters most.” If you aren’t, accountability becomes just another organizational buzzword, or worse, a hammer to punish people,

Accountability, when understood and applied effectively, will transform the your organization, your work, and your life. Accountability is the keystone of trust, the foundation of labour and life.

In it’s simplist form, accountability is the ability to be counted on. Real accountability is rooted in the behaviour of people. It is not, as some think, a character trait or something embedded in an organization. Accountability is determined by how you act.

When people accept real accountability, life in an organization or in a relationship is straightforward and productive. No one needs a pack of dogs eating their homework or a fresh pile of excuses to explain incomplete tasks. People do what they say they are going to do—and paradoxically when this happens real accountability creates enormous freedom and the opportunity for creativity.

Real accountability leads us back to our roots as people with integrity, unleashing the human potential that can so easily be suppressed. In our complex organizations, our busy families and our fast paced society, accountability can be diffused or completely lost—and when accountability is lost, we lose touch with our core. When we grasp real accountability we get a grip on results.

Accountable Behaviours

Real accountability requires you to do four things consistently:

1. Take Ownership. No one but you cares about the reason you let someone down. Deciding, once and for all, that all blame is a waste of time, will change your life forever. Decide to give to others what you expect from others. Be the change that you wish to see around you. Deciding that you have helped create the world around you – and therefore you are the one to step into healing it – is the ultimate act of accountability. Ownership means choosing service over self-interest, contribution over consumerism, and gratitude andgenerosity over entitlement. Ownership makes you a force in the world that changes the world. George Bernard Shaw knew this when he said, “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

2. Carry through to completion the responsibilities entrusted to you. Henry Ford once said, “you can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” Real accountability means only making promises you know you can – and will – deliver. Real accountability also requires you to search for and clarify accountabilities that are assumed in your roles, to judge which accountabilities you accept, and to carry those accountabilities through to completion. When you make a promise to someone you now have a creditor, where a debt is owed. Once you have made the promise, accountability means that you then deliver on your promise. When circumstances prohibit you from fulfilling your promise, let the creditor know as soon as you know, that the commitment is jeopardized. Negotiate, at this point, to minimize damages and re-commit to a new course of action.

3. Stand up for your actions. Real accountability depends upon transparency. Others need to know who did what, and who is accountable for doing something. Standing up for your actions in public is very relaxing when you are confident that you have acted ethically and with your best efforts. Standing up for your actions is another aspect of ownership, in that it means owning up to mistakes. Though owning up publically for the mistakes you make may not be comfortable, it takes less effort and results in more respect than hiding or running from the truth. No one ever thought less of a person who stood up and said, “I’m accountable for that.”

4. Stand behind your results. The effects of your actions—your results—matter more than the actions themselves. Yes, you sent the memo, but did the memo produce the desired effect? You explained to your child how much a pencil hurts when jabbed into an uncle, but has her behaviour improved? People are accountable for producing a result, not just for taking an action. Real accountability encompasses the unintended results as well as the ones you mean to produce. When you act to stop a child’s unsocial behaviour, you are also accountable for the effect your actions have on the child’s sense of safety and love. Or when you produce a high quality running shoe, you are accountable for the effect your plant’s effluent has on the local water supply. Real accountability requires an acceptance of responsibility for all the results your actions (or inactions) produce.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

 

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Building Bridges Of Trust: Your #1 Leadership Priority

Posted May 26, 2011 By David Irvine

“Trust is the new currency in life. It is critical to a productive workplace. Trust lies at the heart of every team, organization, and community, because with no trust, you have no relationship.”

From the book Bridges of Trust: Making Acccountability Authentic, by David Irvine and Jim Reger

What is the most important thing on any team? Think of all the various teams you have been on in your life – sports teams, school teams, family teams, or teams in your workplace. Our experience is that teams that have high levels of trust are better in every way – they are more productive; they are more creative; the energy is high; people are motivated to be on them; and they are more fun! Contrast this to the experience of being on a low or no trust team and we’re sure you will agree with us that the difference is not incremental – it’s huge.

Trust enrols people in a worthwhile vision. It then enables full passion, commitment, freedom, energy, health, effectiveness, and engagement. Trust makes everything happen in organizations. If you can earn and build trust,  you can lead. If you can’t, you won’t be a leader. It’s that simple, and its that complex.

Questions that assess trust:

• Can they deliver results?

• Do they stand by me under pressure?

• Do they tell me the truth?

• Do they fulfill their promises?

Seven Things We Know About Trust

  1. Trust cannot be commanded, coerced or controlled. It can only invited and earned.
  2. Trust is a function of three primary qualities: 1) Character (your trustworthiness); 2) Competence (your skill level); and 3) Connectability (your ability to connect with people).
  3. Trust is a rather delicate flower. What can take years to build can be destroyed in one action.
  4. Trust is not a prerequisite; it’s an outcome. It takes courage to trust. While trusting people can be risky, not trusting people is a greater risk. Blind trust is naïve. Mature trust, on the other hand, has lived through betrayal and responded with courage.
  5. Trust in others begins with self-trust. You won’t trust others beyond your capacity to trust yourself.
  6. Trust must be constantly earned.  It’s like a chequing account; you have to keep making deposits if you want to have something to withdraw.
  7. You don’t have to be perfect to be trustworthy. You simply have to honest, sincere, and willing. Most broken trust can be repaired.

Seven Ways To Build Trust

  1. Be accountable. Accountability – the ability to be counted on – is, in many ways, the foundation of trust. Think carefully before you make a promise. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Then honor your agreements.
  2. Be Competent. This is a given. If you are leading a team of engineers, you aren’t going to be trusted if you claim to be a competent engineer unless you can demonstrate this. When I consult with a team of engineers, my competence comes from my reason for being there. I better be a great presenter or workshop facilitator. I had better have done my homework to research their culture, their industry, their organization.
  3. Be Honest. Tell people what you know, and tell them what you don’t know. People will see through dishonesty and inauthenticity. When I work with an organization such as the RCMP, I obviously can’t build trust on my ability as a police officer. What I can do is tell them that, and let them see that I’m an expert in leadership development, the people side of their work when they aren’t policing.
  4. Extend trust. Trust presents a paradox in that it needs to be earned, but to be earned, it has to first be given.  Yet trust, without the facts to base it on, is naiveté.  That is why trust is often given in small amounts over time.  As we experience success trusting an individual, we are more and more willing to trust further. Behaviour begets behaviour. Trusting others invites trust. Make trust a conscious objective.
  5. Deliver results. If I want to establish trust with a new client, what is the one thing I can do to make that happen quickly? Deliver results.
  6. Learn to connect. Your capacity to build trust ultimately depends on your capacity to connect. Listen at least twice as much as you talk. Take time to understand before being understood. Let people see who you are, which allows them to like you, not just respect you. The key in relationships is to be personal. acknowledge feelings. The key is not just walking around; it is opening up, paying attention, and being in touch. People really don’t care how much you know until they know  how much you care.
  7. Be in touch with reality. Know about what goes on in the “meetings after the meeting.” Get down to the cafeteria. Know what people are talking about in the hallways. Do your homework to know what is really going on inside people – when they don’t have to be polite.

What’s your experience of fostering trust in your workplace or home?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

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Passion, Vision, and Persistence: Leadership And A Group Of Committed Mothers

Posted April 11, 2011 By David Irvine

“Although ski jumping was an official event in the very first Olympic Winter Games in 1924, women weren’t granted the right to compete at the highest level in the sport until last Wednesday – 87  years later. The International Olympic Committee’s decision to include women’s ski jumping in the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, Russia, might not have come about without the persistence and hard work of four Calgary mothers who fought for their daughters to have an equal footing with men in the sport.” (Calgary Herald, April 10, 2011)

This decade-long fight against tradition is a great leadership story about passion, vision, persistence – and love. It’s also a story of integrity and fighting a principle that, in the words of the mothers, “just wasn’t right.”

The irony of this inspiring story is that all four young women whose mothers’ determination changed years of tradition have since moved on and will likely not be competing themselves. This story reminds me of an old Chinese proverb that says, in essence, “The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.”

Well done ladies. A leaders’ legacy. Many women will be jumping in the shade of your contribution for years to come.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

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Where Did Accountability Go Off The Rails?

Posted March 18, 2011 By David Irvine

Somewhere down the line, something horrible happened to accountability. In the words of David Weinberger (a research fellow at Harvard Law School’s Berkman Center for Internet & Society), it has become,  “accountabalism,” the “practice of eating sacrificial victims in an attempt to magically ward off evil.”

This week I worked with a sophisticated, seasoned group of senior leaders in the federal public service. Due to the regulating of the expense account process, they were not allowed to budget for a lunch for their group, but instead had to bill it to their separate room accounts and claim for it individually. Under the guise of “accountability” their judgment and trust has been relegated to a set of bureaucratic rules and regulations.

Such an emphasis on accountability is an understandable response to some terrible scandals in the private and public sectors. But the notion has grown to an extreme, suggesting that there is a right and a wrong answer to every question, and eliminating the possibility of good intention. Accountabalism bureaucratizes accountability, takes away individual choice, and drives out human judgment. Accountability – the ability to be counted on – the foundation of labor and life – has been relegated to an organizational buzzword at best, and, at worst, a hammer to control and punish people. While claiming to increase individual responsibility, accountabilism actually drives out trust. For example, when a sign-off is required for every step in the work-flow, a process is broken down to its smallest parts and the vision of the whole and the ability to see the big picture is lost. It sets up finger-pointing and blame when something goes wrong. And something will inevitably go wrong. No system works perfectly. But it doesn’t mean that the system is broken and needs fixing with more rules. If one employee cheats on an expense claim, there’s no need to distrust everyone and set up a whole new time-consuming, inefficient reporting process.

What’s needed is the return of a common sense approach to accountability that builds trust, ownership, and a renewed commitment to the greater good. Not more extremism of accountability or “accountabilism.”

 

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New Year’s Resolutions – or New Year’s Revolutions

Posted January 2, 2011 By David Irvine

It’s that time of year when people make all kinds of resolutions: lose weight, spend less, quit smoking, improve a relationship, etc. But so often these resolutions turn into clubs to hit ourselves with come February when we are already off track. Here are some suggestions for turning resolutions into revolutions: lasting change in your life.

  1. Be honest with yourself. If you don’t really want or need change your life, relax. After all, you don’t have to make a new year’s resolution just because everyone else is. Either let go of this “resolution” thing or have some fun with it. If you are serious about making some changes in your life, read further.
  2. Think carefully before you make a promise to yourself. The Law of Integrity means that making promises will affect your self-respect. Whether you make a promise to your banker, your son, or yourself, honoring or dishonoring that promise will have an impact on your self-worth. So… only make promises you know you will keep.
  3. Take a careful inventory. Evaluate your intentions to change: Have you clearly identified what you want in your life and set a date when you expect to manifest it? Have you identified the obstacles you must overcome in order to manifest it? Have you identified the groups, people, organizations and what it is you need to know in order to get there? Have you written all this down? Have you clearly stated why the goals are important to you? (When your “why” gets stronger, the “how” gets easier; purpose is always stronger then the objective.)
  4. Turn goals into habits. Get out your day-timer and schedule in the promises you have made to yourself and others. Change one small habit at a time. Success comes through small consistent habits, not big inconsistent splashes. The universe rewards action. And when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, it’s the tortoise who wins the race.
  5. Stay focused. Write your goals down and carry them with you. Read them in the morning and in the evening before you go to bed. Visualize. Mediate on them. 
  6. Get support. You will never change your life alone. Ask for help. Get an accountability partner to hold you to your promises. Get involved with a support group. Find a coach or therapist to help you. Learn about the changes you want to make in your life. Study the art and science of success. I recommend two books: Deepak Chopra’s, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success; and Jack Canfield’s, The Success Principles.
  7. Enjoy your life now. If you aren’t happy now, don’t expect it to get any better when you achieve your goals. Joy in life has to do with your relationship with the present moment. Fulfillment comes from enjoying the process of discovering and expressing yourself more fully in the service of others. What the future holds for you depends on your state of consciousness now. Relax. The universe is designed to help you out. The purpose of life is to grow and evolve your soul and find joy on the journey, so you can bring joy to others.
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