In the days ahead I would read — no, devour the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it ‘ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does’.

‘No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last- minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand- bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there ….’”

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

One of the key principles I have learned from them over the years is to have a clear distinction in your mind between “quality of life” and “standard of living.” While I presented a series of sessions during their conference on the human side of family and business, my concluding keynote was about the real meaning of wealth. Here is a synopsis of that presentation, entitled, “I’m a wealthy man because…”

1)    I’m a wealthy man because of my inheritance of values and character. My parents both died essentially broke. But what would you rather get from your parents: a rich financial inheritance with no character and values, or character and values with no money? With character and values, you can create wealth, and much more. Character is like the goose that lays the golden eggs. Strong character – the courage to face the demands of reality; a commitment to living a principle-centered life; to bring greater value to others than you ask in return – will always be more powerful than money because of the freedom it brings and the wealth it creates.

2)    I’m a wealthy man because of the mentors who have influenced me over the years. My parents and ancestors top the list, but they also exposed me to some great teachers including the world-renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir and Jack Gibb, who taught me about trust. Another mentor was Norris Lowry, a hired hand on our farm who taught me about hard work, how to shake a hand, and the motto, “Happiness is not a destination; it’s a method of travel.”  Other mentors include my good friends and colleagues, Jim Reger, Murray Hiebert,  Bernie Novokowski, and Don Campbell. Then, of course, there are my daughters, Mellissa, Hayley, and Chandra, and my life-partner, Val.

3)    I’m a wealthy man because of being taught to be giver, not a taker. North Americans used to contribute to the betterment of all. Now we are “consumers,” – which means, “people who use up, waste, destroy, and squander.” I was taught early on to give more than you get paid for, to build rather than destroy, to help rather than hinder, and try to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. While I don’t do this anywhere near perfectly, living these values makes me a wealthy person.

4)    I’m a wealthy man because of the love in my life. Love, like health, is precious. Rather than a fleeting emotion, I am learning that love is a verb, not a noun. Love is the result of both a decision and of learning to give of myself to others. My life is richer, deeper, and more fulfilling because of the love that surrounds me. This past week, my daughter and I went to hear Deepak Chopra and after his brilliant presentation, Hayley asked if I want to be as famous as him. (Thankfully, I don’t think I’ll ever be famous in the eyes of my children.) “I don’t seek fame,” I replied, “I simply want to be used for the betterment of mankind.” I have always been inspired by the words of Dag Hammarskjold, former Secretary-General of the United Nations: “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.”

5)    I’m a wealthy man because of my health. Health is a true source of wealth. Without it, joy is not impossible, but difficult. Health habits create quality of life and the older I get the more this gets tested. “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone,” it is said. Living without pain is a gift to be sought after. There’s no guarantee of health to any of us, just has there is no immunity from death. Like love, I guard my health with gratitude and tenacious care.

6)    I am a wealthy man today because of my awareness that I can’t do it alone. I haven’t relied enough on others in my career. I’ve been a pretty independent “lone wolf” consultant who likes to maintain control. But I’m learning to let go and let others help me, let others bring strength to my business where I have weakness, let others help get the creative juices going through collaboration. My business is a tool to create what matters in my life, and I am wealthy because of the team behind me.

7)    Finally, I am a wealthy man because of my faith. Success is not defined in my life by the world’s standards. Success is measured by the touchstone of my conscience – through the eyes of my creator.

I have been rich from a financial standpoint, and I have been poor, and believe me, I’d rather be rich. Money won’t make you happy. If you are miserable and you come across a rich financial inheritance, then all you’ll be is a miserable rich person. But money buys options, and there’s nothing wrong with options. To paraphrase the great business philosopher Zig Ziglar, “Money will buy you a house, but it won’t buy you a home.  Money will buy you a bed, but it won’t buy you a good night’s sleep. Money will buy you a companion, but it won’t buy you a friend. Money will buy you a piece of real estate, but it won’t buy you peace of mind. Money will buy you a trip around the world but it won’t take you on the journey to your soul.”

Take some time to explore what wealth means to you. There really is a huge difference between a standard of living and a quality of life. I wish for you to have both, for in one is an expression of success, in the other, significance. Significance is the true source of wealth, for a life without significance and meaning is a life not worth living.

David Irvine, Best Selling Author and Speaker

The ego, that mental image of yourself formed from your personal and cultural conditioning, attempts to provide you with a sense of security, safety, and worth. Your ego demands recognition and wastes energy in resentment if it doesn’t get enough attention. But the ego, by it’s very nature, is empty. It’s like a hole inside of us that is in a continual state of dissatisfaction and restlessness, constantly pursuing “more” to fill itself up. To the ego, the present moment hardly exists. Only the past and future are important to the ego, for these are what it depends on for its survival. While the ego is essentially dysfunctional, there are times when it can be a positive, necessary force, such as when growing into adulthood or pursuing certain goals. Then the ego can be helpful, providing you can observe it and not get attached.

There also resides in each of us, to a lesser or greater degree, an authentic self, a soul, an essence of who we really are. Your soul doesn’t care about rejection, titles, possessions, successes, failures, or how scared you are. The soul cares only about expanding and expressing itself. It is your guide, and your true source of power. This inner source of strength comes from developing your capacity to delay gratification, learning to courageously face the demands of reality without escaping, developing the capability to see the long-term effects of actions, and achieving quietness of mind. Such cultivation requires a lifetime of dedicated personal work, guided by masters. A cultivated, integrated authentic self is, in today’s world, a leader’s greatest tool. Cultivation, or becoming more fully human, is the primary leadership issue of our time and lies at the core of our work.

Deciding to embark on this arduous journey called leadership requires a decision to go inside yourself and learn to discern the impulse of the ego from the voice of the soul. If a decision comes from the ego, you’ll never be satisfied. You’ll always want more. Authentic leaders channel their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great organization. It’s not that authentic leaders have no ego or self-interest. Indeed, they are incredibly ambitious—but their ambition is first and foremost for the greater good, not themselves.

I end this blog with a wonderful poem attributed to a Chinese sage, Wu Wei Wu:

Why are you so unhappy?

Because ninety-nine percent of what you think,

And everything you do,

Is for your self,

And there isn’t one.”

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

When he got to the center the staff of nearly one hundred was in an uproar of finger pointing, criticism, trying to find who was to blame for the fire. As the furor began to subside, an accountable employee stood up and said, “I’m responsible.” Dead silence filled the room. “Wait a minute,” someone said. “You weren’t even here this week. How could you possibly be responsible?”

“I’m responsible because I’m claiming responsibility. That’s all that really matters. If you’re looking for details, I’ve been in that dormitory a dozen times this summer, and I could have noticed that the towel rack was too close to the heater. But I didn’t. So for that one reason I’m responsible. The details are irrelevant. How about if we all took responsibility rather than blaming ourselves or somebody else? Then let’s find out what needs to be done.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted in that one brief moment. Blame and recrimination transformed into searching for constructive solutions. Stepping into accountability got everyone heading in a productive direction. Now that’s leadership, and he didn’t need a title, only a decision to be accountable.

Thanks, Gay Hendricks (The Corporate Mystic), for this story.

What are you doing to inspire others around you with the courage to be accountable?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

I was inspired by the values, the standards, the disciplines, the professionalism, and the rigor of this life-changing program. I was also impressed by the caliber of cadets going through Depot training. The average age entering the RCMP is now 29 years old. There were engineers, PhDs, even a physician, who had left their careers to join our national police.

I was particularly moved by the graduating ceremony. I left the experience proud to be Canadian and protected by this great national police force. If every Canadian had the opportunity to experience a Depot graduation, it would change our view of this organization. I am convinced that the challenges the RCMP face as a culture are not at Depot. The challenge, among others faced by this amazing organization, is how to sustain the values instilled at Depot.

My sincere thanks to A/Commissioner Roger Brown, the Commanding Officer of the “Depot” Division, and your team of leaders there for making this such a remarkable experience for Chandra and me. We are better people for having had this opportunity.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

What would your answer be if someone asked you for a two minute summary of your philosophy on leadership?

Here’s my response:

1.      Leadership is the capacity of human beings to shape and create a new future – by inspiring and engaging others.

2.      Leadership is about presence, not position. Great leadership cannot be reduced to technique or title. Great leadership comes from the identity and the integrity of the leader. Leadership is the way you live your life. Your power as a leader comes from being an integrated and real human being. This makes every person a potential leader.

3.      You aren’t a leader until someone says you are. You have to earn the right to be called a leader. While you may get promoted to being a boss, you don’t get promoted to leadership. You have to earn the right to be a leader.

In this high tech world, leadership needs to be about high touch (thanks John Nesbitt). Leadership, in today’s world, is ultimately about connection. Connection to: (1) Your authentic self: your values, your unique talents, your aspirations, your dreams, your passion. Take time for reflection, for clarity about what matters most in your life, to listen to the voice inside of you.  Connection to: (2) Those you serve, your stakeholders: those who depend on you and those to whom you depend. Get out of your office, away from your computers, and make contact with people. Find out what inspires the people you serve, what matters to them, how you can support them. Leadership can probably be summed up with one word: conversation. You can assess the level of impact you are having by the depth and honesty of the conversations you are creating.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

If you wish to change some aspect of your life, this power of focus can also relate to your habits. Tie your attention to the solution, not the problem. Shift your focus. If you have a bad habit when you come home from work, such as overeating, find a good habit that will replace it. If you have a good exercise regime or practice, but go through your day dreading it, shift your focus. See it as an opportunity to experience the power of your body.

If you aren’t enjoying your job, before you think of leaving it, discover a higher purpose for your work and shift your focus from misery to possibility. Tap into your potential and end the cycle of drudgery and pain in your life. The joy of that possibility can imbue your day. In the end, it is all a matter of where you place your attention.

How do you change your life by shifting your focus?

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

Working with organizational cultures, the single-most common request we get is how to build more trust and respect in the workplace. It is our experience that this is achieved through personal accountability – the ability to be counted on – which is the basis for personal integrity. Personal integrity leads to self-respect, respect for others who demonstrate integrity, and ultimately a respectful workplace. So in our view, personal integrity is the essence of building a successful culture of trust and respect.

As an engineer and inventor, Bucky understood the importance of strength within a design. Engineers are accountable for designing structures capable of handling conditions up to a certain limit. In the engineering world, the margin between safety and disaster is known as “structural integrity.” Similarly, our success as accountable people depends on our personal structural integrity. As the engineers of our own existence, our choices affect not only our own lives but also the lives of the people who rely on us.

By standing behind our promises and assuming a position of accountability, we begin to design a life of personal structural integrity. With this as our foundation, our work and service in our families, organizations, and communities will be rock solid. However, just as you could never design and build a structure to handle any condition, personal structural integrity will always have its limits. Because it is not rigid, but instead strong and flexible, and adaptable to life’s changing circumstances, it can meet almost any test.

Integrity comes from the word “integer,” which means wholeness, integration, and completeness. Being integrated is a necessary condition for self-respect, and self-respect is the basis for creating a respectful environment. Integrity means having clear, explicit principles and doing what you say you’re going to do. It’s about being honest with yourself and others. Integrity is deeply personal and therefore deeply applicable to all areas of life.

Integrity has everything to do with your success as a leader. Leadership – the capacity to illicit the commitment of others, is about presence, not position. Now more than ever, power, purpose, and privilege no longer reside at the top of an organization. They potentially live at every level. Great leadership cannot be reduced to techniques or tools or titles. While you may promoted to being a boss, you don’t get promoted to being a leader. You have to earn the right to be called a leader. Great leadership comes from the identity and integrity of the leader. Authentic leadership is achieved through the power of presence, which comes from being an integrated human being, a person of integrity. Integrity is, indeed, the essence of everything successful.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author

Here’s some reflections about my mother.

I suppose it goes without saying that I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for my mother, Joyce Irvine. But I also would not be who I am today were it not for my mother. The vital impact she had on me as a mentor, teacher, guide, and healer came from the strength of something that lay beyond all those roles.

Soon after Joyce’s untimely death in 1999, my sister and I were leaning out her condominium and discovered a worn-out box on the upper shelf of one of her closets. Curious to see what might be inside, we opened it to find hundreds of tattered letters. As we sat and started poring through them, we soon realized that these were piles of love letters written to Joyce by her young husband, Ted Harling, from the cockpit of a Lancaster Bomber over a war-torn Europe where he served as a flight lieutenant during World War II. Within the pile there was also a group of letters that were Joyce’s letters to Ted.

A deep and sincere appreciation along with a resounding sadness swept over me as we read these letters. We realized that many of those long missives written by an exposed, loving, romantic, and anguished young war bride were actually returned to her unopened after Ted was killed in action, leaving her a two-year-old daughter to raise with no father.

There are myriad ways that a mother can impact her son or daughter’s life, and something very profound happened to me the day I read my mother’s love letters. I started to see that beyond the traditional concept of “mother” is a real woman with genuine emotions, passion, pain, and pleasure. We expect our mothers to be the stable rock in our lives and amidst our expectations we somehow miss the authentic humanness that lies below the surface of what we know as our “mother.”

It seems strange that I didn’t see this vulnerable side of my mother while she was alive. I was blind to most of her romantic side, her fearful side, her imperfect side. I also know that in her need to be a “strong” and “good” mother, she wasn’t willing to expose these aspects of her personality. As for my part, I know that when she was alive I spent more energy reacting to her instead of valuing her. Now that our personalities don’t block us, I am able to appreciate her with a renewed level of respect, love, and gratitude. Having survived the death of two husbands, the Great Depression, World War II, being a single parent for many years, and pioneering a career at a time when mothers were expected to stay at home, my mother was perhaps the most courageous woman I have ever known. It has taken me many years to appreciate the strength of her audacious, compassionate spirit. She was a tremendous inspiration to me.

What I offer are three lessons from these insights:

1. Let us recognize the inner lives of our mothers. May we realize with a deeper sense of appreciation, not just the things that our mothers “did” or “do” for us or to us, but also who this woman is and was: a real human being with a real history, real needs, real dreams, real emotions, and real values. This is what we need to value most about our mothers.

2. For mothers, it is okay at times to expose your real feelings, to be more vulnerable with your children and not be afraid to show more aspects of who you are as a person. Your children need to see this side of their mother. How can we possibly help our children deal effectively with the traumas of life if we shelter them by hiding our vulnerable side from them? They need to see us facing life honestly as they must learn to do the same.

3. For those of you who are mothers, you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be more fully human. As you come to know yourself and share this self with those you love, you will offer your children a gift of inspiration. And who knows: one day they may unwrap this gift. For those of you who are mothers, my hope is that as you take some time out of your busy lives to tune in and attend to the humanness of the “real,” authentic self that lives beyond the roles, responsibilities, and expectations that come with being a mother, you will discover more appreciation and compassion for yourself.

I conclude with a tribute to my mother by passing along some of her amazing wisdom I discovered in her journal, months after her death:

“Every parent, no matter how hard they try, will be both a blessing and a curse to their children. My hope is that my children will appreciate the ‘blessing,’ if not immediately then later in life, and perhaps more importantly that they will take the ‘curse’ and, like an oyster irritated by a grain of sand, over time use it as a catalyst to build layers of character and understanding—thus producing a pearl. —Joyce Irvine

I got it Mom. Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere.

Not many things in life are more valuable than the trust that people extend to you. When you are given trust, treat it with sacredness. Nothing, at the end of the day, is worth more than the strength of character that emerges from being trustworthy. It’s priceless.

David Irvine, Speaker and Author