CHOICES MATTER How Small Decisions Unlock Big Potential

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It is our CHOICES that show who we truly are, more than our ABILITIES.

Harry Potter

Three decades ago, after an extended bout of depression, a struggling business, and a lengthy fight with addiction, I made a decision that changed my life. I didn’t “hope” my life would get better, because it wouldn’t. I decided it was going to get better. I decided, once and for all, that all blame was a waste of time. I decided that I was not going to be the product of my upbringing or my circumstances. Instead, I would develop from the choices I make in response to my circumstances. I decided that, if I was going to have a good day it wouldn’t depend on what was going on around me; it would depend on the choice I made. I decided to ask for help. And deciding made all the difference.

Spending the past thirty years in a recovery community I have come to know first-hand that small decisions truly unlock big potential. Every day I decide:

Will I take the path that leads to insanity and death, or will I take the path that leads to a reasonably fulfilled and useful life? Will I remain a sick person or will I choose to be a useful, contributing citizen?

When it’s a life-or-death decision you realize the power of a choice. One decision will shape our lives and direct our futures. One decision opens new possibilities while closing others. By making conscious choices, we exercise control over our paths and become active creators of our destinies rather than victims of our circumstances.

The Cost of Unconscious Choosing

Operating unconsciously means letting old habits, social conditioning, or fleeting emotions steer our actions. This can lead to patterns that don’t serve us: staying in unfulfilling jobs, repeating unhealthy relationships, or neglecting our well-being. When outcomes disappoint us, it’s easy to feel like life is happening to us, not for us. We become passive participants, attributing our dissatisfaction to bad luck or external forces.

From Victimhood to Mastery

The antidote to being a passive participant is conscious choice. When we pause and reflect on our motivations and intentions, we reclaim authorship of our lives. Even small decisions—like choosing to respond with kindness instead of irritation, or dedicating time to a personal goal—can have profound ripple effects. By becoming aware of our choices, we shift from being victims of circumstance to masters of our fate.

Empowerment Through Awareness and Courage

This awareness of our choices begins the journey to empowerment. By regularly checking in with ourselves—asking, “Why am I doing this?” or “Is this aligned with my values?”—we create space between stimulus and response. In that space lies our power to choose differently, to break free from limiting patterns, and to steer our lives in the direction we truly desire.

Choice is a fundamental human right and catalyst for personal growth. Not being conscious of our choices, however, can quietly erode our sense of control, leaving us feeling victimized without even knowing it. But by cultivating awareness and intentionality, we transform from passive recipients of circumstance into active creators of our destinies.

Do you really have to be vulnerable to be a leader?

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Yes.

If you want people to trust you, buy into your vision, and engage with you. But know what vulnerability is and what it isn’t.

Vulnerability is not: bringing weakness and problems to your team, lowering your standards, abandoning mental toughness, showy expressions of emotions, or saying everything you think and feel.

Vulnerability is about being open with your team in the words and actions of:

  1. Your Vision. People need to know why the work you are doing is important to you.
  2. Your Values. They need to know what standards you will hold yourself accountable to.
  3. Your Requests. Your team needs to know they are needed and valued for their contribution.
  4. Your Mistakes. No one will think less of you when you admit you are wrong, apologize, and show sincere commitment to do better.
  5. Your Imperfections. No one’s perfect. Be open to see blind spots and be willing to do something about them.
  6. Your Warmth. Take the time to show you care through kindness and genuine interest. If you don’t care, give up the mantle of leadership.
  7. Your Courage. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s showing people that you are committed to overcome it.

What are leaders accountable for?

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When you move into a position of leadership, you don’t get more power; you get more accountability.

Six key accountabilities that come with leadership:

  1. Strong character. The best leaders are integrated leaders. They live in alignment with their values. They earn respect from others through their own self-respect.
  2. Modeling personal development. Positional leaders set the tone of the culture. The best gift to your team is your own development that will inspire passion around you.
  3. An ownership mindset. The best leaders understand that all blame is a waste of time. They foster personal responsibility by modeling the way.
  4. A commitment to the strengths of team members. Most of us have little sense of our unique abilities. The best leaders build on people’s strengths, not their weaknesses.
  5. A results orientation. The best leaders have high standards and finish well. They are committed to building a culture oriented toward results.
  6. A servant mentality. Servant leadership focuses on supporting and empowering others to achieve results rather than accumulating power or personal gain.

If you are committed to being an accountable leader, join me in my complimentary webinar on March 28: https://davidirvine.com/complimentary-webinars/

RISE ABOVE – Unleashing Potential Through the Power of Accountability

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From the ages of fourteen to eighteen I worked part-time alongside Bob Dye, a carpenter that my parents hired for renovation projects. I remember the care that Bob put into his work. He was a true craftsman. He left nothing to chance. He took pride in his work. He taught me how to hold a hammer and how to sink a nail. He taught me how to use a power saw safely and how to square a floor in a crooked house. He showed up every day on time with a smile on his face and a positive attitude. Whether he was framing or finishing, craftsmanship showed through in everything he did.

He was patient with me when I made mistakes. I think he liked working with me because I showed up on time and worked hard. In hindsight, I’m sure I slowed him down, but he never mentioned it. I remember cutting a dozen two-by-fours three inches too short. He smiled and responded, “I also had to learn the hard way that it’s always good to measure twice and cut once.” I imagine my dad talked with him about having him apprentice me, both in carpentry and in life. My attitude was certainly bigger than my skill level, and he respected me for that. He was shy and gentle and had a big heart and was always kind and generous to me. I looked forward to working alongside him on Saturdays, after school, holidays, and summers. Dad would work with us whenever he could. I’m grateful that I had older men in my life that loved me, took time for me, and were good role models.

My parents paid Bob by the project, and when the project was done, he would give them an invoice and say, “Take your time and inspect our work. If it meets your standards, pay me. If not, there’s no charge and we’ll re-do it.” Bob was serious, even though not getting paid would have put a severe financial hit on his family. He also had a respectful way of making me feel part of his team, that we had achieved this together, even though he did the real work and there was just the two of us.

That pay-me-when-you-know-it’s-done-right approach was not a show. It was a demonstration of integrity. It was an expression of his character. And not once, in all those years, did we have to re-do a job or not get paid. As it turned out, Bob inspired me with a blueprint for how to run my business for the past forty years.

It’s inspiring to be around an accountable person, a person that can be counted on, a person that takes pride in their work, who demonstrates care and civility, who shows up, is committed to creating value before they get paid, and who makes you a better person for being in their presence. I’ll always cherish Bob for being my mentor.

Accountability is not a hammer to punish people. Accountability was never meant to be used as a disciplinary measure. Even though we need to face the consequences of our choices, accountability is not an HR performance management process or appraisal program. Accountability – the ability to be counted on – is a philosophy of life that inspires and empowers us to rise above mediocrity, renews our workplaces, restores our mojo, and gives us our freedom.

We all have bad days – even weeks. How do you know when it’s a you vs. them problem?

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It’s never a you vs. them problem. It’s always a you and them problem. In every relationship challenge there are always two sides. When facing a relationship problem, the accountability approach asks: “How am I contributing to the problem I am complaining about?” This question implies a commitment to look at your side of the issue.

While the other person is also contributing to the problem, all you can control is your side of the street. It’s not necessarily 50/50, but there is always something you can learn and do differently. This replaces blame with personal responsibility and understanding.

How do you know when it is time for a change in your life or career?

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Signs to watch for:

  1. Lack of motivation
  2. Feeling unfulfilled
  3. Lack of growth opportunities
  4. Feeling undervalued and unappreciated
  5. Stagnant skill set – your skills are underused
  6. Negative, toxic work environment
  7. Work-life imbalance
  8. A gut feeling that you’ve evolved into the wrong place

These are emotional signs that indicate a need for a change, but they don’t necessarily mean it’s time to exit a career, a job, or a relationship. They could very well be telling you that it’s time to wake up and change the way you’re thinking or acting.

A process for using these signs to guide your choices:

  1. Pay attention when these indicators surface.They are telling you it’s time to change.
  2. Carefully reflect on what changes these indicators are guiding you to.
  3. Talk it through with a trusted confidant, coach, or confidant.
  4. Ask what you need to learn and change. If you don’t learn what you are meant to learn, count on meeting the same problem in the next environment you find yourself in. Geographic cures tend not to produce long-term results.

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