You Can’t Leave Belonging To Chance

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If you think about the time you have spent in your family, at school, and organizations you’ve worked in, you know what it feels like to belong or not belong, and why it matters. It’s the difference between feeling isolated, detached, and irrelevant, and feeling connected, valued, and engaged. Belonging makes all the difference. We all need to feel that we belong, are needed and appreciated, and that we have something important to offer.

You can’t leave belonging to chance. Leaders have a responsibility to be intentional about creating a space where everyone knows they belong.

Here are three strategies:

  1. Take accountability for your own belonging. Belonging starts from within. Acknowledge that you have participated in creating the conditions you want changed.We can’t expect others to value and respect us until we value and respect ourselves.
  2. Make it safe to have real conversations. Belonging grows in a climate of dialogue. Start by asking: How are we putting up barriers to belonging here? What doubts or reservations do you have? What have you said yes to that you no longer really mean? Peter Block reminds us that leaders must protect space for the expression of people’s doubts. Be curious and get interested.
  3. Focus on gifts. Typically, the only time we talk about a person’s gifts is at their retirement party or funeral. Don’t wait until people are on their way out to express gratitude. Instead of telling people what they need to improve and what they should do differently next time, focus on their talents. Tell others about the gifts you have received from them, the unique strengths and capacities you see in them, and what they do that makes a difference.

4 Ways To Lead With Initiative

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After lunch today, I was in a hurry to get back to the office, and just placed my dishes on the counter rather than taking an extra few seconds to put them in the dishwasher.

When others pick up the slack and do too much for us, we lose what my parents called good old-fashioned initiative.

In a world full of opportunity, those who take initiative are the ones who truly thrive and shape the world. Taking initiative isn’t just about being proactive. It’s about seizing control of your life and career by seeing what needs to be done and stepping up before being asked.

Not only do those who take initiative solve the world’s problems, they breed growth, inspiration, and success around them. They are the true leaders in organizations.

Four ways to lead with initiative:

  1. Have a vision that serves the world beyond self-interest.
  2. Decide to be a giver rather than a taker. Stop waiting for permission. Look around for what needs doing and do it.
  3. Stay curious and continuously seek to learn.
  4. Decide to have a can-do attitude.

Is it well-loved?

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For the past several weeks while looking at houses, our realtor introduced an expression, “This house has been well loved.” Now at some showings, I find myself saying, “This is not a well-loved house.” Some people truly turn a house into a home that is worth loving, while some only take from their surroundings.

This got me thinking beyond houses. Some houses are loved, while some are not. Some cars are loved, while some are not. Some jobs are loved, while some are not. Some people in our lives are loved, while some are not.

If a house isn’t loved, you can’t blame the house. The more you love a place the more that place will give a reason to love it. The same is true of a car or any possession. It’s also true of our work and the people around us.

There are fundamentally two kinds of people in the world: takers and givers. Which one are you? While it can certainly depend on the day, here’s a question that’s worth reflecting on: Do you dedicate yourself to making your world worth living in, or do you expect that the world will devote itself to making you happy? And what is the result of your approach?

Whatever you have, is it well loved? Whoever is in your life, are they well-loved?

Building a Case For Working Less and Producing More

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Cal Newport’s recent book, Slow Productivity, builds a great case for showing how working less can lead to greater productivity and accomplishment. However, it isn’t about just working less and or discarding your work ethic. It’s about working with greater focus and deliberate action. In short:

  1. Focus on fewer things at once. By reducing the number of current tasks and commitments, you can actually complete more meaningful work over time. This allows you to give full attention to important projects rather than constantly context-switching.
  2. Emphasize quality over quantity. Newport advocates for “obsessing over quality” rather than just getting things done. By slowing down and focusing on craft, you can produce higher quality work with more impact.
  3. Work at a more natural, sustainable pace. Newport critiques the “unsustainable pace of modern work expectations” and suggests varying your work intensity over time rather than constantly pushing yourself. This helps avoid burnout in the long run.
  4. Measure productivity over longer timescales. Instead of trying to be productive every day, Newport recommends looking at accomplishments over months or years. This allows for periods of deep focus as well as necessary downtime.
  5. Reduce “pseudo-productivity” activities. Much of what fills our workdays – constant emails, meetings, and digital distractions – isn’t meaningful or impactful work. Saying no or having clear boundaries allows you to work less and accomplish more.
  6. Create space for deep thinking and creativity. Historical figures like Isaac Newton and Marie Curie made groundbreaking discoveries during periods of reduced activity. Periods of rest can lead to major breakthroughs.
  7. Build a “craftsman” mindset. By caring about the quality and impact of your work, rather than just visible busyness, you can produce more meaningful results with less frantic activity.

Newport’s “slow productivity” philosophy suggests that strategically working less – by focusing on fewer, higher-quality tasks and allowing for a more natural work rhythm – can lead to greater long-term accomplishment, reduced burnout, and greater meaning and fulfillment. The key is to be intentional about where you direct your energy and to prioritize depth over shallow busyness.

Calgary Fire Department Pensioners Association

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We had a great time at the Calgary Fire Department Pensioners Association golf tournament at Valley Ridge Golf Club.

Wayfinders Wellness Society is grateful to have worked together with the Calgary Fire Department peer support team in support of mental health and wellness in the critical work of fire fighting.

Fostering Well-Being in Times of Mental Fatigue – The Authentic Way

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Brenda is a project manager at a large financial services company. For the past year, she has been leading a team tasked with developing a new product line on a tight deadline. She’s been working 60-70 hours/week, constantly juggling demands from her team, executive, and her clients. She has had to make numerous high-stake decisions under immense pressure. And she is a parent of three school age children.

She now feels completely drained, both mentally and physically. She’s having trouble concentrating and remembering key details. Simple tasks that were once easy now seem overwhelming. She’s getting cynical and detached from her work. She’s getting irritable with both her team and her family and lashes out at them over minor issues. Her sleep has been almost non-existent, and she relies on caffeine and energy drinks to get her through the day. And she’s on prescription muscle relaxants and pain medication for her headaches.

She’s starting to dread going into the office each morning and has considered quitting her job entirely, despite having worked so hard on this project. While this is likely an extreme case of chronic overwork, I hear versions of this story from many people these days.

What’s going on, and what can we do about it?

With fatigue and burnout, we see symptoms such as difficulty concentrating, impaired judgement and decision-making, increased forgetfulness, irritability, decreased motivation, increased mistakes, headaches, cynicism, changes in sleep patterns (e.g. insomnia), and increased absenteeism. I suggest five strategies for dealing with it:

  1.  Recognize. It takes courage to step up and be accountable. However, don’t confuse courage with the temptation of martyrdom. It takes humility – a true evaluation of conditions as they are – to truly be strong. Honestly acknowledge if you have gone from a healthy sense of tiredness that you recover from on the weekend, to real exhaustion. There’s no shame in recognizing that you are burned out. It can happen to anyone who is conscientious and loses touch with their values. Remember: self-centered, lazy sloths don’t get exhausted.
  2. Reach Out. Carrying other’s responsibilities often comes with accountable people. However, it’s not sustainable. The lone-warrior model of leadership is, in the words of Ronald Heifetz, heroic suicide. Each of us have blind spots that require the vision of others. Reach out for help from a guide.
  3. Relate. This may sound strange, but you can make friends with your exhaustion. It’s not your enemy. It’s here to teach you. If you stop long enough to get your bearings – away from the demands of the world – you can befriend your exhaustion and ask it, like you would a friend, what advice it would give you. Write down the guidance you get. It’s possible to create a relationship with, and learn from, your exhaustion.
  4. Reflect. Exhaustion means you have lost connection with your values by allowing yourself to be suffocated by the expectations of others. Getting your bearings includes reconnecting with your values. Make a list of things that are important to you. Now arrange the items in descending order of their importance. Notice where you’ve placed inner peace, well-being, or whatever you want to call it. How important is this to you? What comes before it on the list? Many responsible people don’t make themselves a priority. The way you see yourself is reflected in how you treat yourself.
  5. Renew. You don’t have to change yourself. Living authentically means simply coming home to yourself. It’s that simple and it’s that complex. The healing journey isn’t an overnight venture, but it does start with a single step. Ask yourself, “What do I need to STOP, START, and CONTINUE doing to live a life that is aligned with what truly matters to me?” “What one small decision would make all the difference?” Reflect on how you can make yourself a priority – so that your caring and commitment to others comes from overflow, not emptiness. What agreements will you make? What actions are needed? What support do you require?