RECHARGING LEADERS: Redefining Empathy and Resilience in the Workplace

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In a recent coaching session, a leader, who is very caring and in touch with his people, told me of a recent exchange he had with one of his team members where he outlined his expectations for the role he was in. The expectations didn’t seem excessive to me, but the employee responded with a letter to HR that his manager was “creating an unsafe work environment and putting unnecessary stress” on him. He expressed that this was a trauma he was experiencing at work that necessitated a stress leave.

I know there are always two sides to a story. I also know that many conscious, caring leaders grapple with how to build “high performing” cultures while navigating between holding people accountable for performance and avoiding being overly harsh or creating unnecessary stress on those they lead and serve.

There has been an important shift in recent years that emphasizes employees as whole people rather than “units of productivity.” This shift necessitates an attention to empathy, acknowledging the internal states and personal challenges of those around us.

But has all this sensitivity to people helped us to be mentally stronger? Is it empowering us and making us more resilient than previous generations? As critical as empathy and caring are, has it all gone too far? Are leaders working too hard to keep employees inspired and motivated? I believe it’s worth some consideration. It’s time to recharge leaders by redefining empathy and resilience in the workplace.

Some perspectives for leaders to consider:

  1. Take care of yourself. This has nothing to do with self-centeredness. It has to do with ensuring that your leadership comes from overflow not from emptiness. You can’t give what you don’t have. To inspire others, you must be inspired. Many of us give more attention to recharging our phones than recharging ourselves. Yet it still holds true that we need to look after ourselves so we can be there for others. Take care of yourself – whatever that means to you.
  2. Redefine empathy. Empathy has emerged as a critical component of effective leadership, reshaping how organizations approach workplace dynamics and employee well-being. But empathy isn’t about coddling people, making it easy, rescuing people from their unhappiness, or lowering your standards and expectations. Empathy fatigue often comes from working harder than the person we have empathy for. In the recovery and addictions field this is called enabling. Empathy, instead, is about supporting people, feeling with them, helping them find and develop the resources they require to do their job, and then being in their corner through the tough challenges that come with that responsibility. If empathy isn’t empowering people, it’s not empathy.
  3. Hire strong people. Work is hard. That’s why we call it work. Don’t use psychological safety as a weapon to hobble your manager. Managers have an accountability to hold themselves and their team to high standards that will require strength. Nobody takes pride in doing things that are easy. Let people know what is expected of them before you hire them and when they come on board. And make sure they’re up to the challenge. Hire people who are strong givers and are willing to do their part to co-create an inspiring, caring culture that will produce the right results.
  4. Make results your highest priority. Organizations are not in the business of taking care of people. Organizations are in the business of getting results. Of course, you won’t get results – and certainly not long term – if you don’t take care of people. We also won’t get the needed results if we burn our leaders out. Making results matter isn’t just good for organizations. It’s good for the mental health of the people who work in those organizations. It’s good for us all to be contributing to the world by producing meaningful results. It’s good for human beings to set our “problems” aside, lean into the grind, and push through to the other side. Getting stronger is what builds resiliency, not getting let off the hook. Just be sure that the results you are working on together are both challenging and meaningful and remember the purpose of business: it’s a tool to create what matters in life.

How To Help A Team Member Who’s Experiencing Anxiety

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Recognizing when a colleague or employee is struggling with mental health challenges can be vital to making sure they get the support they need in a timely manner. Helping them to work through anxiety in a caring way is also better for productivity. Employees who feel respected and supported are more likely to thrive in their roles.

Here are a few tips to recognize and support a colleague who may be struggling. If working remotely, all the more reason to be in touch and aware of what’s going on.

  1. Accept that anxiety can be a part of a good life. There’s nothing “wrong” with you if you are experiencing anxiety. It simply means that you have lost some perspective and are trying to control an uncontrollable situation in order to feel safe. People experiencing anxiety need our support, not our judgement. When we’re anxious, we don’t need to get anxious about being anxious.
  2. Notice changes in behavior. Unusual behaviors like irritability, impatience, withdrawal, emotional outbursts, and fatigue can be indicators that a colleague is facing a challenge and needs support. Be aware that challenges like depression, grief, and trauma can accompany or present as anxiety.
  3. Start a conversation. Mental health challenges create opportunities for connection. If you notice that your co-worker’s behavior has changed, start a conversation with phrases like “How are you feeling?” “Are you doing okay?” “You don’t seem yourself these days. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” Or “How are things going today?” These questions open the door to support your colleague in the best way possible and offer resources when appropriate. Respect that timing is a factor and stay open for a response if/when they are ready. Of course, this is contingent on your relationship before the onset of their anxiety.
  4. Create a safe space for your colleague to share their feelings with you. Remember, anxiety, like all emotions, can’t be “fixed;” only supported. Create a safe, supportive, respectful space so they will open up to you at an appropriate time. Holding the space for them without rescuing or fixing is enough. You are their friend, not their therapist. After you have listened, you can explore whatever resources they may need and ways to help access them.
  5. Negotiate expectations and agreements. Letting people off the hook when they are anxious does not help them in the long run. Having expectations is generally helpful. Self-respect comes from being needed, not being rescued, and from showing up. However, expectations may need to be lowered and renegotiated. What is non-negotiable is lowering your standards of accountability and integrity. Follow through and keep the promises you make to each other. We all feel better when we do that.

Learning To Work With Anxiety – Not Against It

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As a person who has struggled with anxiety most of my life, I’ve come to learn a few things about working with it. I define it for myself as “the attempt to control an uncontrollable situation in order to feel safe.”

Getting worked up, nervously pacing, impatience, micro-managing team members, criticism, irritability, worrying, concentration difficulty, being quick to anger, unfocused busyness, putting needless pressure on others, sleepless nights are all signs of anxiety.

Three strategies you may find helpful when dealing with anxiety:

1. Recognize indicators of your anxiety. Stop and acknowledge that you’re anxious. I find it helpful to pause and simply say to myself, “I’m anxious right now. And I am committed to finding helpful ways to deal with it in this moment.” I know when we are activated it’s tough to see it. But to avoid hurting ourselves or others, we have to be deliberate and disciplined about the practice of recognition.

2. Recognize that anxiety is a part of life. It’s a coping strategy. While it may have served you in the past, it’s not likely to be helpful to you today. A certain degree of anxiety seems to come with being conscientious. It’s not anxiety that is harmful. It’s what we do with it. Take a deep breath, recalibrate, and be present and relaxed – even if you still feel anxious. Some patience and compassion is recommended. What you don’t want to do is get anxious about being anxious.

3. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Then ask what are you trying to control in order to alleviate that fear. Know that fear is always about something in the future. Practice staying present, take whatever action needed that’s in front of you at this moment that will help you let go of control and fear, and keep walking calmly through whatever you’re afraid of.