Reflections On Thanksgiving Day

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On this magnificent and beautiful Thanksgiving weekend in Western Canada, I have much to be grateful for. I have been richly blessed: with a family who inspires, supports, and loves me, with good friends who see the good in me when I can’t see it in myself, with good health, with a career that allows me to live my purpose, with the dogs that I walk every morning who remind me to stay present to all the beauty that surrounds me, with mentors who help me maintain perspective, and for a imperfect path to inner peace and well-being.

In the midst of the gratitude, I am also feeling anguish about the current troubles in the world. While reflecting on the horrific tragedies in Israel this morning, I had a call from a good friend, Peter Nieman, a pediatrician who has recently completed his third book, “SUSTAINED: A Life Re-Written After Sudden Misfortune.” SUSTAINED is Peter’s story of his healing journey and some lessons he is learning through the loss of his young son who took his own life.

Peter and I spoke of getting through a crisis with a sense of equanimity, inner-peace, well-being and realness, even as we embrace fully the horror of whatever we are facing. We spoke about the importance, when confronting catastrophe, to keep, our MVP: Motives, Values, and Priorities front and centre. Then we looked more deeply into what each of our motives, values, and priorities were at this stage in our lives.

Among Buddhists, a Sangha is a community. In Sanskrit, sangha means “collective” or “assemblage,” a group of friends committed to support each other to sustain perspective, support, and continually renewed self-awareness.
On this Canadian Thanksgiving weekend I am grateful for my Sangha.

DIVERSIFYING YOUR IDENTITY: A Key To Becoming Resilient

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For several months I’d been helping a client prepare for a speech she was to present to one of her important clients. Knowing that this one presentation could be a key to leveraging her career, she put all her energy, including many coaching sessions and a great financial investment, into the crafting of the speech.

It resulted in an incredible delivery that far exceeded her client’s expectations. However, she received one small piece of corrective feedback and went into a dark funk for days. She became so despondent she considered walking away from her entire career.

After a long debrief about the experience, we explored the trap of putting our identity and worth into one facet of our lives. Like our financial net worth, we’re vulnerable and even fragile if it’s all in one basket. What happens when our entire life is defined by our work, and we retire? What happens if our identity is in raising our kids, when our kids leave home? What happens when our worth is attached to a healthy, strong body, and you become injured or get old? What happens when your worth is attached to your position on a board of directors and your tenure comes due? What happens if our identity is tied entirely to our possessions, and a fire destroys our home and everything in it?

Diversifying your identity, a concept I first learned from Brad Stulberg, is parallel to diversifying your financial investment portfolio. If you place your investments with a mix of stocks, bonds, international companies, and domestic companies, when one goes down, another one might be going up or staying stable.

The story of world record holder speed skater Nils van der Poel illustrates what it means to diversify your identity. Prior to his phenomenal performance at the 2022 games, Nils was struggling. He wasn’t performing at his best. When he stopped and reflected on what was going on, he realized that every time he stepped onto the oval to compete, fear began to consume him because his entire identity was derived from speed skating. This singular identity resulted in excessive, destructive pressure. Nils van der Poel as a person was synonymous with the results he generated on the ice.

Nils decided to create a strategy to diversify his identity. During the week, he trained with the same level of commitment and intensity. On the weekdays he remained a world class athlete. However, on the weekends he stepped back and allowed himself to be a person away from speed skating. He started hanging out with friends who weren’t athletes. He started going out for beer and pizza. He went bowling. He went on hikes. It wasn’t just giving his body a rest. He was giving his mind a rest. As he diversified his identity, he developed a sense of worth beyond speed skating. No longer was he just Van der Poel “the speed skater.” He was Nils Van der Poel, the friend, the community member, the man who loved hiking in the mountains.

Not only was Nils preparing for life after his sport, diversifying his identity also allowed him to come to the ice with less fear. He started to race with greater ease and joy. He was more relaxed. He was less attached to having to win to prove his worth because he had an identity away from the ice. And, at the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, van der Poel, paradoxically, went on to win two gold medals and set a world record.

Identity diversification isn’t just good for sport. Many great difference makers were diversified. Da Vinci wasn’t just an artist. He was also a mathematician, inventor, and writer. Eleanor Roosevelt was a writer and great humanitarian. A well-worn fiddle case accompanied Einstein wherever he went. Diversifying your identity builds resilience by becoming a more well-rounded person. It also strengthens your primary path of focus.

Reflect on what you might be overly identified with at the present time. Where is there vulnerability, fragility, and unnecessary pressure from being overly attached to one identity? Where is there a need for “identity diversification?” What relationships might you be neglecting? Where might you need to let go of some over-attachment to roles you currently have? What is something in a totally unrelated field you could learn about that would enrich your life? What hobbies could be developed? Where is there an opportunity to do some service in your community – beyond your current role?

My client turned her experience into a learning opportunity. While she did take her career to a new level with an amazing presentation, after an extended holiday following the experience, she came back more well-rounded and committed to continue to work on diversifying her identity – with much more joy and greater resilience.

CREATING A SATISFYING CAREER: How To Reclaim Your Mojo Through the Strength of Authenticity

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When my daughters were planning their careers, I referred them to a quote from American philosopher and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask instead, what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is for you to come alive.”
There lies within every person a place where, when connected to it, we feel deeply and intensely alive. When we are in this place, there is a quiet voice inside that says, “This is the real me.” Where we lose all track of time. Where we don’t tire or need anyone to motivate us. In that place we are calm, creative, compassionate, committed, and capable. We’re accountable because we know that what we are doing matters and makes a difference. This is the place you find your mojo.
When we discover this place of authenticity in our work, it is called a vocation. When our life’s calling lies outside of our paid work, we call it an avocation. Both have validity and energy.
As leaders committed to creating authentic workplaces where people are engaged, loyal, committed, and accountable, we can help people discover their “real me.” Start by asking:
  • What makes you come alive?
  • What matters to you?
  • What is your own personal why, and how is this organization supporting you to realize that why?
  • How can we together create a place where you love to work?
  • What do we need from each other to take care of each other?
One of the primary barriers to finding our authentic voice is the reactive structuring of our lives. Allowing our to-do lists and the demands in our inbox to drive our activities ensures that the expectations of others will crowd out authentic discovery and expression. Combine this with the noise of a distracted world and you’ll eventually realize, in the light of time’s perspective, the vital task we’ve pushed aside – the task of leading a life aligned with our heart.
As we emerge from a summer of rest and fresh perspectives, there is an opportunity to reset the compass of our lives, develop a new structure for staying on track with our authenticity, and recreating a workplace aligned with our true nature.
Here are a few actions to consider:
  • Set aside time to ask the questions (outlined above) of yourself. You must be intentional and deliberate about discovering your authenticity. You can’t leave it to chance.
  • Shift from the list/reactive method to a boundaried focused approach to your work. While you may have parts of your day checking off your to-do list and responding to the expectations of others, block out time each day for uninterrupted focus on what truly is important to you and to those you love and serve.
  • Assess your mental fitness plan. Many of us have a physical fitness plan, but few have a strategy and accountability plan for strengthening our mental fitness.
  • Create a community of support and inspiration. Whether in the form of guides, coaches, confidants, or accountability partners, we all need to know we aren’t alone. Authenticity is a lonely journey, and it can’t be done alone.

Volatility Does Not Earn Credibility

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Years ago, I had a boss who was emotionally unstable. He was quick to anger and got annoyed easily. He would often get upset about the smallest details. He was prone to irritation and annoyance.

He was well educated, talented, and bright, and when he was in a good mood, you couldn’t meet a nicer person.

But you never knew which temperament he would bring to work.

For a while, most of the team could tolerate his erratic personality, and I was too immature and scared to talk to him about the impact he was having on me.

It came to a head in a financial crisis. When the non-profit’s funding was in jeopardy, he was so stressed that we lost all confidence in him and most quit.

A true test of character – one of the cornerstones of credibility – is composure: poise under pressure. A self-confident manner provides steadiness and stability to those around you.

Three suggested strategies for gaining composure:

1. Acknowledge that losing your temper is never appropriate. It is not impressive or tough. It’s a mistake. It’s weakness, not strength. If you lose your temper once, I’ll be uncertain when you’ll lose it next. Emotional volatility is not only inappropriate, it erodes credibility and trust.

2. Recognize volatility within you. This can be tricky because anxiety, instability, and a quickness to anger can be so familiar we don’t see its effect on others. Be sure to get regular feedback from the people in your life.

3. Get some coaching. Learning to develop composure without shutting off emotions requires a level of precision and skill that rarely can be done alone.

What’s the difference between venting and complaining?

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One of the responsibilities that comes with adulthood is to contain your emotions. Four-year-olds are unable to do this. When a temper-tantrum comes on, they erupt. They aren’t capable of taking into account how their actions and feelings impact those around them. Their emotions run their life. So when a forty-year-old acts like this, we call them immature.

Containing feelings is not the same as suppressing them.

Containing them means having clear boundaries so you can attend to your emotions in a constructive way. Venting is contained, which means it has a beginning and an end. Venting is done in “contained” space, like an office behind closed doors or in a coffee shop away from the office. At the end of venting, you reach for a constructive solution that makes the situation better.

Like garbage, emotions need to be put in a container. Once in a container, they can be turned into fertilizer and used for good. Spewing garbage all over the workplace would obviously contaminate the environment. So why do it with emotions?

Complaining is non-contained emotional expression. It leaks into the things we say. It surrounds the water cooler and cafeteria conversations. It taints relationships and can build an entire culture of finger pointing that regresses into an adolescent mind-set rather than an accountable one.

Complaining is a defence against the courage to change, while venting addresses the issues and inspires you take action.

Even though we’re all guilty of it, let’s stop complaining and start courageously facing our life.

Town of Cochrane at their annual Health and Safety Day

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This past week I had the good fortune of presenting to all the staff at the Town of Cochrane at their annual Health and Safety Day. These were a team of dedicated individuals who are committed to helping keep Cochrane an incredible place to live and visit.

Thanks to all the Town of Cochrane employees for all you do. Stay safe. Be well. And know that every one of you makes a difference to our community.