The undervalued virtue of human goodness

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The undervalued virtue of human goodness

Growing up on a farm meant that we took our garbage to the dump every month.

A man named Monti lived there in a discarded trailer. Monti lived off of what other people dropped off. He had a thick, matted grey beard that hung down his chest and was always dressed in same old tattered coveralls. He smelled worse than a dead rat. And every time we visited the dump, Monti and his toothless smile greeted us as we unloaded the garbage.

Dad would faithfully stop with a thermos of hot chocolate and visit with him when we were done. It was painful for me to sit through the conversation in that old, foul-smelling trailer. I never quite understood why my father had the time of day for Monti.

That is, until my parents sold the farm and Monti rode his old bike ten miles to say good-bye to my father. He had tears in his eyes the last time he and my father shook hands. I saw how much my father’s kindness meant too him.

Today, after many years of working with and learning from a wide range of leaders, I understand that those seeds of goodness planted in my formative years were my first exposure to leadership. I’ve learned that although ability matters in a leader, inner qualities matter more.

Leadership and the trap of the tyranny of the transaction.

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Every leadership position comes with two components: transactional and transformational. Transactional deals with administration, budgets, planning, forecasting, measuring, and managing tasks. Transformational has to do with mentoring, connecting, inspiring, coaching, welcoming, building your culture.

Transactions get the job done. Transformations make the difference.

In every job, there’s always a pull toward the transaction. It’s the squeaky wheel of organizations, the voice that yells the loudest. It’s the easiest to measure and if we aren’t intentional, it can take up all our time to the point we aren’t even leading anymore. If you aren’t careful it will suck all the energy out of your work.

Here are some tips to move beyond transactional and make TODAY transformational:

  1. In every email to a team member include a sincere statement of why you appreciate the person you are sending it to.
  2. Take time to listen. Find out what matters to people and show genuine interest in what they are interested in.
  3. Check in regularly with your people. How are they feeling about their work? About the organization? What do they need to ensure their success here?
  4. Share your vision with your team periodically and talk with each member about how they contribute to that vision.
  5. Whether it’s through encouraging words, a thank you card, a smile, fulfilling projects, or a pat on the back, be sure every person on your team feels appreciated and valued.
  6. Ask people what inspires them to work here, and what keeps them inspired to come back. Be sure people are inspired.

How do you avoid the tyranny of the transaction – and ensure that you make today transformational?

To deepen your transformational work, check out my complimentary Mini-Series https://lnkd.in/g4M9qpWh that will give you a taste of our upcoming Authentic Leadership Academy https://lnkd.in/gMi2euzp

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How To Fix An Accountability Problem

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It’s frustrating when the people we work with don’t meet our expectations.
While it’s easy to blame others, people fail to perform as expected for three reasons:

  1. Communication.
    People are not clear about expectation(s). Make sure you have communicated clearly what you expect and how you will measure results. Be sure to include both operational and attitudinal expectations (how you expect people to act in alignment with your values).
  2. Capacity.
    People don’t have the competencies or adequate resources to ensure that expectations are met. Make sure you’ve made it safe to talk about it with your team and to work together to ensure that they have the capability and resources to meet your expectations.
  3. Commitment.
    People choose not to perform as expected. Be sure you have done everything you can to find out why the commitment is absent:

    • a. Is it a poor fit? Is there a better place in the organization for them or is there a better way to define their work?
    • b. Is there something going on their life that is temporarily distracting them and draining their energy? What support might they need? (Notice if their lack of commitment is out of character or if its been a long-term pattern).
    • c. Have you been clear enough and tough enough to follow through? Set your people up for success, and then ensure that you have the right people on the team.

We can understand, at least intellectually, that straight talk is critical to trust.

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Yet how do you embrace it when you have grown up trying to keep the peace, be nice, or avoid the hard truths?

1. Be Intentional.

Straight Talk is important enough that we have made it one of our team values.

2. Be clear.

How we define it and describe it. We Talk Straight:

a) We are direct and open in our communication with each other.
b) We tell the truth; we are transparent and aren’t afraid to confront reality.
c) We face the brutal facts; we don’t skirt the real issues.
d) We choose to be genuine over being polite.
e) We are loyal in people’s absence.

3. Get an Agreement.

While the team agreed we would talk straight with each other and act in alignment with these behaviours, we also included four critical components in the agreement:

a) None of us will do it perfectly.
b) We will ask for help to be direct at any time with anyone.
c) We will communicate directly with anyone at any time if it appears that any of us – likely unintentionally – is not honoring this agreement.
d) We will practice patience as we practice this skill: direction is more important than velocity.

4. Reinforce the message.

We set aside time in meetings to shine a light on, and celebrate, success stories (e.g. When in the past week did we experience people being direct with each other?)

What is your team learning from your behavior?

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When my daughter was five, she overheard me complaining about visiting my mother-in-law. I’m sure she didn’t hear the whole conversation. It would have been helpful if I’d have taken the time to fill in some of the gaps. What she got was the negativity.

It was a long drive. I had a lot of work on my plate. And I wasn’t sure if I had the time to visit Grandma, but we made the three-hour trip to visit Mary.

When we got to Mary’s door, I expressed how much we were looking forward to the visit.

My daughter looked me square in the eyes (with Grandma standing right beside us) and exclaimed, “Dad, I thought you didn’t like Grandma.”

It took a long time to dig my way out of that hole.

You never know what kids hear or the meaning they make from their experiences. But parents and care-givers know they are always watching us. Taking cues. Learning behavior. Observing and being educated.

Children don’t do as we say – they do as we do. This is true whether it’s how much time we spend on our devices, the language we use, or the attitude we have about our work and our life.

The same is true for any leadership.
We are always modeling the behavior we can expect. People are always watching us.

When you are promoted into a leadership role, you don’t get more power – you get more accountability.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be conscious.

Spring holds a special importance to me.

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It’s a time of renewal. Of new beginnings and transformations. After months of cold, spring brings everything back to life in a new way.

And with the spring, comes Easter – a time of reflection that asks, “What is dying, and what is waiting to be born? What is in need of letting go, to make room for something new to emerge? What needs resurrecting?”

I believe that when we are truly committed to following a dream, there exists an unseen force that moves us toward our goal. But through some old, familiar habits, I’ve been hindering the unfolding of my own dream of creating a community of authentic leaders from around the world.

Reflections this past Easter weekend revealed that I’ve been shouldering the responsibility for the strategy and marketing of this dream – even though I suck at strategy and marketing. Afraid of the financial risk and unable to create the right conditions, I’ve spent too much energy frustrated and exhausted ironically doing what is not in alignment with my own authenticity.

This spring, I’m letting go of the responsibility of being the one to strategize this. I’m deciding to stay in my lane. I resolve to do what I do best while I continue to work with our great team in bringing value to our clients. I will keep speaking, writing, and facilitating authentic leadership programs. And when the time is right, I’m trusting that the right circumstances will present themselves. Instead of trying to control this thing, I am choosing, instead, to allow life to flow through me. I’m deciding to let go of the frustration and open myself to possibility.