The relationship between accountability and grace – when to hold the line and when to let it go

/in , , , , /by

When our daughter was a teenager she asked to change her curfew for a special event. We wrestled with the decision as she took the time to build her case. We eventually changed the curfew, and to this day I don’t know if it was the right decision. Often there is no “right” decision, but going through the struggle of the decision gave our daughter a clear message -that we care.

If you are blindly pleasing people or thoughtlessly and continuously coming down on people, you likely aren’t building a high trust culture. Sometimes you simply don’t know when to hold the line and when to let it go. But if you are invested in the struggle, people will know you care and will lean into trusting you – and you will ultimately get the desired results from your people.

A Token Of Appreciation

/in , , , , , , /by

After my webinar on Psychological Safety this past week, I had a great conversation with Marg, my VP of Client Care. We reminisced about when she was the Senior Manager of Learning and Development at Lilydale and I consulted on some projects there. Lilydale was established over 75 years ago as an Alberta Farmers’ cooperative and today is a proud member of the Sofina Foods family. It always promised to provide Canadians with great tasting and high-quality Canadian poultry products as it built an incredible culture with some incredible leaders.

One of the great tools they used for building and reinforcing their culture was a Token of Appreciation. You were encouraged to give this token to anyone you sincerely appreciated. It was a coin, along with a little poem, to remind them not to take each other for granted and to continue strengthening the muscle of expressing gratitude.

I’ve learned that this kind of tool has to be built on sincere, honest, and caring relationships – which were evident at Lilydale. No tool can compensate for failure to connect.

Trust may not be what you think it is.

/in , , , , /by

Like so many words, trust is both over-rated and misunderstood. I often hear, “I’m not going to engage here because there’s no trust,” or “We have to work on getting trust before we can achieve results.”

One thing I know about trust is that it is not a prerequisite. Trust, like confidence, isn’t something you need before you do something. Instead, do something right and trust will follow. If you want trust before you take a risk, there’s no risk. There’s no action. And there’ll be no trust.

Instead of waiting for, or worrying about, trust, get to work on a worthwhile project and trust will emerge from your actions. Be intentional about building cohesiveness through clear expectations, empathic communication and the safety to speak up, and trust will be your reward.

In short, the feeling of trusting someone is built on right actions. You don’t feel your way into right action. You act your way into right feelings.

And getting trust leads to more trust. Trust begets trust.

There are people who do not feel safe at work. They don’t feel safe to speak honestly, offer ideas, or be themselves.

/in , , , , , , /by

There are people who do not feel safe at work. They don’t feel safe to speak honestly, offer ideas, or be themselves.

They fear that sharing concerns and mistakes will mean embarrassment or retribution; that if they are honest, they will be humiliated, ignored, or blamed. They fear asking questions when they are unsure of something. They sit on their hands, stay within the lines, underperform and become dissatisfied.

When people are afraid, they stay dangerously silent, they disengage, they lie, and they leave if they can. Or worst of all, they quit and stay.

Far too many managers – knowingly and unknowingly – believe that fear motivates. Too many managers are unaware of how unacknowledged stress and anxiety breeds fear. Brain science has demonstrated that fear inhibits learning, productivity, engagement, innovation, and fulfillment.

How can we, as leaders, create safe workplaces?

Authenticity brings peace, power, and purpose into our lives and leadership.

/in , , , , , , , , , /by

A research project posed two questions to a randomly selected group:

  1. What’s it like to live your life and not be the real you? Responses included: Exhausting, depressing, sad, stressful, lonely, disengaged, empty, and lost.
  2. What’s it like to accept yourself? Responses included: Happy, confident, joyous, free, inspiring, appreciative, alive, fulfilled.

Who would you prefer for a boss or colleague: An authentic person who is at peace with themselves or an inauthentic person who isn’t?

Leadership is truly about PRESENCE, not position.

When offered an opportunity that feels too BIG or too Challenging – how do we know what we can handle?

/in , , , , /by

Frankly, sometimes I don’t know. I have often found myself jumping off a cliff and building wings as I fall. Usually things work out if I lean into whatever is challenging me.

Here’s a few things I do know:

  1. If I’m comfortable, I’m probably not growing. I don’t need to be growing all the time, but I need to be growing some of the time, so I welcome discomfort periodically as an opportunity to learn something new.
  2. If something feels too big or too challenging, it’s helpful to ask myself if the fear is helping or hindering me. Sometimes I need to listen to the fear and back off because it’s something that’s not right for me at the time or good for me. And sometimes I need to walk through the fear and not pay too much attention to it.
  3. I generally find it helpful to talk this through with a trusted colleague, friend, or guide. I often need support and guidance to sort it out.