How To Lead – The Authentic Way

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“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

A friend recently told me about a boss he had when working in the oil patch thirty years ago. Anyone who has worked on the rigs knows that the typical boss in that world is a brutal, kick a** individual. It isn’t uncommon that the first mistake you make is the last.

But my friend’s boss was, in his words, a “generation ahead of himself.” If you made a mistake, he would carefully go through what happened, discuss your rationale for your actions, and talk about what you learned. Then he would respectfully go through a list of the expectations and how you could make improvements going forward. At the end – and this is what stood out for my friend – he would shake your hand. It was clear that you were trusted, respected, and expected to be accountable.

Every morning he would have the team gather for a 15-20 minute informal coffee. This was a chance to learn something about what was going on in people’s lives away from work, and for him to get to know his team. If guys came in hungover or half-drunk he would respectfully send them on their way.

This leader had an authentic way of creating a safe and respectful place to work – even though he wouldn’t use those words. His approach wasn’t about techniques or gimmicks or management fads. It came from his human goodness. It was his presence not his position.

This man set the benchmark for my friend’s leadership philosophy for his entire career. The impact on his life and his leadership lasted a lifetime.

Leaders truly create ripples in time that extend for generations.

Let us make a resolve to be a better leader today by being a better person.

Let us re-commit to leadership – the authentic way.

Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not Your Enemy

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If you have ever felt like an imposter in your job, you are not alone. Many of us have moments when we feel that we are not properly qualified and it is only a matter of time before someone realizes that there has been some terrible mistake and we should not be in our position.

If you ever find yourself feeling like an imposter, here are three questions to ask yourself for a quick reality check so you can stay authentic and avoid the funk.

  1. Where am I growing? Feeling like an imposter likely means that you are growing and thus uncomfortable. It’s actually a barometer that indicates progress and comes with growth. While some anxiety always accompanies growth, you don’t need to get anxious about being anxious.
  2. Where’s my community? Authenticity is a lonely journey, but it can’t be done alone. We all need a community of confidants, trusted advisors, peer mentors, or coaches. What you don’t want is to go through the imposter syndrome alone. Be sure you have a community of support on the growth journey.
  3. How can I stay courageous? Imposter syndrome is an indicator of self-awareness as well as humility. Appreciate these qualities and stay connected to your courage – to keep growing, realizing your vision, and contributing your gifts. Don’t let passing thoughts that your success is undeserved or illegitimately achieved deter you from having the courage to stay the course.

How to Demonstrate Caring in the Workplace

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I care a lot about caring. So much so I wrote about it: Caring Is Everything: Getting To The Heart Of Humanity, Leadership, and Life. When people feel cared for, appreciated and valued, the workplace becomes a happier and more productive place. Here are five ways to help your team feel cared for:

  1. Look in the mirror. Honestly ask, “Do I care about the people on my team and what matters to them? Do I care about their success? Am I truly serving them or am I expecting them to serve me?” You can’t fake caring. People will see right through you. People will grant you a lot of grace if they know you care, but won’t give you much if they know you don’t. If you truly don’t care, do yourself and your organization a favor and get out of management.
  2. Listen. Listen. Listen. Take an honest inventory of the amount of time you spend listening to your people versus the amount of time you spend talking. Ideally, it’s good to spend at least twice as much time listening as talking. Listen to what matters to them. Get their input on how to make the workplace better. Get feedback on your leadership. It may start with complaints, then move to problem solving, but what matters is to keep the conversations going.
  3. Get to know – and respond to – people’s appreciation language. Gary Chapman and Paul White’s book, “The Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace,” explains that everyone has a unique way of feeling appreciated. Some need words of affirmation while others respond best to tangible gifts. Some need quality time and may not need praise and recognition. Others intrinsically enjoy working and seeing tasks completed. Some need to be left alone while others need hugs and handshakes. Care enough to get to know their unique nature and preferences and how to best respond to people uniquely. Don’t assume that your style is what everyone needs.
  4. Practice flexibility. Caring leadership is not the same as pleasing leadership. Leading doesn’t mean trying to make people happy. Caring means a commitment to serve, to help people get the resources they need to get their job done, not necessarily what they want. One thing the pandemic taught us is the importance of flexibility. While some positions require being in the office, others can be done remotely. To care about people, you need to be flexible in negotiating a win-win relationship.
  5. Be honest. Tell people what you know; tell them what you don’t know; and tell them why sometimes you need to withhold some information for the greater good. Set high standards. No one takes pride in doing something easy. While support statements need to accompany expectations, let people know when they aren’t meeting your expectations. Have a process for ongoing honest and mutual developmental feedback. Don’t be a “seagull manager,” where you fly around and crap on people.

Six Signs your team is in sync and working well together.

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Lots has been written about dysfunctional and problematic teams, but let’s look at indicators that your team is synchronized and working well together:

  1. Clarity and Alignment. When you ask: What’s our purpose; our vision; and what do we value, are you all on the same page and inspired by the answers?
  2. Authentic Alignment. Every person understands how their unique nature and contribution meaningfully connects to the purpose and vision of the team. People know their value as well as their values. They know that their gifts and passion are needed on the team, and that if the alignment isn’t there, they will move on to a new job.
  3. Connection, Openness, and Joy. You feel connected to each other and enjoy being together. You have fun creating good stuff together. Any tension and conflict that arises gets addressed and dealt with openly and respectfully.
  4. Boundaries and Respect. All good relationships have good boundaries. People respect each other’s NO. People look after themselves so they can be their best for the team.
  5. Accountability. People understand what is expected from each other, what they are accountable for, and have a clear process for managing and following through on expectations of each other. You have high standards and aren’t afraid to tell each other the truth.
  6. Patience, Grace, and a Commitment to Learn. While you have high standards clear agreements, you also grant each other some grace. No one gets this teamwork thing perfectly. Working well together means you’re on a journey of discovery.

CREATING A SATISFYING CAREER: How To Reclaim Your Mojo Through the Strength of Authenticity

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When my daughters were planning their careers, I referred them to a quote from American philosopher and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask instead, what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is for you to come alive.”
There lies within every person a place where, when connected to it, we feel deeply and intensely alive. When we are in this place, there is a quiet voice inside that says, “This is the real me.” Where we lose all track of time. Where we don’t tire or need anyone to motivate us. In that place we are calm, creative, compassionate, committed, and capable. We’re accountable because we know that what we are doing matters and makes a difference. This is the place you find your mojo.
When we discover this place of authenticity in our work, it is called a vocation. When our life’s calling lies outside of our paid work, we call it an avocation. Both have validity and energy.
As leaders committed to creating authentic workplaces where people are engaged, loyal, committed, and accountable, we can help people discover their “real me.” Start by asking:
  • What makes you come alive?
  • What matters to you?
  • What is your own personal why, and how is this organization supporting you to realize that why?
  • How can we together create a place where you love to work?
  • What do we need from each other to take care of each other?
One of the primary barriers to finding our authentic voice is the reactive structuring of our lives. Allowing our to-do lists and the demands in our inbox to drive our activities ensures that the expectations of others will crowd out authentic discovery and expression. Combine this with the noise of a distracted world and you’ll eventually realize, in the light of time’s perspective, the vital task we’ve pushed aside – the task of leading a life aligned with our heart.
As we emerge from a summer of rest and fresh perspectives, there is an opportunity to reset the compass of our lives, develop a new structure for staying on track with our authenticity, and recreating a workplace aligned with our true nature.
Here are a few actions to consider:
  • Set aside time to ask the questions (outlined above) of yourself. You must be intentional and deliberate about discovering your authenticity. You can’t leave it to chance.
  • Shift from the list/reactive method to a boundaried focused approach to your work. While you may have parts of your day checking off your to-do list and responding to the expectations of others, block out time each day for uninterrupted focus on what truly is important to you and to those you love and serve.
  • Assess your mental fitness plan. Many of us have a physical fitness plan, but few have a strategy and accountability plan for strengthening our mental fitness.
  • Create a community of support and inspiration. Whether in the form of guides, coaches, confidants, or accountability partners, we all need to know we aren’t alone. Authenticity is a lonely journey, and it can’t be done alone.

Hayley Wickenheiser

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I’ve had the honour of presenting with Hayley Wickenheiser at several events. She’s an incredible athlete, community leader, physician, and businesswoman who inspires audiences to give their best in everything they undertake. Regarded as one of the world’s best female hockey players, Hayley is a four-time Olympic gold medalist and has inspired young women and female athletes around the globe. Hayley stays connected to her humble Saskatchewan roots, and lives with integrity, clarity, and honesty – the making of a true leader.

Just prior to the pandemic, Hayley and I presented to the senior leadership team at Purolator. (Pictured below is Hayley playing table hockey against the CEO, John Ferguson.)

At the evening supper event, John asked Hayley a series of intriguing questions:
“How many women are invited to attend the Olympic tryouts, Hayley?”
“About 100,” Hayley responded.
“How many make the team?”
“About 30.”
“So…” John reflected, “What’s the difference between the 30 who make it and the 70 who don’t?”
“Little to do with talent,” Hayley quickly explained. “The difference was consistency and mental toughness.”

Hayley, in no way was being disrespectful to those who didn’t make the Olympic team. She has the utmost regard for every one of those incredible athletes.Her answer, however, get me thinking about the youth in my life and what I am doing to foster resilience in them.

As parents, coaches, teachers, caregivers, and leaders of young people, are we creating an environment that builds mental toughness or are we making it too easy for these kids? Are we helping them face the demands of life or teaching them to avoid the tough stuff? Are we supporting them through the challenges rather than rescuing them from the challenges?

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