How Do You Lead When Your Boss Can’t

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We’ve all had them or met them: dismissive, insensitive, controlling, absent, volatile, or mean bosses who lack vision, compassion, or purpose.

People who suck the energy out of the room.

Here’s a few suggestions for dealing with difficult people:

  1. Embrace the situation. When you’re invested with people, you are going to be frustrated from time to time. It’s okay not to feel okay. Be sure you have a trusted support system in your life so you are aren’t going through this alone.
  2. See the opportunity. Every person has something to teach us, so before you do anything, ask why this person is in your life at this time.
  3. Be careful of labels. Maybe they aren’t a bad boss. Maybe they simply don’t meet your expectations. There’s a huge difference between violating the values of an organization and just being unpleasant.
  4. Be compassionate. We’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve got. Empathy gets you further than criticism.
  5. Be courageous. If they are violating the values of your organization, it must be directly addressed – courageously and compassionately.
  6. Create your own vision. Rather than waiting for others to change (never a good leadership strategy), establish your own reason for coming to work that inspires you and serves the greater good.
  7. Give what you expect. Life is a mirror. What you give is reflected back to you. Instead of complaining you aren’t appreciated or valued, get so busy appreciating and valuing those around you that you don’t have time to complain.
  8. Know where the exit is. The first thing a flight attendant tells you is where the exits are. You don’t focus on them, but knowing your values means that exiting is always an option as a last resort. Remember also that your boss is not the only person who is your source of validation.

Psychological Safety – What Horses Have To Teach Us

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This past weekend I had the good fortune of attending Wayfinder Wellnesses’ Equine Wellness Workshop https://lnkd.in/gcNNTN_r

It’s based on the principle that horses are good for the human spirit. It was a program open to First Responders, Military, Veterans, and their Spouses who have been psychologically injured in their work.

We learned, through an incredibly safe and supportive environment, how to connect with and make friends with ourselves by learning to make friends with these incredibly sensitive and wise animals.

In just a few hours, I got a taste of the deeply healing power of establishing a trusting relationship with horses by learning to partner with them.

Here’s some of what I came away with:

  • Communication starts with knowing and accepting where you’re at.
  • Be in the moment.
  • Make a friend.
  • Learn to listen.
  • Find your balance.
  • Discover inner peace.
  • Build your confidence.
  • Be part of a herd.
  • Feel safety and security.

If you would like to learn more about my approach to psychological safety, I hope you’ll join me on Thursday for this week’s monthly complimentary webinar: https://lnkd.in/d37Prt4a

A Path To Better Leadership

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I recently was sitting with a friend while he was conversing with his sister who is single and worried that she won’t find a life-partner. She wanted advice from her brother. As I know them both well, she didn’t mind my listening in. ‘’How can I find a good husband?” she asked.

My friend’s response was, “Try being the kind of person that the kind of person you want, would want to be with.”

Here’s my take on my friend’s suggestion: If I ask, “How do I find the right partner?” before I ask “How do I become a loving person?” the result is likely to be a disaster because I first need to focus my attention on becoming a loving human being. First cultivate a life filled with compassion, and passion will be added to it. Search only for a great passion, and you will likely end up void of love.

Interestingly, this isn’t just a lesson about love; it’s a lesson for life. It’s about accountability. And it’s about leadership. When we ask, “How can we get better leaders – in our organization and in our country?” maybe we’re starting with the wrong question. Instead of seeking better leaders, maybe it’s more helpful to look in the mirror. “How can I be a better leader?” “How can I get better at what I expect from others?”

My notion is that rather than expecting others to be different, the path to better leadership is to be a better leader. We institutionally deny the fact that each of us – through our perceptions and our choices – is creating the culture that we so enjoy complaining about. Deciding that I have created the world around me – and therefore I am the one to step into healing it – is the ultimate act of accountability. Let’s stop complaining and start stepping up.

Boxes, Presents, and Presence…

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Boxes, Presents, and Presence…

This past weekend my sister was visiting. During our time together, we went through the “boxes.” You know the “boxes.” Ones you dig out of the basement that have old “stuff“ like your parents’ grade school report cards or your junior high basketball trophies or the letters your mother wrote to you while you were at summer camp.

Amidst the boxes, one box in particular intrigued me. It was a box of cards congratulating my parents when I was born. In those days mothers stayed in the hospital long enough that the address on the envelopes was the maternity ward at the hospital.

Yes, these were real cards. Hand-written. With a return address and a stamp. Placed in the mailbox and addressed to my parents. Thirty-six of them in total. The moment I opened that box I realized I wasn’t just born into a family; I was born into a community.

Although there isn’t anything particularly unusual about a box of thirty-six hand-written cards, imagine the undertaking of each card: going to the store, carefully choosing a card, crafting a thoughtful message, buying a stamp. Then going to the post box to send them off – at least an hour for each card.

Recently, my niece had a baby and we sent a quick post on Facebook, and a text with a few emojis congratulating her. All told, it took about sixty seconds.

I’m not suggesting we discard our devices and go back to the “good old days.” They weren’t actually the “good old days,” they were simply the old days with different challenges.

What I am suggesting is that there was some goodness that came out of those old days. There was some time, attention, and presence put into the process of securing, scripting and sending those cards.

Today, we claim to be clever people, efficient and high-powered with well-organized day-timers and to-do lists. But in our zeal to get things done, have we forgotten the simple art of connecting?

Let us make a firm resolve to take time to be present to the lives we live, to stop once in a while and be thoughtful and sensitive to the people we care about. Let us be good to ourselves and to the people around us.

What does recovery mean to you?

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What does recovery mean to you?

As a college track athlete, I learned that a good training program must include recovery days. Bill Bowerman transformed long-distance running in the 1960’s, when he introduced the notion of rest in his approach to training. To improve, you have to step back.

In a Type A world, we don’t do recovery very well. We keep pushing. We keep striving. We keep working. We keep grinding. Often to our own detriment.

I spent the past two weeks recovering from a surgery I’d been putting off for some time. But finally, I had to just bite the bullet and get it done.

The recovery process was not easy for a guy like me who loves being in control and having my body do what I want it to.

My recovery regime when I got home went:

  1. Breathe deeply.
  2. Get outside.
  3. Walk.
  4. Hydrate.
  5. Rest.

I underestimated the degree of disruption the anesthetic and surgery would have on me – both mentally and physically. And I’m returning with a new lease on life and greater clarity. It turns out the surgery will help me breathe more deeply and sleep better. And from the experience I gained fresh ideas about my business and a renewed perspective on life.

What if we could develop a recovery habit – without having to get sick or go through a surgery to get there?
What does recovery mean to you?

Heroes, Hope, and The Human Experience

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You’ll never see a designer label on a hospital gown: Heroes, Hope, and The Human Experience.

Hospitals are strange places. Most of us are born in one. Many of us die in one. And in between, we may go there to spend the worst days of our lives.

Hospitals are the great levelers. No one knows – or even cares – what type of vehicle brought you there. There’s no designer label on a hospital gown. We’re stripped of our masks and facades, with nothing to hide behind, and you come face-to-face with your essential humanity.

The workers are dedicated to their jobs, doing their part to make the big human factory function as best it can. Everyone wants you out of there as soon as possible so they can make room for the next patient.

Caring isn’t on anyone’s job description but no matter where you go in the massive system, you find the heroes that care.

You’ll find Mary on Unit 83 who held my hand during the bleakest night who gently reassured me, “The third day after surgery is always the worst. It’ll pass by the morning.”

Or Pam, in radiology, who took the time took the time to sit and listen to me for ¾ of an hour while we waited for the radiologist.

Then there was the night I inadvertently pulled out a drainage tube and the nurse on duty seemed annoyed and irritated. When I commented, “It sounds like you’ve had a long night,” she responded apologetically. “I’m at the end of a double shift. We are short staffed and I’ve been here for almost sixteen hours.”

It was at that moment that I realized that these professionals would never abandon a patient. They truly are dedicated and caring human beings that we need to appreciate and celebrate.