Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

The relationship between accountability and grace – when to hold the line and when to let it go

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When our daughter was a teenager she asked to change her curfew for a special event. We wrestled with the decision as she took the time to build her case. We eventually changed the curfew, and to this day I don’t know if it was the right decision. Often there is no “right” decision, but going through the struggle of the decision gave our daughter a clear message -that we care.

If you are blindly pleasing people or thoughtlessly and continuously coming down on people, you likely aren’t building a high trust culture. Sometimes you simply don’t know when to hold the line and when to let it go. But if you are invested in the struggle, people will know you care and will lean into trusting you – and you will ultimately get the desired results from your people.

A Token Of Appreciation

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After my webinar on Psychological Safety this past week, I had a great conversation with Marg, my VP of Client Care. We reminisced about when she was the Senior Manager of Learning and Development at Lilydale and I consulted on some projects there. Lilydale was established over 75 years ago as an Alberta Farmers’ cooperative and today is a proud member of the Sofina Foods family. It always promised to provide Canadians with great tasting and high-quality Canadian poultry products as it built an incredible culture with some incredible leaders.

One of the great tools they used for building and reinforcing their culture was a Token of Appreciation. You were encouraged to give this token to anyone you sincerely appreciated. It was a coin, along with a little poem, to remind them not to take each other for granted and to continue strengthening the muscle of expressing gratitude.

I’ve learned that this kind of tool has to be built on sincere, honest, and caring relationships – which were evident at Lilydale. No tool can compensate for failure to connect.

Teamship – The Undervalued Virtue Of Being a Great Team Player

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We talk a lot about leadership but how can you be an outstanding teammate?

We don’t celebrate outstanding “teamship” enough. And just as leadership is contextual (qualities vary from team to team), so is teamship.

Here’s a process that may be helpful:

  1. Brainstorm qualities considered valuable on your team, along with behaviors demonstrating those qualities (e.g. caring, accountable, encouraging, supportive, attentive, etc.)
  2. Take five minutes before every team meeting to tell a story about a team member who demonstrated one of these qualities. Shine a light on success.
  3. When someone on the team demonstrates one of these attributes, let them know how much you appreciate them and why.

Acknowledging and appreciating people for their contributions is not a well-developed muscle in our society. It takes practice and vigilance to strengthen our capacity. But maybe teamship requires at least the same attention that we give to leadership.

Both are required to create a great team.

Trust may not be what you think it is.

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Like so many words, trust is both over-rated and misunderstood. I often hear, “I’m not going to engage here because there’s no trust,” or “We have to work on getting trust before we can achieve results.”

One thing I know about trust is that it is not a prerequisite. Trust, like confidence, isn’t something you need before you do something. Instead, do something right and trust will follow. If you want trust before you take a risk, there’s no risk. There’s no action. And there’ll be no trust.

Instead of waiting for, or worrying about, trust, get to work on a worthwhile project and trust will emerge from your actions. Be intentional about building cohesiveness through clear expectations, empathic communication and the safety to speak up, and trust will be your reward.

In short, the feeling of trusting someone is built on right actions. You don’t feel your way into right action. You act your way into right feelings.

And getting trust leads to more trust. Trust begets trust.

Habituation

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Is it helpful or harmful? How to recognize it in ourselves and our teams.

My daughter gave me this poster, saying that it reminded her of one of the values I instilled in her. Very touching.

This framed picture – gifted to me by my daughter – inspired me every time I sat at my desk – until I stopped noticing it and it became just another part of the woodwork.

This is something called habituation, a fundamental learning mechanism that can be both helpful and potentially harmful, depending on the context. Understanding how it works and recognizing its effects can be valuable for personal growth and team leadership.

Habituation allows us to filter out irrelevant information and focus on what’s required in the moment. This cognitive efficiency is crucial in our information-rich environment, helping us allocate our limited processing resources more effectively. It reduces stress by reducing our response to repeated, non-threatening stimuli.

One drawback though, is that extraordinary things around us get unnoticed over time. The beauty of a sunset or a star-lit night becomes commonplace. Inspiring quotes become wall hangings. The incredible strengths of the people on our team become ordinary. The qualities we once prized in another are now dull, unnoticed, and mundane.

While becoming cognitively efficient, complacency can set in and the beauty and meaning of life can be missed.

Ask yourself, “How can I s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and be present to the magnificence around me that I might be missing in my hurried, demanding life?”

We are clever people, efficient and high-powered, but in our zeal to get things done, we can forget the simple art of living. Let’s resolve to be mindful and attentive today to the splendor around us that has become ordinary.

Remembrance Day is personal to me.

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My dear mother’s first husband, Ted, was killed on a humanitarian mission flying penicillin into Poland, leaving my mother to raise a young daughter on her own after the war. She must have gone through unimaginable grief.

If you are interested in the story, check out: https://youtu.be/76owNyfRyX0?si=uI6RFsq9425Ntzeh