Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

Reflections On Thanksgiving Day

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On this magnificent and beautiful Thanksgiving weekend in Western Canada, I have much to be grateful for. I have been richly blessed: with a family who inspires, supports, and loves me, with good friends who see the good in me when I can’t see it in myself, with good health, with a career that allows me to live my purpose, with the dogs that I walk every morning who remind me to stay present to all the beauty that surrounds me, with mentors who help me maintain perspective, and for a imperfect path to inner peace and well-being.

In the midst of the gratitude, I am also feeling anguish about the current troubles in the world. While reflecting on the horrific tragedies in Israel this morning, I had a call from a good friend, Peter Nieman, a pediatrician who has recently completed his third book, “SUSTAINED: A Life Re-Written After Sudden Misfortune.” SUSTAINED is Peter’s story of his healing journey and some lessons he is learning through the loss of his young son who took his own life.

Peter and I spoke of getting through a crisis with a sense of equanimity, inner-peace, well-being and realness, even as we embrace fully the horror of whatever we are facing. We spoke about the importance, when confronting catastrophe, to keep, our MVP: Motives, Values, and Priorities front and centre. Then we looked more deeply into what each of our motives, values, and priorities were at this stage in our lives.

Among Buddhists, a Sangha is a community. In Sanskrit, sangha means “collective” or “assemblage,” a group of friends committed to support each other to sustain perspective, support, and continually renewed self-awareness.
On this Canadian Thanksgiving weekend I am grateful for my Sangha.

DIVERSIFYING YOUR IDENTITY: A Key To Becoming Resilient

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For several months I’d been helping a client prepare for a speech she was to present to one of her important clients. Knowing that this one presentation could be a key to leveraging her career, she put all her energy, including many coaching sessions and a great financial investment, into the crafting of the speech.

It resulted in an incredible delivery that far exceeded her client’s expectations. However, she received one small piece of corrective feedback and went into a dark funk for days. She became so despondent she considered walking away from her entire career.

After a long debrief about the experience, we explored the trap of putting our identity and worth into one facet of our lives. Like our financial net worth, we’re vulnerable and even fragile if it’s all in one basket. What happens when our entire life is defined by our work, and we retire? What happens if our identity is in raising our kids, when our kids leave home? What happens when our worth is attached to a healthy, strong body, and you become injured or get old? What happens when your worth is attached to your position on a board of directors and your tenure comes due? What happens if our identity is tied entirely to our possessions, and a fire destroys our home and everything in it?

Diversifying your identity, a concept I first learned from Brad Stulberg, is parallel to diversifying your financial investment portfolio. If you place your investments with a mix of stocks, bonds, international companies, and domestic companies, when one goes down, another one might be going up or staying stable.

The story of world record holder speed skater Nils van der Poel illustrates what it means to diversify your identity. Prior to his phenomenal performance at the 2022 games, Nils was struggling. He wasn’t performing at his best. When he stopped and reflected on what was going on, he realized that every time he stepped onto the oval to compete, fear began to consume him because his entire identity was derived from speed skating. This singular identity resulted in excessive, destructive pressure. Nils van der Poel as a person was synonymous with the results he generated on the ice.

Nils decided to create a strategy to diversify his identity. During the week, he trained with the same level of commitment and intensity. On the weekdays he remained a world class athlete. However, on the weekends he stepped back and allowed himself to be a person away from speed skating. He started hanging out with friends who weren’t athletes. He started going out for beer and pizza. He went bowling. He went on hikes. It wasn’t just giving his body a rest. He was giving his mind a rest. As he diversified his identity, he developed a sense of worth beyond speed skating. No longer was he just Van der Poel “the speed skater.” He was Nils Van der Poel, the friend, the community member, the man who loved hiking in the mountains.

Not only was Nils preparing for life after his sport, diversifying his identity also allowed him to come to the ice with less fear. He started to race with greater ease and joy. He was more relaxed. He was less attached to having to win to prove his worth because he had an identity away from the ice. And, at the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, van der Poel, paradoxically, went on to win two gold medals and set a world record.

Identity diversification isn’t just good for sport. Many great difference makers were diversified. Da Vinci wasn’t just an artist. He was also a mathematician, inventor, and writer. Eleanor Roosevelt was a writer and great humanitarian. A well-worn fiddle case accompanied Einstein wherever he went. Diversifying your identity builds resilience by becoming a more well-rounded person. It also strengthens your primary path of focus.

Reflect on what you might be overly identified with at the present time. Where is there vulnerability, fragility, and unnecessary pressure from being overly attached to one identity? Where is there a need for “identity diversification?” What relationships might you be neglecting? Where might you need to let go of some over-attachment to roles you currently have? What is something in a totally unrelated field you could learn about that would enrich your life? What hobbies could be developed? Where is there an opportunity to do some service in your community – beyond your current role?

My client turned her experience into a learning opportunity. While she did take her career to a new level with an amazing presentation, after an extended holiday following the experience, she came back more well-rounded and committed to continue to work on diversifying her identity – with much more joy and greater resilience.

Be the leader you’ve been searching for. Why not you? Why not now?

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It’s easy to complain about a lack of leadership – in our workplace, the community where we live, or our country. It’s easier to sit in the stands and criticize than to be a player on the ice.

Complaining is a way to keep ourselves safe so we don’t have to do the work required to change. It’s a defense against having the courage to change ourselves. That’s why the ratio of complainers to players is about 1000:1.

We institutionally deny the fact that we are actually creating the culture and the leadership we are complaining about. Deciding that you are co-creating what you are criticizing and therefore you can step into changing it, is the ultimate act of accountability.

Rather than complaining, clearly define the kind of leader you have been searching for. Make a list of the qualities you would like to see in a leader. Describe the virtues of the leader you want – in your life, at work, in your community, or in your country.

Now go to work and be that kind of leader – in your life, in your work, in your community, and in your country.

Let bad leadership inspire you, not discourage you.

Why not you? Why not now?

Replacing Perfectionism with Being Human

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I’ve spent a good deal of my life trying to be the best at everything I do – at school, in sports, in my work – in every part of my life. While this drive for perfection has led to the achievement of many goals, it has also contributed to much tension and stress in my life. When your worth is attached to an unattainable ideal, not only are you continually frustrated, you miss opportunities assuming you can’t do them perfectly. I’ve also wasted far too much time and energy trying to complete projects perfectly rather than embrace the beauty of “good enough.”

I know that the seeds of perfectionism were planted in my response to trauma. With little control during the formative years of my life, I unknowingly tried to be perfect at everything as a way of controlling the uncontrollable in order to feel safe.

Today, I am learning to find the good side of my addiction to perfection. I see the strength that comes in daily disciplines, routines, and efforts to improve. I know that my temperament responds well to discipline and structure. And rather than striving for perfection, I’m content with making progress. As I let go of perfection and learn to live with greater authenticity, passion, and presence, I am actually enjoying life more and even making a greater contribution. And I hope I’m a little more enjoyable and fun to be around. To borrow from Leonard Cohen, I’m letting go of my “perfect offering” and remembering what it means to be human.

Leadership is not always easy, but it’s worth it.

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Here are a few ways that indicate you are doing a good job as a leader – even when it feels like you may not be.

  1. Connection. People initiate a connection with you. They come into your office. They reach out to you. They seek your advice. Initiating connection is an indication of trust.
  2. Results. The results are there. You are achieving your goals. You are achieving the goals of the organization. And you’re doing it as a team.
  3. Empowerment. People around you feel good about their own success and the success of the team. They express pride in working together to achieve something difficult. Credit goes to the team, not you.
  4. Self-Honesty. Just questioning whether you are a good leader indicates humility and an effort to be honest with yourself – qualities of a great leader. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t admit to a healthy dose of self-doubt every once and awhile.
  5. Enjoyment. This is, for me, the most important measurement. I suppose there are a few incompetent leaders who enjoy themselves, but most are stressed and anxious. When you’re enjoying yourself (at least most days), and the people around you are relaxed and having a great time doing hard stuff, you are doing something right as a leader.

You may have your own list. I’d love to hear what is on it.

Simple Art of Living

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Nellie McClung is regarded as one of Canada’s most prominent suffragists, helping to grant women the vote in Alberta and Manitoba in 1916.

In my library I have a book written by Ms. McClung, published in 1930, titled Be Good To Yourself, personally signed to my grandparents.

Here’s a quote from page four:
“We are clever people, efficient and high-powered, but in our zeal to get things done we are forgetting the simple art of living. Let us make a resolve – that we will begin today to relax, and loiter, and potter around, and be lazy if we feel like it once in a while, and take time to meditate, and watch the sun go down behind the hill.
Let us be good to ourselves.”

It appears that we have been struggling for some time with the challenge to s-l-o-w our lives down and remember the “simple art of living.” Being present in our busy lives to the experience of living is where life is actually lived.

I, for one, have spend much of my life setting goals and striving, while missing out on what life is actually all about.

While goals set the course for our life, it’s important to be mindful of what goals guide our lives. I think we all could all benefit from Ms. McClung’s advice and find fulfillment and meaning by being present to the experience of life.

Let’s make a resolve to bring more goodness to the world by remembering the simple art of living. Let us be good to ourselves.