Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

Contentment and Culture

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For those who follow me, you know that my focus is on building strong organizational cultures. It seems evident that cultures are a reflection of the people that live and work in them. I came across a great article in the New York Times about Costa Rica and how contented they are as a people. Costa Rica is certainly one of my favorite places on the planet. Take five minutes out of your day today to sit and read this article (link is below). Then reflect on how contented you are, and how your level of inner peace contributes to the cultures that you live and work in: your organization, your community, your family. Maybe culture isn’t so much what we “get from,” as much as it is what we “give to.”

The Gift Of Conflict

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In preparation for a workshop with a group of executives on “Managing Conflict,” I developed the following “Five Steps To Managing Conflict:”

Step 1.

Understand the nature of conflict and its importance in our lives.

Three Premises About Conflict:

  • Without conflict, you aren’t growing. We don’t grow without the challenges that emerge from conflict.
  • Without conflict, you are stagnant. If everyone were the same, most people would be redundant. Diversity and the resulting conflict is necessary.
  • Without conflict, life isn’t interesting. Have you ever seen a movie or read a novel without conflict?

… But we all need to get better at dealing with it constructively. We need to redefine how we think about it. Conflict is not “good” or “bad.” What makes it either constructive or destructive, is how it is dealt with.

Conflict is a gift – when you face it, work through it, and learn from it with the support from others.

Anger opens the door to conflict, as long as you keep it honest and respectful.

Anger: An honest and respectful dissatisfied  emotional response to a person or situation with the intent to bring either resolution or protection.

Inappropriate expressions of anger

  • Violence: The exertion of power with the intent to injure or abuse.
  • Bullying: A discriminatory act of force or coercion with the intent to be superior, involving a perceived imbalance of power.
  • Rage: Misdirected, dishonest, unbridled anger.

Because of their early exposure to some of these inappropriate uses of conflict, most people either withdraw from it or use it destructively. Either response will not help you use conflict productively.

Step 2.

Clarify Expectations and Accountabilities. Clearly defined expectations and accountabilities early on do a lot to prevent conflict, especially if you agree upon a process for talking about disagreements when you get off track – before you get off track.

Step 3.

Deal With Conflict Immediately – Before It Becomes Infected. I love Nelson Mandela’s definition of resentment: “Taking poison in the hopes that your enemy will die.”  Talk about your disagreements  up front, before they fester into something much worse.

Step 4.

Seek first to resolve the anger in the other, then between you. If you are in a disagreement with a person, clarify their interests and needs before focusing on your own interests and needs. Find common ground on interests, and stay away from positions. Communicate!

Step 5.

Reach for a shared meaning if there is respect and goodwill between you. Assuming there is respect and goodwill in a relationship, here’s my formula for reaching what I call a “shared meaning”:

  1. Person A speaks for self, using “I” statements.  No blame. Personal responsibility for feelings and needs.
  2. Person B repeats back what they heard Person A say.
  3. Person A fills in any missing pieces.
  4. Person B repeats back what they heard Person A say until  Person A says they feel understood.
  5. Person A then expresses a statement of need (expectation) from Person B. (“I need…”).
  6. Person B repeats back what they heard until Person A feels understood
  7. The process is then reversed, with Person B speaking for self, using “I” statements, etc.

In summary, conflict is a gift, but we need to develop the muscles of learning to embrace and resolve it effectively so as not to have it destroy us.

An Inspired Friendship

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I just got off the phone with my good friend and mentor, Don Campbell, from Meadow Lake, Saskatchewan. Don and I first met when we were on the board of Holistic Management back in the late 1980′s. He remains a true inspiration to me.

Don is a guy who is at peace with himself. As a rancher, he’s had his share of setbacks and challenges, but his faith and strong character makes him a continual inspiration to everyone he meets. I received an email from Don this past week. Here’s something he said in the email:

…I have been counting the number of consecutive good days that I have had for a long time. Today I have had 24,275 consecutive good days. If you did the math you would realize I turned 66 in May. I plan to have a good day every day for as long as I live.

Don always asks me: “If you had all the time and money in the world what would you be doing?” And then he checks up on me to hold me accountable for being able to say, “I’d keep doing exactly what I’m doing today.” He always makes me think about how aligned my life is with what I espouse.

It’s good to have friends that inspire you and hold you accountable to live in accord with your values. I feel blessed.

What Can Nature Teach You As A Leader?

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I love this time of year. The crisp morning air, the kids starting back to school. I always think of my university teaching days and remember the joys of new students, starting new classes, getting back on campus. I’m now gearing up for a busy fall with great clients after a summer of renewal and refocusing.

As part of my renewal this summer I spent a significant time in nature and offer reflections…

When I have an extended time in nature and take time to unplug from technology and demands and fully make contact with the natural world, something occurs beyond words.

At one time or another in our lives, nature will touch you… in some personal, special way… The indescribable magnificence of a flower… The grace and ease of an eagle soaring off a mountain cliff… The roar of wind through a stand of poplars… The exquisite fresh odor of a pine forest… The magnificence of a star-lit sky, whose splendor is spread across endless space…Nature’s immense mystery reminds us of a life that is greater than the little affairs of humans we call problems…

When you sit for an hour in silence, over looking a mountain valley, when you become harmoniously attuned to the natural world, you discover within yourself a sense of relatedness, a sense that all things are an expression of a deeper life, and that we are all descendants of that life. Eventually you find that the subject of your investigation is not actually nature at all, but life itself, and the nature of yourself.

And when you begin to learn to see and understand yourself and the world around you as an expression of this life force, a deep reverence for yourself, for others, and the world we live in emerges. And within this connection lies the capacity to reach others in ways that amplifies our impact. For this high tech age requires a capacity for high touch, the ability to reach those we serve in new ways.

What have you learned about yourself by being in nature? How has a connection to the natural world made you a better person and a better leader?

Encouragement File And Acknowledgements

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About fifteen years ago I started an “encouragement file.” Every time someone wrote me with positive feedback or expressed appreciation in writing for the impact I had on their life, I would put their note in a file. That file has grown and I now have literally thousands of letters that have come to me over the years. Back in the 1990′s there were a lot more cards and paper letters, and now they usually come in the form of emails. Nonetheless, this file means a great deal to me. Every so often, especially in moments of discouragement, I’ll sit and read some of the notes and remind myself of my life’s work and my reason for being here.

I read through some of the letters this past weekend and noticed how most of the notes were from people who only met me once or twice as participants in one of my presentations, workshops or retreats, or were impacted by reading one of my books. It made me realize that I receive far more direct encouragement and acknowledgement from others than I give. What about all the people who, day after day, support, encourage, nurture and love us? It is important, in our busy and hectic lives, to stop and acknowledge the people that we so often take for granted. My “encouragement file” not only lifted my spirits, it reminded me to appreciate those in my everyday life who get me through the good times and bad.

Death Awakens Us To Life

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I spent a beautiful day this past week with my aunt Doreen who now, in the late stages of cancer, has moved into a hospice in Vancouver. It is both enormously sad and very beautiful to be with someone at the end of their life. She’s at peace and radiant with love. Her grandchildren and children are with her now 24 hours/day. Doreen’s life was love, and what she gave out has come full circles back to her. She is dying as she lived – in a state of love and peace. She has certainly had her struggles but has persisted to come to peace with it all. It was very moving to be there with her and our family.

The world teaches us that our worth is in more – more stuff, more success, more technology, more gadgets, more busyness, and on and on. Death strips us of everything we think matters, and leaves us with all that really matters. Death teaches us that peace comes in being with what is, simply being present with love, not in the pursuit of more. Death, when conscious, awakens us to life.