Tag Archive for: authenticity

Is it well-loved?

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For the past several weeks while looking at houses, our realtor introduced an expression, “This house has been well loved.” Now at some showings, I find myself saying, “This is not a well-loved house.” Some people truly turn a house into a home that is worth loving, while some only take from their surroundings.

This got me thinking beyond houses. Some houses are loved, while some are not. Some cars are loved, while some are not. Some jobs are loved, while some are not. Some people in our lives are loved, while some are not.

If a house isn’t loved, you can’t blame the house. The more you love a place the more that place will give a reason to love it. The same is true of a car or any possession. It’s also true of our work and the people around us.

There are fundamentally two kinds of people in the world: takers and givers. Which one are you? While it can certainly depend on the day, here’s a question that’s worth reflecting on: Do you dedicate yourself to making your world worth living in, or do you expect that the world will devote itself to making you happy? And what is the result of your approach?

Whatever you have, is it well loved? Whoever is in your life, are they well-loved?

Simple Living in a Complex World: Transitions, Aristotle, and Coming Home

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Selling a house can be an emotional undertaking, a journey of self-discovery. It is a bittersweet experience as we downsize to simplify our lives.

Our peaceful home and the soothing nature reserve alongside it has been a haven to me and our family for almost two decades. It’s a place where I connected with my soul on walks in the forest, where I have meditated in the stillness and beauty of the valley, where our family appreciated the beauty of nature.

However, I’m coming to realize that a large part of my motivation to acquire this property was my need to prove myself and it has consumed much of my energy. That my worth has been tied to this place came, in part, from my early upbringing, driven by the voice of my mother who lived through poverty in the depression and who defined herself by her belongings as a result. This drive for status acquired from material possessions became part of my personal identity and has been a weight on my shoulders.

Like all patterns we create, this pattern has both a good side and a destructive one. I still love an aesthetic home that feeds my soul and am proud that we created that space for myself and loved ones. However, I know that the source of the drive to sustain it was not good for my wellbeing. In the words of the Quaker theorist of the simple life, John Woodman, I “necessitated to labour too hard.”

This struggle brings to mind Aristotle’s challenge to an external-oriented life which is as relevant today as it was twenty-three hundred years ago. He identified “external goods” as wealth, property, power, and reputation. These still create the standard vision of success in our modern times. Aristotle contrasted these external goods with elements of character or the “good of the soul”: fortitude, temperance, justice, and wisdom. When we consider what we truly want for ourselves and our children, are we overly concerned about being wealthy and successful? Or is success a means to the higher goal of being a good human being?

This transition to downsizing has inspired me to reconnect with my deepest self. Letting go is agonizing, yet it is leading me to a deeper homecoming to my authenticity.

I am looking forward to living more simply in this complex world, with less pressure and more focus on work that matters to me and the activities in life that I truly value. It’s never too late to start anew. And a huge reminder of this is that my new granddaughter, Juno, has just arrived! I look forward to spending more time with her.

Here are three lessons from my experience that I hope will be useful on your path to a simpler life:

  1. Practice making decisions based on sustainable values, not emotions. Decisions motivated by appearances, impressions, and impulses most often lead to a financial burden that you don’t need to carry.
  2. The good life is not one of consumption or size or external appearance, but of the flourishing of our deepest selves. It’s ultimately about the expression of love, giving of ourselves, and developing strong character.
  3. True belonging and worth ultimately don’t come from a physical place. They come from within.

Building a Case For Working Less and Producing More

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Cal Newport’s recent book, Slow Productivity, builds a great case for showing how working less can lead to greater productivity and accomplishment. However, it isn’t about just working less and or discarding your work ethic. It’s about working with greater focus and deliberate action. In short:

  1. Focus on fewer things at once. By reducing the number of current tasks and commitments, you can actually complete more meaningful work over time. This allows you to give full attention to important projects rather than constantly context-switching.
  2. Emphasize quality over quantity. Newport advocates for “obsessing over quality” rather than just getting things done. By slowing down and focusing on craft, you can produce higher quality work with more impact.
  3. Work at a more natural, sustainable pace. Newport critiques the “unsustainable pace of modern work expectations” and suggests varying your work intensity over time rather than constantly pushing yourself. This helps avoid burnout in the long run.
  4. Measure productivity over longer timescales. Instead of trying to be productive every day, Newport recommends looking at accomplishments over months or years. This allows for periods of deep focus as well as necessary downtime.
  5. Reduce “pseudo-productivity” activities. Much of what fills our workdays – constant emails, meetings, and digital distractions – isn’t meaningful or impactful work. Saying no or having clear boundaries allows you to work less and accomplish more.
  6. Create space for deep thinking and creativity. Historical figures like Isaac Newton and Marie Curie made groundbreaking discoveries during periods of reduced activity. Periods of rest can lead to major breakthroughs.
  7. Build a “craftsman” mindset. By caring about the quality and impact of your work, rather than just visible busyness, you can produce more meaningful results with less frantic activity.

Newport’s “slow productivity” philosophy suggests that strategically working less – by focusing on fewer, higher-quality tasks and allowing for a more natural work rhythm – can lead to greater long-term accomplishment, reduced burnout, and greater meaning and fulfillment. The key is to be intentional about where you direct your energy and to prioritize depth over shallow busyness.

The Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To Authenticity

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Selling a house is an emotional experience. It is a bittersweet experience as we downsize to simplify our lives. When I was on my walk this morning I could feel the profound loss of this sanctuary.

Letting go of our beloved home is an invitation to reconnect with my deepest self. Although leaving this precious place behind is heartbreaking, it will open new frontiers of self-discovery and possibility. I know that true belonging ultimately doesn’t come from a place. It comes from within.

Letting go is agonizing, and it is leading me to a deeper homecoming to my authentic self.

The Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To AuthenticityThe Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To Authenticity
The Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To AuthenticityThe Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To Authenticity
The Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To AuthenticityThe Torment of Letting Go and The Journey To Authenticity

MoverOne Group

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This week I had the privilege of spending two days in Mississauga with an amazing group of leaders at MoverOne Group from across the country. This incredible team, whose brands include United Van lines and Mayflower, take care to a whole new level.

MoverOne Group’s focus and commitment to care truly unites them. Although I was there to teach them about leadership, they truly inspired me.

Fostering Well-Being in Times of Mental Fatigue – The Authentic Way

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Brenda is a project manager at a large financial services company. For the past year, she has been leading a team tasked with developing a new product line on a tight deadline. She’s been working 60-70 hours/week, constantly juggling demands from her team, executive, and her clients. She has had to make numerous high-stake decisions under immense pressure. And she is a parent of three school age children.

She now feels completely drained, both mentally and physically. She’s having trouble concentrating and remembering key details. Simple tasks that were once easy now seem overwhelming. She’s getting cynical and detached from her work. She’s getting irritable with both her team and her family and lashes out at them over minor issues. Her sleep has been almost non-existent, and she relies on caffeine and energy drinks to get her through the day. And she’s on prescription muscle relaxants and pain medication for her headaches.

She’s starting to dread going into the office each morning and has considered quitting her job entirely, despite having worked so hard on this project. While this is likely an extreme case of chronic overwork, I hear versions of this story from many people these days.

What’s going on, and what can we do about it?

With fatigue and burnout, we see symptoms such as difficulty concentrating, impaired judgement and decision-making, increased forgetfulness, irritability, decreased motivation, increased mistakes, headaches, cynicism, changes in sleep patterns (e.g. insomnia), and increased absenteeism. I suggest five strategies for dealing with it:

  1.  Recognize. It takes courage to step up and be accountable. However, don’t confuse courage with the temptation of martyrdom. It takes humility – a true evaluation of conditions as they are – to truly be strong. Honestly acknowledge if you have gone from a healthy sense of tiredness that you recover from on the weekend, to real exhaustion. There’s no shame in recognizing that you are burned out. It can happen to anyone who is conscientious and loses touch with their values. Remember: self-centered, lazy sloths don’t get exhausted.
  2. Reach Out. Carrying other’s responsibilities often comes with accountable people. However, it’s not sustainable. The lone-warrior model of leadership is, in the words of Ronald Heifetz, heroic suicide. Each of us have blind spots that require the vision of others. Reach out for help from a guide.
  3. Relate. This may sound strange, but you can make friends with your exhaustion. It’s not your enemy. It’s here to teach you. If you stop long enough to get your bearings – away from the demands of the world – you can befriend your exhaustion and ask it, like you would a friend, what advice it would give you. Write down the guidance you get. It’s possible to create a relationship with, and learn from, your exhaustion.
  4. Reflect. Exhaustion means you have lost connection with your values by allowing yourself to be suffocated by the expectations of others. Getting your bearings includes reconnecting with your values. Make a list of things that are important to you. Now arrange the items in descending order of their importance. Notice where you’ve placed inner peace, well-being, or whatever you want to call it. How important is this to you? What comes before it on the list? Many responsible people don’t make themselves a priority. The way you see yourself is reflected in how you treat yourself.
  5. Renew. You don’t have to change yourself. Living authentically means simply coming home to yourself. It’s that simple and it’s that complex. The healing journey isn’t an overnight venture, but it does start with a single step. Ask yourself, “What do I need to STOP, START, and CONTINUE doing to live a life that is aligned with what truly matters to me?” “What one small decision would make all the difference?” Reflect on how you can make yourself a priority – so that your caring and commitment to others comes from overflow, not emptiness. What agreements will you make? What actions are needed? What support do you require?