Tag Archive for: boundaries

Good leadership requires good boundaries.

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I used to think that a good leader put everyone and everything else above themself. Now I know that good leadership is about balance between attending to our own needs and those of the people we serve. And to serve well, service must come from overflow, not from emptiness.

Leadership flows from our well-being.

I was inspired this week by the signature on the bottom of a client’s email:
Please allow for 24-48 hours for all email responses
My working hours may not be your working hours. Please do not feel you need to reply outside of your normal work schedule.

I don’t respect myself when I don’t have good boundaries. And I don’t respect others who don’t have good boundaries. I can’t trust your yes if you don’t know how to say no.

As we wrestle with this, consider:

  1. Time boundaries – Clear working hours and protection of personal time
  2. Physical boundaries – Defining personal space in the workplace
  3. Emotional boundaries – Managing emotional involvement with team members
  4. Big Rock boundaries – Defined focused time on tasks that matter most
  5. Technology boundaries – Distinct times where you turn off devices
  6. Personal boundaries – Maintaining healthy self-care practices

Boundaries and Bravery

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Boundaries are healthy and important, but can the idea of a boundary give us an easy out and prevent us from being brave and stretching ourselves?

Years ago, in a family counselling session, parents were complaining that their 25-year-old son living in their basement wasn’t employed or contributing to the family in any way. The parents wanted me “talk to him to get him motivated.”
These parents eventually learned that this wasn’t a motivation problem. It was a boundary problem. Motivation eventually followed when they set clear boundaries. Reality is a great motivator.

Here are five principles for healthy boundaries:

  1. Boundaries keep us healthy. Just as the immune system says no to unwanted bacteria and viruses, saying no to unwanted demands on our time keeps us healthy. Caring about others while suppressing our own needs, contributes to illness.
  2. Boundaries are about self-care. There’s a difference between self-care and self-centeredness. Self-care says that we take care of ourselves so we can be strong and better take care of those we love and serve. Self-centeredness says we take care of ourselves so we can take care of ourselves. Boundaries remind us that we are responsible TO others, not FOR others.
  3. When we take care of ourselves, we ultimately take care of others. Rescuing people from the natural consequences of their behavior weakens them. Saying no may risk disappointing another, but in the long run it helps them make necessary changes to improve their life.
  4. Boundaries are not an excuse. Boundaries used as an excuse to take the easy road are not boundaries at all – they are excuses. Boundaries are firm but not rigid. It takes bravery to set clear boundaries, not brutality.
  5. All life, to be sustainable, requires boundaries. I grew up in an age when you had a phone on your office desk that was wired into the wall. When you were done work you went home. The boundary between work and home was clear. Then we were promised that computers would simplify this. Now in a 24/7 world, establishing boundaries has never been more of a challenge. But without boundaries you have no clear priorities or focus. Everything is important and nothing is important. We all need boundaried time for uninterrupted, focused work or play that requires our full attention to what matters.