It’s always nice to receive an unexpected gift, especially this time of year. This week I was genuinely surprised by one of those presents. The staff of the Southeast Regional College in Weyburn, Saskatchewan, sat with me for a day and gave me their presence as I led them through a workshop on building an accountable organization. They are a delightful organization whose byline reads:
“Where minds and possibilities meet.” Gracious, open, receptive, supportive, caring… just a few of the words I would use to describe this remarkable group of people.

I was particularly appreciative of their generous attentiveness under the circumstances as when I arrived, I was suffering from a head cold and throat infection that substantially diminished the quality and volume of my voice. My energy was so low that at times it was difficult to remain standing.

But they patiently hung in there with me the entire day. They willingly engaged in the learning experience. And they gave freely of themselves and to each other in the process. I was uplifted by their presence and by the end of the workshop I had more energy than when I began.

Since I’ve come home and recovered from the head cold, I have been attentive to a rather odd little word, a word that I’ve been mulling over the past few days that came as an unwrapped gift, given so sincerely to me by this humble learning community in Southeast Saskatchewan. The word is ‘attend.’ Merriam Webster describes attend as: “to pay attention to, to look after, to be present with, to apply oneself, to be listened to, to be valued…”

To be attended to is uplifting, heartening, and inspiring. It is a gift in the truest sense as it responds to a fundamental human need: the need to make an impact.

Here are five simple ways to offer the gift of ‘attending’ to others, especially at this time of year:

1. Pay attention to people’s names. Cashiers, waitresses, and customer service representatives – they have a name-tag for a reason. Everyone is uplifted, even if ever so slightly, when they hear the sound of their own name. On the farm, my mother was adamant, “don’t name the chickens.” She understood that naming transforms your relationship. Naming someone changes them from an object or a number to a human being – with emotions, needs, and values. Naming someone turns a ‘transaction,’ into a ‘transformation.’
2. Replace waiting with something more constructive. By simply attending to what’s going on inside and around you, you’ll soon discover that waiting is not a very healthy state of mind. It’s focused on the future. It breeds impatience. Waiting comes with expectations, which are premeditated resentments. Waiting leaves you empty and frustrated because it’s self-serving. Whether you are waiting for the red light to change or for a teller at the bank, practice choosing an alternative state of mind. Take a moment for some deep breaths and have some rest. Cheer up the person in front of you. Or let the person behind you, who is even  more impatient than you, in the line front of you.
3. Practice small acts of generosity. Attending means taking the time to be present for both yourself and others. When you attend, even briefly, to your inner sense of well-being, you know that it takes the same effort to be generous as it does to be selfish, and the result is completely different. Just for one day this week, practice giving to others whatever you expect from others. When it comes to generosity, the small things are so often the big things. A smile. A message of encouragement. A pat on the back. A little patience. Doesn’t cost a thing and can make such a difference.
4. Be present. It has been said that the best present you can ever give someone is to be fully present in the present. There aren’t many ways better to attend to someone than to be present with them; to tune in, to feel with, to listen without judging or a need to fix. The giving of advice can never take the place of giving of yourself. It is interesting how our fast-paced, crazy, demanding world has created a syndrome called ‘attention deficit disorder.’ Maybe our biology is simply asking our souls to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and attend to ourselves and each other more simply and more deeply. There is more to life than increasing its speed.
5. Practice gratitude. It appears to be human nature that the more we get the more we want. It is easy to become spoiled in the self-demanding, post-modern society we live in. Try living in a third world country for a few months and see how it changes your view. Entitlement, along with its accompanying self-centered expectation for self-gratification, is not taking us any closer to a more peaceful, contented world. What you attend to grows. What you appreciate appreciates.

I hope that you will make a little room over the upcoming holidays to practice attending. It will go along way. And, when you make more room for attending it will improve the quality of your life and all the relationships in it.

I view the world as a big pot. We all contribute and remove what we need from the ‘community pot.’ Every time you need something, you dip in and take it out of the pot. When you don’t need anything from the pot, you put a little something back in: a little attention, support, comfort, kindness, love, and so on. If we all throw a little in every day, then when we need it, the pot will have just what we need.

This morning, my eighteen-year old daughter drove our truck to school. At noon I met with a prospective client who is considering our firm to help with leadership development. In between, my sales team discussed their goals for the quarter and made agreements to each other. There is a common thread that runs through all these scenarios: trust – a belief in and reliance upon, one another.

Trust is the most important issue facing the world today and lies at the foundation of every relationship. Trust is the keystone of success in work and in life. It’s the new global currency. It crosses cultures and generations. Building, restoring, and sustaining trust is your number one leadership challenge. Without trust there is no leadership, no relationship, no life as we know it in this interconnected universe. If you stop and think about it, trust lies at the centre of everything we do.
So, if trust is so important, how do you know if you are trusted by others? How do you assess it? How do you measure it? While trust has an emotional component to it, trust is not an emotion. Trust is an action. Trust is demonstrated by the way you behave in response to another person or circumstance.

In your most trusted relationships, trust is generally not even talked about. Instead, it’s demonstrated. You can take an inventory of how you measure up to trust:

You know you have earned trust when:

1. People seek your advice. You know that you have earned the trust of others when they come to you for your input, your opinion, your perspective. Do others ask you for guidance?
2. People are honest with you. People will have the tough conversations with people they trust. You know you have earned trust when others share good news or bad, negative feedback as well as celebrations, and when they are vulnerable, direct, candid, and straightforward with you. You can be polite with anyone, but the seed of trust lies within genuineness. Are people giving you open and honest feedback, bad news as well as good?
3. People challenge you. As a corollary to #2, you know you have established trust, especially when you are in a position of authority, when others respectfully challenge your point of view, your approach, and your decisions. Are you being challenged by the people who report to you?
4. People are competent. While you can foster competence for a time in a non-trusting relationship, it won’t last. Trust breeds competence. Trust builds results. Trust fosters capability. Are you getting the results you need from your team?
5. People are relaxed around you. I recently coached a manager whose boss exploded every couple of weeks. He constantly lived in tension, never knowing what would set the boss off. Being relaxed is not the same as being complacent. It means being calm in the midst of activity. You are more effective when you aren’t wound up and stressed. You are more productive and do better work when enjoying yourself. Tension, stress, anxiety – all indicators of a lack of trust – can destroy a workplace. Are you aware of the level of tension in the people around you?
6. People stick around. It’s been said that people don’t leave organizations; they leave bosses. The number one reason people leave marriages is because they no longer feel good about themselves in the presence of their spouse. People leave bosses for the same reason: they no longer feel good about themselves in their presence. You don’t feel good about yourself when you are around people you don’t trust. How’s the retention rate of your direct reports?

So… if you want to build trust, where do you start? With a willingness to give what you seek:

1. Seek the input and advice of others. Genuinely look for opportunities for others to help you, guide you, and support you. Extend trust. The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
2. Be open and honest with people. Tell people what you know; tell them what you don’t know. Show your humanness. You don’t have to be perfect to build trust; you only have to be real and honest.
3. Challenge yourself in the presence of people. Let people know your weaknesses and what you are doing to work on them. Invite them to challenge you and thank them when they do.
4. Be competent. Be committed to excellence. Stretch beyond mediocrity to mastery. Be dedicated to your on-going development. Nobody trusts an incompetent person.
5. Be relaxed. Tension is an indicator of mistrust. People lack trust in a stressed, unpredictable leader. You can be firm, clear, and tough, but be relaxed and caring in the process.
6. Stick around. People don’t trust quitters. They trust people are who dependable, reliable, and persistent.
7. Above all, be trustworthy. Being trustworthy means being accountable, which indicates you can be counted on. Being trustworthy is about being a person of character. Character isn’t how you act when life is going the way you want it to. That’s easy. Character is how you act when everything around you is falling apart. Character is how you act when you are scared and angry and tired and frustrated. That’s when people watch you and decide whether they will trust you.

Trust is not built in a day. It is built daily. It’s built with consistent action. It’s built with care and compassion. It’s built with honesty and stability and strong character. Trust is built through paying unwavering attention to the small things and knowing what’s important to people. Trust is built with integrity and a can-do attitude. It’s built with a disciplined, focused approach of investing in the lives of people who matter to you.

“Then I asked: Does a firm persuasion that a thing is so, make it so. He replied: All poets believe that it does, and in ages of imagination this firm persuasion removed mountains; but many are not capable of a firm persuasion of anything.” William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

To achieve a goal, a leader need a clear purpose and firm conviction. In the Sanskrit language there is a word for a firm mind: vyavasayam., which means agriculture. To reap a harvest, a cultivator needs a firm mind with one conviction that “by doing such and such, you will harvest this much.” With such conviction one does everything towards fulfillment. You don’t haphazardly throw seeds on unprepared soil or sow the seeds and say, “I don’t have time to care for it.” A good cultivator doesn’t change when the going gets tough. He continuously uses his effort until his goal is reached. That is what is meant by a firm mind.

People with a fleeting type of mind don’t stick to one thing. They may choose something, but become scattered. When things get difficult or uncomfortable, those with an infirm mind will lose concentration and be distracted by the allure of an easier, softer, or cheaper way. They’ll keep switching to something else. It’s like digging many shallow wells. They never find water and are always thirsty.

The achievement of a worthy goal will require you to ride out the storms with dedicated, focused effort, knowing you won’t get the fruit over night. It won’t be easy. And it won’t happen without the clarity and conviction of a firm mind.

Imagine a fisherman who is determined to catch a fish. He is in a small boat in the middle of the lake. It’s raining, chilly, and windy and his boat is being blown about. He casts his line and keeps his eyes only on that. Nothing disturbs him. He could be sitting comfortably at home in an easy chair, but knows he won’t catch a fish that way. Even for the simplest thing one needs great concentration.

With the clarity and conviction of a firm mind you can stay focused on your goal. It won’t matter if you experience some physical or psychological suffering or if people tell you that you are wasting your time. You won’t be distracted by discomfort or temptation. Nothing will move you from your purpose.

When you hear, “Leave that, and come watch television,” and you say, “No, I’m catching a fish and I won’t budge an inch until I do.” Then you are a true fisherman, not just someone who fishes as a hobby.

How is the clarity of your conviction? What have you achieved lately that’s come through having a firm mind?