Tag Archive for: leadership

Leading Authentically With An Ego

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Realities in recent times have demanded a new approach to leadership. I recently had a very stimulating dialogue with a group of CEO’s about the difference between the ego and the soul and what it all has to do with being an influential leader. In an age of spiritual awakening and consciousness, leaders driven by their ego will soon become obsolete.

The ego, that mental image of yourself formed from your personal and cultural conditioning, attempts to provide you with a sense of security, safety, and worth. Your ego demands recognition and wastes energy in resentment if it doesn’t get enough attention. But the ego, by it’s very nature, is empty. It’s like a hole inside of us that is in a continual state of dissatisfaction and restlessness, constantly pursuing “more” to fill itself up. To the ego, the present moment hardly exists. Only the past and future are important to the ego, for these are what it depends on for its survival.

While the ego is essentially dysfunctional, there are times when it can be a positive, necessary force, such as when growing into adulthood or pursuing certain goals. Then the ego can be helpful, providing you can observe it and not get attached.

There also resides in each of us, to a lesser or greater degree, an authentic self, a soul, an essence of who we really are. Your soul doesn’t care about rejection, titles, possessions, successes, failures, or how scared you are. The soul cares only about expanding and expressing itself. It is your guide, and your true source of power.

This inner source of strength comes from developing your capacity to delay gratification, learning to courageously face the demands of reality without escaping, developing the capability to see the long-term effects of actions, and achieving quietness of mind. Such cultivation requires a lifetime of dedicated personal work, guided by masters. A cultivated, integrated authentic self is, in today’s world, a leader’s greatest tool. Cultivation, or becoming more fully human, is the primary leadership issue of our time and lies at the core of our work.

Deciding to embark on this arduous journey called leadership requires a decision to go inside yourself and learn to discern the impulse of the ego from the voice of the soul. If a decision comes from the ego, you’ll never be satisfied. You’ll always want more. Authentic leaders channel their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great organization. It’s not that authentic leaders have no ego or self-interest. Indeed, they are incredibly ambitious—but their ambition is first and foremost for the greater good, not themselves.

I end this with a wonderful poem attributed to a Chinese sage, Wu Wei Wu:

Why are you so unhappy? Because ninety-nine percent of what you think, and everything you do, is for yourself, and there isn’t one.”
How are you leading authentically?

Two Minutes On Leadership

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A participant in one of my recent leadership programs was challenged with preparing a two minute talk to a group of high level leaders from across Canada. She asked me what I think is the most important thing or habit leaders need in order to be successful.

What would your answer be if someone asked you for a two minute summary of your philosophy on leadership?

Here’s my response:

  1. Leadership is the capacity of human beings to shape and create a new future – by inspiring and engaging others.
  2. Leadership is about presence, not position. Great leadership cannot be reduced to technique or title. Great leadership comes from the identity and the integrity of the leader. Leadership is the way you live your life. Your power as a leader comes from being an integrated and real human being. This makes every person a potential leader.
  3. You aren’t a leader until someone says you are. You have to earn the right to be called a leader. While you may get promoted to being a boss, you don’t get promoted to leadership. You have to earn the right to be a leader.

In this high tech world, leadership needs to be about high touch (thanks John Nesbitt). Leadership, in today’s world, is ultimately about connection. Connection to: (1) Your authentic self: your values, your unique talents, your aspirations, your dreams, your passion. Take time for reflection, for clarity about what matters most in your life, to listen to the voice inside of you.  Connection to: (2) Those you serve, your stakeholders: those who depend on you and those to whom you depend. Get out of your office, away from your computers, and make contact with people. Find out what inspires the people you serve, what matters to them, how you can support them. Leadership can probably be summed up with one word: conversation. You can assess the level of impact you are having by the depth and honesty of the conversations you are creating.

Don’t Fix People; Fit People

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Recently my administrative assistant (also my wife) was on a holiday in Europe with our daughter. In her absence, I’ve been attempting to keep up with all of the administrative demands in the business and at the same time run the business. Big mistake – to not get administrative support during this time.

I learned years ago that if you don’t have an administrative assistant, you are one. I’ve been an administrative assistant for the past two weeks, and I’ve been a lousy one. And I’m exhausted. But I’m not exhausted from the hard work. In fact, it has been extremely good for me to appreciate the load that Val carries. And I’m not afraid of hard work. But I’m exhausted because I was attempting to take on work that is not within my sphere of unique capabilities. Some people are actually meant to be in the role of administrative assistant. But, not me.

Now that Val is back home, I’ve taken some time to reflect on the experience. With so many people exhausted these days in their work, it makes me think. Why? Because we don’t have balance in our lives? Because we are working too hard? Because we need to work less? If you are exhausted, my hunch is that it’s because there is some misalignment going on. You are doing too much work that is energy-consuming for you, rather than energy-giving. It’s not about hard work, it’s about not being aligned.

Take an inventory of where you are spending your time and it’s effect on your energy level. Be honest with yourself. If I had a performance review by a boss during the past two weeks, I would have failed miserably. I would have been marked as incompetent, in need of some “motivation” and “fixing.” I know that I didn’t need to be “fixed” during the past two weeks. What I needed to do instead was delegate the administrative work and to stick with what I do best.

Don’t fix people; fit people.

What’s The Difference Between Servant Leadership vs. Pleasing Leadership?

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I see many leaders trying too hard to make their direct reports happy under the auspices of “servant leadership.” Entitlement is bred in this kind of culture, thinking that we are obligated to give our employees everything they ask for. It’s like parenting, trying to do too much for our children, trying taking away all their stress. This doesn’t lead to responsible kids and it doesn’t lead to accountable employees. And it creates burned out leaders.

The servant leader’s job is to identify and do all you can to meet the needs of their staff to ensure their success. This is servant leadership. Pleasing leadership attempts to meet all the wants of their people. Pleasing leaders become their employee’s slaves  -by allowing their employees/kids to do whatever they want. We all need an environment where standards are set and people are held accountable. We may not want this, but we need it. We don’t do anybody favors by running undisciplined homes or departments. Don’t settle for mediocrity. People need to be pushed to be all they can be. Again, this may not be what we want, but it’s what we need.

Another example: If you pay people what they want, you’ll be out of business and won’t be able to give them what they need: stable, long-term employment.

When politicians make their policy decisions based on the most recent Gallup poll, they are giving people what they want, but probably not what they need.

How do you distinguish between wants and needs?

A want is a wish without regard to long-term consequences.

A need is a legitimate requirement for one’s survival or success.You have to know people (starting with yourself) very well to understand the difference.

Start by making a list of the needs of the people who depend on you. Make a list of what you need.

Thanks to Jim Hunter for your inspiration behind this blog. He wrote a good book called The Servant.

What’s your experience with the difference between serving and pleasing?

Jumping Out Of Bed: Creating An Inspired Workplace

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“Going to work is a chore. It’s just a job. A necessary evil. A prison sentence. Doing time. Collecting a paycheque. I hate it.” How often have you heard someone talk about his or her work in these terms? Perhaps you have spoken this way yourself on occasion. Perhaps you speak this way more often than you’d like.

While we all may feel this way at times, what if most of your life was spent hardly waiting to get to the office? What if your workplace inspired you rather than depleted you? What if you jumped out of bed to get to work because you were so excited about getting there?

My passion is to make this world a better place to work. Work is so vitally important to our well-being, and life is far too short to spend these  hours in misery. We will all spend thousands of hours at work so why not have a great workplace culture?

So whose responsibility is it to make your workplace great? It is my notion that organizational culture starts with you, not your boss or your boss’s boss. While bosses set the tone, create the environment, and establish the culture, you are the one who actually creates the culture. Every employee is responsible for the culture within and around them. You make the difference.

And just how can you create a great culture in your workplace?

  1. Be authentic. Engagement comes from being who you are. Bringing your values, your aspirations, your passion, and your unique talents to work lights a fire inside you. Work is a tool to create and express what matters most. When you have a purpose for coming to work and clear values with a commitment to serve others through your role at work,your energy will soar.
  2. Build trust. Trust is the foundation of every relationship. Without trust, work will be a miserable place. And trust starts with you. Start by identifying your “Significant Seven,” the top people or groups of people you depend on or who depend on you, and make trust your number one priority with them.
  3. Be accountable. Accountability is the ability to be counted on. Being dependable with others starts with being dependable to yourself. Do you keep commitments to yourself? Do you see yourself as a person who is accountable?

What is your way of ensuring that  you jump out of bed in the morning to get to work? How do you create an inspiring workplace for yourself and others you work with?

How Do You Know If You Are A Good Enough Leader?

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Recently I had tea with good friends who are parents of a beautiful and energetic eighteen-month-old boy. They are at a challenging stage, trying to build a business together, parent a toddler, keep their relationship strong, and get it all “right.” It brought me back to my early years of parenting.

At one point in the conversation I was asked, “How would you know if you are a ‘good enough’ parent?”

After parenting for more than thirty-two years, I’ve become less sure about more things, and more sure about less things. One of those things that I am more sure about is that the effect that parents have on children is not as great as what we are lead to believe. No doubt, parents do impact their children. But children also impact their parents. Children come into the world with their own temperament and spirit and destiny. Parenting is as much about teaching parents as it is about teaching our children. Our children are on their own journey. As Kahlil Gibran said, “…we may house their bodies, but we do not house their souls… Our children come through us but they belong not to us.” I love how parenting has helped me in so many ways: to develop the capacity to continually see things another way, to be more patient and compassionate, to be more courageous and clear about what I expect, to name a few.

The best test of whether you are a ‘good enough’ parent essentially comes down to one question: Are you enjoying yourself?”

I’m sure you could find exceptions to this simple rule. There may be a few incompetent parents who enjoy themselves, just as I’m sure you’d find very good parents who are quite stressed. But my advice, after thirty-two years of parenting, is don’t try to be a better parent by trying to be a better parent. Try to be a better parent by finding ways to enjoy parenting more. The outcome will be that you will be a better parent. Parents who set clear limits and stick to them and who love their kids and enjoy finding ways to connect with them through a listening heart and common interests and aren’t always trying to impose their will upon them, are parents who find ways to enjoy the experience of parenting – and naturally seem to be better at it.

Could this also be a test of competence in any leadership role? What if, as a leader, you stopped trying to be a “better” leader, and simply decided to find ways to enjoy leading? Take time to connect and listen to your staff. Have conversations about your expectations, your passions, your values, and your goals. Talk about how you can support each other to be the best you can be. Try just hanging out and learning together on the projects you are working on. Sure you have to be tough sometimes, and that’s part of the learning together too.

How do you know if you are a good enough leader? I’d love to hear your take on this question.