Tag Archive for: listening

How much time do you spend talking vs. listening? Take a listen/talk ratio audit.

/in , , , , /by

Communication involves talking and listening and is foundational to leadership. Ideally, An ideal ratio is 2:1 where you listen at least twice as much as talk. That’s why we have two ears and only one mouth.

I talk excessively when:

  • I feel compelled to showcase my expertise and knowledge.
  • I’m anxious and feel a lack of control in a situation.
  • I’m insecure. Talking is a coping strategy for me.

Others may talk too much to over-compensate for poor listening skills, or when they feel pressured to provide guidance, when extroversion is a personality trait, or when they feel compelled to jockey for power in a competitive working environment.

Consequences of over-talking include:

  • Being perceived as arrogant and thus a loss of respect.
  • People not feeling understood.
  • Missing important insights and understanding.

When you listen more than you talk you receive more information, build trust, make meaningful connections, and increase your impact when you speak.

We are better off when we increase our self-awareness about how much we talk vs. listen, develop better listening skills, practice more concise communication, and foster a more collaborative environment that encourages input from all team members.

Boundaries vs. Comfort Zones

/in , , /by

We need to respect boundaries and stretch comfort zones… how to tell the difference.

Boundaries and comfort zones are crucial for personal growth and well-being. They are intended to protect you, but in different ways. Boundaries protect in a way that enables you to grow while comfort zones protect you in ways that disable growth.

Boundaries include: refusing to tolerate disrespectful or abusive behavior, setting limits on work hours, or declining to discuss certain topics with certain people.

Comfort zones allow you to hide behind the familiar when you don’t have the courage or ability to set boundaries. Tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, people pleasing, staying in a comfortable, secure job instead of following your heart, or not saying no can become so familiar that you won’t risk stepping out of your comfort zone. Yet taking the risk to do what’s uncomfortable is where growth lies.

How to respect boundaries while stretching your comfort zone:

  1. Identify personal limits and non-negotiable boundaries.
  2. Set clear goals for personal growth that inspire you to step out of your comfort zone.
  3. Take calculated risks that challenge you while sustaining clear boundaries.
  4. Reflect on experiences that distinguish between the helpful discomfort of boundaries and the harmful comfort of hiding in your comfort zone.

Remember, growth occurs when you voluntarily step out of your comfort zone while maintaining firm boundaries along the way.

What does it take to be a good listener?

/in , , , /by

When a friend asked if my ability to listen came naturally or I had to intentionally learn it, her question got me thinking.I certainly don’t see myself as a great listener all the time. I have to keep working at it.

I developed my skill of listening when I was an insecure kid. Riveted with fear and self-doubt, it was simply safer to listen than speak and risk looking like a fool. Listening became my way of hiding from the world.

To this day it’s easier to listen and empathize with others than articulate my thoughts and emotions, particularly in an unrehearsed one-on-one conversation.

It turns out this skill was developed through adversity. A liability can be transformed into an asset. It has obviously been a strength in the work I do, but I have to be careful when it exceeds its function and keeps me from risking fully in life.