SHATTERED OPEN – How Tragedies Can Help Us Grow

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In the summer of 2024 approximately thirty percent of the beautiful townsite of Jasper, Alberta was destroyed in a fire that swept through that community. Of the 1,113 structures in the town, 358 of them burned. The wildfire covered an estimated 33,000 hectares, the largest wildfire recorded in the park in a century. A mass evacuation of 25,000 residents and visitors occurred in July last year with the evacuation order lasting until August 17. Tragically, one firefighter lost his life during the containment efforts. The insurance claims for damages are reaching nearly a billion dollars, making this tragedy one of Canada’s most expensive natural disasters.

There isn’t a person connected to this pristine community who was not impacted by the disaster. And the journey to recovery, rebuilding, and healing will last a lifetime.

While those who don’t live in Jasper can’t possibly know what it was like to go through the fires, perhaps some who did can help us understand the choices and challenges we all face in times of tragedy and trauma: Will we be shattered and defeated, or shattered open and transformed?

We all know people who have risen from a life interrupted, from the ashes of trauma – illness, loss of a loved one or business or home, divorce, layoff, bankruptcy, abuse – to emerge stronger, wiser, and more connected to their passion and purpose. How can you embrace unimaginable difficulty in a way that allows the pain to break you open so a better person can emerge from it?

Here are three reminders to get through a tragedy:

  1. There is no prescribed way to get through a devastating loss. The only way to get to the other side is through it. And you get through it by honoring whatever you’re experiencing.
  2. We’ve all heard that “when one door closes another one opens.” What they don’t tell you is that it’s hell in the corridor. It’s the corridor that’s toughest to navigate.
  3. There’s no such thing as “closure.” Closure is a fabricated concept used to give us an artificial sense of comfort in the pain. Instead of seeking closure, we heal by acknowledging and integrating gratitude and grief into our lives simultaneously. Healing is a life-long journey.

Decisions change your life

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There’s a story about a man waiting in an airport who sees another man returning home from a business trip, enthusiastically greeted by his wife and three children.

The joy, love, and caring was so obvious that the first man asked how long they had been married. When told they were married for twenty years, he replied, “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twenty years!”

At this, the family man looked him in the eye, and said something that left him a different person: “Don’t hope, friend… Decide.”

Decisions change your life.

How have your defining moments defined you?

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A participant in my leadership program shared a defining moment that completely changed the trajectory of his life. He was, at one time, a drug addict who had lost it all. His house was about to be foreclosed; his wife and children left him; he was fired from his job; had no money and was about to take his own life.

In one last ditch effort late one night, he called the suicide distress center. When the crisis counsellor answered, he told them about his plan to kill himself. Her response was that her shift was over and asked him to call back in the morning.

“I was so mad at that moment, I decided right there and then I would never again take something that is not mine. My life is not mine. It belongs to some kind of Power greater than me. And it’s not for me to take. I was on the road to the garbage heap and I decided it was time to walk on a new path. I came into recovery and have never looked back.”

We never know what experiences will change us forever. What I do know is that we all have a choice.

What horses can teach us about culture and leadership

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From my time hanging around horses I’ve learned:

  1. Horses don’t care about titles. They don’t care whether you are the CEO or the janitor. What they do care about is your ego. If it’s too big they’ll put you in your place.
  2. It’s all about relationships. If you can’t build a relationship with your horse you won’t get anywhere with them. Horses are highly tuned energetic beings. They can sense your mood within several feet.
  3. We all know the saying that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. But I have a follow-up question: How can a horse drink if it is not near water in the first place? We make real strides as a team only if we are physically together. Many are upset by the requirement to be in the office five days a week, but we simply cannot build a thriving culture if many of us are working remotely.

I love books.

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I particularly love sitting down each night with a real book.

Some of the books I’ve read so far this year:

Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted. By Suleika Jaouad. This is a deeply moving memoir of illness and recovery that traces one young woman’s journey from diagnosis to remission to re-entry into “normal” life.

Bravey, by Alexi Pappa. A record-holding Olympic runner and critically lauded actress, filmmaker, and writer shares her mental and physical health challenges and her healing journey.

The Anxious Generation, by Jonathon Haidt. A generation-defining investigation into the collapse of youth mental health in the era of smartphones, social media, and big tech—and a plan for a healthier, freer childhood. A must-read for all parents.

The War of Art, by Seven Pressfield. A powerful and inspiring examination of the internal obstacles to success and shows how to identify and unlock the inner barriers to creativity.

Freedom and Accountability at Work, by Peter Koestenbaum and Peter Block. This classic and profound book offers a new perspective for viewing the workplace and a better understanding of how to reclaim your freedom through accountability.

A World Waiting To Be Born: Civility Rediscovered. Scott Peck wrote this book thirty-five years ago. It offers a much-needed prescription for our today’s deeply ailing society.

The High Price of Materialism, by Tim Kasser. A scientific explanation of how our contemporary culture of consumerism and materialism affects our everyday happiness and psychological health.

Do you really have to be vulnerable to be a leader?

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Yes.

If you want people to trust you, buy into your vision, and engage with you. But know what vulnerability is and what it isn’t.

Vulnerability is not: bringing weakness and problems to your team, lowering your standards, abandoning mental toughness, showy expressions of emotions, or saying everything you think and feel.

Vulnerability is about being open with your team in the words and actions of:

  1. Your Vision. People need to know why the work you are doing is important to you.
  2. Your Values. They need to know what standards you will hold yourself accountable to.
  3. Your Requests. Your team needs to know they are needed and valued for their contribution.
  4. Your Mistakes. No one will think less of you when you admit you are wrong, apologize, and show sincere commitment to do better.
  5. Your Imperfections. No one’s perfect. Be open to see blind spots and be willing to do something about them.
  6. Your Warmth. Take the time to show you care through kindness and genuine interest. If you don’t care, give up the mantle of leadership.
  7. Your Courage. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s showing people that you are committed to overcome it.