How do you know when it is time for a change in your life or career?

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Signs to watch for:

  1. Lack of motivation
  2. Feeling unfulfilled
  3. Lack of growth opportunities
  4. Feeling undervalued and unappreciated
  5. Stagnant skill set – your skills are underused
  6. Negative, toxic work environment
  7. Work-life imbalance
  8. A gut feeling that you’ve evolved into the wrong place

These are emotional signs that indicate a need for a change, but they don’t necessarily mean it’s time to exit a career, a job, or a relationship. They could very well be telling you that it’s time to wake up and change the way you’re thinking or acting.

A process for using these signs to guide your choices:

  1. Pay attention when these indicators surface.They are telling you it’s time to change.
  2. Carefully reflect on what changes these indicators are guiding you to.
  3. Talk it through with a trusted confidant, coach, or confidant.
  4. Ask what you need to learn and change. If you don’t learn what you are meant to learn, count on meeting the same problem in the next environment you find yourself in. Geographic cures tend not to produce long-term results.

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UNMASKING Navigating Blind Spots and Embracing Authenticity

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When Scott was growing up, his father wasn’t around to give him any kind of a model of what it meant to be an available dad. He learned to show his love to his young children the only way he knew how – by working hard and providing financially for his family. When his two boys were young, he was working ninety hours a week building his real estate company.

When his kids were preschoolers, he embarked on his own personal development journey, the journey to a better, more authentic relationship with himself. This path awakened his desire to be a better person and a better father. While he was available much more than his own father was, as his sons grew older, he still struggled, like many men, to bond and connect with his boys. By the time his oldest son turned fourteen, they were both absorbed in their respective busy lives – Scott at work and his son a high-level hockey player.

The pain of their lack of connection led Scott to unmask his facade and write his son a letter. He was becoming increasingly frustrated with the response “good,” or “okay,” whenever he asked his son how he was. And Scott had enough self-awareness to recognize his part of contributing to the wall between them. Writing was a tool that he had used in the past to communicate difficult stuff with people he cared about. It turned out to be a long letter, and within it he wrote, “…My biggest challenge… is connecting with you, [son]. This is entirely on me. I was very young when you were born and I was working really hard on growing my business because I was terrified that if I didn’t grow a great business, I couldn’t provide a good life for you, your brother, and your mom. I grew up in financial struggle and to me, nothing was more important than financial survival. I also didn’t have a role model of how to be a good dad because mine wasn’t around (that wasn’t his fault either) and so I really didn’t know how to bond and connect with you. Your mom was doing such a great job that I thought that base was covered, and I didn’t realize it was also my job. Then over time as you got older, it became harder for you and I to talk or to even give a hug or say hi. I realized the consequences of my ignorance as a young dad, and it hurts me deeply that I haven’t earned your trust to let me inside your mind and your heart. Now I’m working overtime trying to figure out how to earn that from you…”

After reading the letter, his son responded the best way he knew how – to come over to the couch and sit quietly beside his dad. He didn’t say a thing. He didn’t have to. But you knew that this moment was a new beginning.

Embracing authenticity by unmasking, and navigating blind spots can take many forms and can be expressed in a myriad of ways. Sometimes it means being courageous and vulnerable with the people around us, opening up to what’s truly in your heart. Sometimes it starts by simply acknowledging our masks. For others, it’s about aligning your actions with your values and beliefs. Authenticity can be expressed through empathy and genuine curiosity. It can mean seeking honest feedback or devoting yourself to studying and understanding yourself so you can become the best version of yourself. For some, authenticity is about having the courage to put down an addiction, asking for help, leaving a career with a secure income that is no longer satisfying or stepping into a life-long dream you’ve procrastinated starting.

Three keys to unmasking, navigating blind spots, and embracing self-awareness and authenticity:

  1. Acknowledge when a change is needed. The time for change can come to you in a variety of ways. It can come when you start feeling tired most of the time. It can come when you start realizing that your work is no longer bringing you joy. It can come when a relationship starts feeling “empty” and in need of new energy. Or when you aren’t getting the required engagement from your team. Authenticity means leaning into the discomfort, listening carefully to it, and courageously taking action to do something different.
  2. Find an ally, a trusted confidant. Navigating blind spots and embracing self-awareness requires some outside perspective and support. Finding an ally might mean starting with your existing circle of friends and thinking about one person you would like to start opening up with. It might mean reaching out to a coach or therapist. A confidant is someone you don’t just vent to, but someone who will support and hold you accountable to be true to yourself.
  3. Practice incremental honesty. While clarity, courage, and vulnerability can begin transforming family and team dynamics, old, familiar patterns are difficult to change. Patience and grace are required on the journey back to your true self. When it comes to personal and relationship changes, remember: slow progress is better than fast regression.

Why don’t people like change?

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How do you get to the root of resistance and help your teams embrace change?

Resistance to change is complex and influenced by many factors such as:

  • Lack of control
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Lack of awareness and communication
  • Attachment to old habits and routine

How to help your team embrace change:

  1. Communicate your why. When initiating change, give people a clear rationale and vision. You may not know how you’re going to get there, but people need to know where you’re going and why you’re asking them for change.
  2. Welcome resistance. Resistance simply means that you are alive. Even insects squirm when you poke them. Listen to the resistance. Resistance is a necessary part of change. Don’t take resistance personally. Welcome it.
  3. Turn resistance into honesty. When people feel safe to be honest, resistance turns into emotions like loss, fear, and uncertainty. People need to grieve before they rebuild. When people genuinely feel supported through resistance, you’ll build community, creativity, and a commitment to embrace new possibilities.

A Time For Letting Go

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My mother used to say that she spent the first half of her life accumulating things and the second half getting rid of them. The important things in life, she learned, aren’t things.

At this stage of my life, I get it. After months of reflection, Val and I have decided to simplify our life and downsize. We have decided to sell our beautiful acreage and move to a smaller home.

While I’m not yet ready to retire, we want less stress and responsibility and want to free up more energy to focus on what truly matters. Simplifying our life will allow me to be more intentional with my work, live with fewer distractions, and create greater financial flexibility. It’s a journey of shifting my mindset and priorities towards what truly brings us joy and meaning.

I’ll deeply miss the forest, the nature conservancy in our backyard where I walk the dogs every morning, and the creek our family and friends have played in for years. But with our kids now launched and busy building their lives, it’s time to step aside and give someone else the opportunity to build memories in this beautiful location we have enjoyed all these years.

This is a transition time for us: for letting go, grieving and celebrating.

As we go let, my hope is to make room for something new to emerge, to continue to be a guide to those I serve – with greater clarity, renewed energy, and focus. I look forward to sharing the journey with you in the coming weeks with the hope it will inspire you to live with peace and alignment to your values.

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Leading Beyond the Great Disruption

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Nelson Mandela had many teachers in his life, but the greatest of them all was prison. In the words of his biographer, Richard Stengel, “Prison taught him self-control, discipline, and focus, and it taught him how to be a full human being – the things he considered essential to leadership.” In other words, it was the solitude, degradation, devastation, and inhumanity of his time in confinement that made him into the leader we admire. It was his journey away from the world and into his soul that allowed him to lead in the world.
The pandemic turned our world upside down in a short span of time, and its impact is wider spread than we might acknowledge. Offices, communities, and families have been divided. People have been hurt. We’ve all experienced loss. Our mental health has been affected. The residue of the collective trauma we experienced lingers. The enormous health, economic, and humanitarian challenges of the past two-and-a-half years have led to a great disruption that challenges leaders to reinvent their organizations with an orientation toward renewed and sustainable growth, resilience, and purpose.
May Nelson Mandela’s courageous long walk to freedom be an inspiration to us all to make this great disruption our greatest teacher.
We can start this holiday season by pausing, getting our bearings, resetting our personal and collective compasses, and opening our hearts. It’s a time for healing, caring, and forgiving as we move forward together.
Here are three ways we can be part of creating a new world:
  1. Clarify a vision. Mandela’s dedication to the African people and the ideal of a free and democratic society where all people would live in harmony kept hope alive for the South African people. It also kept Mandela’s own hope alive during his years of unjust confinement. Hope is not a guarantee of a desired outcome, but a deep and sustaining confidence that our contribution will make a difference – regardless of the outcome. What is your personal vision that inspires hope?
  2. Open your hearts. Divisiveness, exclusion, and dissention have been a part of the places where we live and work the past two+ years. Vaccine mandates, corporate policies, religious views, and political opinions have divided families and workplaces like nothing I have experienced in my lifetime. Ask yourself who in your world needs to be listened to, heard, and truly understood. Where might apologies be needed? It’s not agreement but respect, understanding, and compassion that is required. It’s naïve to think that we can just return to work and personal relationships, and everything will be back to normal. Healing from the impact of the pandemic will take time, patience, and much caring from everyone.
  3. Let go of bitterness. “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom,” said Nelson Mandela, “I knew that if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Forgiveness is not some bleeding-heart, Sunday school platitude. Forgiveness is having the courage to honestly face the emotions that come from being unjustly injured and then letting go of the right to be resentful. It takes maturity to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even. Forgiveness does not abdicate the importance of justice; rather it removes revenge from the justice process. Forgiveness transforms vengeance into freedom. In the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, “Without forgiveness, there is no future.”
To quote Lady Gaga: “The really fantastic thing about kindness is that it’s free. And it can’t hurt you or anybody else. It is the thing that brings us all together. In times of chaos and crisis we start pointing fingers at where we think the bad guys are, where the evil is. We all start arguing. Everybody has different opinions… The solution is that we need to build a stronger, braver world. We need to get rid of the labels, the different factions… none of this can matter anymore. We are unified in our humanity. And the only thing we all know, the one thing we all appreciate in one another, is kindness. This must come before all things. And you must operate relentlessly this way. With everything you have.”

SHAPING THE NEXT CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE – AUTHENTICALLY

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The pandemic has created an opportunity to shine a light on the quality and depth of your life, your leadership, and your relationships. The past several months have been a time of reflection and evaluation to ask questions such as:

  • Where is my career going?
  • Do I really want to spend the rest of my days working seventy hours a week?
  • How can I be a better leader by focusing on what truly matters?

One client talked about how, for the past twenty-five years, she was in the “rhythm of a corporate tune, continually reacting to the demands of others.” She said, “Now is the time to find my own new rhythm.”

I offer some strategies for moving into the next chapter of your life as you settle into the new reality which will likely be with us long-term:

  1. Decide to see this as an opportunity. Choices have great power to determine the outcome of your life.
  2. Make room to step back, pull out a journal, and answer some questions:
  • What’s been working well in your life?
  • What areas are not flowing/working well?
  • Where might you be over-accommodating, compromising yourself, and burning out?
  • What parts of your life have you felt most excited/passionate about?
  • What do you feel called to do?
  • What might need to shift/change/end?
  1. Reach for your why – your reason for being – an inspiring purpose for getting out of bed in the morning.
  2. Reflect on your most important values.
  3. Consider your unique abilities, talents, and gifts that set you apart from the crowd.
  4. Plan on how you will contribute and serve the world over the next five to ten years.
  5. Include your loved ones in your plans and intentions.

Authentically shaping the next chapter of your life, whether you stay in your current role, decide to renew it, make a transition to a new role or even a new career, or are considering what retirement might look like, requires careful and conscious attention. From time to time, we all drift away from our true nature. When we realign with our authentic self, we amplify our positive impact as a leader and create meaning and purpose in our life.

If you want to learn ways to shape the next chapter of your life in alignment with your authentic self, please join me for a complimentary one-hour webinar on September 23. This – and more – will be included in the webinar and in my upcoming virtual Life In Transitions course.

The webinar is offered at 9 am MT and 5 pm MT. Register now to make sure you get a seat!