CREATING A SATISFYING CAREER: How To Reclaim Your Mojo Through the Strength of Authenticity

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When my daughters were planning their careers, I referred them to a quote from American philosopher and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask instead, what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is for you to come alive.”
There lies within every person a place where, when connected to it, we feel deeply and intensely alive. When we are in this place, there is a quiet voice inside that says, “This is the real me.” Where we lose all track of time. Where we don’t tire or need anyone to motivate us. In that place we are calm, creative, compassionate, committed, and capable. We’re accountable because we know that what we are doing matters and makes a difference. This is the place you find your mojo.
When we discover this place of authenticity in our work, it is called a vocation. When our life’s calling lies outside of our paid work, we call it an avocation. Both have validity and energy.
As leaders committed to creating authentic workplaces where people are engaged, loyal, committed, and accountable, we can help people discover their “real me.” Start by asking:
  • What makes you come alive?
  • What matters to you?
  • What is your own personal why, and how is this organization supporting you to realize that why?
  • How can we together create a place where you love to work?
  • What do we need from each other to take care of each other?
One of the primary barriers to finding our authentic voice is the reactive structuring of our lives. Allowing our to-do lists and the demands in our inbox to drive our activities ensures that the expectations of others will crowd out authentic discovery and expression. Combine this with the noise of a distracted world and you’ll eventually realize, in the light of time’s perspective, the vital task we’ve pushed aside – the task of leading a life aligned with our heart.
As we emerge from a summer of rest and fresh perspectives, there is an opportunity to reset the compass of our lives, develop a new structure for staying on track with our authenticity, and recreating a workplace aligned with our true nature.
Here are a few actions to consider:
  • Set aside time to ask the questions (outlined above) of yourself. You must be intentional and deliberate about discovering your authenticity. You can’t leave it to chance.
  • Shift from the list/reactive method to a boundaried focused approach to your work. While you may have parts of your day checking off your to-do list and responding to the expectations of others, block out time each day for uninterrupted focus on what truly is important to you and to those you love and serve.
  • Assess your mental fitness plan. Many of us have a physical fitness plan, but few have a strategy and accountability plan for strengthening our mental fitness.
  • Create a community of support and inspiration. Whether in the form of guides, coaches, confidants, or accountability partners, we all need to know we aren’t alone. Authenticity is a lonely journey, and it can’t be done alone.

Hayley Wickenheiser

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I’ve had the honour of presenting with Hayley Wickenheiser at several events. She’s an incredible athlete, community leader, physician, and businesswoman who inspires audiences to give their best in everything they undertake. Regarded as one of the world’s best female hockey players, Hayley is a four-time Olympic gold medalist and has inspired young women and female athletes around the globe. Hayley stays connected to her humble Saskatchewan roots, and lives with integrity, clarity, and honesty – the making of a true leader.

Just prior to the pandemic, Hayley and I presented to the senior leadership team at Purolator. (Pictured below is Hayley playing table hockey against the CEO, John Ferguson.)

At the evening supper event, John asked Hayley a series of intriguing questions:
“How many women are invited to attend the Olympic tryouts, Hayley?”
“About 100,” Hayley responded.
“How many make the team?”
“About 30.”
“So…” John reflected, “What’s the difference between the 30 who make it and the 70 who don’t?”
“Little to do with talent,” Hayley quickly explained. “The difference was consistency and mental toughness.”

Hayley, in no way was being disrespectful to those who didn’t make the Olympic team. She has the utmost regard for every one of those incredible athletes.Her answer, however, get me thinking about the youth in my life and what I am doing to foster resilience in them.

As parents, coaches, teachers, caregivers, and leaders of young people, are we creating an environment that builds mental toughness or are we making it too easy for these kids? Are we helping them face the demands of life or teaching them to avoid the tough stuff? Are we supporting them through the challenges rather than rescuing them from the challenges?

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Leadership When People Don’t Want To Be Led

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As leaders, we impact people’s lives and it’s fulfilling when things go well. But things don’t always go well. So what do you do when someone isn’t engaged, is struggling or not showing up as you need them to?

There’s no easy answer, but here’s a few thoughts about responding to a difficult team member:

  1. Assess the context. Is the resistance/lack of accountability a change or is it their default behavior? A change can indicate a mental health challenge or something going on in their personal life.
  2. Be honest and provide an opportunity to address head-on what’s going on.
  3. Grant grace. Understand there’s usually more to the story and may be outside of your control. Just because you are in a position of leadership doesn’t mean you’re going to get people to act they way you’d like them to.
  4. Be clear. Let them know what you expect. Negotiate and define mutually agreed upon expectations. Remember: you can bring compassion to the situation without compromising your standards.
  5. Talk about consequences if resistance remains and expectations aren’t met. Consequences can involve motivators that might inspire change. They might eventually turn to termination, but you don’t have to start there.
  6. Realize that challenges are usually there to help us grow. As Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman who had a deep understanding of getting through hard times, said, “The encouraging thing is that every time you meet a situation, though you may think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it you find that forever after you are freer than you ever were before.”

Learning To Work With Anxiety – Not Against It

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As a person who has struggled with anxiety most of my life, I’ve come to learn a few things about working with it. I define it for myself as “the attempt to control an uncontrollable situation in order to feel safe.”

Getting worked up, nervously pacing, impatience, micro-managing team members, criticism, irritability, worrying, concentration difficulty, being quick to anger, unfocused busyness, putting needless pressure on others, sleepless nights are all signs of anxiety.

Three strategies you may find helpful when dealing with anxiety:

1. Recognize indicators of your anxiety. Stop and acknowledge that you’re anxious. I find it helpful to pause and simply say to myself, “I’m anxious right now. And I am committed to finding helpful ways to deal with it in this moment.” I know when we are activated it’s tough to see it. But to avoid hurting ourselves or others, we have to be deliberate and disciplined about the practice of recognition.

2. Recognize that anxiety is a part of life. It’s a coping strategy. While it may have served you in the past, it’s not likely to be helpful to you today. A certain degree of anxiety seems to come with being conscientious. It’s not anxiety that is harmful. It’s what we do with it. Take a deep breath, recalibrate, and be present and relaxed – even if you still feel anxious. Some patience and compassion is recommended. What you don’t want to do is get anxious about being anxious.

3. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Then ask what are you trying to control in order to alleviate that fear. Know that fear is always about something in the future. Practice staying present, take whatever action needed that’s in front of you at this moment that will help you let go of control and fear, and keep walking calmly through whatever you’re afraid of.

Learning About Leadership vs Leadership Development

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What’s the difference between learning about leadership and leadership development?
Being in the leadership development field for many years has taught me that there’s a difference between learning about leadership and leadership development.
It’s like the difference between reading a recipe and cooking the meal. Learning about something is very different than rolling up your sleeves and immersing yourself in the experience. In this case, the difference is the growth experience gained from leadership development versus simply the knowledge that there is such a thing.
Learning About Leadership
  • Listening to a podcast or audio book on an aspect of leadership that interests you.
  • Watching an inspiring TED Talk or YouTube video.
  • Reading a thought-provoking book on leadership.
  • Hearing a good speaker on leadership.
  • Attending a seminar that comes up on your social media feed.
Leadership Development
  • Making a conscious decision to grow as a person and leader.
  • Taking time to get honest feedback on your leadership.
  • Clarifying the gaps between your current reality and your desired future.
  • Defining your goals as a leader.
  • Determining the biggest source of growth in your life.
  • Mapping a plan for your development to help close the gap(s) you identify. This plan could include coaching, a leadership course, and some support and accountability to keep you on track.
We’ve never had more access to information on leadership, but what have you done lately to invest in your own leadership development?
This past month I facilitated our eighth Authentic Leadership Academy, a transformational leadership development experience.
The Academy is built around three fundamental principles:
  1. Inner harmony precedes outer harmony. Everything flows from inner well-being.
  2. There’s a difference between secondary and primary success. Secondary success has to do with position, popularity, public image, and profit. Primary success is about the person you become on the journey. It’s important not to confuse the two.
  3. Connecting with your true nature and expressing it consciously in your life and work requires the greatest amount of change and makes the greatest amount of impact.
The recent Academy was a manifestation of these principles. We created a community of incredible difference makers who were deeply connected to their humanity. Being with these leaders for three days reinforced my belief that being a good leader is, first and foremost, about being a good person.
What was particularly inspiring was observing the growth of participants who came with their teams, knowing that they can take the learnings back to their organizations.

RAISING ACCOUNTABLE KIDS: It’s About Principles, Not Perfection

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You can observe a lot by watching. – Yogi Berra
When grandparenting you aren’t in the thick of the responsibilities that come with raising kids, so you have a bit of time to observe. So, as a grandparent, here’s three observations I have about the state of child raising these days:
  • There’s no more important leadership responsibility than within the walls of our home. The greatest success lies in building strong character in our young people that will enable them to be contributing citizens of the world.
  • We’ve never been more aware of the needs of our children because we have access to extensive information on child development, the impacts of trauma on brain functioning, mental health, the importance of attachment, emotional regulation, and self-esteem and well-being.
  • We are now extremely anxious about how we’re doing as a parent and how our kids are going to turn out. And all the anxiety is spilling over onto our children. Paradoxically, the more we worry about our kids, the more anxious they become. Anxious parents raise anxious kids. They have enough of their own anxiety without us contributing to it.
For those who have assumed the vital and arduous work of leading young people, here are four strategies to consider:
  1. Don’t make life too easy for your kids. On the wall of my daughter’s high school English class was a quote by Van Jones, the political commentator: I don’t want you to be safe, ideologically. I don’t want you to be safe, emotionally. I want you to be strong. That’s different. I’m not going to pave the jungle for you. Put on some boots and learn how to deal with adversity. I’m not going to take all the weights out of the gym; that’s the whole point of the gym. This is the gym. In other words, making the space within the walls of our homes and our schools safe doesn’t mean rescuing our children from the challenges of life. Just as the struggle to break through the cocoon builds the strength of the butterfly’s wings, if we want our children to fly one day, they must struggle and develop strong wings. Don’t raise your children to be happy. Raise your children to be strong. Strength comes when our kids know they are not alone. We are right beside them, in their corner. Loving without rescuing. Being there without doing for them what they can do for themselves. With strength, happiness will follow.
  2. Don’t be afraid to parent. Saying no is not abuse. Our children do not need us to be their friend. Their friends are their peer group. What our children need is a parent. There’s a big difference between pleasing your kids and loving your kids. Pleasing is about giving them what they want so they will be happy and like you. Pleasing comes from insecurity. Loving them is giving them what they need – and what they need may very well be different than what they think they need or what their friends have. Children are not born with accountability – the ability to be counted on; they have to learn it. And they learn it, in part, when they can count on the caregivers in their life. If you are a parent, your kids are counting on you to be one. Let’s work at being secure enough with ourselves that we don’t depend on our kids for our self-worth. It’s not their job.
  3. Set clear boundaries around digital media. Digital media was originally developed for two reasons: information and communication. When it exceeds its function and is used, like any product or substance, to meet our emotional needs or to escape from our life it becomes addictive. Monitoring our own use and consciously and carefully supervising the use of devices with our kids is now an integral part of parenting. You can’t leave it to chance.
  4. Relax. You don’t have to get it perfectly. I remember a time when our youngest daughter wanted to change her curfew to go to a friend’s party. The easy road would have been a quick “yes” or a quick “no.” Instead, we spent the better part of a week negotiating with her and struggling to do the right thing. I don’t know, to this day, if we did the right thing. What I do know is that my daughter knows she was loved. She knows she was loved because she knows that we invested in the relationship. As parents and caregivers of children, we never really know what “right” is. There’s no formula. The goal is not necessarily to be a better parent. The goal is to find joy on the journey. And finding the joy will make us a better parent.
In Blackfoot culture, turtles are considered to be a symbol of creation and motherhood and embody the concept that is similar to “Mother Earth” in English. To the Blackfoot, the turtle is patient, wise, knowledgeable, and long-lived. The Blackfoot saying Iikakimat mookakiit means be wise and preserve and can be used to describe the turtle’s characteristics. And these characteristics fit well into my own approach and philosophy of raising accountable kids: be patient, wise, a good role model and the kids will be alright.