Life in Transition: Facing Adversity Through the Hero’s Journey

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Midway on our life’s journey, I found myself

In dark woods, the right road lost…

– From THE INFERNO OF DANTE, Robert Pinsky, trans.

When Barry’s life shifted overnight—a downsized job, the sudden, unexpected end of a twenty-five year marriage, a son being admitted to a treatment centre for addiction (all within a period of thirty days) – he found himself completely lost in the dark woods. Each morning, he woke with questions that had no easy answers: “Who am I now?” “How can I handle this?” “How do I possibly get through this?” Far from feeling heroic, Barry felt stuck and overwhelmed by worry, inadequacy, grief, and self-doubt.

Then, in our coaching together, while recalling some movies and novels Barry had been drawn to over the years, we began wondering if some of these stories held clues for navigating his own adversity. It was at this point I turned Barry to the wisdom of the Hero’s Journey—not only to endure his trials, but to embrace and transform them.

Understanding the Hero’s Journey

The Hero’s Journey was popularized by Joseph Campbell and is a pattern often found in myths, memoirs, and films. The journey begins in the ordinary world, but a “call to adventure” thrusts the hero out of comfort and into the unknown. Adversity arrives through tests, setbacks, and internal doubts. With the help of mentors and allies, the hero faces an “ordeal,” discovers their strength, and eventually returns home—changed, resilient, and armed with new wisdom.

Like Barry, many of us experience life-changing transitions not by choice, but by necessity. In these moments, we are called—often reluctantly—to be the heroes of our own story. Facing adversity through the lens of the Hero’s Journey can provide the structure and inspiration needed when everything seems to be falling apart.

Understanding What a Hero Is, and Your Place in Your Story

When I bring up the topic of a “hero” or “heroine” to an audience, there is inevitably some pushback. “I don’t see myself as any kind of hero” is a response I often hear. A hero (or heroine) isn’t someone who is necessarily outstanding in the world, but someone who has found and followed a path of their unfulfilled self.

When I introduced my graduate students, who were studying to become psychotherapists, to the notion of a “hero’s journey,” one student related not so much to Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars franchise, but rather to the droid, R2-D2. Known for his reliability, bravery, friendship, and versatility, R2-D2 was a loyal companion to many of the key characters in the series. “My heroine’s journey is not to be the hero, but a supporter of heroes and heroines.”

Step 1: Name the Transition and Answer the Call

Adversity begins with a disruption—a diagnosis, a loss, a betrayal. Our instinct may be to resist, clinging tightly to what we know. The first strategy is to name your transition and accept the call. Acknowledge what you are going through. Instead of minimizing pain or pretending life is unchanged, take an honest assessment of the new reality. “I’m not in Kansas anymore.” “This is hard. I am grieving the end of a chapter.” Naming your experience interrupts confusion and denial, preparing you for what’s ahead.

Once the challenge is named, look beneath the surface to see what values, dreams, or relationships are being tested. What “adventure” does this transition ask of you? Facing the uncertainty with open eyes is a crucial first step.

Step 2: Seek Mentors, Allies, and Support

No hero succeeds alone. In every transformative journey, mentors offer wisdom, allies provide encouragement, and even adversaries teach hard lessons. Make it a priority to seek support. Reach out to friends, peers, and professionals. Vulnerability is not weakness; it is the beginning of connection.

Some guides arrive unexpectedly—a thoughtful supervisor, a book that speaks to your heart, a support group that understands your struggle. Accepting help is an act of courage, reminding you that adversity is a shared human experience. As obstacles arise, allow trusted allies to walk with you, reminding you of your inner strength and reflecting possibilities you cannot yet see.

Step 3: Transform Obstacles into Growth

The most critical moment in the Hero’s Journey is the ordeal—a point where both giving up and past certainties are tempting. Here, focus on transforming obstacles into opportunities for growth. Adopt a mindset that welcomes hardship as a teacher. Embrace the hard stuff. What can you learn from this difficulty? What strengths are emerging? Practice self-compassion and celebrate even small victories.

Reflect regularly on how you are persevering. Use the adversity to deepen empathy, clarify values, and foster adaptability. Let trials forge new understandings about yourself. When you reframe setbacks as a path to transformation, you build resilience and prepare for life’s next adventure.

Like Barry, everyone eventually faces a situation where life is shattered by an unexpected transition. By framing adversity as a Hero’s Journey, a “call to an adventure,” rather than the “survival of a disaster,” you gain tools to navigate the unknown: naming your struggles, seeking connection, and transforming hardship into growth. These strategies empower you to be more than a survivor – instead, you become a hero on a voyage, embracing a time of great difficulty, allowing the pain to break you open so a stronger, wiser and kinder self can emerge.

Navigating Political and Social Polarization in the Workplace: The Role of Leadership as Unifiers

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On March 18, 1956, Martin Luther King Jr.’s sermon at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, entitled “When Peace Becomes Obnoxious,” started with a story:
“A few weeks ago, a Federal Judge handed down an edict which stated in substance that the University of Alabama could no longer deny admission to persons because of their race. With the handing down of this decision, a brave young lady by the name of Autherine Lucy was accepted as the first Negro student to be admitted in the history of the University of Alabama. This was a great moment and a great decision. But with the announcement of this decision, ‘the vanguards of the old order began to surge.’ The forces of evil began to congeal. As soon as Autherine Lucy walked on the campus, a group of spoiled students led by Leonard Wilson and a vicious group of outsiders began threatening her on every hand. Crosses were burned; eggs and bricks were thrown at her. The mob jumped on top of the car in which she was riding. Finally, the president and trustees of the University of Alabama asked Autherine to leave for her own safety and the safety of the University. The next day after Autherine was dismissed, the paper came out with this headline: ‘Things are quiet in Tuscaloosa today. There is peace on the campus of the University of Alabama.’”

Peace is not measured by the absence of conflict. Peace is gauged by the respect for differences, the ability to have open, civil dialogue, and the willingness to find common ground and collaborate toward shared goals despite disagreements.

Yes, things were quiet in Tuscaloosa, but the peace on campus, in the words of King, came “at a great price: it was peace that had been purchased at the exorbitant price of an inept trustee board succumbing to the whims and caprices of a vicious mob. It was peace that had been purchased at the price of allowing mobocracy to reign supreme over democracy. It was peace that had been purchased at the price of capitulating to the force of darkness. This is the type of peace that all men of goodwill hate. It is the type of peace that is obnoxious. It is the type of peace that stinks in the nostrils of the Almighty God.”

Leaders play a crucial role in bridging divisiveness and discord in the workplace. Rather than avoiding difficult topics, effective leaders foster open dialogue, model respect, and unite teams around common ground and shared values and purpose. By listening actively and encouraging curiosity, leaders can move conversations from confrontation to connection, transforming disagreement into opportunities for growth.

Emphasizing empathy over partisanship enables leaders to establish a safe environment where all voices are respected, even when perspectives differ. Unifying leaders guide teams to focus on common goals and common ground—such as organizational mission, shared humanity or collective well-being—while also addressing conflict constructively. Through clear communication, accountability, and consistent reinforcement of shared values, leadership can turn workplace polarization into a catalyst for collaboration, innovation, and resilience.

This issue is significant given recent research showing rising incivility related to political differences and social divides in workplaces, which impacts employee morale and can lead to disengagement or turnover. Leaders are now increasingly called upon to foster a culture of respect and safe dialogue on divisive issues. Exploring how organizations can build psychological safety and civil discourse to unite diverse teams remains a matter of continual investigation and vigilance.

Accountability With Heart: Igniting Engagement Through Trust and Ownership

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When Brenda took over as the Executive Director of a community outreach, nonprofit organization, she walked into a team that had lost its spark. People were burned out. Staff meetings were tense. Deadlines constantly slipped and a sense of defensiveness hung in the air. At first, Brenda responded the way many leaders do under pressure—by tightening control. She introduced stricter reporting requirements and frequent check-ins. However, instead of improving performance, morale sank further. One afternoon, after a particularly difficult meeting, a colleague quietly took her aside and said, “We don’t need more tightening—we need more trust.”

This was a defining moment for Brenda, a moment that brought her to reach out and connect with me for coaching. “How could I actually make this request real?” she asked me in our first session.

Together we developed a plan – a plan Brenda has given me permission to share in this article. Below is a high-level overview of her implementation:

  1. One-on-one meetings with every one of her key leadership team members. The purpose was not to correct but simply listen. She asked them about their personal values and how they could feel more supported to live their values at work and away from work. They talked about how each person could be more supported to bring their unique abilities and passion more fully to their work. She talked to them about their defining moments growing up that led them to this work, and about why they decided to work here. She explored with them the kind of culture they wanted to work in and what actions would need to happen to start to live the organization’s espoused values.
  2. Assess fit. In these one-on-one meetings (for some she met more than once), Brenda also discussed their experience of being on the leadership team and what needed to happen to create a place people were proud to work. In these conversations she discovered there was one member that simply didn’t fit into the culture. Through exploring and recognizing that his strengths and approach didn’t align with the organization’s values or direction, she helped him create space to thrive elsewhere and moved him on, in order for the team to move forward authentically.
  3. Establish a team charter. Within three months of arriving, Brenda set aside a day with her entire leadership to ensure that they put a priority on the health of that team. To achieve this, they took time to share their values, to get to know people at a more personal level, and pinpoint the expectations team members had of each other. A “team charter” was written, a list of agreements and a process for responding when those agreements were dishonoured. The outcome was a blueprint for creating a team they were committed to, a culture that would enable them to do their best work, and mutual agreements that would inspire a place they were proud and grateful to work in. They also made agreements about how to extend the same kind of process to their respective teams.
  4. Rigid, controlling oversight was replaced with clear expectations and accountability agreements to each other. All this was balanced by genuine care. Self-care became a high priority in the organization to ensure the care they had for their own teams and the clients they served came from overflow, not emptiness.

The results, over a period of a few months, were transformative. People began taking initiative. Energy and engagement improved. Meaningful results began to emerge, signaling that important progress was finally taking shape.

The heart of accountability lies not in control, but in connection. True ownership flourishes when people feel seen, trusted, and valued for the whole of who they are. Trust transforms accountability from a system of enforcement into a relationship of commitment. When leaders embody warmth and integrity, they invite others to bring their best selves forward—not because they have to, but because they want to.

Too often, accountability in organizations is equated with surveillance or blame. But leaders who lead with heart understand that accountability is ultimately about stewardship. It means caring enough to follow through and having the courage to be honest—with oneself and others—about where improvements are needed. It also means creating psychological safety, so feedback is welcomed, not feared.

Ownership, in turn, is the natural outcome of trust. When people take ownership, they stop working for an organization and start working with it. They see success as a shared creation rather than a metric imposed from the top. This kind of engagement can’t be mandated; it must be cultivated. And it grows best in environments where empathy coexists with high standards, and where mistakes are treated as learning moments, not failures.

Brenda’s team rediscovered what many organizations forget: accountability is most powerful when it feels human. And being human means embracing imperfection. Behind every task and deadline is a person who wants to contribute meaningfully. Systems and goals matter, but they are sustained only by relationships built on trust and respect.

Leaders who practice accountability with heart create ripple effects that extend beyond their teams. They model responsibility without rigidity, compassion without complacency, and transparency without fear. Their legacy isn’t just performance—it’s a culture where people thrive because they are trusted to care as deeply as their leaders do.

In the end, engagement doesn’t ignite from pressure; it ignites from purpose. And purpose grows strongest in workplaces where trust and ownership meet—where people are accountable not out of obligation, but out of love for what they are building together.

THE INTEGRATED LEADER: Navigating Individuation with Connection

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I was in a tech store the other day buying a new phone. Five people were in line getting assistance from a patient and bright young man behind the counter. A teenager came through the door and walked right past every person in line, completely oblivious to the queue. He abruptly and rudely interrupted the conversation between the sales rep and the customer and asked how much he could get for his phone.

This is an example of a problem that I see today in organizations, families, and practically everywhere I go in public. Some call it entitlement. Others say we are coddled. My parents would have said we’re spoiled.

And it isn’t just generational. We’re all spoiled. We’re spoiled by overabundance. We’re spoiled by convenience. We’re spoiled by being pampered. We’re spoiled by the freedoms we have that we take for granted. And it’s creating a lack of civility, weak character, a deficiency of personal responsibility, and an abundance of anxiety.

Leaders, from parents to presidents, have an opportunity and a responsibility to do something about it. Our work isn’t about going back to the “good old days,” that really weren’t so good. It’s not just about being “tougher” on people or less compassionate. What’s needed today is courageous leadership characterized by the attainment of two fundamental tasks: individuation and connection.

Individuated leaders are leaders who have the capacity to separate themselves from the emotions surrounding them. They are clear about their own principles and vision, independent of others, and don’t get caught up in the anxiety or entitlement behavior of others. They manage their own emotional reactions and remain poised under pressure. Rather than addressing entitlement by indulging it or reacting with rigid rules, they maintain clear boundaries, responsibilities, and consequences. Being individuated is not the same as being individualistic. Self-regulated and persistent in the face of resistance, they are committed to the greater good for all rather than the comfort for the few.

Connected leaders have the capacity to be present and connect with the people in their lives. Connection – the ability to be attuned and emotionally aligned with another – without yielding their principles, pleasing others, or rescuing people from their unhappiness – goes beyond emotional intelligence and empathy. Rather than being lost in emotions, connection means maintaining a grounded, non-anxious, and caring presence. A connected person is willing to be exposed and vulnerable, while risking displeasing those around them.

The Path Forward

Integrating being individuated with connection – called integrated leadership – is about harmonizing and amplifying the two. With clear principles and an unwavering vision, we can build families and organizations that inspire adventure, respect, maturity, and personal responsibility. This synergy allows leaders to maximize their unique gifts while building resilient, innovative, and inclusive organizations. In today’s complex world, the integrated leader—deeply principled, deeply connected—is not just desirable but necessary for transformational change.

BREAKING THE ROUTINE: Why Change Really is as Good as a Rest

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As I turn 70 next year, I have the good fortune of gaining some new perspective on my life. A lot of people look forward to the day they can “retire,” finally able to slow down, rest, and do nothing. But some of the happiest people I’ve met are not the ones who define “retirement” as “resting.” The happiest people I know are those who define retirement as doing what they love. They’re still contributing. They’re learning. They’re volunteering. They’re staying active and strong. They’re busy. They have a full life. They aren’t necessarily “resting.” They’re renewed because they’re changing things up. Do you know what happens to people who do “nothing” for very long after they retire? They die.

Of course there are no guarantees. When our time is up, our time is up. Knowing whether a change will add years to your life remains uncertain. What is certain is that changing things up will add life to your years.

So, what is the lesson? We often hear the saying, “A change is as good as a rest.” But what does it really mean, and why does change rejuvenate us just as much—if not more—than a rest?

At its core, change interrupts routine. Our daily lives can become predictable and, over time, mentally draining. Even the most comfortable routines can lead to stagnation, making us feel tired, uninspired, or stuck. As the saying goes, “Life is just so darn daily.” But when we introduce change—whether it’s rearranging a room, trying a new hobby, or taking a different route to work—we awaken our senses and spark curiosity. This mental stimulation can be as refreshing as a vacation.

Change also challenges us to adapt and grow. It pushes us out of our comfort zones and encourages resilience. Every new experience, big or small, builds confidence and brings a sense of accomplishment. In this way, change doesn’t just offer rest from monotony; it energizes us with new perspectives and possibilities.

Moreover, embracing change fosters creativity. When we break from the familiar, we see the world differently. New environments and experiences inspire fresh ideas and solutions, fueling both personal and professional growth. Summer is a great opportunity for this. If it’s in your nature to rest, then take this time now to rest. Some rest is good for us, but if it isn’t in your nature to rest, then take some time this summer to simply change things up.

Just remember, the next time you feel weary, you don’t always need to rest to recharge. Sometimes, all you need is a little change. Embrace it. You may find yourself more refreshed, inspired, and alive than ever before.

CHOICES MATTER How Small Decisions Unlock Big Potential

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It is our CHOICES that show who we truly are, more than our ABILITIES.

Harry Potter

Three decades ago, after an extended bout of depression, a struggling business, and a lengthy fight with addiction, I made a decision that changed my life. I didn’t “hope” my life would get better, because it wouldn’t. I decided it was going to get better. I decided, once and for all, that all blame was a waste of time. I decided that I was not going to be the product of my upbringing or my circumstances. Instead, I would develop from the choices I make in response to my circumstances. I decided that, if I was going to have a good day it wouldn’t depend on what was going on around me; it would depend on the choice I made. I decided to ask for help. And deciding made all the difference.

Spending the past thirty years in a recovery community I have come to know first-hand that small decisions truly unlock big potential. Every day I decide:

Will I take the path that leads to insanity and death, or will I take the path that leads to a reasonably fulfilled and useful life? Will I remain a sick person or will I choose to be a useful, contributing citizen?

When it’s a life-or-death decision you realize the power of a choice. One decision will shape our lives and direct our futures. One decision opens new possibilities while closing others. By making conscious choices, we exercise control over our paths and become active creators of our destinies rather than victims of our circumstances.

The Cost of Unconscious Choosing

Operating unconsciously means letting old habits, social conditioning, or fleeting emotions steer our actions. This can lead to patterns that don’t serve us: staying in unfulfilling jobs, repeating unhealthy relationships, or neglecting our well-being. When outcomes disappoint us, it’s easy to feel like life is happening to us, not for us. We become passive participants, attributing our dissatisfaction to bad luck or external forces.

From Victimhood to Mastery

The antidote to being a passive participant is conscious choice. When we pause and reflect on our motivations and intentions, we reclaim authorship of our lives. Even small decisions—like choosing to respond with kindness instead of irritation, or dedicating time to a personal goal—can have profound ripple effects. By becoming aware of our choices, we shift from being victims of circumstance to masters of our fate.

Empowerment Through Awareness and Courage

This awareness of our choices begins the journey to empowerment. By regularly checking in with ourselves—asking, “Why am I doing this?” or “Is this aligned with my values?”—we create space between stimulus and response. In that space lies our power to choose differently, to break free from limiting patterns, and to steer our lives in the direction we truly desire.

Choice is a fundamental human right and catalyst for personal growth. Not being conscious of our choices, however, can quietly erode our sense of control, leaving us feeling victimized without even knowing it. But by cultivating awareness and intentionality, we transform from passive recipients of circumstance into active creators of our destinies.