UNMASKING Navigating Blind Spots and Embracing Authenticity

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When Scott was growing up, his father wasn’t around to give him any kind of a model of what it meant to be an available dad. He learned to show his love to his young children the only way he knew how – by working hard and providing financially for his family. When his two boys were young, he was working ninety hours a week building his real estate company.

When his kids were preschoolers, he embarked on his own personal development journey, the journey to a better, more authentic relationship with himself. This path awakened his desire to be a better person and a better father. While he was available much more than his own father was, as his sons grew older, he still struggled, like many men, to bond and connect with his boys. By the time his oldest son turned fourteen, they were both absorbed in their respective busy lives – Scott at work and his son a high-level hockey player.

The pain of their lack of connection led Scott to unmask his facade and write his son a letter. He was becoming increasingly frustrated with the response “good,” or “okay,” whenever he asked his son how he was. And Scott had enough self-awareness to recognize his part of contributing to the wall between them. Writing was a tool that he had used in the past to communicate difficult stuff with people he cared about. It turned out to be a long letter, and within it he wrote, “…My biggest challenge… is connecting with you, [son]. This is entirely on me. I was very young when you were born and I was working really hard on growing my business because I was terrified that if I didn’t grow a great business, I couldn’t provide a good life for you, your brother, and your mom. I grew up in financial struggle and to me, nothing was more important than financial survival. I also didn’t have a role model of how to be a good dad because mine wasn’t around (that wasn’t his fault either) and so I really didn’t know how to bond and connect with you. Your mom was doing such a great job that I thought that base was covered, and I didn’t realize it was also my job. Then over time as you got older, it became harder for you and I to talk or to even give a hug or say hi. I realized the consequences of my ignorance as a young dad, and it hurts me deeply that I haven’t earned your trust to let me inside your mind and your heart. Now I’m working overtime trying to figure out how to earn that from you…”

After reading the letter, his son responded the best way he knew how – to come over to the couch and sit quietly beside his dad. He didn’t say a thing. He didn’t have to. But you knew that this moment was a new beginning.

Embracing authenticity by unmasking, and navigating blind spots can take many forms and can be expressed in a myriad of ways. Sometimes it means being courageous and vulnerable with the people around us, opening up to what’s truly in your heart. Sometimes it starts by simply acknowledging our masks. For others, it’s about aligning your actions with your values and beliefs. Authenticity can be expressed through empathy and genuine curiosity. It can mean seeking honest feedback or devoting yourself to studying and understanding yourself so you can become the best version of yourself. For some, authenticity is about having the courage to put down an addiction, asking for help, leaving a career with a secure income that is no longer satisfying or stepping into a life-long dream you’ve procrastinated starting.

Three keys to unmasking, navigating blind spots, and embracing self-awareness and authenticity:

  1. Acknowledge when a change is needed. The time for change can come to you in a variety of ways. It can come when you start feeling tired most of the time. It can come when you start realizing that your work is no longer bringing you joy. It can come when a relationship starts feeling “empty” and in need of new energy. Or when you aren’t getting the required engagement from your team. Authenticity means leaning into the discomfort, listening carefully to it, and courageously taking action to do something different.
  2. Find an ally, a trusted confidant. Navigating blind spots and embracing self-awareness requires some outside perspective and support. Finding an ally might mean starting with your existing circle of friends and thinking about one person you would like to start opening up with. It might mean reaching out to a coach or therapist. A confidant is someone you don’t just vent to, but someone who will support and hold you accountable to be true to yourself.
  3. Practice incremental honesty. While clarity, courage, and vulnerability can begin transforming family and team dynamics, old, familiar patterns are difficult to change. Patience and grace are required on the journey back to your true self. When it comes to personal and relationship changes, remember: slow progress is better than fast regression.

Habituation

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Is it helpful or harmful? How to recognize it in ourselves and our teams.

My daughter gave me this poster, saying that it reminded her of one of the values I instilled in her. Very touching.

This framed picture – gifted to me by my daughter – inspired me every time I sat at my desk – until I stopped noticing it and it became just another part of the woodwork.

This is something called habituation, a fundamental learning mechanism that can be both helpful and potentially harmful, depending on the context. Understanding how it works and recognizing its effects can be valuable for personal growth and team leadership.

Habituation allows us to filter out irrelevant information and focus on what’s required in the moment. This cognitive efficiency is crucial in our information-rich environment, helping us allocate our limited processing resources more effectively. It reduces stress by reducing our response to repeated, non-threatening stimuli.

One drawback though, is that extraordinary things around us get unnoticed over time. The beauty of a sunset or a star-lit night becomes commonplace. Inspiring quotes become wall hangings. The incredible strengths of the people on our team become ordinary. The qualities we once prized in another are now dull, unnoticed, and mundane.

While becoming cognitively efficient, complacency can set in and the beauty and meaning of life can be missed.

Ask yourself, “How can I s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and be present to the magnificence around me that I might be missing in my hurried, demanding life?”

We are clever people, efficient and high-powered, but in our zeal to get things done, we can forget the simple art of living. Let’s resolve to be mindful and attentive today to the splendor around us that has become ordinary.

Building a Bucket List Board: Inspire Your Team With What Matters

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One of the most rewarding parts of my business is the quality of the leaders I meet. One of these leaders is Dean Koeller, CEO of Calvert Home Mortgage Investment Corporation. Mentored and encouraged by his father to build an organization that truly cares, it’s inspiring to walk into his workplace. Invigorating and welcoming, you’ll find his team engaged in lively conversations, sharing ideas and laughter. There is a palpable sense of community. This atmosphere not only inspires productivity, it makes employees feel valued and connected to one another, ultimately cultivating a strong sense of belonging within the organization and a commitment to serve their clients and their community in the same way.

When I asked for an example of how he cultivates such an incredible culture, Dean took me into the lunchroom and introduced me to the Calvert Team Bucket List. Every team member is encouraged to post on the board a project they are pursuing – away from work – that matters to them. You see people climbing mountains, preparing for triathlons, traveling to amazing places, going up in balloons, and visiting grandchildren. You learn what challenges people, inspires people, and is important to them. You learn why people come to work. You learn things that many individuals, hidden behind office doors and computer screens, may work together for years and never know.

Three things I learned about leadership from Dean:

  1. Caring is everything. Dean didn’t do this as a “leadership technique.” Everything Dean does comes from his heart. It’s who he is. Caring is at the core of everything in his organization. He genuinely wants to know people better and the bucket list board is a way to learn about them and celebrate who they are.
  2. Recognizing what matters to people matters. Creating a space to acknowledge what’s important to your team in a unique and authentic way connects people and transforms a company into a community. And a community is a safe place for people to be who they are and be inspired to bring the best of who they are to what they do.
  3. What you give will come back to you – multiplied. Whether you’re celebrating what matters or simply taking the time to listen to and value people, your team will give it their all to build a successful organization when they know you’re giving your all to them. Loyalty, trust, and a commitment to service don’t come from expecting. They come from giving.

The Calvert Team Bucket List Board is an example of a unique method for building a caring culture and it goes a long way in creating psychological safety in his organization. Psychological safety is a crucial element for fostering high-performing teams and innovative work environments. People need to feel safe to express their ideas, admit mistakes, and challenge the status quo without fear of negative repercussions. People need to know it’s expected that they will be who they are. Psychological safety abounds in Dean’s organization and his team thrives as a result.

When was the last time you told someone you appreciated them? Was it intentional, specific, genuine?

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With our busy lives it’s easy to take good people in our lives for granted.

When it comes to appreciation, remember:

  1. Customize your appreciation. Not everyone’s language of appreciation is the same. Some like to hear that they are appreciated, while others need to be shown – with a gift, a pat on the back, or some help with a project they are doing.
  2. Be specific. “I appreciate you for…” goes further than a general statement of praise. Precision leads to connection. Adding a personal touch, such as sharing a list of their qualities you admire or recalling specific memories can show that you genuinely appreciate them.
  3. Select an appropriate channel for your message. A handwritten note can feel more personal than a text, while public acknowledgments (like social media shout-outs) can amplify the message’s reach and impact.

On that note, I want to express sincere appreciation to Kristin Krysa, who does an incredible job of posting my messages promptly and provides me with the inspiration to write them. She is a remarkable, positive force of nature on our team! Thank you Kristin, for being such spark plug of inspiration to all who know you.

Tag someone that you appreciate and tell them why.

What’s it like to live authentically?

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What’s it like to live authentically?

When asking people their experience of living authentically and inauthentically, they describe living when not being themselves as “Exhausting,” “Depressing,” “Sad,” “Stressful,” “Lonely,” “Disengaged,” “Empty,” “Lost.”

When asked what it’s like to live accepting of yourself, responses include: “Happy,” “Confident,” “Joyous,” “Free,” “Inspiring,” “Appreciative,” “Alive,” “Fulfilled.”

When we create places that support people to work and live true to themselves, we create work that’s meaningful. They lose all track of time at work and make a massive contribution to the organization.

What are you doing to create authentic workplaces, where people contribute in a way that is aligned with their authentic self – their “sweet spot?”

Attracting and Retaining The Right People

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Attracting and Retaining The Right People

I had an amazing experience during the first of a four-part webinar series on Authentic Leadership with Trucking HR Canada.

The trucking and logistics industry is complex, sophisticated, and built on grass-roots values. Like many industries, leaders are dealing with rising input costs, tight margins, increased pressure on time, and a continual shortage of team members. In the midst of these pressures, one thing leaders have control over is the culture they create.

If you want to attract others, you must be attractive:

1. Commit to leadership. There’s a difference between a boss and a leader. Bosses might get the job done, but leaders create a culture that inspires the right people to sign up and stay.

2. Ensure a healthy Senior Leadership Team. There is a direct relationship between the health of the leadership team and a culture that keeps people.

3. Hire for attitude. You can’t train someone to be nice. Hire good people and train them to execute good processes. In the words of the management guru Peter Drucker, “Hire s-l-o-w-l-y. Fire quickly.”

4. Foster alignment. We have to align people to the organizational values, and even more importantly we need to align the organization to the values of the people who make that organization what it is. Creating a place for people to live their values at work in a way that supports the values of the culture is what builds loyalty, ensures the long-term success of your organization, and creates a place worth working in.