Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

Accountability With Heart: Igniting Engagement Through Trust and Ownership

When Brenda took over as the Executive Director of a community outreach, nonprofit organization, she walked into a team that had lost its spark. People were burned out. Staff meetings were tense. Deadlines constantly slipped and a sense of defensiveness hung in the air. At first, Brenda responded the way many leaders do under pressure—by tightening control. She introduced stricter reporting requirements and frequent check-ins. However, instead of improving performance, morale sank further. One afternoon, after a particularly difficult meeting, a colleague quietly took her aside and said, “We don’t need more tightening—we need more trust.”

This was a defining moment for Brenda, a moment that brought her to reach out and connect with me for coaching. “How could I actually make this request real?” she asked me in our first session.

Together we developed a plan – a plan Brenda has given me permission to share in this article. Below is a high-level overview of her implementation:

  1. One-on-one meetings with every one of her key leadership team members. The purpose was not to correct but simply listen. She asked them about their personal values and how they could feel more supported to live their values at work and away from work. They talked about how each person could be more supported to bring their unique abilities and passion more fully to their work. She talked to them about their defining moments growing up that led them to this work, and about why they decided to work here. She explored with them the kind of culture they wanted to work in and what actions would need to happen to start to live the organization’s espoused values.
  2. Assess fit. In these one-on-one meetings (for some she met more than once), Brenda also discussed their experience of being on the leadership team and what needed to happen to create a place people were proud to work. In these conversations she discovered there was one member that simply didn’t fit into the culture. Through exploring and recognizing that his strengths and approach didn’t align with the organization’s values or direction, she helped him create space to thrive elsewhere and moved him on, in order for the team to move forward authentically.
  3. Establish a team charter. Within three months of arriving, Brenda set aside a day with her entire leadership to ensure that they put a priority on the health of that team. To achieve this, they took time to share their values, to get to know people at a more personal level, and pinpoint the expectations team members had of each other. A “team charter” was written, a list of agreements and a process for responding when those agreements were dishonoured. The outcome was a blueprint for creating a team they were committed to, a culture that would enable them to do their best work, and mutual agreements that would inspire a place they were proud and grateful to work in. They also made agreements about how to extend the same kind of process to their respective teams.
  4. Rigid, controlling oversight was replaced with clear expectations and accountability agreements to each other. All this was balanced by genuine care. Self-care became a high priority in the organization to ensure the care they had for their own teams and the clients they served came from overflow, not emptiness.

The results, over a period of a few months, were transformative. People began taking initiative. Energy and engagement improved. Meaningful results began to emerge, signaling that important progress was finally taking shape.

The heart of accountability lies not in control, but in connection. True ownership flourishes when people feel seen, trusted, and valued for the whole of who they are. Trust transforms accountability from a system of enforcement into a relationship of commitment. When leaders embody warmth and integrity, they invite others to bring their best selves forward—not because they have to, but because they want to.

Too often, accountability in organizations is equated with surveillance or blame. But leaders who lead with heart understand that accountability is ultimately about stewardship. It means caring enough to follow through and having the courage to be honest—with oneself and others—about where improvements are needed. It also means creating psychological safety, so feedback is welcomed, not feared.

Ownership, in turn, is the natural outcome of trust. When people take ownership, they stop working for an organization and start working with it. They see success as a shared creation rather than a metric imposed from the top. This kind of engagement can’t be mandated; it must be cultivated. And it grows best in environments where empathy coexists with high standards, and where mistakes are treated as learning moments, not failures.

Brenda’s team rediscovered what many organizations forget: accountability is most powerful when it feels human. And being human means embracing imperfection. Behind every task and deadline is a person who wants to contribute meaningfully. Systems and goals matter, but they are sustained only by relationships built on trust and respect.

Leaders who practice accountability with heart create ripple effects that extend beyond their teams. They model responsibility without rigidity, compassion without complacency, and transparency without fear. Their legacy isn’t just performance—it’s a culture where people thrive because they are trusted to care as deeply as their leaders do.

In the end, engagement doesn’t ignite from pressure; it ignites from purpose. And purpose grows strongest in workplaces where trust and ownership meet—where people are accountable not out of obligation, but out of love for what they are building together.

THE INTEGRATED LEADER: Navigating Individuation with Connection

I was in a tech store the other day buying a new phone. Five people were in line getting assistance from a patient and bright young man behind the counter. A teenager came through the door and walked right past every person in line, completely oblivious to the queue. He abruptly and rudely interrupted the conversation between the sales rep and the customer and asked how much he could get for his phone.

This is an example of a problem that I see today in organizations, families, and practically everywhere I go in public. Some call it entitlement. Others say we are coddled. My parents would have said we’re spoiled.

And it isn’t just generational. We’re all spoiled. We’re spoiled by overabundance. We’re spoiled by convenience. We’re spoiled by being pampered. We’re spoiled by the freedoms we have that we take for granted. And it’s creating a lack of civility, weak character, a deficiency of personal responsibility, and an abundance of anxiety.

Leaders, from parents to presidents, have an opportunity and a responsibility to do something about it. Our work isn’t about going back to the “good old days,” that really weren’t so good. It’s not just about being “tougher” on people or less compassionate. What’s needed today is courageous leadership characterized by the attainment of two fundamental tasks: individuation and connection.

Individuated leaders are leaders who have the capacity to separate themselves from the emotions surrounding them. They are clear about their own principles and vision, independent of others, and don’t get caught up in the anxiety or entitlement behavior of others. They manage their own emotional reactions and remain poised under pressure. Rather than addressing entitlement by indulging it or reacting with rigid rules, they maintain clear boundaries, responsibilities, and consequences. Being individuated is not the same as being individualistic. Self-regulated and persistent in the face of resistance, they are committed to the greater good for all rather than the comfort for the few.

Connected leaders have the capacity to be present and connect with the people in their lives. Connection – the ability to be attuned and emotionally aligned with another – without yielding their principles, pleasing others, or rescuing people from their unhappiness – goes beyond emotional intelligence and empathy. Rather than being lost in emotions, connection means maintaining a grounded, non-anxious, and caring presence. A connected person is willing to be exposed and vulnerable, while risking displeasing those around them.

The Path Forward

Integrating being individuated with connection – called integrated leadership – is about harmonizing and amplifying the two. With clear principles and an unwavering vision, we can build families and organizations that inspire adventure, respect, maturity, and personal responsibility. This synergy allows leaders to maximize their unique gifts while building resilient, innovative, and inclusive organizations. In today’s complex world, the integrated leader—deeply principled, deeply connected—is not just desirable but necessary for transformational change.

Can Organizations Be Too Psychologically Safe?

It depends on how you define psychological safety. If you define it as making things comfortable or easy or secure for people, then yes, you can have too much psychological safety.

I define psychological safety as simply a place where people can be honest.

Honesty means that you can speak accurately about work progress, challenges, and mistakes without hiding or distorting the facts. It means that you can be upfront about your emotions without blame or intimidation. Honesty means owning mistakes, admitting when something goes wrong and taking responsibility for your part. It means being transparent, sharing relevant information rather than withholding it to gain advantage. It means being open to new ideas and suggestions, and challenging outdated processes. Honesty is integrity in action: honoring your agreements, avoiding shortcuts that compromise ethics, and not lying. It means giving credit where credit is due and not stealing the credit for other’s work – or stealing anything from another person for that matter. Honesty often means giving difficult feedback or disagreeing in a way that builds rather than tears down.

You can’t have too much of any of this. Let’s keep working to build psychologically safe places to live and work.

FROM TRANSITIONS TO TRANSFORMATIONS:  Exaggerating The Essential

My good friend Allan is currently in the hospital recovering from surgery that removed his voice box in response to a rare kind of throat cancer. He’s relying on tubes inserted into his abdomen for fluids and food. As a psychiatrist whose career relied on speaking and sharing his wisdom, his life will never be the same. (A white board that he uses for communicating displays the message in the image above.)

It is expected that he will soon find a way to communicate verbally through the amazing advances in technology. When I asked how he was without a voice, Allan wrote, “I am not frustrated with not speaking. I’ve attended fourteen silent retreats so lots of practice. They were voluntary, but I am surrendering with intention and permission to slowing down my typing and keeping things short while I’m here.” He then referred to a Vincent Van Gough quote, “I have learned to exaggerate the essential and leave the ordinary deliberately vague.”

In “The Starry Night,” the swirling sky and glowing stars were exaggerated, while the village below is rendered simple and vague, emphasizing the dreamlike, emotive qualities Van Gogh found essential. Similarly, Allan is surrounded by his faith, his perspective and approach to life, and the love of the people who care so deeply about him. He understands the vital importance of exaggerating these essentials.

Life’s interruptions – whether a health crisis, a job loss, the death of a loved one, becoming a parent, a move, a divorce – are like sudden storms that reroute even the most carefully charted journeys, forcing us out of familiar harbors into unknown seas. Navigating these transitions demands more than resilience; it calls for a willingness to let go of old certainties, embrace vulnerability, and discover new depths within ourselves. In those moments when life fractures the expected and invites us into uncertainty, we find the raw material for transformation and the unfolding of our true story.

According to Allan, “the idea of moving with transitions is to transform us into new visions of what we are now, have been, and continue to become. We then shift from transformation to transcendence and live in a new way with a vision of ourselves we never had before. Transaction to transformation to transcendence is predicated on recognizing the waves of transition that carry us from one to the other.”

Here are three essentials that Allan has reminded me to exaggerate, to turn a transition into a transformation.

  1. Acceptance. Suffering doesn’t come from life. It comes from resisting life. If you’re going to pick a fight with reality, you’re going to lose every time. Welcome the hard stuff and befriend all that it brings. In the pile of manure you will one day find a pony – if you keep digging. By meeting pain and fear with compassion and curiosity, we allow ourselves to be reshaped by the experience and discover new strengths and deeper self-understanding.
  2. Centering. To be transformed during change, it is essential to rely on something in our life that isn’t changing – a stable core from which to draw strength, clarity, and resilience. This inner sanctuary serves as a grounding point amid external turbulence and brings us into the present moment, enabling us to navigate uncertainty without losing our sense of self. By cultivating practices of reflection, self-acceptance, and emotional awareness, we create a personal anchor that supports us through the upheaval of change. Whether it’s daily prayer, meditation, or finding a sanctuary in nature, adhering to a daily practice for centering steadies us during the disorienting chaos of transition and fosters the emergence of new perspectives and renewed purpose.
  3. Community. Transitions are a lonely journey, but they can’t be done alone. Finding confidants, guides, partners, or allies to walk beside us are necessary to get us through to the other side. In a world marked by fragmentation and rapid change, it is community that weaves together what has been pulling us apart, anchoring transformation in the fabric of relationships.

Ultimately, life transitions teach us about ourselves: our capacity for adaptation, our core values, and our deepest yearnings. If we allow the pain of difficult experiences to break us open, a stronger, wiser, kinder self can emerge. The journey through change can reveal truths that were hidden when life felt certain and predictable. Transitions can illuminate new paths toward authenticity, purpose, and belonging. With patience, presence, self-compassion, and support, the uncertainty of transition is also the birth of new possibilities.

On a personal note, I, too, have had to practice exaggerating these essentials as I write my memoir this year. I’m processing the insights and healing impact that this endeavor has had on me thus far. It has been a catalyst for a significant transition as I move into the next chapter of my life. I look forward to sharing the ongoing journey with you over the coming months.

We talk a lot about safety

We talk a lot about safety: product safety, traffic safety, bicycle safety, workplace safety, nuclear safety, etc. and I teach leaders how to create workplaces that are psychologically safe.

This focus on safety in our chronically anxious society could lead us to believe that safety is the most important value in life.

Safety is certainly important, but, according to Edwin Friedman in, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership In The Age Of The Quick Fix, “if a society is to evolve, or if leaders are to arise, then safety can never be allowed to become more important than adventure… We are on our way to becoming a nation of ‘skimmers,’ living off the risks of previous generations and constantly taking from the top without adding significantly to its essence. Everything we enjoy as part of our advanced civilization, including the discovery, exploration, and development of our country, came about because previous generations made adventure more important than safety… Prioritizing safety over adventure creates anxious risk avoiders, more concerned with good feelings than with progress.”

What is your Noah Project?

Noah’s project—the building of an ark—was a monumental undertaking with an enduring legacy. Despite skepticism and ridicule, Noah’s project symbolized visionary leadership and the power of perseverance for generations. His story continues to inspire people, a lasting example of how a single project, rooted in faith and determination, can have an impact that endures long after the original work.

A Noah Project is an endeavor that serves a noble cause and has enduring value beyond one’s life.

What is your Noah Project?
Is it building a company or a non-profit that will live beyond you? Is it being committed to making a difference to the team you serve? Is it recording music you produced? Is it starting a podcast or a blog post? Is it cleaning up your neighborhood? Is it a project that will help slow climate change? I have a friend whose Noah Project is to spend enough time with her grandchildren that “my finger print will be embedded in their hearts forever.”

My Noah Project this year is to write my memoir with my daughter. Hayley keeps encouraging me by saying I have a very fascinating life and a great story to tell. I’m about 1/2 done. It’s been a great learning and rewarding experience so far.

hashtag#impact hashtag#leadership hashtag#legacy hashtag#vision