Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

Peaceful New Years

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Peaceful New Years

This is a good time to reflect on the past year and refocus for the coming year. I always take a day between Christmas and New Years to take an inventory and clarify my goals and intentions for the upcoming year.

I don’t make New Years resolutions. I make a list of what I’ve learned and achieved this past year and review my commitments to myself, so I don’t get distracted from what matters most.

We, at the David Irvine Team, want to express our heart-felt wish for a contented new year.

May you find peace in the storms of your life, embrace each moment with careful attention, stay true to what matters to you, and have the courage to live a life that belongs to you.

#theleadersnavigator #happynewyear #inspiration #peace

What one question will make all the difference in 2023?

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When Ben Hunt-Davis’s underachieving Men’s Eight British rowing team came seventh in the world championship in 1998, they set themselves a crazy goal of winning an Olympic Gold Medal in just two years.

Setting such a goal required an entirely new way of thinking about their training. For the next two years they began challenging everything single thing they did. With the unifying goal of winning a gold medal, they developed a framework, a funneling question, and measured all their decisions and actions against it: “Will it make the boat go faster?

  • “Will staying up late the night before the regatta tomorrow make the boat go faster?”
  • “Will my choice of what I’m going to eat at this meal make the boat go faster?”
  • “Will my workout I’m doing today make the boat go faster?”
  • “Will the choices I make in the relationship I’m in help me make the boat go faster?”

The question impacted all their decisions and actions.

By focusing on this single question, they discovered it wasn’t such a crazy goal after all. On September 25th, 2000, Ben and his crew won Gold at the Sydney Olympics.

What one question will guide your vision this year?

What one question will make all the difference?

What one question will form a framework for and filter all your decisions and actions in the next twelve months?

Make sure you think carefully about what truly matters and the direction the question will take.

12 Habits of Genuine People

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Travis Bradberry recently published a Forbes article titled, 12 Habits of Genuine People. He builds a good case for the value of being genuine, then outlines the hallmarks of genuine people: “they don’t pass judgement … they’re generous … they treat everyone with respect … they aren’t motivated by material things … that aren’t driven by ego … they aren’t hypocrites.”

While these compelling virtues undoubtedly point towards authenticity, the article inspired me to think more deeply about my research and understanding of what it means to be authentic. If one holds these qualities of authenticity as the gold standard of a genuine life, we may unintentionally fall into a trap of attempting to live up to an ideal that’s humanly impossible, then become, paradoxically, inauthentic. Is anyone truly virtuous enough to be immune to hypocrisy, judgement, disrespect, the desire for material things, or ego?

If we are honest, can anyone possibly adhere to these qualities every day? And is falling short of sainthood the same as being inauthentic? And are we perpetuating a culture of complaint when our leaders fall short of these expectations?

What if, instead of being ingenuous, falling short of this near perfect standard of genuine meant being human. Being human doesn’t mean lowering our standards or becoming complacent. We can always improve. Authenticity is a commitment to staying real in our progress.

When it comes to authenticity, the notion of sincerity comes to light. The word sincere is derived from the Latin sine meaning without, and cera, meaning wax. Dishonest sculptors in ancient Rome and Greece would cover flaws in their work with wax to deceive the viewer; therefore, a sculpture “without wax” would mean honesty in its imperfection.
Authenticity, like sincerity, is honesty in its imperfection. We don’t have to hide from or be ashamed of our cracks. In the words of Leonard Cohen, “that’s how the light gets in.”

Rather than creating an illusion of perfection, being authentic means embracing our humanity. It means a commitment to bring our hypocrisy, insecurities, judgements, materialism, and ego into the light of awareness, and notice their impact so we can create safe, honest, accountable, more fully human workplaces.

CARING IS EVERYTHING – Getting To The Heart Of Humanity, Leadership, and Life

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We are all inspired by random acts of kindness, particularly this time of year.

But does our caring have to be random? What if we decide to be more intentional in our actions?

Caring has a pervasive, enduring influence on the well-being of those around us. Caring impacts who we are as people and the places we work and live. So, considering caring intentions for this holiday season, I propose, that along with your to-do list, we make a TO-BE list.

Here’s mine:

  1. Be Kind. In Charlie Mackesy’s book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse, the mole and the boy have a conversation: “I’m so small,” said the mole. “Yes,” replied the boy, “but you can make a huge difference.” Then the mole asked what the boy wanted to be when he grew up. “Kind,” said the boy. Now that’s a worthy goal for any of us.
  2. Be Generous. I know of a family who decided, this year, that instead of buying presents for each other they adopted a Ukrainian refugee family to ensure they all have warm clothes and love this holiday season.
  3. Be Curious. A caring way to de-rail an activated stress response is to get curious. While being angry may be an understandable response, it only worsens it. Curiosity transforms anger into understanding, opens the door to empathy and compassion, helps solve the problem more effectively, and lowers your blood pressure.
  4. Be Present. When on vacation it seems the places I visit are more beautiful than where I live. But, is the place really more beautiful or am I noticing something I take for granted in my day-to-day life? When my wife was hanging her Christmas bells this week, I stopped to be present to her joy, which in turn brought joy to me. What makes a task valuable and life meaningful is the quality of the attention we give to it in the present moment.
  5. Be Patient. Practicing patience is having the maturity and composure to be kind – even when we don’t feel like it. When stressed, overwhelmed, and surrounded by impatience, it is even more important to find compassion for people around us.
  6. Be Thoughtful. Being thoughtful of others starts with being thoughtful within ourselves. Over the coming holiday season, take time to reflect on what truly matters. Step away from the clamor of the demands of others and the noise of social media and think about what’s in your heart. Take time to meditate, to be grateful, and enjoy a sunset. Hug the people you love. Make time to listen with empathy to someone who thinks differently about the world than you do. Take your dog for a longer walk. Embrace each moment, for you’ll never know if the next one will come along.

Why do we discount people’s feelings – and what can we do about it?

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Why do we discount people’s feelings – and what can we do about it?

Have you ever been told to:

  • “Calm down”
  • “Don’t worry”
  • “Relax”
  • “Don’t be so intense”
  • “Just let it go”

Rarely do these responses change the emotions or the actions that are intended. In fact, they usually result in making things worse. Most people are primed to be punished for being emotional at work, but it also happens in our personal relationships. Emotional invalidation can be hurtful. So how do we deal with it – authentically.

Let’s first understand why we attempt to quash, refute, or undermine emotions. There are potentially several reasons, but it mostly occurs when we aren’t comfortable with our own emotions or we feel responsible to “fix” the feelings of others in order to feel competent, safe, or secure when we are around a highly charged person. Usually people don’t want to cause the harm they are unintentionally invalidate another’s emotions.

So… what are some strategies for dealing with highly intense, emotional people in your life, and, if you are an intense person, what are some tactics for dealing with people who invalidate your emotions.

Dealing with emotional responses:

  1. Appreciate emotions. Value feelings. Without emotions you wouldn’t have the energy, passion, or creativity that are required for a healthy, thriving workplace or life.
  2. Put your oxygen mask on. If you find yourself in front of an upset person, take some deep breaths and remind yourself that you don’t have to fix this, that the emotions will, that being fully present is enough, and that you respect yourself enough to not tolerate disrespectful comments.
  3. Invite the other person to talk – with empathy. You can say nothing or say something like, “I want to listen right now.”
  4. Check if they are ready to move forward. Once you see a decrease in emotion, you can begin to move toward problem solving or simply appreciating the time you have spent holding the space for another

Dealing with emotional invalidation:

  1. Don’t take it personally. I know this is way easier said than done, but you have to realize that people who shut emotions down are doing so because of their own fears.
  2. Be sure you aren’t putting your feeling in the driver seat. If you emotions are taking over your actions, your performance, and your results, then there is legitimacy in wanting to have you shut them down.
  3. Have a conversation with the people who are impacted by your emotions – before you are activated – about respectful ground rules for handling highly emotionally charged situations.
  4. Don’t be disrespected. Don’t allow yourself to be diminished for who you are – under any circumstance. Stay true to yourself, appreciate the constructive emotions that surface in your relationships, and focus on expected results.

Take An Emotional Temperature Reading

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In a recent podcast (The Leader’s Navigator) with my daughter, Hayley, we talked about Living Authentically With Anger. To counter some of the divisiveness and strain that seems prevalent in our world today, we suggest a strategy to use with your team. Before every operational meeting, get a sentence from each person about how they are feeling. It’s a good way to stay connected, build community, and nip any tension in the bud before it turns to serious conflict. Then, if there are any concerning feelings that arise from this initial temperature reading, you can choose to bring it offline with the person individually or address it in more detail with the group. We call this an Emotional Temperature Reading (ETR).

I brought the idea of an ETR to our last team meeting. It went over great. What we discovered was that even though we are in the business of authenticity and connection, it’s easy to let the demands in our business take precedence over actually applying what we teach. It was a good experience. Spending the first ten minutes connecting with ourselves and each other before getting into the agenda lightened up the mood, brought some humanity into the meeting, helped us be real with each other, and allowed for creativity to surface.

In fact, a day after, a team member circulated this link help us in connect to our emotional side. Knowing how you feel can be tough for all of us. Here’s a helpful tool for increasing your emotional literacy. Emotional Literacy

What are you doing to connect with your emotional side? How do you check in with your team? How do stay connected with your team to ensure you stay aligned and supportive of each other?