Tag Archive for: Connection

What horses can teach us about culture and leadership

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From my time hanging around horses I’ve learned:

  1. Horses don’t care about titles. They don’t care whether you are the CEO or the janitor. What they do care about is your ego. If it’s too big they’ll put you in your place.
  2. It’s all about relationships. If you can’t build a relationship with your horse you won’t get anywhere with them. Horses are highly tuned energetic beings. They can sense your mood within several feet.
  3. We all know the saying that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. But I have a follow-up question: How can a horse drink if it is not near water in the first place? We make real strides as a team only if we are physically together. Many are upset by the requirement to be in the office five days a week, but we simply cannot build a thriving culture if many of us are working remotely.

Two Kinds of AI: Artificial Intelligence vs. Authentic Interaction

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When I asked AI the difference between artificial intelligence (AI) and authentic interaction (AI), here’s what I got: “artificial intelligence (AI) and authentic interaction (AI) represent fundamentally different approaches to human connection and problem-solving. While artificial intelligence relies on algorithms and data analysis to simulate human-like responses, authentic interaction involves genuine human engagement, emotional understanding, and nuanced communication.”

However, only a human being can experience the difference between the two – to fully know the difference.

Artificial Intelligence is a great tool but there are severe limitations when it comes to human contact and connection. We can get so lost in the world of artificial intelligence that we don’t even know we are lost. As I say to my university students, “AI will help you write a better paper, but AI won’t help you be a better counsellor. For that, the art of authentic interaction must be mastered.”

I would love to hear your thoughts on the difference between the two AIs – Artificial Intelligence and Authentic Interaction.

How much time do you spend talking vs. listening? Take a listen/talk ratio audit.

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Communication involves talking and listening and is foundational to leadership. Ideally, An ideal ratio is 2:1 where you listen at least twice as much as talk. That’s why we have two ears and only one mouth.

I talk excessively when:

  • I feel compelled to showcase my expertise and knowledge.
  • I’m anxious and feel a lack of control in a situation.
  • I’m insecure. Talking is a coping strategy for me.

Others may talk too much to over-compensate for poor listening skills, or when they feel pressured to provide guidance, when extroversion is a personality trait, or when they feel compelled to jockey for power in a competitive working environment.

Consequences of over-talking include:

  • Being perceived as arrogant and thus a loss of respect.
  • People not feeling understood.
  • Missing important insights and understanding.

When you listen more than you talk you receive more information, build trust, make meaningful connections, and increase your impact when you speak.

We are better off when we increase our self-awareness about how much we talk vs. listen, develop better listening skills, practice more concise communication, and foster a more collaborative environment that encourages input from all team members.

A Token Of Appreciation

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After my webinar on Psychological Safety this past week, I had a great conversation with Marg, my VP of Client Care. We reminisced about when she was the Senior Manager of Learning and Development at Lilydale and I consulted on some projects there. Lilydale was established over 75 years ago as an Alberta Farmers’ cooperative and today is a proud member of the Sofina Foods family. It always promised to provide Canadians with great tasting and high-quality Canadian poultry products as it built an incredible culture with some incredible leaders.

One of the great tools they used for building and reinforcing their culture was a Token of Appreciation. You were encouraged to give this token to anyone you sincerely appreciated. It was a coin, along with a little poem, to remind them not to take each other for granted and to continue strengthening the muscle of expressing gratitude.

I’ve learned that this kind of tool has to be built on sincere, honest, and caring relationships – which were evident at Lilydale. No tool can compensate for failure to connect.

Why “being nice” and avoiding hard conversations isn’t really “nice” at all

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Have you ever met a “nice” person who is polite, but hard to connect with?
There’s a difference between being nice and being kind. The chart illustrates an extreme dichotomy between the two.

Nice comes from insecurity, a lack of confidence
Kind comes from high self-worth and respect

Nice is polite aloofness
Kind is genuine benevolence

Nice is people-pleasing: negating your own needs to be liked and approved of
Kind is self-advocacy: standing up for your own needs; prioritizing your well-being

Nice has no personal boundaries; inability to say no
Kind has healthy boundaries; the ability to say no with compassion and respect

Nice is conflict avoidant – a desire to maintain harmony at all costs
Kind is honesty – being willing to communicate directly and compassionately about issues

Nice leads to courteous disconnection
Kind leads to authentic connection

You Can’t Leave Belonging To Chance

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If you think about the time you have spent in your family, at school, and organizations you’ve worked in, you know what it feels like to belong or not belong, and why it matters. It’s the difference between feeling isolated, detached, and irrelevant, and feeling connected, valued, and engaged. Belonging makes all the difference. We all need to feel that we belong, are needed and appreciated, and that we have something important to offer.

You can’t leave belonging to chance. Leaders have a responsibility to be intentional about creating a space where everyone knows they belong.

Here are three strategies:

  1. Take accountability for your own belonging. Belonging starts from within. Acknowledge that you have participated in creating the conditions you want changed.We can’t expect others to value and respect us until we value and respect ourselves.
  2. Make it safe to have real conversations. Belonging grows in a climate of dialogue. Start by asking: How are we putting up barriers to belonging here? What doubts or reservations do you have? What have you said yes to that you no longer really mean? Peter Block reminds us that leaders must protect space for the expression of people’s doubts. Be curious and get interested.
  3. Focus on gifts. Typically, the only time we talk about a person’s gifts is at their retirement party or funeral. Don’t wait until people are on their way out to express gratitude. Instead of telling people what they need to improve and what they should do differently next time, focus on their talents. Tell others about the gifts you have received from them, the unique strengths and capacities you see in them, and what they do that makes a difference.