Tag Archive for: Courage

What does “good with yourself” look and feel like?

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First, it means having the courage to be open to an awareness of yourself, and how your life impacts those around you. It’s about knowing what drives you and what blocks you while understanding and appreciating your blind spots. It’s about facing the darker sides of your nature, to acknowledge the traumas, inadequacies, self-doubts, insecurities, and fears, and having the willingness to work with and heal these aspects of yourself.

Second, being “good with yourself” means having a degree of self-acceptance. Rather than judging, acceptance means realizing that all behavior stems from positive intent, and healing begins with learning to be friendly with all parts of yourself. It means appreciating that each aspect of yourself can be both a blessing and a potential curse, a strength, and a weakness. Acceptance means finding empathy for others by being gentle with yourself.

Third, being “good with yourself” means taking action, having an orientation toward results. Action means a life-long commitment to continually change, to learn, to grow, to evolve. Growth is a combination of self-awareness and risk-taking. Action means not trying to do everything that everyone expects of you in the way they expect it but to feel comfortable enough with yourself to take the necessary risks that move you out of your comfort zones. You no longer have to create an illusion that you are further along that you are.

Being “good with yourself” means being comfortable enough to be who you are and keep growing. Being “good with yourself” means remembering what enough actually feels like.

 

How To Be Authentic About Mental Health In The Workplace

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According to a recent HBR article, up to 80% of people will experience a diagnosable mental health condition over the course of their lifetime, whether they know it or not and almost 60% of employees have never spoken to anyone at work about it. It means that the effects of the stigma still loom large.

I have worked with my own depression and anxiety most of my life. While I can’t offer a prescription, I hope my experience can shed some light on this vitally important topic.

A few things I’ve learned on my journey:

  1. It’s okay not to be okay. Having inhuman expectations of always being “on our game” actually perpetuates mental health challenges.
  2. Admit when you need help. Help might mean a supportive ear in the office or a conversation with an outside professional. Having the courage to ask for help is a strength, not a weakness.
  3. Don’t let labels define you. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a depressed or anxious person. There are only people who have to deal with depression or anxiety.
  4. Compassion is critical to healing. Judgement perpetuates the problem. The only thing worse than anxiety is getting anxious about being anxious. With some help, courage, and a lens of self-acceptance, you’ll get through whatever you are dealing with.
  5. Uncover the gifts. Every blessing comes with a curse and every curse comes with a blessing. Working with mental health challenges means discovering the treasures in the darkness.
  6. Have a strength building system. Just as a physical fitness program is good for your health, so is a personalized mental fitness program. Mine includes a community of support, regular exercise, daily meditation and walks outside, and paying careful attention to what I eat.
  7. Don’t compromise work expectations. While there are times when you need to step away from your job to get renewed perspective and support, it’s good for our mental health to step up to the plate and do our best in our jobs. It good to be challenged in an encouraging, supportive environment. Good work is good for our well-being.

Twelve Indicators Of Authenticity

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For seven decades, leadership scholars have conducted thousands of studies to determine the traits of great leaders. Thankfully, none have constructed a clear profile of an ideal leader. There’s no single leadership style or approach to leadership you can imitate to become a great leader. We can certainly learn from others, but we all have to find our unique authentic self.

Being an authentic leader comes from being more fully who you are. It’s that simple and it’s that complex.

Here are twelve indicators of being authentic:

  1. A sense of purpose. Authentic people have a sense of purpose that gives them a reason to get up in the morning and keep walking through the hard times.
  2. They resist conformity. Authentic people don’t need others to validate their worth. They can express their opinions openly when needed. Not to be compliant or defiant, but simply to be honest.
  3. Deep-seated curiosity. Authentic people are life-long learners and actively pursue feedback from others.
  4. The courage to be vulnerable. They have a close community where they share their struggles, fears, values, self-doubts, dreams, uncertainties, grief, and deepest joy – so they are comfortable bringing the full spectrum of their humanity to the world.
  5. They care about others. They are present and engaged, taking time to listen, tune in, and sincerely value others.
  6. They own their mistakes. Authentic people take responsibility for their actions, including their mistakes. and can admit when they are wrong.
  7. Humility. They know they are never the smartest person in the room and shine the light on others.
  8. They know their values, set good boundaries, and can say no.
  9. They work for the greater good. They are committed to service over self-interest.
  10. They respect others. Authentic people value of diversity, and are not threatened by, but welcome and celebrate differences. They seek to understand as many alternative work views as deeply as they can.
  11. They are accountable. They show up. You can count on authentic people.
  12. Authentic people are self-accepting. They know they can’t always exhibit some of these traits and somehow find a way to be okay with their imperfect humanity.

Tag a leader in your life that demonstrates these traits.

It is my privilege to serve on the Board of the Wayfinders Wellness Organization.

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This is a registered non-profit organization, whose goal is to build a safe space for military and first responders who have suffered PTSD. This community includes First Responders, Military, Veterans, and their families. We are peers helping each other navigate mental wellness.

Wayfinders connects people to the resources that will work best for their individual needs. We are all passionate about breaking down the stigma of talking about mental health and strive to build a strong community full of support.

Becoming mentally resilient and processing trauma in a healthy way are the keys to avoiding mental health injury. The Wayfinder model is intended to raise awareness and talk about mental health so we can help people find healing. With many paths to wellness, our goal is to bring together a variety of service providers in one place to make healing accessible. Through our combined experiences, we know what has worked and want to share how to access resources because we know that living with an occupational stress injury is difficult.

The Wayfinders ranch house is available for emergency responders, military and their families. They can book the space for small groups to come together and process their trauma with their peers in a safe environment, away from the public and work. This separation from the daily environment allows processing of trauma in a healthy way.

Our ranch house is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, along the banks of the Jumping Pound Creek at the historic Wineglass Ranch in Cochrane Alberta in Western Canada. With access to nature, music workshops, healing horses, and a community of positivity and wellness, there are many resources on site and others that can be arranged.

I encourage you to join our Wayfinder community and become a sponsor, a partner, a service provider or a member in need.

Connect with us. To learn about our work and upcoming programs, go to: https://lnkd.in/gcNNTN_r or follow our social media https://lnkd.in/g–MYebd

Be resilient! Be well!

Three strategies for responding to bullying.

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From my research and observation of people over the past four decades, I have come to believe all behavior has positive intent. This means any behavior we might label as destructive, has, from another viewpoint, a beneficial purpose. For example, from the perspective of a bully, intimidating or harassing others can be a way of attempting to show competence (even though it’s not very skillful). It may be a coping strategy after themselves being bullied. Abusive behavior can be a way of managing anxiety or insecurity. It’s an unconscious way of making yourself big when you actually feel small.

This doesn’t justify bullying. It simply brings some understanding and empathy to the experience.

With this awareness, here are three strategies for responding to bullying:

  1. Clarity. Clearly understand how intimidation, harassment, and bullying are a violation of the values and expectations of your organization. Start by clarifying and communicating exactly what disrespectful behavior is, in terms of organizational and leadership expectations. Clarity means understanding precisely the difference between leading and intimidating.
  2. Courage. You have to let people know that certain behavior violates the expectations of the organization, and therefore is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. You simply can’t work here if you’re going to behave in a disrespectful way. If you don’t get support with this from your organization, then you have to consider if this is a place where you want to work.
  3. Compassion. Respecting the intent behind bullying can create an opportunity to grow, to move toward a plan for change. This plan may involve coaching and learning strategies such as developing greater emotional intelligence, skills for managing anxiety more effectively, increasing your self-awareness, and accountability.

Bullies make bad boxers

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There’s a saying in most boxing gyms: “Bullies make bad boxers.”

We all know them. Big macho dudes in the gym thinking they’ll prove their worth by pounding on everyone smaller than them.

But bullies are cowards. Afraid to expose their fears and insecurities. Ego maniacs with an inferiority complex. And it doesn’t take long before a mature boxer puts them in their place on the mat. After their weakness is exposed, they usually leave and you never see them again. There’s a clear message in good boxing gyms: “Bullies don’t belong here, and bullying behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.”

The best boxers are actually often the ones who have been bullied. They come with courage and humility, open to an honest evaluation of their strengths and weakness. They have no need to bring down those who are weaker than them. Instead, they have a burning desire to be all they are capable of being – by learning from those who are better than they are.

Muhammad Ali, at the peak of his career, was asked what he would do if a complete stranger slugged him. Ali responded, “I’d turn and run ‘cause that man must be craazzy!”

Ali was no coward. He could have easily beaten up just about anyone on the planet, and he knew it. But he was no bully. He was confident and had no need to prove himself by hurting anyone who didn’t stand a chance against him.

This is where boxing and leadership intersect. Bullies make bad leaders. There are people in organizations who use their title to abuse others. Like bullies in the boxing ring who try to show their worth by hitting people weaker than them, bullies in the workplace hide from their insecurities and turn to the cowardly actions of control, coercion, and abuse of power.

And, just like bullies in the boxing ring, bullies in the workplace need to be put in their place – by their boss or their board – and told, in no uncertain terms, that disrespectful, abusive behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.

May we have the courage and humility to face ourselves honestly and take a stand against people who abuse their power. May we all have the courage to do the right thing at the right time.