Tag Archive for: Inspiration

THE INTEGRATED LEADER: Navigating Individuation with Connection

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I was in a tech store the other day buying a new phone. Five people were in line getting assistance from a patient and bright young man behind the counter. A teenager came through the door and walked right past every person in line, completely oblivious to the queue. He abruptly and rudely interrupted the conversation between the sales rep and the customer and asked how much he could get for his phone.

This is an example of a problem that I see today in organizations, families, and practically everywhere I go in public. Some call it entitlement. Others say we are coddled. My parents would have said we’re spoiled.

And it isn’t just generational. We’re all spoiled. We’re spoiled by overabundance. We’re spoiled by convenience. We’re spoiled by being pampered. We’re spoiled by the freedoms we have that we take for granted. And it’s creating a lack of civility, weak character, a deficiency of personal responsibility, and an abundance of anxiety.

Leaders, from parents to presidents, have an opportunity and a responsibility to do something about it. Our work isn’t about going back to the “good old days,” that really weren’t so good. It’s not just about being “tougher” on people or less compassionate. What’s needed today is courageous leadership characterized by the attainment of two fundamental tasks: individuation and connection.

Individuated leaders are leaders who have the capacity to separate themselves from the emotions surrounding them. They are clear about their own principles and vision, independent of others, and don’t get caught up in the anxiety or entitlement behavior of others. They manage their own emotional reactions and remain poised under pressure. Rather than addressing entitlement by indulging it or reacting with rigid rules, they maintain clear boundaries, responsibilities, and consequences. Being individuated is not the same as being individualistic. Self-regulated and persistent in the face of resistance, they are committed to the greater good for all rather than the comfort for the few.

Connected leaders have the capacity to be present and connect with the people in their lives. Connection – the ability to be attuned and emotionally aligned with another – without yielding their principles, pleasing others, or rescuing people from their unhappiness – goes beyond emotional intelligence and empathy. Rather than being lost in emotions, connection means maintaining a grounded, non-anxious, and caring presence. A connected person is willing to be exposed and vulnerable, while risking displeasing those around them.

The Path Forward

Integrating being individuated with connection – called integrated leadership – is about harmonizing and amplifying the two. With clear principles and an unwavering vision, we can build families and organizations that inspire adventure, respect, maturity, and personal responsibility. This synergy allows leaders to maximize their unique gifts while building resilient, innovative, and inclusive organizations. In today’s complex world, the integrated leader—deeply principled, deeply connected—is not just desirable but necessary for transformational change.

BREAKING THE ROUTINE: Why Change Really is as Good as a Rest

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As I turn 70 next year, I have the good fortune of gaining some new perspective on my life. A lot of people look forward to the day they can “retire,” finally able to slow down, rest, and do nothing. But some of the happiest people I’ve met are not the ones who define “retirement” as “resting.” The happiest people I know are those who define retirement as doing what they love. They’re still contributing. They’re learning. They’re volunteering. They’re staying active and strong. They’re busy. They have a full life. They aren’t necessarily “resting.” They’re renewed because they’re changing things up. Do you know what happens to people who do “nothing” for very long after they retire? They die.

Of course there are no guarantees. When our time is up, our time is up. Knowing whether a change will add years to your life remains uncertain. What is certain is that changing things up will add life to your years.

So, what is the lesson? We often hear the saying, “A change is as good as a rest.” But what does it really mean, and why does change rejuvenate us just as much—if not more—than a rest?

At its core, change interrupts routine. Our daily lives can become predictable and, over time, mentally draining. Even the most comfortable routines can lead to stagnation, making us feel tired, uninspired, or stuck. As the saying goes, “Life is just so darn daily.” But when we introduce change—whether it’s rearranging a room, trying a new hobby, or taking a different route to work—we awaken our senses and spark curiosity. This mental stimulation can be as refreshing as a vacation.

Change also challenges us to adapt and grow. It pushes us out of our comfort zones and encourages resilience. Every new experience, big or small, builds confidence and brings a sense of accomplishment. In this way, change doesn’t just offer rest from monotony; it energizes us with new perspectives and possibilities.

Moreover, embracing change fosters creativity. When we break from the familiar, we see the world differently. New environments and experiences inspire fresh ideas and solutions, fueling both personal and professional growth. Summer is a great opportunity for this. If it’s in your nature to rest, then take this time now to rest. Some rest is good for us, but if it isn’t in your nature to rest, then take some time this summer to simply change things up.

Just remember, the next time you feel weary, you don’t always need to rest to recharge. Sometimes, all you need is a little change. Embrace it. You may find yourself more refreshed, inspired, and alive than ever before.

Intentional Culture, Exceptional Results – Integrating Authenticity with Accountability

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One habit of good leadership is to be out in your culture, shining a light on success, celebrating wins, and catching people doing things right. There are likely some amazing things going on around you that you may be missing if you aren’t intentional. It’s natural for human beings to fixate on what’s not in our lives instead of focusing on what’s in our lives. Lately I’ve been putting this habit into practice in my own community. What I’ve discovered is that our little town is full of small giants (a term coined by Bo Burlingham), companies that deliberately choose to focus on excellence, purpose, and community impact rather than pursuing relentless growth or becoming as large as possible.

One of the small giants in Cochrane, Alberta is the Spray Lake Centre. Erin Wagner and her incredible team of leaders have created a vibrant, thriving, customer-focused environment that is at the heart and hub of our community for fitness, sports and recreation, as well as family and community connection. The SLS Centre also regularly hosts the Cochrane farmers’ market, both indoors and outdoors, and many other community events every year. When you visit Cochrane, stop by and get a shot of energy from this amazing place.

There are also many other small giants in Cochrane such as Found Books, Route 22 – Artist Collective Gallery, Yamnuska Wolfdog Sanctuary, Pink Wand Cleaning Services, Flores and Pine Restaurant, Alberta Metal Works, Align Developments, and the Cochrane Public Library. All of these organizations are part of Innovate Cochrane, a community-driven non-profit dedicated to empowering entrepreneurs and business leaders to build authentic, accountable organizations.

Everyone talks about the importance of culture, but when the pressure to deliver results mounts, culture takes a back seat. Like taking care of your health in times of high demands, it’s easy to declare, “we don’t have time for culture.”

But culture is always present, regardless of whether you are intentional about it. It is not a flavor of the month management fad. It’s the fabric of your entire organization.

Organizational culture is complex and multi-layered. To create and sustain a great culture requires leaders at every level to look beyond visible behaviors and statements from culture surveys to understand and influence the deeper beliefs that truly shape how organizations function.

My framework for organizational culture focuses on integrating the two fundamental elements of a great culture: authenticity and accountability in three areas: organizational, interpersonal, and personal.

The Importance of Authenticity

Authenticity means living in alignment with your true values, living and working in a place where you don’t have to leave who you are at the door, where you can express yourself genuinely, fostering meaningful connections and trust. Authentic cultures encourage open communication, vulnerability, and psychological safety to support people to tell the truth in a respectful way.

Leaders who lead authentically strengthen the overall sense of belonging and engagement in an organization.

The Importance of Accountability

Accountability means that we remember that culture isn’t what we say. Culture is how we hold ourselves accountable for how we act. You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do. Accountability starts with ownership. Accountability means that individuals and leaders take ownership for their decisions and their actions. We institutionally deny the fact that each of us – through our perceptions and our choices – is creating the culture that we so enjoy complaining about. Deciding that you have created the culture you are living and working in – and therefore you are the one to step into healing it – is the ultimate act of accountability.

Accountability means taking responsibility to work with clear expectations and agreements and being a person who can be counted on. It means having the tough conversations, providing regular mutual feedback, helping each other grow, and delivering on the promises you make. It means holding each other to the same high standards and asking for the support needed to deliver on agreements made.

How Authenticity and Accountability Work Together

Authenticity and accountability are mutually reinforcing. Authenticity creates the psychological safety necessary for people to be honest, while accountability ensures that this honesty translates into clearly defined and necessary results.

Authenticity supports people to operate from a place of truth, caring, and integrity, while accountability ensures that this integrity is backed by responsible action. Together they foster trust, engagement, and sustainable success in any culture.

CHOICES MATTER How Small Decisions Unlock Big Potential

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It is our CHOICES that show who we truly are, more than our ABILITIES.

Harry Potter

Three decades ago, after an extended bout of depression, a struggling business, and a lengthy fight with addiction, I made a decision that changed my life. I didn’t “hope” my life would get better, because it wouldn’t. I decided it was going to get better. I decided, once and for all, that all blame was a waste of time. I decided that I was not going to be the product of my upbringing or my circumstances. Instead, I would develop from the choices I make in response to my circumstances. I decided that, if I was going to have a good day it wouldn’t depend on what was going on around me; it would depend on the choice I made. I decided to ask for help. And deciding made all the difference.

Spending the past thirty years in a recovery community I have come to know first-hand that small decisions truly unlock big potential. Every day I decide:

Will I take the path that leads to insanity and death, or will I take the path that leads to a reasonably fulfilled and useful life? Will I remain a sick person or will I choose to be a useful, contributing citizen?

When it’s a life-or-death decision you realize the power of a choice. One decision will shape our lives and direct our futures. One decision opens new possibilities while closing others. By making conscious choices, we exercise control over our paths and become active creators of our destinies rather than victims of our circumstances.

The Cost of Unconscious Choosing

Operating unconsciously means letting old habits, social conditioning, or fleeting emotions steer our actions. This can lead to patterns that don’t serve us: staying in unfulfilling jobs, repeating unhealthy relationships, or neglecting our well-being. When outcomes disappoint us, it’s easy to feel like life is happening to us, not for us. We become passive participants, attributing our dissatisfaction to bad luck or external forces.

From Victimhood to Mastery

The antidote to being a passive participant is conscious choice. When we pause and reflect on our motivations and intentions, we reclaim authorship of our lives. Even small decisions—like choosing to respond with kindness instead of irritation, or dedicating time to a personal goal—can have profound ripple effects. By becoming aware of our choices, we shift from being victims of circumstance to masters of our fate.

Empowerment Through Awareness and Courage

This awareness of our choices begins the journey to empowerment. By regularly checking in with ourselves—asking, “Why am I doing this?” or “Is this aligned with my values?”—we create space between stimulus and response. In that space lies our power to choose differently, to break free from limiting patterns, and to steer our lives in the direction we truly desire.

Choice is a fundamental human right and catalyst for personal growth. Not being conscious of our choices, however, can quietly erode our sense of control, leaving us feeling victimized without even knowing it. But by cultivating awareness and intentionality, we transform from passive recipients of circumstance into active creators of our destinies.

Trauma leaves traces on our minds and bodies.

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It leaves an imprint on everything we touch, the way we think, the way we feel, the way we interact with those around us, and the way we live.

Join me this Friday, April 25th for a webinar focused on Trauma, Loss & Recovery.

  1. Leave with a greater understanding of trauma, its impact on our lives, and what a healing journey can look like.
  2. Learn how trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you because of what happens to you.
  3. Leave with guideposts for navigating the trauma and the journey of recovery, along with insights for supporting others through their trauma journey.

Click here to secure your complimentary seat.

SHATTERED OPEN – How Tragedies Can Help Us Grow

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In the summer of 2024 approximately thirty percent of the beautiful townsite of Jasper, Alberta was destroyed in a fire that swept through that community. Of the 1,113 structures in the town, 358 of them burned. The wildfire covered an estimated 33,000 hectares, the largest wildfire recorded in the park in a century. A mass evacuation of 25,000 residents and visitors occurred in July last year with the evacuation order lasting until August 17. Tragically, one firefighter lost his life during the containment efforts. The insurance claims for damages are reaching nearly a billion dollars, making this tragedy one of Canada’s most expensive natural disasters.

There isn’t a person connected to this pristine community who was not impacted by the disaster. And the journey to recovery, rebuilding, and healing will last a lifetime.

While those who don’t live in Jasper can’t possibly know what it was like to go through the fires, perhaps some who did can help us understand the choices and challenges we all face in times of tragedy and trauma: Will we be shattered and defeated, or shattered open and transformed?

We all know people who have risen from a life interrupted, from the ashes of trauma – illness, loss of a loved one or business or home, divorce, layoff, bankruptcy, abuse – to emerge stronger, wiser, and more connected to their passion and purpose. How can you embrace unimaginable difficulty in a way that allows the pain to break you open so a better person can emerge from it?

Here are three reminders to get through a tragedy:

  1. There is no prescribed way to get through a devastating loss. The only way to get to the other side is through it. And you get through it by honoring whatever you’re experiencing.
  2. We’ve all heard that “when one door closes another one opens.” What they don’t tell you is that it’s hell in the corridor. It’s the corridor that’s toughest to navigate.
  3. There’s no such thing as “closure.” Closure is a fabricated concept used to give us an artificial sense of comfort in the pain. Instead of seeking closure, we heal by acknowledging and integrating gratitude and grief into our lives simultaneously. Healing is a life-long journey.