Tag Archive for: leadership

CHOICES MATTER How Small Decisions Unlock Big Potential

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It is our CHOICES that show who we truly are, more than our ABILITIES.

Harry Potter

Three decades ago, after an extended bout of depression, a struggling business, and a lengthy fight with addiction, I made a decision that changed my life. I didn’t “hope” my life would get better, because it wouldn’t. I decided it was going to get better. I decided, once and for all, that all blame was a waste of time. I decided that I was not going to be the product of my upbringing or my circumstances. Instead, I would develop from the choices I make in response to my circumstances. I decided that, if I was going to have a good day it wouldn’t depend on what was going on around me; it would depend on the choice I made. I decided to ask for help. And deciding made all the difference.

Spending the past thirty years in a recovery community I have come to know first-hand that small decisions truly unlock big potential. Every day I decide:

Will I take the path that leads to insanity and death, or will I take the path that leads to a reasonably fulfilled and useful life? Will I remain a sick person or will I choose to be a useful, contributing citizen?

When it’s a life-or-death decision you realize the power of a choice. One decision will shape our lives and direct our futures. One decision opens new possibilities while closing others. By making conscious choices, we exercise control over our paths and become active creators of our destinies rather than victims of our circumstances.

The Cost of Unconscious Choosing

Operating unconsciously means letting old habits, social conditioning, or fleeting emotions steer our actions. This can lead to patterns that don’t serve us: staying in unfulfilling jobs, repeating unhealthy relationships, or neglecting our well-being. When outcomes disappoint us, it’s easy to feel like life is happening to us, not for us. We become passive participants, attributing our dissatisfaction to bad luck or external forces.

From Victimhood to Mastery

The antidote to being a passive participant is conscious choice. When we pause and reflect on our motivations and intentions, we reclaim authorship of our lives. Even small decisions—like choosing to respond with kindness instead of irritation, or dedicating time to a personal goal—can have profound ripple effects. By becoming aware of our choices, we shift from being victims of circumstance to masters of our fate.

Empowerment Through Awareness and Courage

This awareness of our choices begins the journey to empowerment. By regularly checking in with ourselves—asking, “Why am I doing this?” or “Is this aligned with my values?”—we create space between stimulus and response. In that space lies our power to choose differently, to break free from limiting patterns, and to steer our lives in the direction we truly desire.

Choice is a fundamental human right and catalyst for personal growth. Not being conscious of our choices, however, can quietly erode our sense of control, leaving us feeling victimized without even knowing it. But by cultivating awareness and intentionality, we transform from passive recipients of circumstance into active creators of our destinies.

Decisions change your life

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There’s a story about a man waiting in an airport who sees another man returning home from a business trip, enthusiastically greeted by his wife and three children.

The joy, love, and caring was so obvious that the first man asked how long they had been married. When told they were married for twenty years, he replied, “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twenty years!”

At this, the family man looked him in the eye, and said something that left him a different person: “Don’t hope, friend… Decide.”

Decisions change your life.

How have your defining moments defined you?

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A participant in my leadership program shared a defining moment that completely changed the trajectory of his life. He was, at one time, a drug addict who had lost it all. His house was about to be foreclosed; his wife and children left him; he was fired from his job; had no money and was about to take his own life.

In one last ditch effort late one night, he called the suicide distress center. When the crisis counsellor answered, he told them about his plan to kill himself. Her response was that her shift was over and asked him to call back in the morning.

“I was so mad at that moment, I decided right there and then I would never again take something that is not mine. My life is not mine. It belongs to some kind of Power greater than me. And it’s not for me to take. I was on the road to the garbage heap and I decided it was time to walk on a new path. I came into recovery and have never looked back.”

We never know what experiences will change us forever. What I do know is that we all have a choice.

What horses can teach us about culture and leadership

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From my time hanging around horses I’ve learned:

  1. Horses don’t care about titles. They don’t care whether you are the CEO or the janitor. What they do care about is your ego. If it’s too big they’ll put you in your place.
  2. It’s all about relationships. If you can’t build a relationship with your horse you won’t get anywhere with them. Horses are highly tuned energetic beings. They can sense your mood within several feet.
  3. We all know the saying that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. But I have a follow-up question: How can a horse drink if it is not near water in the first place? We make real strides as a team only if we are physically together. Many are upset by the requirement to be in the office five days a week, but we simply cannot build a thriving culture if many of us are working remotely.

Do you really have to be vulnerable to be a leader?

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Yes.

If you want people to trust you, buy into your vision, and engage with you. But know what vulnerability is and what it isn’t.

Vulnerability is not: bringing weakness and problems to your team, lowering your standards, abandoning mental toughness, showy expressions of emotions, or saying everything you think and feel.

Vulnerability is about being open with your team in the words and actions of:

  1. Your Vision. People need to know why the work you are doing is important to you.
  2. Your Values. They need to know what standards you will hold yourself accountable to.
  3. Your Requests. Your team needs to know they are needed and valued for their contribution.
  4. Your Mistakes. No one will think less of you when you admit you are wrong, apologize, and show sincere commitment to do better.
  5. Your Imperfections. No one’s perfect. Be open to see blind spots and be willing to do something about them.
  6. Your Warmth. Take the time to show you care through kindness and genuine interest. If you don’t care, give up the mantle of leadership.
  7. Your Courage. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s showing people that you are committed to overcome it.

What are leaders accountable for?

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When you move into a position of leadership, you don’t get more power; you get more accountability.

Six key accountabilities that come with leadership:

  1. Strong character. The best leaders are integrated leaders. They live in alignment with their values. They earn respect from others through their own self-respect.
  2. Modeling personal development. Positional leaders set the tone of the culture. The best gift to your team is your own development that will inspire passion around you.
  3. An ownership mindset. The best leaders understand that all blame is a waste of time. They foster personal responsibility by modeling the way.
  4. A commitment to the strengths of team members. Most of us have little sense of our unique abilities. The best leaders build on people’s strengths, not their weaknesses.
  5. A results orientation. The best leaders have high standards and finish well. They are committed to building a culture oriented toward results.
  6. A servant mentality. Servant leadership focuses on supporting and empowering others to achieve results rather than accumulating power or personal gain.

If you are committed to being an accountable leader, join me in my complimentary webinar on March 28: https://davidirvine.com/complimentary-webinars/