Tag Archive for: leadership development

Everyday Heroes: The Leaders In Organizations Who Are Not In Charge

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In every office, in every community, in every organization, there are true leaders. Most of the time they aren’t the ones with the titles. But they meet our criteria for leadership in that they have followers. People listen to them and are influenced by them. These true leaders are the ones that get the real story because people trust them. They are the beacons that attract the signals in an organization. People go to these people for their cues. They are focused on the right thing and on what matters. They are liked and they are respected. They have no interest in climbing the corporate ladder or playing the corporate games. They don’t seek the limelight. They don’t seek “leadership” or even have a desire to influence. In fact, this is the very thing that makes them so influential. Their lives are about service, not self-interest. They inspire those around them. They are the difference makers. And they get their power not from their position, but from their presence. They are what we call everyday heroes – people who quietly and humbly go about their work, bringing their talents and their passion and their vision to whatever they do. And they make the world around them a better place.

I’m curious:

If you know of these everyday heroes, send their contact information to me. I’d like to connect with them and learn from them.

  • What motivates these “everyday heroes?”
  • What matters to them?
  • How did they get to be this way? What shaped them?
  • How do you hire for these people?
  • How do you acknowledge these “everyday heroes?” How do you support them to lead others in a productive way? How do you ensure that you keep them engaged?

Engagement Flows From Personal Values

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Over the years, my colleagues and I have spent considerable energy and time helping leaders create an aligned culture by clarifying their organizational values. We lead off-site retreats, creating corporate value statements and developing processes for getting those values into the hearts of their employees. But this is not what inspires commitment and engagement.

It’s personal values that matter most when it comes to employee engagement. People don’t put their hearts into anything until they believe in it. Clarity of personal values is the force that makes the difference in an individual’s level of commitment to an organization. Think about your own experience. When, in your career, were you most engaged? Was it when you were clear about the values of the organization you worked for, or when you were clear about your own personal values?

If you are committed to engage people with their hearts, clarifying organizational values is a waste of time unless you get to what matters to them as a person.

In retreats and workshops, I now focus more on helping leaders clarify their employee’s personal values than on clarifying organizational values. While both are important, you have to get to people’s personal values if you want to get to what engages them. Commitment is a matter of alignment between personal and organizational values. You have to get to both sides of the equation.

Authentic Leadership, Character, and Structural Integrity

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Some of the best conversations I have had have come after a presentation when sitting in a lounge debriefing and philosophizing with participants. Such was the case this past week, in a conversation with a project engineer, Steve Kay, who works for the City of Grande Prairie. I’ve always had great respect for engineers and the profession of engineering. They are probably the most trusted profession in the world, and no day goes by without us – knowingly or unknowingly – experiencing the trust we have put in an engineer. Every building you enter, every bridge you cross, every road you drive on has been designed and approved of by an engineer.

In my workshop we talked about the importance of strong character in your work as a leader. Just as engineers must ensure their designs satisfy given design criteria predicated on safety, so, too, must we all have a degree of structural integrity of self-respect and credibility to hold up to the demands that are placed upon us. In the context of structural integrity in our personal lives, I asked Steve what he had to say about strong character and personal integrity. Here’s what he had to say:

“I consider your ‘character’ as how you truly are. Character will impact how much you accomplish in your life. Character determines whether or not you are worth knowing. Character will make, or break, every one of our relationships. Character is the will to do what is right, regardless of personal cost. It’s about doing what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it….I feel obligated to the premise of public safety as the underlying decision making tool… That implies that I can’t take a break from it….I keep on track by looking at a sign I made up and hang in my office to remind me: NO COMPLAINING!”

Authentic Leadership: The World Needs A Skeptic, Not A Cynic

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What’s the difference between a skeptic and a cynic? Here’s my take: A skeptic (according to Encarta® World English Dictionary) is “somebody who questions the validity or truth of things that most people accept.” Skeptics challenge the status quo. Skeptics are necessary for the growth and development of an organization, a culture, and a community. Perhaps the growth of life itself depends on the spirit of a good skeptic. While skeptics appear negative, they have a motive to build. They have goodwill, and are solution-based. Their intent is to serve, to contribute, to make better and stronger by telling the truth. Some are called agitators. We need agitators – as long as its done with the greater good in mind.

Cynics are quite different. While cynics also challenge the status quo, their motive is self-interest. They are not in the game for the greater good. Unlike skeptics, cynics have no cause, and without a cause you are a poacher.

In my discussion with groups of leaders about the difference between skeptics and cynics, the role of complaint inevitably surfaces. Is complaining skepticism or cynicism? It depends on your motive. To complain is  to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief. While complaining inevitably, at least initially, comes across as negative, if your motive is to serve and build, complaining can be useful. Be careful that you don’t judge and silence complainers in haste. Sometimes they are your best teachers and your greatest allies. Listening to and learning from those raising complaints about what is not working can bring about positive change.  Judging complainers outright labels the leaders – the change makers – within your organization who have spoken up, to become silent lest they be labeled as such. Complaints can promote change. Complaints can be productive  when they are heard and acknowledged and when the complaint is coming from a self-responsible mindset.

What’s your take on the difference between a skeptic and a cynic?

Resolving Conflict – The Authentic Way

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We’ve all heard that differences are necessary in any relationship, team, or organization. After all, if we were all the same we wouldn’t have conflict. And without conflict you don’t learn, grow, or create anything new. The challenge is how to make conflict productive. How do you use conflict to discover, expand, and create rather than damage, destroy, and diminish? Have you ever:

  • Found yourself criticizing a colleague and avoiding them?
  • Had trouble sleeping because you were obsessing about a frustrating situation with a co-worker?
  • Been upset when you learned that you would be working with a certain person on a project?
  • Said to yourself,  “If it weren’t for you, we could get along!”

In our courses on conflict resolution, we teach people the skill of being authentic and direct. First, let’s look at the indirect or inauthentic ways that people use to deal with conflict. Inauthentic ways of avoiding a resolution indicate that unresolved anger is being brought into your workplace and include: arguing, avoiding contact, excusing the conflict (not wanting to “make a big deal out of it”), sarcasm, insults, bullying, unfocused busyness, yelling, depression, complaining.

Guidelines for resolving conflict authentically

  1. Appreciate conflict. Because one of the main purposes of your life is to learn and grow, you might as well accept that as long as you are alive, conflict will be a part of your existence. When we say “resolve” we are not implying that the conflict is “over.” Resolve means it is worked through – constructively, courageously, and with civility – so that you can be more effective.
    Take accountability. If you are irritated or in conflict, something within you is seeking to grow and you have an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Taking accountability is not the same as blaming yourself. It means that you decide that all blame is a waste of time and that all change begins with you. “If it is to be, let it begin with me.” If something is irritating you, start by looking inward.
  2. Set boundaries around your anger. This is another aspect of accountability. There are certain ways of expressing anger that are never appropriate in the workplace, or elsewhere. This includes rage (uncontrolled anger), demeaning put-downs, degrading people, and  yelling. If you can’t be mature enough to set these kind of parameters around your anger, then you need to seek help. While everyone has a right to their feelings, with this right comes a responsibility to deal with them in a responsible, constructive, and mature manner.
  3. Be willing to understand. It is empowering to have a person truly listen to you without judgment or solutions. Understanding is different than agreement. If you want to influence another person you must be willing to fully appreciate their point of view and the emotional force of their belief. A willingness to understand is your opportunity to embrace all aspects of a conflict, not just the positions, but all the emotions and beliefs of both sides.
  4. Assess goodwill. Early in my marriage counseling career, I became completely exasperated after working for several weeks with a couple. I finally asked them, “Do you want this relationship to work?” It was the first time they agreed on anything. They looked at me and in unison said “No!” I learned a vital lesson that day about mediating. Ask this  question in the first session! The Dakota Nation tribal wisdom says that when you discover you’re riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. If there is not even one small spark of desire from both parties to work on a relationship, then it is best to get off and get on with your life. You simply can’t have interdependence in a relationship without good-will.
  5. Reach for the expectations beneath the surface of the conflict. Like the oil-light on the dashboard of your car, conflict is an indicator that something is missing. It doesn’t help to put a piece of tape over the gauge any more than it helps to suppress your anger or pretend you aren’t annoyed. If you are the one who is irritated, look inside for what you want and take responsibility to meet that need. If there is good-will in a relationship, you can discover and share these needs with each other. If you want to get to the root of what is irritating another person, take time to explore their interests and expectations, and support them to meet their needs.
  6. Let go. There’s an old saying in my work around embracing change that says, “Build a bridge and get over it.” We all need a support system and a process for letting go of resentments – the unresolved anger, hurts, and betrayals that linger and poison you – that spill over into our relationships and our lives. No one can make you happy or meet all your needs, but what we can get from a support system are insights into the conflict and the courage to let go so we can get on with our lives.
  7. Strive for a higher purpose. Work without a vision is drudgery, and in the midst of drudgery, people will inevitably create meaningless conflict to entertain themselves. The aim of authentic conflict resolution is to transcend and include differences of perspectives, interests, and desires. A shared purpose, vision and values will help you do this. This is true in marriages, teams, community associations, and organizations.
  8. Pay attention to your values. Participating in your relationships at work with authenticity means living in accord with your values. Two critically important values in conflict resolution are honesty and respect. Telling someone in a meeting that their idea was stupid may be honest, but it’s not respectful. On the other hand, saying it was “interesting” when you think it’s stupid, may be respectful but it’s not honest. Conflict resolution – the authentic way – requires that you hold each of these values courageously and firmly as you move toward understanding and negotiation. You’ll never get it perfect, so strive for realness, not perfection. Authenticity is not a destination; it’s a method of travel.

Effective Leadership: Goals, Achievements, And Success Are Not Enough

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Goals and achievements are not enough for a fulfilling life. I’m a goal-oriented person, and I love the exhilaration of achievement that comes from clear intentions and disciplined activity. I learned the value of goal setting early in my life as a track athlete, student, musician, and later as an entrepreneur.

But I need to remind myself that the true joy of life comes from practicing present-moment awareness. Joy is not in the future. It is in attention to the present moment. Whether I’m writing, making a presentation, facilitating an executive retreat, or spending time with one of my daughters, fulfillment comes as I am present to whatever is in front of me, right here, right now. I do not want  to diminish the quality of my attention in the present  moment, for my relationship with the present moment will ultimately determine the quality of my life. By  accepting the present as it is, the future will be manifested through my most treasured intentions and desires. And what emerges by being present to the moment is love – and an inner peace that the world cannot give. When it comes down to it, it really is the journey and the way the journey was traveled, rather than the destination.