Five Ways Leaders Accidentally Create Dishonesty In Employees

Honesty is a key value for any organization. It sets the tone for the kind of culture you are committed to create. It provides consistency in behavior. And it builds loyalty and trust. Honesty is one of the most effective ways to establish the environment that will propel your organization to long-term success. As a leader, the importance you place on honesty can create a culture where your team members feel inspired, empowered, and validated.

Moral dishonesty, such as stealing, padding expense accounts, or lying about results can unfortunately be a part of an organization. More subtle and every bit as important, however, is psychological honesty.

  • What is the experience of your team members working in this organization?
  • Do people feel free to bring you their concerns, questions, or feedback without fear of reprisal?
  • How tense do people feel working around you?
  • Can people be honest with you about your leadership?
  • And how do you know if people are giving honest answers to these questions? How much are people on your team choosing to be merely polite rather being genuine?

Here are five ways leaders accidently create dishonesty in their team. I say accidently because no one sets out to create a dishonest work environment. Often, however, amid stress, demands, and particularly in a hybrid work environment where we may not be as connected to our team, we may inadvertently overlook some unintended consequences of our behavior.

  1. A lack of transparency with your team about why you made a decision. If you aren’t modeling honesty, it’s difficult to expect it.
  2. Unacknowledged stress, tension, and anxiety. It’s tough enough to be honest with your boss. But when you add emotional volatility to the mix, you are inserting a variable of instability which encourages being polite rather than genuine. It is for this reason that leaders must pay close attention to how they act and communicate. To create an honest workplace, you must attend to your inner state. Whether you see it or not, if you have unrecognised strain, tension, and anxiety, your team is likely going to hold back telling you the truth. Volatility breeds unpredictability. And unpredictability breeds dishonesty.
  3. Talking over people. When we interrupt others rather than sincerely listen, we give the message that we think we are smarter than they are, that they aren’t as valued, and aren’t needed. I, for one, am guilty of this when I’m feeling stressed, pushing for results, and forgetting about the importance of the people on my team.
  4. Ignoring people’s emotions. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to ignore your team members’ feelings. This error often occurs when a leader is either unable to deal with their own emotions or are overly focused on tasks and results. The key here is empathy: you will succeed only when you care enough to attend to those around you. You are less likely to increase anxiety in others if you consider how your actions impact them. It’s your responsibility to be attentive to how people around you are doing.
  5. Defensiveness. This is the big one. If you ask for feedback in these areas, you need to let go of needing to be right to protect your ego. As Steve Covey used to say, “seek first to understand…” That is our work. When people have the courage to bring anything to our attention that creates discomfort in us, our responsibility is to resist the tendency to get defensive and to listen to understand.

In summary, positional leaders impact their employees’ stress and anxiety levels. What they say, feel, and do hugely influences their team’s physical and emotional well-being and how they respond. But sadly, far too few leaders are aware that they have this power. And many are overconfident in their leadership skills, creating a gap between their perceived and actual levels of competence. This explains why even well-meaning bosses may inadvertently contribute to high anxiety levels in their team members and how they inadvertently shut people down.

An Authentic Hiring Conversation

We’re in the middle of a hiring process to replace a team member. It’s always been my philosophy to hire s-l-o-w-l-y. We are taking our time. The position is too important to not get it right. One candidate, during the series of interviews and conversations, said, “I don’t want to let you down. I’m nervous.”

My immediate response was, “I hadn’t realized it until just this minute, but I’m nervous too! I don’t want to let you down!”
Then we had a good conversation about our expectations of each other.

We left the discussion with an agreement that this was not about letting anyone down. It wasn’t about judging or putting undue stress on anyone. It was about an assessment of fit. And it works both ways. We both left feeling a bit more confident and free to speak our minds.

This is one of reasons I value being on a team. I learn so much from my interactions with others. Vulnerability leads to safety. And safety leads to clarity. And clarity leads to humanity. And humanity leads to a healthy, productive team.

#teamwork #authenticleadership #hiring

 

You can change people.

We’ve all heard the adage: “You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.” While I get that it’s wasted energy to try to change others by pushing them or cajoling them, or attempting to control them, it doesn’t mean that you can’t change people.

If you sincerely care about a person and you give them consistent positive feedback, provide encouragement, listen and show genuine interest in what they are interested in, honestly value their input, find value in their work and contribution, and show up in their lives, I’ll promise that over time, they will change. Maybe not right away. But they will change. They will grow. They will become better people because of your influence.

And… if you spend time criticizing, disrespecting, discouraging, diminishing, and focusing on all the things that you don’t like about someone, the fault-finding and belittling will also change them. It’s hard to be around bitter, critical, negative people without taking some of that on.

Now that I reflect this, a question arises: Are we are actually “changing” another, or simply bringing the best out of them? In this light, I’m not sure we can even change ourselves. Perhaps, at best, all we can do is create the right conditions for our true, finest nature to be expressed.

And for simplicity sake, let’s assume we can change people. Maybe not without their consent, but don’t overlook the impact one person can have on another.

It’s Hard To Care About Others When You’re Stressed

Last week, I was presenting to a wonderful group of leaders. I arrived two hours early to ensure the technology would work. It turned out that the AV equipment provided at the venue wasn’t compatible with my computer. A stressful moment to say the least.

A recent study has determined that empathy originates in the anterior insular cortex, which is a different part of the brain that is activated when you’re stressed. I’m no neuroscientist, but my experience of being stressed about the AV equipment and its implications for my presentation made it difficult to be empathic with the guy from the venue who was trying to help me, was defensive, and knew nothing about technology.

His lack of people skills and my lack of empathy created a scenario that did not end well. My impatience led to a less than respectful exchange.

The irony of the situation was that I was presenting on Caring In The Workplace!

Upon reflection, here’s what I learned:

  1. When agitated, pause. Step back, go for a walk, call a friend, do whatever you need to do to get to a calm state. Agitation, irritability, and impatience never help a situation.
  2. Decide, when going into any stressful situation, that blame is a waste of time. Working on solutions rather than being angry about the problems is far more effective.
  3. Ensure you are clear about expectations and have a backup strategy. “This is what I need to make this project a success.” And, when life happens and everything falls apart, calmness and confidence arise from having a plan B.
  4. Accept your humanness and when you are wrong, and promptly admit it. I called the venue yesterday and apologized to the guy who was trying to be helpful that morning.

Congratulations Hayley, for finishing – and excelling! – in the Chicago marathon this past weekend.

You are my hero – not because of your amazing time, but because of the way you trained for and ran this race.

You persevered through many setbacks this past year to maintain your training and live this dream.

You ran a smart race. You ran 25 minutes faster than your marathon last year.

You found JOY in the experience. You had fun. You encouraged others.

I truly wish I had your mindset and spirit when I was competing.

Keep running. Keep living your dreams. Keep making a difference.

October 10 is World Mental Health Day

While many people have a physical fitness program, my friend, Jay Lamont, Partner at L2 Health Management, reminds us of the importance of having a mental fitness program. At some point in our lives, we will face a crisis, a loss, or a tragedy. What are we doing to prepare ourselves? How do we get “mentally fit” so we can face reality with greater courage and compassion?

Here are the five pillars of my own mental fitness program. I’ve developed these over many years of having to face depression and anxiety. I’ve learned that self-care isn’t always comfortable, and self-sacrifice is different that self-development. In order to be there for others, our first responsibility is to be there for ourselves.

  1. Daily Quiet Time – A time each morning for meditation and prayer to connect with my inner voice and strengthen me spiritually, so I can do my best to remain mindful, present, and centred throughout the day.
  2. Community – Confidants with whom I can share what’s going on inside me in order to sustain self-awareness, support, and accountability to live in alignment with my values.
  3. Exercise – Daily, non-harming training increases my strength, endurance, stability, and mobility.
  4. Nutrition – Careful attention to what I eat; knowing my unique constitution: what sustains me and what depletes me.
  5. Purpose and Contribution – A cause that gets me out of bed in the morning and inspires me to make a difference in the world.

I hope this might inspire you to develop and maintain a mental fitness program that is right for you.