Strong Fences, Open Gates: Mastering the Balance Between Distraction and Connection

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Interruptions—whether from email, notifications, or colleagues—can have a negative impact on our focus and productivity. Interruptions are not just minor annoyances, they are “toxic” to concentration and the quality of work produced. There is much scientific studies that show that it can take up to 30 minutes to regain focus after being interrupted, and that the “attention residue” from switching tasks leads to poorer performance on subsequent tasks. In short, interruptions are a major barrier to productivity and cognitive restoration. I advocate for structured work routines and clear boundaries to protect periods of productive focus and rest.

And… the right kind of interruptions are what make life truly meaningful and rich. After all, for what purpose are we being productive? A call from my daughter in the middle of a busy day to face time with my young granddaughter, Juno. A voice mail from a friend who needs to talk right after she put her dog down. An invitation from my wife to go for a walk…
The key in life is to put a strong fence to keep the wrong kind of interruptions at bay, and open the gate to the interruptions that matter.

Two Kinds of AI: Artificial Intelligence vs. Authentic Interaction

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When I asked AI the difference between artificial intelligence (AI) and authentic interaction (AI), here’s what I got: “artificial intelligence (AI) and authentic interaction (AI) represent fundamentally different approaches to human connection and problem-solving. While artificial intelligence relies on algorithms and data analysis to simulate human-like responses, authentic interaction involves genuine human engagement, emotional understanding, and nuanced communication.”

However, only a human being can experience the difference between the two – to fully know the difference.

Artificial Intelligence is a great tool but there are severe limitations when it comes to human contact and connection. We can get so lost in the world of artificial intelligence that we don’t even know we are lost. As I say to my university students, “AI will help you write a better paper, but AI won’t help you be a better counsellor. For that, the art of authentic interaction must be mastered.”

I would love to hear your thoughts on the difference between the two AIs – Artificial Intelligence and Authentic Interaction.

How much time do you spend talking vs. listening? Take a listen/talk ratio audit.

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Communication involves talking and listening and is foundational to leadership. Ideally, An ideal ratio is 2:1 where you listen at least twice as much as talk. That’s why we have two ears and only one mouth.

I talk excessively when:

  • I feel compelled to showcase my expertise and knowledge.
  • I’m anxious and feel a lack of control in a situation.
  • I’m insecure. Talking is a coping strategy for me.

Others may talk too much to over-compensate for poor listening skills, or when they feel pressured to provide guidance, when extroversion is a personality trait, or when they feel compelled to jockey for power in a competitive working environment.

Consequences of over-talking include:

  • Being perceived as arrogant and thus a loss of respect.
  • People not feeling understood.
  • Missing important insights and understanding.

When you listen more than you talk you receive more information, build trust, make meaningful connections, and increase your impact when you speak.

We are better off when we increase our self-awareness about how much we talk vs. listen, develop better listening skills, practice more concise communication, and foster a more collaborative environment that encourages input from all team members.

Four Pillars of a Good Life

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Lindsay Kimmett was an athlete, leader, learner, and aspiring doctor with the skills and ambition to leave a big mark on the world. After her tragic passing on February 17th, 2008, her family and friends, committed to carrying on her legacy and passion for hockey, organized a 3-on-3 pond hockey tournament in Lindsay’s hometown of Cochrane, Alberta, Canada. Known as the Kimmett Cup, the tournament is held annually on the second weekend of February. It grows every year, bringing the community together and donating to local charities while contributing to the Lindsay Leigh Kimmett Memorial Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to Lindsay’s memory.

The original organizers of the event knew nothing about organizing a hockey tournament. But they wanted the tournament to reflect who Lindsay was as a person. Today, even though a lot has changed, they still strive to maintain the same principles: everyone plays; play like Lindsay did; bring community together. Lindsay lived by the motto “seize the day”. Today they live out that legacy through Lindsay’s Foundation. To date, more than $3,000,000 has been invested into the community in Lindsay’s name, across an array of both local and global initiatives.

One of the indicators of a good life is that it lives beyond a life – regardless of its length. To live authentically means taking the time to define what it means to live a well-lived life. Inspired by Otto Paul Kretzmann, a professor and pastor of the mid-20th century, I maintain that if a person is to survive, flourish, and stay sane in the modern world, four elements are essential.

  1. Something to live by. A well-lived life requires a set of values that provide guideposts and a framework for decision-making. Focused momentum is necessary for well-being and cannot be sustained by impulsive decisions. Non-negotiable principles guide an authentic life and provide strength and direction.
  2. Something to live for. Life becomes a slog when it consists merely of checking off a daily to-do list. A sense of purpose, a reason for being, and service beyond self-interest give us a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning and stay engaged with our life.
  3. Something to live on. Money may not buy you happiness, but it will buy you options. Creating an income sufficient to attend to our basic needs and allow pursuits that bring joy are important to a well-lived life. It isn’t just about how much we make, however. It’s also about how much we spend. Fulfillment is hard to grasp amid worry and financial stress. Having the discipline to live below your means and learning to be satisfied with what you have are paramount to a good life.
  4. Something to live with. Something to live by, to live for, and to live on means little if we don’t learn to live with love. A good life is one that is lived wholeheartedly, connected to the important people in our lives. Love is what makes it all worthwhile.

Why “being nice” and avoiding hard conversations isn’t really “nice” at all

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Have you ever met a “nice” person who is polite, but hard to connect with?
There’s a difference between being nice and being kind. The chart illustrates an extreme dichotomy between the two.

Nice comes from insecurity, a lack of confidence
Kind comes from high self-worth and respect

Nice is polite aloofness
Kind is genuine benevolence

Nice is people-pleasing: negating your own needs to be liked and approved of
Kind is self-advocacy: standing up for your own needs; prioritizing your well-being

Nice has no personal boundaries; inability to say no
Kind has healthy boundaries; the ability to say no with compassion and respect

Nice is conflict avoidant – a desire to maintain harmony at all costs
Kind is honesty – being willing to communicate directly and compassionately about issues

Nice leads to courteous disconnection
Kind leads to authentic connection

13th Annual World Religions Conference

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I had the good fortune of moderating the panel at the 13th Annual World Religions Conference in Cochrane this week, where we discussed Truth and Faith: How do we Know What to Believe?

The evening was intended to “embrace the mosaic of world religions and philosophies… where faiths converge & understanding prevails…”

We indeed witnessed the vibrant fusion of knowledge, beliefs, and traditions, and celebrated the harmony and unity that binds us together.

Thank to you to Rev. John Snow Jr. who offered an Aboriginal perspective, Michael Sabet, who gave a Baha’i viewpoint, Dr. Scott MacDonald, a Christian perspective, Dr. Daniel Haas, a humanist view, and Imam Zahir Ahmed, an Islamic perspective.