Christmas Is About Opening Your Heart, Not Your Wallet

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I heard a great quote this week on a movie trailer: “I don’t like Christmas, but I like getting presents.” This could be said about me. Every year I say to myself, “I don’t like all the materialism that comes with Christmas… Santa is a myth perpetrated by the consumer marketplace to get people spending in the fourth quarter!”

But then I stopped to examine what was really going on. If I were truly honest with myself, this righteous attitude was an excuse to let my wife do all the shopping. After all, “I’m busy at work, earning money so we can afford presents. I’m doing more important things than hanging around crowded malls full of materialistic shoppers.”

But something in me woke up this year. I started to realize how I have not only abdicated my responsibility for shopping, but in the process, kept my heart closed.

Even though I procrastinated my shopping, this week I am actually getting into the stores, but more importantly I am getting into my heart. And it’s been good for me to tune in to the people I care most about and ask, “How can the most important people in my  life feel loved right now?” It’s a question that needs answering all year round, but this time of year awakens us to the importance of the question. In the words of Charles Dickens,“I have always thought of Christmas as a good time, a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. It’s the only time in the long calendar of the year when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely and to think of people around them as fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.”

Bringing this attitude into the season has opened me to love and gratefully connected me to my soul, to my fellow travelers on this human experience, and to the spirit of life that goes well beyond the meaningless purchasing of presents under the pressure of another to-do list.

And then, I had a conversation with a friend this morning who just returned from visiting his dying sister. He talked of the unsung heroes in our world, not the philanthropic executives who donate money to charity this time of year to make a public appearance of benevolence. The real heroes are people who serve and give to their communities every day of the year without any expectation of personal or public recognition. An example are dying patients who, in the midst of their own suffering, comfort a fellow patient lying in a bed next to them.

Christmas brings to our attention our life-giving need to love and realize our connection to each other. It truly is about the heart, not the wallet (even though the wallet is be a good place to start if there’s money there).

What is your experience of love, both now and after the glow of the season is extinguished?

Holidays, Rest, and Renewal

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A coaching session with an executive earlier this week reminded me that this time of year is so hectic: social obligations, family commitments, shopping malls, company parties. Is it really meant to be so crazy? Our family has made it a habit to stop, reflect, and design the holidays in a way that is right for us. Life – and time – is getting too precious to spend it on obligations that are not in alignment with our deepest values. I’ve lived enough of my life under other people’s conditions, and am learning to be true to myself.

For me, the season is about four things:

  1. Rest – from a very busy fall;
  2. Relationships – with people that matter the most to me;
  3. Reflection – an inventory of 2010 and goal setting for 2011;
  4. Renewal – time to do what we love to do: playing games as a family, spending time outdoors, catching up on some reading, being still, and just hanging out.

I have learned that one of the keys to a full life is to say “no” to the wrong opportunities. No better time to test and practice this than during the holiday season. Learning this is still a work in progress.

I feel enormous gratitude for my blessed life. I hope you will take time to design this holiday in a way that is true to you, and I wish you and your loved ones the greatest blessing of all: inner peace.

Obuntubotho – The Essence of Being Human – And of Being A Great Leader

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When Bishop Desmond Tutu introduced Nelson Mandela at his inauguration as the new president of South Africa, he described him as being a man who had Obuntubotho. “Obuntubotho,” he said, “is the essence of being human. You know when it is there and when it is absent. It speaks about humanness, gentleness, putting yourself out on behalf of others, being vulnerable. It embraces compassion and toughness. It recognizes that my humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.”

Obuntubotho is not only the essence of being human. It’s the essence of great leadership, because the essence of great leadership is being human.

Who do you know in your workplace or in your life who has this quality of Obuntubotho? When you stop and pay attention, you know when it’s there, and you know when it is absent. As a leader, how are you consciously developing this quality within yourself?

Creating A Remarkable Culture: Learning To Lead Without A Title

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Do you work in a culture that you would call “remarkable?” Are you depending on someone else to make it remarkable, or do you take ownership to create a remarkable culture in the area where you work and can influence? The title of this blog is the title of some of my most recent presentations and workshops. Here are some of the key messages I have been giving to organizations these days:

Building resilient, vibrant organizational cultures is about building leadership capacity at every level and in every position. I define leadership as the capacity of human beings to shape and create a new future by inspiring and engaging others. Leadership is what transforms mediocrity into greatness.

You don’t get promoted to leadership. Leadership is about presence, not position. It’s not a title; it’s a decision. Every person in your organization is a potential leader.

Growing and developing the leadership talent of every single person throughout your organization is your greatest competitive advantage in a turbulent economy.

Learning to lead without a title is the responsibility of every employee.

I love what Dr. Martin Luther King said about personal leadership:

“If a person is called to be a street sweeper, they should sweep streets as Michelangelo painted or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare poetry. They should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did their job well.’”

Even if you have a title, you have to learn to lead without one. One of my clients is very wise. Before he promotes someone into a leadership position, he assesses their leadership capacity by inviting them to work in a nonprofit organization (of their choice) for six months, to see how well they influence with no positional power. “If you can’t lead volunteers, you’ll never be able to lead with a title,” he proposes. Not a bad philosophy.

How do you help people in your organization – with or without positional power – develop their leadership capacity? I’d love to get your thoughts on this.

Remembrance Day, The Horrors of War, and Living Honorably: “Earn This.”

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My sister, Kate, lost her father (my mother’s first husband) in WWII, so Remembrance Day has always had significance to me. But with our Canadian Armed Forces in Afghanistan, Remembrance Day now has a different feel to it. It’s more real. It’s closer to home. I was moved this year by CBC’s stories of some of the Canadian families who have lost loved ones in the Afghanistan conflict.  I like to watch war movies this time of year, at least war movies with a message.

Saving Private Ryan is a classic. The opening scene of Steven Spielberg’s classic finds us in an American military Cemetery in present-day Normandy, France. An older Ryan, accompanied by his family, searches for one particular grave — Captain John Miller. When he finds it he’s overcome with emotion and his memory sweeps back in time to D-Day, the Sixth of June 1944.

A discovery is made in the condolence section of army headquarters. Three brothers of the Ryan family have been killed almost at the same time. A fourth brother, James Francis Ryan, is somewhere in Normandy with the 101st Airborne Division. The Chief of Staff of the Army, General George Marshall, orders him found and “get him the hell out of there.”

Captain Miller and a small patrol of his Rangers are ordered inland from the beach to find Ryan. At last, after taking much hardship through enemy lines, they find  Ryan. But in the village, where remnants of the 101st are defending the bridge, Ryan refuses to abandon his duty and his buddies. Reluctantly, Miller decides to stay and join in the defense. The prospects are bleak. Nevertheless, Miller organizes the men and plans the defense.

The Germans show up with two Tiger tanks, several armored vehicles and infantry. The fight for the town is vicious. The Americans fall, one by one. Miller won’t give in, even as the German tank approaches the bridge. But the tank is blown up at the last minute by a P-51 just as American reinforcements arrive. Miller, at the end, gives Ryan a life mission to take home with him: “Earn this.”

Ultimately, Spielberg’s message is not hard to get across: war is brutal. But this film is not simply about the horrors of war, it is a story of men and sacrifices. While all eight men lost their lives in the mission to find Private Ryan, we have all been given a similar life challenge. Think of the men and women who have lost their lives, their limbs, and their mental well-being for us. Are we earning the life we are living? Are we living honorably? Do we remain grateful?

Acknowledging Others

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I received an email this week from a friend who told me he had recently written letters to 10 people who had made a significant difference in his life. He felt this was a project that he wanted to do, and as I was on his list, he wrote and expressed appreciation for the difference I had made in his life. He wrote to some people who had died (his parents) and to two or three people from different phases of his life. He benefited greatly from doing this exercise as he reflected and gave thanks for the tremendous support and excellent role models in his life. He shared with me how doing this exercise became a great reminder of how blessed his life has been. It also helped him be humble. He would not have had the success and absolutely wonderful life he enjoys today without the help of all the good people he has known. He was also challenged to live his life so that he might be an example and a help to people.

It reminds of how Zig Ziglar has a “wall of influence” in his office, photos of 25 people who made a difference in his life.

How are you acknowledging others?