FROM TRANSITIONS TO TRANSFORMATIONS:  Exaggerating The Essential

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My good friend Allan is currently in the hospital recovering from surgery that removed his voice box in response to a rare kind of throat cancer. He’s relying on tubes inserted into his abdomen for fluids and food. As a psychiatrist whose career relied on speaking and sharing his wisdom, his life will never be the same. (A white board that he uses for communicating displays the message in the image above.)

It is expected that he will soon find a way to communicate verbally through the amazing advances in technology. When I asked how he was without a voice, Allan wrote, “I am not frustrated with not speaking. I’ve attended fourteen silent retreats so lots of practice. They were voluntary, but I am surrendering with intention and permission to slowing down my typing and keeping things short while I’m here.” He then referred to a Vincent Van Gough quote, “I have learned to exaggerate the essential and leave the ordinary deliberately vague.”

In “The Starry Night,” the swirling sky and glowing stars were exaggerated, while the village below is rendered simple and vague, emphasizing the dreamlike, emotive qualities Van Gogh found essential. Similarly, Allan is surrounded by his faith, his perspective and approach to life, and the love of the people who care so deeply about him. He understands the vital importance of exaggerating these essentials.

Life’s interruptions – whether a health crisis, a job loss, the death of a loved one, becoming a parent, a move, a divorce – are like sudden storms that reroute even the most carefully charted journeys, forcing us out of familiar harbors into unknown seas. Navigating these transitions demands more than resilience; it calls for a willingness to let go of old certainties, embrace vulnerability, and discover new depths within ourselves. In those moments when life fractures the expected and invites us into uncertainty, we find the raw material for transformation and the unfolding of our true story.

According to Allan, “the idea of moving with transitions is to transform us into new visions of what we are now, have been, and continue to become. We then shift from transformation to transcendence and live in a new way with a vision of ourselves we never had before. Transaction to transformation to transcendence is predicated on recognizing the waves of transition that carry us from one to the other.”

Here are three essentials that Allan has reminded me to exaggerate, to turn a transition into a transformation.

  1. Acceptance. Suffering doesn’t come from life. It comes from resisting life. If you’re going to pick a fight with reality, you’re going to lose every time. Welcome the hard stuff and befriend all that it brings. In the pile of manure you will one day find a pony – if you keep digging. By meeting pain and fear with compassion and curiosity, we allow ourselves to be reshaped by the experience and discover new strengths and deeper self-understanding.
  2. Centering. To be transformed during change, it is essential to rely on something in our life that isn’t changing – a stable core from which to draw strength, clarity, and resilience. This inner sanctuary serves as a grounding point amid external turbulence and brings us into the present moment, enabling us to navigate uncertainty without losing our sense of self. By cultivating practices of reflection, self-acceptance, and emotional awareness, we create a personal anchor that supports us through the upheaval of change. Whether it’s daily prayer, meditation, or finding a sanctuary in nature, adhering to a daily practice for centering steadies us during the disorienting chaos of transition and fosters the emergence of new perspectives and renewed purpose.
  3. Community. Transitions are a lonely journey, but they can’t be done alone. Finding confidants, guides, partners, or allies to walk beside us are necessary to get us through to the other side. In a world marked by fragmentation and rapid change, it is community that weaves together what has been pulling us apart, anchoring transformation in the fabric of relationships.

Ultimately, life transitions teach us about ourselves: our capacity for adaptation, our core values, and our deepest yearnings. If we allow the pain of difficult experiences to break us open, a stronger, wiser, kinder self can emerge. The journey through change can reveal truths that were hidden when life felt certain and predictable. Transitions can illuminate new paths toward authenticity, purpose, and belonging. With patience, presence, self-compassion, and support, the uncertainty of transition is also the birth of new possibilities.

On a personal note, I, too, have had to practice exaggerating these essentials as I write my memoir this year. I’m processing the insights and healing impact that this endeavor has had on me thus far. It has been a catalyst for a significant transition as I move into the next chapter of my life. I look forward to sharing the ongoing journey with you over the coming months.

Are you re-inventing yourself when necessary?

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It’s natural to get comfortable in our life situation. But if we aren’t conscious and intentional, we can unknowingly become unsuitable to our existing environment. I’ve learned is that it’s good to periodically re-invent yourself in response to different life events. Regularly renewing yourself is a crucial component of personal growth and development. Otherwise, we can get trapped in cycles of complacency. What got you here won’t necessarily get you there.

I find this true in the speaking business. I give a presentation. The audience loves it. So I repeat it to the next audience. And they love it. Even though I customize the material, it’s easy to get into a rut giving essentially the same presentation over and over. Success can actually lead to failure.

It’s been the big changes in my life that have created the most meaningful opportunities to re-invent myself: the death of a close relative, the birth of a grandchild, kids leaving home; downsizing and moving to a new location. And now I am re-examining and rebranding our Authentic Leadership Academy with a team of colleagues.

How are you re-inventing yourself to respond to different life events?

Burnout, Leadership, and the Tyranny of the Transactions

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Every job has a transactional aspect and a transformational aspect. The transactional aspect deals with such issues as budgeting, planning, performance management, and administration. The transformational side of management is about inspiring, connecting, mentoring, and visioning. Every job has both of these components. Even in the case of a grocery store clerk, the transactional side is about task completion and operational excellence. The transformational side is about the relationship with the customer – the connection you make in the transaction. Transactions get the job done, but it’s the transformational side where we find meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in our work.

Burnout is not about hard work; it’s about heart ache. If we aren’t intentional and deliberate, transactional demands can squeeze out what truly matters: making connections, building relationships, and transforming lives. It’s transactions that burn us out and create exhaustion. One of the reasons that the pandemic was so hard on leaders is that the pressures and demands of maintaining protocols and keeping people safe – the tyranny of the transactional – left little space for transformational work.

Next time you are asked how you are, and you reply with “busy,” take a moment to look inside and ask, “Is it a good busy?” Is it the fulfillment of transformational work, or is it the busy that drains your energy through the tyranny of the transaction? How the balance is between the transactional and the transformational aspects of your work? Both are important and both need attending to.

If you are out of balance and want to step away from the tyranny of the urgent, join us in our upcoming Authentic Leadership Academy in November. Check it out at: https://lnkd.in/gMi2euzp

Leadership and the trap of the tyranny of the transaction.

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Every leadership position comes with two components: transactional and transformational. Transactional deals with administration, budgets, planning, forecasting, measuring, and managing tasks. Transformational has to do with mentoring, connecting, inspiring, coaching, welcoming, building your culture.

Transactions get the job done. Transformations make the difference.

In every job, there’s always a pull toward the transaction. It’s the squeaky wheel of organizations, the voice that yells the loudest. It’s the easiest to measure and if we aren’t intentional, it can take up all our time to the point we aren’t even leading anymore. If you aren’t careful it will suck all the energy out of your work.

Here are some tips to move beyond transactional and make TODAY transformational:

  1. In every email to a team member include a sincere statement of why you appreciate the person you are sending it to.
  2. Take time to listen. Find out what matters to people and show genuine interest in what they are interested in.
  3. Check in regularly with your people. How are they feeling about their work? About the organization? What do they need to ensure their success here?
  4. Share your vision with your team periodically and talk with each member about how they contribute to that vision.
  5. Whether it’s through encouraging words, a thank you card, a smile, fulfilling projects, or a pat on the back, be sure every person on your team feels appreciated and valued.
  6. Ask people what inspires them to work here, and what keeps them inspired to come back. Be sure people are inspired.

How do you avoid the tyranny of the transaction – and ensure that you make today transformational?

To deepen your transformational work, check out my complimentary Mini-Series https://lnkd.in/g4M9qpWh that will give you a taste of our upcoming Authentic Leadership Academy https://lnkd.in/gMi2euzp

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REFLECTIONS ON THE OTHER EVEREST RETREAT

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“You are a leader second. First, you are a human being.”  – John Scherer

I know from my own research, and my more than thirty years of experience in the leadership development field, that now more than ever, the world is in need of leaders who are committed to substance over superficial, character over charisma, and service over self-interest. In short, we need leaders who are authentic – people whose inner compass guides their daily actions and who inspire trust by being honest and real. To come to this place of impact and influence requires slowing down, going inside, and developing a relationship with an interior self. It’s about finding one’s voice away from the voices of the world. To attain the capacity to influence in today’s changing, complex, and demanding world, to lead with the depth of a strong authentic presence, requires an inner journey, a journey to one’s heart, a journey to what I call the “Other Everest.”

A year ago I had a dream to create an authentic community of like-minded leaders – difference makers – who are committed to go deeper than what I was offering in my keynote and one day leadership programs. Last week I saw this dream come to fruition at the Banff Centre when thirty-one remarkable, authentic, caring leaders came together to create a pivotal moment in my career. Assisting me by integrating mindfulness training, creativity, accountability, self-awareness, and yoga into the experience of deepening one’s leadership presence, were two extraordinary human beings, Julianna Veldtman and Jeff Lichty.

During the three days we co-created an amazing space to pause, to go within, and to connect with our authentic selves. These leaders are committed to amplifying their impact through increased self-awareness and a stronger, clearer purpose and presence and created a community of support with other authentic leaders. Together we discovered a renewed perspective on leadership and immersed ourselves, in the words of one participant, in “an inspiring space of complete trust, kindness and support.” Another participant, a CEO from Edmonton, explained it this way a week after the experience, “It seems so surreal looking back at it now. How was it possible to bring those exact people together at that exact time to make the magic happen? I cannot fully describe the life-changing event that you set the stage for and made happen. Truly, truly amazing.”

Words cannot adequately describe my own profound gratitude for the honesty, courage, vulnerability, engagement, openness, and trust that these amazing leaders put into the experience. They actually left their devices and technology at the door for three full days and engaged themselves completely in the process. I left with a deep and sustaining knowing that leadership is truly not about position; it’s about presence. Leadership cannot be reduced to techniques or tools. True Leadership is about connecting to our authentic self and bringing that self wholeheartedly to the service of others.

My father used to say that, “only so far as a man is happily married to himself, is he fit for married life.” By embarking on a journey of integration and inner peace, one expands their capacity to fully reach and influence the world. It’s about being engaged in a perpetual process of becoming. The experience last week has made me a better person. It has confirmed my conviction that a person enlarges their ability to lead and impact others through a strong presence that is attained, in large part, through an inner journey.

Each of us has within us a calling. While the outside world pushes us, something within pulls us. Let your deepest desires lead you. If this sounds like a journey upon which you would like to embark, watch for details for the next retreat in December on my website. Also feel free to send us a note expressing an interest: http://www.irvinestone.ca/contact/.

I look forward to having you join us for the next one.

Write A Ticket, Change A Life

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For the past several years I have been involved in teaching leadership development programs at every level and in every division of the RCMP. In my workshops, I make a distinction between the transactional work of policing (writing tickets, arresting criminals, doing paper work, etc.) and transformational work of policing, where lives are changed, communities become safer, and police officers make a lasting difference in someone’s life.

When I teach this leadership principle I tell a story about a constable who rightfully ticketed me several years ago for going through a stop sign while I turned on to a main street in the community where I live. But this constable didn’t just write me a ticket. He carefully took the time to make the whole experience a transformational moment. He sincerely and respectfully told me a story of why he was writing me a ticket. He had recently attended to an accident where children were killed because a car was t-boned when the driver went through a stop sign without stopping.

The story was transformational to me. It changed my life. While I won’t say that since that day I have never rolled through a stop sign, over the past nine years I frequently think of that constable when I am approaching a stop sign, and when I do so, I make sure I come to a complete stop.

In recent weeks I have taken the time to track down this constable and thank him for changing a life. Here, in essence, is what I said:

“I want to thank you for stopping me that night and telling me that story before you ticketed me. You changed my life. Because of your actions, I am a safer driver. But it not only made me a safer driver. For the past nine years I have been telling this story to corporate audiences across the continent and several people over the years have told me that my story has helped change their driving habits and made them safer drivers. 

So… your service in our community has changed lives and likely saved lives. I just wanted to write and express my sincere appreciation to you.

Continue on with your important work in our community and beyond. You and your colleagues in the RCMP do incredible work that is far too often unacknowledged and unappreciated.”

So often, we never know when one action will have a rippling effect to make lasting change in a person’s life. So often, we never know how our lives can make a difference.

To paraphrase the words of Margaret Mead, “Never doubt that one thoughtful, committed citizen can change the world.”