Tag Archive for: authenticity

Can Arrogance Be Mistaken For Confidence?

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While arrogance and confidence appear similar on the surface, there is a definitive line that divides the two. Confidence is an intrinsic value, involving inner trust, assurance, and faith in one’s ability to deal with the situation in front them. Arrogance, on the other hand, is a false sense of superiority over others that comes from an unacknowledged lack of confidence. At its extreme, arrogance can be seen as an ego-maniac with an inferiority complex. We’ve all met them. Maybe we’ve seen one in the mirror. I know I have. And when you give this person a leadership title where they can use their positional power to show everyone how insecure they are, it never ends well.

When you are truly confident, you don’t have a need to appear superior over others.

Arrogance is a coping strategy, a learned response to feel safe and powerful when you are lacking confidence. Insecurity, self-doubt, and fear are all part of being human. But when it’s not safe to acknowledge these parts of ourselves, we learn to cope in a variety of ways. One coping strategy is to cover up our insecurity with arrogance. Another is to withdraw and quit. The authentic way is to develop the self-awareness and courage to acknowledge to ourselves when we are feeling a lack of confidence and make appropriate choices to walk bravely through what we are facing. The authentic way ultimately leads to confidence and trust – both in ourselves and in those around us.

How do you view the difference between arrogance and confidence?

Leading Beyond the Great Disruption

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Nelson Mandela had many teachers in his life, but the greatest of them all was prison. In the words of his biographer, Richard Stengel, “Prison taught him self-control, discipline, and focus, and it taught him how to be a full human being – the things he considered essential to leadership.” In other words, it was the solitude, degradation, devastation, and inhumanity of his time in confinement that made him into the leader we admire. It was his journey away from the world and into his soul that allowed him to lead in the world.
The pandemic turned our world upside down in a short span of time, and its impact is wider spread than we might acknowledge. Offices, communities, and families have been divided. People have been hurt. We’ve all experienced loss. Our mental health has been affected. The residue of the collective trauma we experienced lingers. The enormous health, economic, and humanitarian challenges of the past two-and-a-half years have led to a great disruption that challenges leaders to reinvent their organizations with an orientation toward renewed and sustainable growth, resilience, and purpose.
May Nelson Mandela’s courageous long walk to freedom be an inspiration to us all to make this great disruption our greatest teacher.
We can start this holiday season by pausing, getting our bearings, resetting our personal and collective compasses, and opening our hearts. It’s a time for healing, caring, and forgiving as we move forward together.
Here are three ways we can be part of creating a new world:
  1. Clarify a vision. Mandela’s dedication to the African people and the ideal of a free and democratic society where all people would live in harmony kept hope alive for the South African people. It also kept Mandela’s own hope alive during his years of unjust confinement. Hope is not a guarantee of a desired outcome, but a deep and sustaining confidence that our contribution will make a difference – regardless of the outcome. What is your personal vision that inspires hope?
  2. Open your hearts. Divisiveness, exclusion, and dissention have been a part of the places where we live and work the past two+ years. Vaccine mandates, corporate policies, religious views, and political opinions have divided families and workplaces like nothing I have experienced in my lifetime. Ask yourself who in your world needs to be listened to, heard, and truly understood. Where might apologies be needed? It’s not agreement but respect, understanding, and compassion that is required. It’s naïve to think that we can just return to work and personal relationships, and everything will be back to normal. Healing from the impact of the pandemic will take time, patience, and much caring from everyone.
  3. Let go of bitterness. “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom,” said Nelson Mandela, “I knew that if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Forgiveness is not some bleeding-heart, Sunday school platitude. Forgiveness is having the courage to honestly face the emotions that come from being unjustly injured and then letting go of the right to be resentful. It takes maturity to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even. Forgiveness does not abdicate the importance of justice; rather it removes revenge from the justice process. Forgiveness transforms vengeance into freedom. In the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, “Without forgiveness, there is no future.”
To quote Lady Gaga: “The really fantastic thing about kindness is that it’s free. And it can’t hurt you or anybody else. It is the thing that brings us all together. In times of chaos and crisis we start pointing fingers at where we think the bad guys are, where the evil is. We all start arguing. Everybody has different opinions… The solution is that we need to build a stronger, braver world. We need to get rid of the labels, the different factions… none of this can matter anymore. We are unified in our humanity. And the only thing we all know, the one thing we all appreciate in one another, is kindness. This must come before all things. And you must operate relentlessly this way. With everything you have.”

Decision Making

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Why decision making is so effective when it is located where the knowledge and expertise lie, rather than where the pay grade is appropriate.

I come from a lineage of hand-standers.

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I come from a lineage of hand-standers. My grandfather could still do a headstand when he was 93. My father was a Canadian national gymnast in the 1940s. He used to walk around on his hands when he was 50. I didn’t think there was anything particularly unusual about this until my friends came over. They thought it was pretty cool.

I’ve continued the practice and my handstand picture was taken last year on my sixty-fifth birthday .

But it’s not the handstands that are important. It’s the impact. It’s the inspiration. Like any achievement, it’s the person you become to get there. It’s also about the connection. After coming home from the hospital recovering from Meningitis at the age of four, Dad took me to the gym, put me on the parallel bars and the ropes and the rings and the tumbling mat and worked with me to rebuild my strength. “Don’t pray for the world to get easier,” he would say. “Pray, instead, for you to get stronger.”

I remember the strength of his shoulders and quads and forearms and heart, lifting me gently up on those bars and patiently working with me as I learned forward and backward rolls. We’d get up early and do 5BX Workouts together all through my elementary school years.

Dad and I also spent time together driving thirty minutes to and from church every week. I don’t remember much of what I learned in church, but what I do remember is the conversations with him in the car on the way there and back. He taught me how to drive on those trips. I remember listening to Earl Nightingale with him on Sunday morning radio. We’d talk about what we learned and how he inspired us both to be better human beings.

Leaders create ripples in time that extend to generations yet unborn. Not just impact in the here and now, but in the here and forever.

What are you doing today to impact the life of someone in the next generation? You may not see the fruit of your labor, but keep planting the seeds.

Psychological Safety: It Starts With Self-Awareness

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Your first and most important responsibility as a leader is to create a safe environment where people can bring their whole self to their work. So how do you know if people feel safe? How do you know whether people fully trust you? How do you know if people are secretly looking for a job somewhere else because of their relationship with you?

It starts with self-awareness. You simply don’t know what you don’t know. This is one of the driving forces behind the SAGE Forums. We want to help you become self-aware in a small community of like-minded, diverse individuals who will help reveal your blind spots, help hold you accountable for making the necessary changes, and give you the needed support to stay on track.

We’d love to have you be a part of our community. Remember: You aren’t alone. For information our SAGE Forums, check out our website: https://davidirvine.com/sage-forums/

 

Engagement and the Four Human Needs

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To get your team inspired and engaged, to foster loyalty, and get the most out of people under your care, you need to work with them to meet four fundamental needs.

  1. People need to feel safe. They need to feel physically and psychologically safe. They need to know it’s safe to tell the truth, be honest, and be themselves. They need to know that they can bring their whole self to work, and don’t have to leave who they are at the door.
  2. People need to feel supported. They need to know you care, that you have their back, and are concerned for them at work and away from work. They need to know that you know the names of their kids, what interests them away from work, and what’s concerning them when they get to work.
  3. People need to feel significant. They need to know that their work makes a difference and contributes to the success of the organization. They need to know that their gifts are valued and their goals are important, and that they can make these an integral part of their work.
  4. People need to be stretched. People need to be challenged to grow and have an opportunity to bring all they can to their game. Set the bar high and model the way. Be clear about your expectations. Give lots of support and help people be all they can be. Growth, after all, lives outside the comfort zone.