Earlier this month, I had the extreme pleasure of spending some time with the Canadian leadership team from Doka, an amazing company with incredible leaders from around the world.
I had a wonderful experience for three inspiring days as they demonstrated passion, accountability, authenticity, and a high level of engagement.
Life will always include difficult people that pose challenges in our relationships. The question is: how can we deal with our relationships the authentic way?
Join David as he shares his experience and perspective on dealing with difficult people in our lives – with courage, clarity, and compassion.
Sign up here for our complimentary webinar: https://lnkd.in/d37Prt4a
The past month I had the privilege of leading two Authentic Leadership Academies: one in-person and one virtual. This work is deeply fulfilling and meaningful – an expression of my own personal reason for being. After an extremely rewarding in-person event, I wondered if it was possible to bring the same level of depth and connection into an online community. And the amazing group of committed difference-makers surprised me. We had an equally satisfying experience in our four days of the online event.
Both events left me inspired by the power of the human spirit. When a group of people come together committed to be real with each other, they let down their guard and discover their true essence and authentic leadership to create an authentic community. The venue or the medium makes little difference. True magic happens through a shared vision and commitment to be better leaders by being better human beings.
In this video, you will hear from our in-person attendees about their experience in the Academy.
If you would like to join us, both versions will be offered again in the Spring.
We’ve all been there. Criticizing someone who isn’t in the room. Badmouthing a colleague. Condemning our boss.
It’s called gossiping and means we disrespect a person in their absence.
What I’ve learned about gossip:
Authenticity, when it comes to gossip, requires three decisions:
a) Decide you will be loyal in people’s absence. It will earn you self-respect, respect of your comrades, and will foster trust. If you want to retain those who are present, be loyal to those who are absent.
b) Decide to be direct with the person you are frustrated with or let it go because it’s not the right thing at the moment to bring it up directly with them.
c) Decide that self-respect that comes from integrity is more worthwhile than the superficial approval from preying on another person’s weaknesses.
When a person starts gossiping to you:
i) Empathize with their feelings, but tell them you don’t participate in gossip.
ii) Bring all the parties together (if you have a role to do so) to deal with the issue directly.
iii) Talk about positive things about the person in their absence.
iv) Apologize when you forget all this and get sucked back into the comfort and ease of gossip rather than the courage of your convictions.
v) Remember that all these principles and practices apply to personal and family relationships as much as they apply to relationships in the workplace.
Disruption and disorder have always been a part of the human condition. This reality is often seen at a global level, as in the brutality of terrorism and war, and sometimes more personally, as in the sudden arrival of an illness, an injury, or a personal betrayal. Our work is to embrace times of great difficulty honestly and courageously through the lens of authenticity, allowing the pain to break us open so a stronger, wiser, and kinder self can emerge.
When faced with a global disruption or a personal tragedy, will you become a better person from the disturbance, or will you distract yourself and miss the growth opportunity? Will you use this time to develop your authenticity and connect more deeply with yourself and the world around you, or will you look for diversions to drown out your pain?
Specifically, how can disorder in the world or in our lives make us better people? Here are three simple strategies to resist the tendency to distract during times of disruption and instead take the road less traveled to deepen our authenticity.
Disconnect to connect. Periods of disruption lead to the allure of escapism, particularly the kind that technology can offer to alleviate emotional pain. Programs on our devices are designed to give us relief by drowning out grief. Does the escape these devices offer actually lead to greater well-being? We’d be hard pressed to claim these devices will pilot us into increased mental health.
Connect with your emotions. Binge watching shocking news is different than connecting with your own experience. Take time to ask yourself a few questions:
Last evening, I sat with a friend, who was putting her parents, who stayed with her in Canada over the summer, on a plane back to Israel. They are in their seventies and want to get home to do what they can. Sitting with this woman for just a few moments yesterday made the war more real to me. Connect to yourself. Connect to others. Let life touch you. Don’t let it consume you, but let it touch you, even briefly.
Clarify your values. In search of authenticity, I am inspired by the words of Brad Stulberg in his book, Master of Change, about how to navigate unavoidable upheaval; that a more sustainable response to change can be found in your core values:
When you feel the ground shifting underneath you, when you don’t know your next move, you can ask yourself, how might I move in the direction of my core values? … The portability of core values means that you can practice them in nearly all circumstances. Thus, they become a source of stability throughout change, forging the rugged boundaries in which your fluid sense of self can flow and evolve. Nothing can take your values away from you. They provide a rudder to steer you into the unknown.
There are times in our lives when we are on narrow roads. At those times, we are fools if we try to maintain our usual speed. Disruption is a time to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n when the world seems to be speeding up. Stop and get your bearings. Reset your compass. Clarify your values and renew your commitment to take the small actions that can make a big difference within your sphere of influence.
Value-driven responses are not as immediately enticing as a manic digital escape. These escapes, Cal Newport reminds us: inevitably reveal themselves to be transient and the emotions they’re obscuring eventually return. If you can resist the allure of the easy digital palliative and instead take on the heavier burden of meaningful action, a more lasting inner peace can be achieved.
In my role of board chair in a non-profit organization I’ve felt some strain the past few weeks. I’ve imagined that the executive director is unhappy with the board and am wondering whether we’re best serving this organization. An incredible board member who has been the glue holding the organization together since it’s inception is stepping down now that her tenure is up. I’ve been questioning if I’m able to fill her shoes. It’s stressful when you are unsure if you are meeting the expectations of the people who depend on you.
What I’m going to do this week is meet with the executive director and ask for help. We are going to discuss and negotiate what we expect from each other and how to best support each other. We will clarify how we define success in this organization, our agreements with each other, how to measure expected results, and what to do if either of us inadvertently gets off track. In short, we’re going to reset the compass of our relationship.
What we’re going to do is be accountable to each other. It’s not about blame or accusations or fault-finding or finger-pointing. It’s about ownership and clear agreements.
Accountability lies at the foundation of every good relationship. It’s meant to foster trust, decrease stress, build fulfilling connections, and get a grip on results that matter.
