Tag Archive for: leadership

Words people use to describe great leaders

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If you ask AI for a profile of a great leader, you’ll get something like, “great leaders are visionary, inspirational, empathetic, decisive, innovative, collaborative, charismatic, resilient, authentic, and strategic.” This may be a good list to aspire to, but it’s an impossible standard to uphold if you think you have to be there to be called a great leader.

While the best leaders (with or without a title) do exhibit many of these attributes, the two qualities that eclipse them all are self-awareness and self-assurance (my good friend, Jeremy Amyotte, wrote a great book on these topics). Some days you may not exhibit any of these qualities, or some are simply not in your wheelhouse of strength. Self-awareness and self-assurance mean that you are comfortable enough with yourself to be honest about the gaps in your leadership – whether on a particular day or in your leadership in general – and either find others to fill those gaps or at least not hurt people or your organization by your unacknowledged blind spots.

Self-awareness and self-assurance come from making time for self-exploration. We all have the capacity to be a leader in our own unique way. Thankfully there’s no profile of an ideal leader. What leaders must be willing to do, however, is devote themselves to increasing their self-awareness and self-assurance. People that are willing to look inside themselves, listen humbly to hard feedback, get ongoing support from trusted confidants, and be committed to continual growth, tend to be called great leaders.

When is help not helpful as a leader?

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We raised chickens on the farm growing up. It’s painful to watch a chick hatch when you’re a born caregiver like me. One day I “helped” a chick by breaking the egg for it. To my horror, it died.

On that fateful day I learned that sometimes help isn’t always helpful. Sometimes people need to go through the struggle to gain the strength to succeed. I see this when we do too much for kids. We call it snowplow parents when we prepare the road for the child rather than prepare the child for the road. Snowplow parenting and snowplow leadership can lead to entitlement, anxiety from a lack of confidence to deal with the reality of life, and burned out leaders.

Snowplow leadership is always fueled by caring, but expressed through overprotective.

What might you be doing as leaders to help your teams too much and thereby have them miss out on growth opportunities?

Honouring Terry Fox September 15

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Raised in British Columbia, Terry Fox was an active teenager who participated in many sports. In 1977, at 18 years old, Terry was diagnosed with Osteogenic Sarcoma (bone cancer) and his right leg was amputated six inches above the knee. In the hospital, Terry was overcome by the plight of other cancer patients and decided to run across Canada to raise money for cancer research. Terry said, “Somewhere the hurting must stop,” and called his journey the Marathon of Hope.

Terry began at St. John’s, Newfoundland to run across this great country on his artificial leg – with courage, determination and hopefulness. He would have made it to the other coast if the cancer had not returned. For 143 days, the cross-Canada Marathon of Hope gained momentum, ultimately raising over $24 million that year. Since Terry’s death in 1981, his cancer research legacy has raised over $850 million and 1,300 projects have been funded in his name.

Terry’s is honoured every September by ordinary Canadians and people around the world who participate in the Terry Fox Run. On run day, people walk, run, jog, ride, skateboard, hop, or even skip and jump along a 10 km route. Donors and participants alike know why they do this. Terry, it turned out, left a legacy of hope for everyone, everywhere.

When Terry’s mother, visited the Terry Fox Park in Cochrane in the early 1990s, she lovingly declared that Terry was no hero. Betty Fox said he was just an ordinary boy who wanted to make a difference.
I find it inspiring that often the most ordinary people among us are the ones who change the world. However you may define “changing the world,” don’t ever count yourself out as one of those people.

Why “being nice” and avoiding hard conversations isn’t really “nice” at all

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Have you ever met a “nice” person who is polite, but hard to connect with?
There’s a difference between being nice and being kind. The chart illustrates an extreme dichotomy between the two.

Nice comes from insecurity, a lack of confidence
Kind comes from high self-worth and respect

Nice is polite aloofness
Kind is genuine benevolence

Nice is people-pleasing: negating your own needs to be liked and approved of
Kind is self-advocacy: standing up for your own needs; prioritizing your well-being

Nice has no personal boundaries; inability to say no
Kind has healthy boundaries; the ability to say no with compassion and respect

Nice is conflict avoidant – a desire to maintain harmony at all costs
Kind is honesty – being willing to communicate directly and compassionately about issues

Nice leads to courteous disconnection
Kind leads to authentic connection

Don’t Get Stuck In The Pursuit Of Perfection: The Power of Small, Continuous Improvement

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I’ve always had a hard time enjoying an activity because of my unrealistic expectations of perfection. Years ago I took piano lessons and I recall how much I practiced Für Elise focusing on perfection. I became hyper-aware of each barely noticeable flaw and when a finger slipped and shattered any illusion I had of perfection, I was devastated. Despite playing very well for several minutes all I could focus on were the mistakes.

Unable to appreciate my overall accomplishment or joy of making music I was ready to quit and didn’t play again until my next lesson.

After hearing my frustration, my wonderful piano teacher stopped my playing and gently said, “You’re never going to be a concert pianist, David. Why don’t you just enjoy playing?”

That was a life-changing moment. Instead of a perfectionist, I am learning to be content with making progress. I realize that perfectionism is only a coping mechanism to cover up inadequacy. It can paralyze us, holding us back for fear of falling short of impossibly high standards. At best it becomes a reason to quit, an excuse to save face. At worst, it creates a life of unending tension and stress.

Living authentically means a willingness to make mistakes and stumble, providing that we’re stumbling forward. Today I’m not so interested in what I can achieve as much as what I am becoming. I’ve not “arrived” because there is no finish line. When I remember this, life is more enjoyable.

You Can’t Leave Belonging To Chance

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If you think about the time you have spent in your family, at school, and organizations you’ve worked in, you know what it feels like to belong or not belong, and why it matters. It’s the difference between feeling isolated, detached, and irrelevant, and feeling connected, valued, and engaged. Belonging makes all the difference. We all need to feel that we belong, are needed and appreciated, and that we have something important to offer.

You can’t leave belonging to chance. Leaders have a responsibility to be intentional about creating a space where everyone knows they belong.

Here are three strategies:

  1. Take accountability for your own belonging. Belonging starts from within. Acknowledge that you have participated in creating the conditions you want changed.We can’t expect others to value and respect us until we value and respect ourselves.
  2. Make it safe to have real conversations. Belonging grows in a climate of dialogue. Start by asking: How are we putting up barriers to belonging here? What doubts or reservations do you have? What have you said yes to that you no longer really mean? Peter Block reminds us that leaders must protect space for the expression of people’s doubts. Be curious and get interested.
  3. Focus on gifts. Typically, the only time we talk about a person’s gifts is at their retirement party or funeral. Don’t wait until people are on their way out to express gratitude. Instead of telling people what they need to improve and what they should do differently next time, focus on their talents. Tell others about the gifts you have received from them, the unique strengths and capacities you see in them, and what they do that makes a difference.