How much is enough?

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Not long ago I gave a presentation to a group of entrepreneurs where the membership requirement was to be earning more than a million dollars a year.

I started with a simple question: “How much is enough?”

No one could answer the question. The best I got was, “More than we have now.”

So many have so much that they have forgotten what enough actually feels like.

We live in a culture that defines our worth by more: more money, more stuff, more followers, more likes, more titles, more fame, more visibility, more recognition, more status. The list goes on and on.

What we end up with is more exhaustion, more mental health challenges, more suicides, more overdoses, and a planet of dwindling resources.

Our model of more is simply not sustainable. We need a new approach to navigate this world with a reliable inner compass.

Lily Tomlin had it right when she said, “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat… I will not join the rat race because I’m not a rat… The only race I’ll take part in is for humans being humane.”

If you feel compelled to step back and get a new perspective, to live and lead from an authentic, centered place with a community that will support you to be who you are, I hope you will join me in my upcoming Authentic Leadership Academy. https://lnkd.in/gMi2euzp

To get a preview of what you can expect from the Academy, sign up for my complimentary Authentic Leadership Mini-Series that starts in early March. https://lnkd.in/g4M9qpWh

Relaxation is Overrated

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The past few months I’ve been working through a great online course by Cal Newport and Scott Young titled, “A Life Of Focus.” It’s about getting to what truly matters in your life, pruning the unimportant, and learning to stay focused on what is essential – without distraction. A central theme of the course, which is well aligned with my work, is reducing the time we spend distracting ourselves with screens.

When we put our devices down and get present to life, one of the many fears that can surface is that, without Netflix or social media, our minds cannot relax after a hard day of mental activity. However, research tells us that our mental faculties are capable of continuous hard activity; they don’t tire like an arm or a leg. Other than sleep, our minds don’t need rest. What they need is variety.

You don’t need to binge Netflix to relax. You don’t need to surf social media or get lost in a vortex of YouTube to give your mind a break. In fact, quite the opposite.

Your mind wants activity and diversity. Continuous hard activity and lots of variety. High quality pursuits like creating something, training for a sport, writing, reading something challenging, getting involved in a project that requires mental effort, learning to play an instrument, going for a walk, working out, doing volunteer work, or engaging in good conversation. All these activities add energy to our lives instead of subtracting it.

If you replace idle “vegging out” with thoughtful, intentional activity you’ll end up more energized and more satisfied with life.

How Do You Spot Entitlement?

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I’ve noticed that in the midst of great abundance there is an equal and opposite reaction: entitlement. It seems to be human nature that the more you get, the more you want.

I grew up with telephone party lines, with one line for five or six residences. Sometimes you had to wait 1/2 hour to make a phone call. Now I get impatient with my cell phone provider when I get a dropped call and have to redial with the push of one button.

The reverse of this also seems true. My mother lived through the Depression in a 900 square foot shack with nine siblings, enduring years of unimaginable poverty. She was void of entitlement. She taught me that with every right comes a responsibility. When she was close to death she said, “After 78 years, I accept death. I was fortunate just to have lived!”
Joyce did not even feel entitled to life itself. Hard times appear to be an ally in countering entitlement.

There are some key differences to observe between personal responsibility and entitlement.

VALUES BASED LEADERSHIP – It’s Not What You Think

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After guiding a senior leadership team to helping them identify their values, I proceeded to take them through a process of defining specifically how they would ensure that they would live these values in their leadership, first as an SLT and then throughout the company.

Like most organizations, the value of “respect” was up near the top.

And that’s when it got sticky.

“What about Bob?” the COO asked.

“What about Bob?” I responded.

“He heads up our main sales division, and it’s well known that he’s one of the most disrespectful people in the company. We can’t fire him. He singly brings in more money to the company than our entire sales team.”

“You don’t necessarily need to fire him,” I said. “But if you don’t do something about this, then I suggest you take the word respect off your values list and replace it with the word profit. Be honest about what you truly value.”

They decided to fire him, and the entire sales team started to flourish. They got the message that the senior leaders were serious about the values they were touting.

In walking organizations through the values journey over the years, I’ve learned five things:

  1. Make it real. It’s been trendy over the past couple of decades to re-brand your values every five years. It’s also been a lucrative business for consultants. While having clearly defined values is important, you make it real by involving the front-lines in developing them and creating meaningful and accountable culture conversations with everyone. If the end result isn’t real and relevant at the field level, you’re wasting your time and breeding cynicism.
  2. You don’t really know what your values are until they’re tested under pressure. If your values haven’t come into conflict lately, if you haven’t had some tough conversations about the contradictions in what you claim to be important, if you haven’t had some uncomfortable value discussions, you probably haven’t taken your values seriously enough. Don’t mistake value statements for real values.
  3. Just as you can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do, you can’t build a reputation in your organization on espoused values. For example, if you’re serious about creating a safe workplace, don’t tell people “We’re going to be #1 in safety.” Tell people what you are willing to pay to get there.
  4. Values based leadership is built on the foundation of values based living. When we clarify our own values and develop a process for holding ourselves accountable to live in alignment with those values, we make better leaders in every aspect of our lives.
  5. When it comes to values, most of us really are doing the best we can. Let’s grant each other a bit of grace and support each other to use values to strengthen our organization, bolster our relationships and our fortify our resolve to be better people.

“Power Corrupts, Ultimate Power Corrupts Ultimately”

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I once met a CEO who never promoted anyone until they spent a minimum of six months volunteering in a charitable organization. She understood that when working with volunteers, titles mean nothing. “If you can’t inspire and influence people without a title, there’s no way I’m putting a title in your hands.”

Here are six ways to help ensure that power doesn’t corrupt you:

  • Surround yourself with people who will be brutally honest with you – and listen to what they say.
  • Assume you are never the smartest person in the room. Adopt a growth mindset and recognise that you can learn from everyone.
  • Expect the same from yourself that you expect from others.
  • Be open to challenge and constructive debate.
  • Create an open and transparent decision-making processes, and insist that people be involved.
  • Own your mistakes, seek feedback, and make amends.

Whether power is bestowed on us by the trust of others or by added responsibility, it’s critical that we stay conscious and alert to the warning signs of when power can blind us in our ultimate accountability to be a leader with strong character.

How Do You Know If You Are Drunk On Power?

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In 2020, Michelle Gibbings, from LEADERONOMICS, wrote a great article entitled, Four Warning Signs That You Are Drunk On Power. https://lnkd.in/gs5kSAZh.

Gibbings lists four warning signs:

  1. The leader thinks their rights and needs outweigh those of others and so their decision making is all about what works best for them.
  2. The leader stops listening to the ideas and opinions of others, believing that their knowledge and insights hold more weight and value than others.
  3. They ignore feedback from people seeing it as unhelpful and irrelevant, rather than reflecting on what is driving the feedback and what they may want to adjust to be more effective.
  4. They believe they are smarter than others and have little more to learn, and so they stop seeking out new ideas and diversity of thought.

What I’ve learned from the best leaders over the years is that titles don’t give you greater power. What they give you is greater accountability.