Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

An Authentic Hiring Conversation

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We’re in the middle of a hiring process to replace a team member. It’s always been my philosophy to hire s-l-o-w-l-y. We are taking our time. The position is too important to not get it right. One candidate, during the series of interviews and conversations, said, “I don’t want to let you down. I’m nervous.”

My immediate response was, “I hadn’t realized it until just this minute, but I’m nervous too! I don’t want to let you down!”
Then we had a good conversation about our expectations of each other.

We left the discussion with an agreement that this was not about letting anyone down. It wasn’t about judging or putting undue stress on anyone. It was about an assessment of fit. And it works both ways. We both left feeling a bit more confident and free to speak our minds.

This is one of reasons I value being on a team. I learn so much from my interactions with others. Vulnerability leads to safety. And safety leads to clarity. And clarity leads to humanity. And humanity leads to a healthy, productive team.

#teamwork #authenticleadership #hiring

 

You can change people.

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We’ve all heard the adage: “You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.” While I get that it’s wasted energy to try to change others by pushing them or cajoling them, or attempting to control them, it doesn’t mean that you can’t change people.

If you sincerely care about a person and you give them consistent positive feedback, provide encouragement, listen and show genuine interest in what they are interested in, honestly value their input, find value in their work and contribution, and show up in their lives, I’ll promise that over time, they will change. Maybe not right away. But they will change. They will grow. They will become better people because of your influence.

And… if you spend time criticizing, disrespecting, discouraging, diminishing, and focusing on all the things that you don’t like about someone, the fault-finding and belittling will also change them. It’s hard to be around bitter, critical, negative people without taking some of that on.

Now that I reflect this, a question arises: Are we are actually “changing” another, or simply bringing the best out of them? In this light, I’m not sure we can even change ourselves. Perhaps, at best, all we can do is create the right conditions for our true, finest nature to be expressed.

And for simplicity sake, let’s assume we can change people. Maybe not without their consent, but don’t overlook the impact one person can have on another.

It’s Hard To Care About Others When You’re Stressed

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Last week, I was presenting to a wonderful group of leaders. I arrived two hours early to ensure the technology would work. It turned out that the AV equipment provided at the venue wasn’t compatible with my computer. A stressful moment to say the least.

A recent study has determined that empathy originates in the anterior insular cortex, which is a different part of the brain that is activated when you’re stressed. I’m no neuroscientist, but my experience of being stressed about the AV equipment and its implications for my presentation made it difficult to be empathic with the guy from the venue who was trying to help me, was defensive, and knew nothing about technology.

His lack of people skills and my lack of empathy created a scenario that did not end well. My impatience led to a less than respectful exchange.

The irony of the situation was that I was presenting on Caring In The Workplace!

Upon reflection, here’s what I learned:

  1. When agitated, pause. Step back, go for a walk, call a friend, do whatever you need to do to get to a calm state. Agitation, irritability, and impatience never help a situation.
  2. Decide, when going into any stressful situation, that blame is a waste of time. Working on solutions rather than being angry about the problems is far more effective.
  3. Ensure you are clear about expectations and have a backup strategy. “This is what I need to make this project a success.” And, when life happens and everything falls apart, calmness and confidence arise from having a plan B.
  4. Accept your humanness and when you are wrong, and promptly admit it. I called the venue yesterday and apologized to the guy who was trying to be helpful that morning.

Congratulations Hayley, for finishing – and excelling! – in the Chicago marathon this past weekend.

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You are my hero – not because of your amazing time, but because of the way you trained for and ran this race.

You persevered through many setbacks this past year to maintain your training and live this dream.

You ran a smart race. You ran 25 minutes faster than your marathon last year.

You found JOY in the experience. You had fun. You encouraged others.

I truly wish I had your mindset and spirit when I was competing.

Keep running. Keep living your dreams. Keep making a difference.

October 10 is World Mental Health Day

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While many people have a physical fitness program, my friend, Jay Lamont, Partner at L2 Health Management, reminds us of the importance of having a mental fitness program. At some point in our lives, we will face a crisis, a loss, or a tragedy. What are we doing to prepare ourselves? How do we get “mentally fit” so we can face reality with greater courage and compassion?

Here are the five pillars of my own mental fitness program. I’ve developed these over many years of having to face depression and anxiety. I’ve learned that self-care isn’t always comfortable, and self-sacrifice is different that self-development. In order to be there for others, our first responsibility is to be there for ourselves.

  1. Daily Quiet Time – A time each morning for meditation and prayer to connect with my inner voice and strengthen me spiritually, so I can do my best to remain mindful, present, and centred throughout the day.
  2. Community – Confidants with whom I can share what’s going on inside me in order to sustain self-awareness, support, and accountability to live in alignment with my values.
  3. Exercise – Daily, non-harming training increases my strength, endurance, stability, and mobility.
  4. Nutrition – Careful attention to what I eat; knowing my unique constitution: what sustains me and what depletes me.
  5. Purpose and Contribution – A cause that gets me out of bed in the morning and inspires me to make a difference in the world.

I hope this might inspire you to develop and maintain a mental fitness program that is right for you.

Reflections On Thanksgiving Day

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On this magnificent and beautiful Thanksgiving weekend in Western Canada, I have much to be grateful for. I have been richly blessed: with a family who inspires, supports, and loves me, with good friends who see the good in me when I can’t see it in myself, with good health, with a career that allows me to live my purpose, with the dogs that I walk every morning who remind me to stay present to all the beauty that surrounds me, with mentors who help me maintain perspective, and for a imperfect path to inner peace and well-being.

In the midst of the gratitude, I am also feeling anguish about the current troubles in the world. While reflecting on the horrific tragedies in Israel this morning, I had a call from a good friend, Peter Nieman, a pediatrician who has recently completed his third book, “SUSTAINED: A Life Re-Written After Sudden Misfortune.” SUSTAINED is Peter’s story of his healing journey and some lessons he is learning through the loss of his young son who took his own life.

Peter and I spoke of getting through a crisis with a sense of equanimity, inner-peace, well-being and realness, even as we embrace fully the horror of whatever we are facing. We spoke about the importance, when confronting catastrophe, to keep, our MVP: Motives, Values, and Priorities front and centre. Then we looked more deeply into what each of our motives, values, and priorities were at this stage in our lives.

Among Buddhists, a Sangha is a community. In Sanskrit, sangha means “collective” or “assemblage,” a group of friends committed to support each other to sustain perspective, support, and continually renewed self-awareness.
On this Canadian Thanksgiving weekend I am grateful for my Sangha.