Tag Archive for: authenticity

Learning To Work With Anxiety – Not Against It

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As a person who has struggled with anxiety most of my life, I’ve come to learn a few things about working with it. I define it for myself as “the attempt to control an uncontrollable situation in order to feel safe.”

Getting worked up, nervously pacing, impatience, micro-managing team members, criticism, irritability, worrying, concentration difficulty, being quick to anger, unfocused busyness, putting needless pressure on others, sleepless nights are all signs of anxiety.

Three strategies you may find helpful when dealing with anxiety:

1. Recognize indicators of your anxiety. Stop and acknowledge that you’re anxious. I find it helpful to pause and simply say to myself, “I’m anxious right now. And I am committed to finding helpful ways to deal with it in this moment.” I know when we are activated it’s tough to see it. But to avoid hurting ourselves or others, we have to be deliberate and disciplined about the practice of recognition.

2. Recognize that anxiety is a part of life. It’s a coping strategy. While it may have served you in the past, it’s not likely to be helpful to you today. A certain degree of anxiety seems to come with being conscientious. It’s not anxiety that is harmful. It’s what we do with it. Take a deep breath, recalibrate, and be present and relaxed – even if you still feel anxious. Some patience and compassion is recommended. What you don’t want to do is get anxious about being anxious.

3. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Then ask what are you trying to control in order to alleviate that fear. Know that fear is always about something in the future. Practice staying present, take whatever action needed that’s in front of you at this moment that will help you let go of control and fear, and keep walking calmly through whatever you’re afraid of.

Learning About Leadership vs Leadership Development

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What’s the difference between learning about leadership and leadership development?
Being in the leadership development field for many years has taught me that there’s a difference between learning about leadership and leadership development.
It’s like the difference between reading a recipe and cooking the meal. Learning about something is very different than rolling up your sleeves and immersing yourself in the experience. In this case, the difference is the growth experience gained from leadership development versus simply the knowledge that there is such a thing.
Learning About Leadership
  • Listening to a podcast or audio book on an aspect of leadership that interests you.
  • Watching an inspiring TED Talk or YouTube video.
  • Reading a thought-provoking book on leadership.
  • Hearing a good speaker on leadership.
  • Attending a seminar that comes up on your social media feed.
Leadership Development
  • Making a conscious decision to grow as a person and leader.
  • Taking time to get honest feedback on your leadership.
  • Clarifying the gaps between your current reality and your desired future.
  • Defining your goals as a leader.
  • Determining the biggest source of growth in your life.
  • Mapping a plan for your development to help close the gap(s) you identify. This plan could include coaching, a leadership course, and some support and accountability to keep you on track.
We’ve never had more access to information on leadership, but what have you done lately to invest in your own leadership development?
This past month I facilitated our eighth Authentic Leadership Academy, a transformational leadership development experience.
The Academy is built around three fundamental principles:
  1. Inner harmony precedes outer harmony. Everything flows from inner well-being.
  2. There’s a difference between secondary and primary success. Secondary success has to do with position, popularity, public image, and profit. Primary success is about the person you become on the journey. It’s important not to confuse the two.
  3. Connecting with your true nature and expressing it consciously in your life and work requires the greatest amount of change and makes the greatest amount of impact.
The recent Academy was a manifestation of these principles. We created a community of incredible difference makers who were deeply connected to their humanity. Being with these leaders for three days reinforced my belief that being a good leader is, first and foremost, about being a good person.
What was particularly inspiring was observing the growth of participants who came with their teams, knowing that they can take the learnings back to their organizations.

Volatility Does Not Earn Credibility

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Years ago, I had a boss who was emotionally unstable. He was quick to anger and got annoyed easily. He would often get upset about the smallest details. He was prone to irritation and annoyance.

He was well educated, talented, and bright, and when he was in a good mood, you couldn’t meet a nicer person.

But you never knew which temperament he would bring to work.

For a while, most of the team could tolerate his erratic personality, and I was too immature and scared to talk to him about the impact he was having on me.

It came to a head in a financial crisis. When the non-profit’s funding was in jeopardy, he was so stressed that we lost all confidence in him and most quit.

A true test of character – one of the cornerstones of credibility – is composure: poise under pressure. A self-confident manner provides steadiness and stability to those around you.

Three suggested strategies for gaining composure:

1. Acknowledge that losing your temper is never appropriate. It is not impressive or tough. It’s a mistake. It’s weakness, not strength. If you lose your temper once, I’ll be uncertain when you’ll lose it next. Emotional volatility is not only inappropriate, it erodes credibility and trust.

2. Recognize volatility within you. This can be tricky because anxiety, instability, and a quickness to anger can be so familiar we don’t see its effect on others. Be sure to get regular feedback from the people in your life.

3. Get some coaching. Learning to develop composure without shutting off emotions requires a level of precision and skill that rarely can be done alone.

The Acclimatization Of Success

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Climbers who have reached the top of Everest say acclimatization takes several weeks when you get over 3000 meters. The idea is to expose the body gradually to higher and higher altitudes, forcing it to adjust, and then returning to a lower elevation that the body is used to, to recuperate.

Without acclimatization, even if you’re in superb physical condition, altitude sickness results. Symptoms of altitude sickness range from a mild headache to incapacitation and death.

I wonder if we need some of the same rigor when we climb whatever you define as your personal “Everest.”

Here are a few guideposts to help you acclimatize:

  1. Define what success means to you. Be sure this is your mountain, not a mountain someone else expects you to climb.
  2. Know your values and stay connected to them. You don’t want to gain success but lose your soul. Be careful that you don’t reach the summit only to discover you’re on the wrong mountain.
  3. Understand the difference between primary success and secondary success. Steven Covey defined the difference where secondary success includes position, popularity, public image, and profit. Primary success is about the person you become on the journey. Don’t confuse the two.
  4. Sustain your character. When your wealth is lost, something is lost; when your health is lost, a great deal is lost; when your character is lost, everything is lost. In an age of secondary success, polls seem to matter more than moral conviction, and what’s on the outside has become more consequential than what’s on the inside.
  5. Festina lente. Festina lente is a classical adage and oxymoron meaning “make haste slowly”. It was adopted as a motto by the emperors Augustus and Titus, the Medicis and the Onslows. Climbing the summit of success too quickly – without deliberate, thoughtful planning and a sustained connection to your heart – can be dangerous, if not fatal.

What’s the difference between learning about leadership and leadership development?

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My experience in the leadership development field has taught me that there’s a difference between learning about leadership and leadership development. There’s a difference between listening to a TED talk, podcast, audio book, Youtube video or reading about leadership, and investing in a leadership development experience.

This past week at our ninth Authentic Leadership Academy, we co-created such a transformational leadership development experience.

The Academy is built around three fundamental principles:

  1. Inner harmony precedes outer harmony. Everything flows from inner well-being.
  2. There’s a difference between secondary and primary success. Secondary success has to do with position, popularity, public image, and profit. Primary success is about the person you become on the journey. It’s important not to confuse the two.
  3. Connecting with your true nature and expressing it consciously in your life and work requires the greatest amount of change and makes the greatest amount of impact.

The recent Academy was a manifestation of these principles. We created a community of incredible difference makers who were deeply connected to their humanity. Being with these leaders for three days reinforced my belief that being a good leader is, first and foremost, about being a good person.

What was particularly inspiring was observing the growth of participants who came with their teams, knowing that they can take the learnings back to their organizations.

If you want to build cohesiveness and commitment with your teams or are committed to more deeply and clearly discovering your authentic leadership, I invite you to join our next Academy: November 14-17, 2023 (in-person) or November 28-December 1 (virtual).

What is job security – really?

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If you pay a visit to Crystal glass in Cochrane to get your windshield fixed or a window replaced, chances are you’ll meet Amanda. Amanda is one of the most positive, helpful, and enthused people you’ll ever meet. She’s always smiling, always ready to be of service.

For a long time I thought she owned the shop, until I found out she was employed as a customer service professional.

“How do you stay so positive, especially when you are dealing so often with demanding, negative customers?” I asked her.
“My grandma. She inspired me to always smile.” Amanda replied and then she showed me the tattoo on her arm.

“Just before Grandma died, I had this tattooed on my arm. In part to honor her, in part to remember her, and in part to keep being inspired by her.”

“You know you could have a job in a lot of places with your attitude,” I told her.

“I know,” she said. She then opened her desk drawer and pulled out a stack of business cards two inches thick. “These are all the people who have offered me a job since I started working here.”

Amanda reminds us all that job security is an inside job. It doesn’t come from your employer. Job security comes from your employability. If you bring value and the right attitude to the marketplace, the marketplace will reward you in return.

While the best leaders will do their best to make the workplace safe and secure, there is ultimately no true security in the world.

Security is determined by your philosophy, not by the economy.