Tag Archive for: authenticity

What does it take to be a good listener?

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When a friend asked if my ability to listen came naturally or I had to intentionally learn it, her question got me thinking.I certainly don’t see myself as a great listener all the time. I have to keep working at it.

I developed my skill of listening when I was an insecure kid. Riveted with fear and self-doubt, it was simply safer to listen than speak and risk looking like a fool. Listening became my way of hiding from the world.

To this day it’s easier to listen and empathize with others than articulate my thoughts and emotions, particularly in an unrehearsed one-on-one conversation.

It turns out this skill was developed through adversity. A liability can be transformed into an asset. It has obviously been a strength in the work I do, but I have to be careful when it exceeds its function and keeps me from risking fully in life.

How to practice walking the talk with your values

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I believe values need to be aspirational, not descriptive. The best values inspire you to better actions, not just define your current state. This is true with organizational values as much as it is with personal values.

For example, I have, historically, had a problem with control, anxiety, and patience. When I don’t have control I get anxious. And when I get anxious I get impatient. And when I get impatient I’m prone to taking it out on people around me – in the form of pressure, frustration, and disrespect.

My number one value is contentment, which means being satisfied and at peace with the present moment. However, this value is not a description of myself. It is an aspiration.

After speaking at a conference in Whistler, B.C., I caught a shuttle to the Vancouver airport (about a three hour trip). Traffic wasn’t as bad as expected and we got there early enough that there was time to catch an earlier flight. I found out there were seats available on the earlier flight for a $150 change fee.

I immediately went to frustration. I allowed the guest service person to take away my contentment and peace of mind. Annoyed, and upon reflection, I wondered why I gave my serenity and personal power away to a person I didn’t even know. Then I sat and re-read my values and decided it was more important to be contented than it was to be right.

I used the 90 minutes to relax, make some calls to friends, and reflect on what really matters in my life.
When I walked on the originally booked flight, I was a lot more contented than I was at the guest service desk.

I am practicing walking the talk. And I’m making imperfect progress.

What is your aspirational value?

Don’t seek a promotion if you want a raise.

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I see it all the time. People seeking a promotion to get more money. And they do it by making a good impression, pleasing their boss, looking good. But, if your motive to get a promotion is to get a raise you’ll likely make a lousy boss.

We’ve got to stop equating increased compensation with promotions. I’m all for paying people more when they are given increased responsibilities, but don’t seek leadership as a path to increasing your salary. Seek leadership because you want to serve. The best leaders often don’t even seek positions of leadership. They’re called to it.

If you want to make more money, bring more value to your organization. Good individual contributors who bring increased value should be compensated fairly for it. But being a good individual contributor is no guarantee you’ll make a good leader. The two require completely different skill sets.

Assess leadership capacity and motive before promoting someone. Separate one’s ability to be a good individual contributor from being a good leader. And let’s not make promotions the only path to getting a raise as a first step toward getting better leaders.

Don’t seek a promotion if you want a raise. If you want a raise, seek to bring more value to your organization in your current role and negotiate a raise from that perspective.

The Art Of Authentic Window Cleaning

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The Art Of Authentic Window Cleaning

Two things that inspire me are people who have found their passion in life and people who use that passion to become masters of their craft.

Sandy Hutcheson, who founded Cochrane Window Cleaners thirty years ago, inspires me.

He just spent the weekend washing our windows. A true gentlemen with an uncompromising work ethic, a meticulous attention to detail, and an unyielding commitment to excellence, Sandy makes window cleaning an art.

More than a mere service provider, he is an artist whose passion extends beyond the physical act of cleaning. It encompasses a deep respect for someone’s home and a genuine desire to enhance their surroundings.

He wasn’t here to wash windows. He was here to help us see the world more clearly.

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The Leader’s Navigator Podcast

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My daughter Hayley and I have been doing a podcast together since June of 2022. We have a wonderful time together and have shared over 60 episodes.

If you haven’t listened yet, we would love to have you pop by and check out a few episodes.

Some of our most recent topics include:

• Episode 61 – Finding Your IKIGAI – where your gifts and passion intersect with your contribution to the world.

• Episode 60 – Clarifying Your Values, Home, and the Authentic Journey

• Episode 59 – Finding Yourself in a World of Unrealistic Expectations: The Push for Perfectionism and Pressures of Popularity

https://theleadersnavigator.podbean.com/

What’s the difference between tension and relaxation?

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I hate to admit it, but I have spent a good part of my life trying to live up to an image to impress others. I call it impression management.

It’s exhausting managing impressions and constantly regulating myself. There’s a constant fear of doing something that doesn’t correspond with the image I am trying to project.

The problem with living in fear is that it overpowers creativity, joy, inner peace, and spontaneity.

There’s a Zen saying: Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

I guess this is a reason why I have spent a good part of my life teaching about authenticity. That which we are best able to teach others is what we are most in need of developing within ourselves.