Tag Archive for: AuthenticLeadership

A Path To Better Leadership

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I recently was sitting with a friend while he was conversing with his sister who is single and worried that she won’t find a life-partner. She wanted advice from her brother. As I know them both well, she didn’t mind my listening in. ‘’How can I find a good husband?” she asked.

My friend’s response was, “Try being the kind of person that the kind of person you want, would want to be with.”

Here’s my take on my friend’s suggestion: If I ask, “How do I find the right partner?” before I ask “How do I become a loving person?” the result is likely to be a disaster because I first need to focus my attention on becoming a loving human being. First cultivate a life filled with compassion, and passion will be added to it. Search only for a great passion, and you will likely end up void of love.

Interestingly, this isn’t just a lesson about love; it’s a lesson for life. It’s about accountability. And it’s about leadership. When we ask, “How can we get better leaders – in our organization and in our country?” maybe we’re starting with the wrong question. Instead of seeking better leaders, maybe it’s more helpful to look in the mirror. “How can I be a better leader?” “How can I get better at what I expect from others?”

My notion is that rather than expecting others to be different, the path to better leadership is to be a better leader. We institutionally deny the fact that each of us – through our perceptions and our choices – is creating the culture that we so enjoy complaining about. Deciding that I have created the world around me – and therefore I am the one to step into healing it – is the ultimate act of accountability. Let’s stop complaining and start stepping up.

It is my privilege to serve on the Board of the Wayfinders Wellness Organization.

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This is a registered non-profit organization, whose goal is to build a safe space for military and first responders who have suffered PTSD. This community includes First Responders, Military, Veterans, and their families. We are peers helping each other navigate mental wellness.

Wayfinders connects people to the resources that will work best for their individual needs. We are all passionate about breaking down the stigma of talking about mental health and strive to build a strong community full of support.

Becoming mentally resilient and processing trauma in a healthy way are the keys to avoiding mental health injury. The Wayfinder model is intended to raise awareness and talk about mental health so we can help people find healing. With many paths to wellness, our goal is to bring together a variety of service providers in one place to make healing accessible. Through our combined experiences, we know what has worked and want to share how to access resources because we know that living with an occupational stress injury is difficult.

The Wayfinders ranch house is available for emergency responders, military and their families. They can book the space for small groups to come together and process their trauma with their peers in a safe environment, away from the public and work. This separation from the daily environment allows processing of trauma in a healthy way.

Our ranch house is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, along the banks of the Jumping Pound Creek at the historic Wineglass Ranch in Cochrane Alberta in Western Canada. With access to nature, music workshops, healing horses, and a community of positivity and wellness, there are many resources on site and others that can be arranged.

I encourage you to join our Wayfinder community and become a sponsor, a partner, a service provider or a member in need.

Connect with us. To learn about our work and upcoming programs, go to: https://lnkd.in/gcNNTN_r or follow our social media https://lnkd.in/g–MYebd

Be resilient! Be well!

Three strategies for responding to bullying.

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From my research and observation of people over the past four decades, I have come to believe all behavior has positive intent. This means any behavior we might label as destructive, has, from another viewpoint, a beneficial purpose. For example, from the perspective of a bully, intimidating or harassing others can be a way of attempting to show competence (even though it’s not very skillful). It may be a coping strategy after themselves being bullied. Abusive behavior can be a way of managing anxiety or insecurity. It’s an unconscious way of making yourself big when you actually feel small.

This doesn’t justify bullying. It simply brings some understanding and empathy to the experience.

With this awareness, here are three strategies for responding to bullying:

  1. Clarity. Clearly understand how intimidation, harassment, and bullying are a violation of the values and expectations of your organization. Start by clarifying and communicating exactly what disrespectful behavior is, in terms of organizational and leadership expectations. Clarity means understanding precisely the difference between leading and intimidating.
  2. Courage. You have to let people know that certain behavior violates the expectations of the organization, and therefore is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. You simply can’t work here if you’re going to behave in a disrespectful way. If you don’t get support with this from your organization, then you have to consider if this is a place where you want to work.
  3. Compassion. Respecting the intent behind bullying can create an opportunity to grow, to move toward a plan for change. This plan may involve coaching and learning strategies such as developing greater emotional intelligence, skills for managing anxiety more effectively, increasing your self-awareness, and accountability.

Bullies make bad boxers

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There’s a saying in most boxing gyms: “Bullies make bad boxers.”

We all know them. Big macho dudes in the gym thinking they’ll prove their worth by pounding on everyone smaller than them.

But bullies are cowards. Afraid to expose their fears and insecurities. Ego maniacs with an inferiority complex. And it doesn’t take long before a mature boxer puts them in their place on the mat. After their weakness is exposed, they usually leave and you never see them again. There’s a clear message in good boxing gyms: “Bullies don’t belong here, and bullying behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.”

The best boxers are actually often the ones who have been bullied. They come with courage and humility, open to an honest evaluation of their strengths and weakness. They have no need to bring down those who are weaker than them. Instead, they have a burning desire to be all they are capable of being – by learning from those who are better than they are.

Muhammad Ali, at the peak of his career, was asked what he would do if a complete stranger slugged him. Ali responded, “I’d turn and run ‘cause that man must be craazzy!”

Ali was no coward. He could have easily beaten up just about anyone on the planet, and he knew it. But he was no bully. He was confident and had no need to prove himself by hurting anyone who didn’t stand a chance against him.

This is where boxing and leadership intersect. Bullies make bad leaders. There are people in organizations who use their title to abuse others. Like bullies in the boxing ring who try to show their worth by hitting people weaker than them, bullies in the workplace hide from their insecurities and turn to the cowardly actions of control, coercion, and abuse of power.

And, just like bullies in the boxing ring, bullies in the workplace need to be put in their place – by their boss or their board – and told, in no uncertain terms, that disrespectful, abusive behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.

May we have the courage and humility to face ourselves honestly and take a stand against people who abuse their power. May we all have the courage to do the right thing at the right time.

What does recovery mean to you?

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What does recovery mean to you?

As a college track athlete, I learned that a good training program must include recovery days. Bill Bowerman transformed long-distance running in the 1960’s, when he introduced the notion of rest in his approach to training. To improve, you have to step back.

In a Type A world, we don’t do recovery very well. We keep pushing. We keep striving. We keep working. We keep grinding. Often to our own detriment.

I spent the past two weeks recovering from a surgery I’d been putting off for some time. But finally, I had to just bite the bullet and get it done.

The recovery process was not easy for a guy like me who loves being in control and having my body do what I want it to.

My recovery regime when I got home went:

  1. Breathe deeply.
  2. Get outside.
  3. Walk.
  4. Hydrate.
  5. Rest.

I underestimated the degree of disruption the anesthetic and surgery would have on me – both mentally and physically. And I’m returning with a new lease on life and greater clarity. It turns out the surgery will help me breathe more deeply and sleep better. And from the experience I gained fresh ideas about my business and a renewed perspective on life.

What if we could develop a recovery habit – without having to get sick or go through a surgery to get there?
What does recovery mean to you?

Acceptance is the cornerstone to belonging

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Acceptance is the cornerstone to belonging and becomes part of the foundation of a psychologically safe place to live and work. Our awareness of the importance of psychological safety to create high trust, highly engaged, productive organizations, has increased dramatically in recent years as employees demand better workplace cultures.

Building a sense of acceptance and belonging with your team is a critical factor in building a high-performance culture in your organization.

I suggest three critical strategies for ensuring that you are building belonging around you:

  1. Take time to think about belonging on your team. Reflect on whether every team member knows that they belong, that their contribution is recognized and appreciated, and they feel accepted as a valuable member of the team.
  2. Reflect on your own inner state. Pay particular attention to how you handle stress, and how your emotional state creates either tension or inspiration in the people who depend on you.
  3. Look at your own values. Take an honest inventory of how you feel about the people on your team. Examine carefully where you have judgements and how it’s helping or hindering your success.