Tag Archive for: selfawareness

I love Halloween.

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I love going to a party wearing a mask so people don’t know who you are. I would even dress up when I took our daughters trick or treating. It’s a blast being incognito.

However, when we unintentionally wear masks to protect ourselves we present a curated version of ourselves to the world, hiding our true self. We can identify so strongly with the mask – the calm mask, the humor mask, the overachiever mask, the accountable mask, the perfectionistic mask, the people-pleasing mask – that we aren’t even aware we are wearing one or who our real self is any longer.

While they serve important protective functions, prolonged masking can take a toll on our mental health. Suppressing true emotions can lead to anger, rage, depression, and disease in the body. It’s exhausting and isolating.

So have fun wearing masks this Halloween. Just be sure you choose to wear them and know when to take them off and reveal the real you.

Words people use to describe great leaders

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If you ask AI for a profile of a great leader, you’ll get something like, “great leaders are visionary, inspirational, empathetic, decisive, innovative, collaborative, charismatic, resilient, authentic, and strategic.” This may be a good list to aspire to, but it’s an impossible standard to uphold if you think you have to be there to be called a great leader.

While the best leaders (with or without a title) do exhibit many of these attributes, the two qualities that eclipse them all are self-awareness and self-assurance (my good friend, Jeremy Amyotte, wrote a great book on these topics). Some days you may not exhibit any of these qualities, or some are simply not in your wheelhouse of strength. Self-awareness and self-assurance mean that you are comfortable enough with yourself to be honest about the gaps in your leadership – whether on a particular day or in your leadership in general – and either find others to fill those gaps or at least not hurt people or your organization by your unacknowledged blind spots.

Self-awareness and self-assurance come from making time for self-exploration. We all have the capacity to be a leader in our own unique way. Thankfully there’s no profile of an ideal leader. What leaders must be willing to do, however, is devote themselves to increasing their self-awareness and self-assurance. People that are willing to look inside themselves, listen humbly to hard feedback, get ongoing support from trusted confidants, and be committed to continual growth, tend to be called great leaders.

The Missing Link Of Authenticity

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Carl Rogers, a founder of humanistic psychology, focused much of his work on the problem of authority. Rigid power hierarchies had led to oppression in many spheres of life and he pioneered a movement that liberated individuals from these authority structures. People are naturally good, he believed, and can be trusted to do their own self-actualization.

David Brooks, in his insightful article, “How America Got Mean,” (The Atlantic, September 2023), stated that “a cluster of phenomenally successful books appeared in the decade after World War II, making the case that, as Rabbi Joshua Loth Liebman wrote in Peace of Mind (1946), ‘thou shalt not be afraid of thy hidden impulses. People can trust the goodness inside.’ His book topped the New York Times best-seller list for 58 weeks. Dr. Spock’s first child-rearing manual was published the same year. That was followed by books like The Power of Positive Thinking (1952).

According to this ethos, morality is not something that we develop in communities. It’s nurtured by connecting with our authentic self and finding our true inner voice. If people are naturally good, we don’t need moral formation; we just need to let people get in touch with themselves.”

While these pioneers led the way to the opening of authenticity, there’s a missing link – a perspective that many still do not understand. I remember sitting on an airplane talking to an executive about authenticity when not long after our conversation he started flirting with the flight attendant. When she went to get his drink he turned to me and said that he likes to challenge himself to see if he can get the flight attendant into his hotel room. “It’s my authentic self,” he said with a wink.

While the early pioneers in the personal development field broke down many patriarchal, rigid, and dehumanizing authority structures and gave birth to new freedom, we know now, with our current consciousness, that they could only take us so far. We do, in fact, need to be concerned about some of those hidden impulses. Just because you have a desire doesn’t necessarily mean it’s authentic. To get to your true authentic self beneath your impulses and cravings, you need a community. And your inner child needs some good old-fashioned discipline.

To learn more about the journey to authenticity, I hope you’ll join me in one of my upcoming complimentary Authentic Leadership Academy Mini-Series: https://lnkd.in/g4M9qpWh

When does ambition become harmful?

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I’m a person who has set goals all of my adult life. Ever since my dad introduced me to Earl Nightingale when I was a teenager, I was inspired to deliberately better myself. With ambition deeply ingrained, foundational habits were formed that built a road of success for me. But like anything in life, an asset can turn into a defect when it outgrows its function. Now, in retrospect, I offer what I’ve learned about how my drive for ambition has a harmful side.

  1. Bettering yourself is not the same as perfecting yourself. Perfection is an unattainable goal, but incremental, continuous self-awareness and growth is a target worth aiming for.
  2. Constant striving for perfection to prove something unprovable can create frustration, tension, and pressure on yourself and those around you.
  3. It’s great to have goals; however, the purpose of goals is not to measure your worth by your achievement of those goals. The purpose of goals is to inspire you to become the kind of person it takes to get you there.
  4. While it’s good to have intentions for the future, don’t miss the joy of life today. Ambition can be a thief of contentment and inner peace. At the end of our lives, I believe we’ll realize that this one precious life we have been given is not a destination. It’s a journey.

How To Fix An Accountability Problem

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It’s frustrating when the people we work with don’t meet our expectations.
While it’s easy to blame others, people fail to perform as expected for three reasons:

  1. Communication.
    People are not clear about expectation(s). Make sure you have communicated clearly what you expect and how you will measure results. Be sure to include both operational and attitudinal expectations (how you expect people to act in alignment with your values).
  2. Capacity.
    People don’t have the competencies or adequate resources to ensure that expectations are met. Make sure you’ve made it safe to talk about it with your team and to work together to ensure that they have the capability and resources to meet your expectations.
  3. Commitment.
    People choose not to perform as expected. Be sure you have done everything you can to find out why the commitment is absent:

    • a. Is it a poor fit? Is there a better place in the organization for them or is there a better way to define their work?
    • b. Is there something going on their life that is temporarily distracting them and draining their energy? What support might they need? (Notice if their lack of commitment is out of character or if its been a long-term pattern).
    • c. Have you been clear enough and tough enough to follow through? Set your people up for success, and then ensure that you have the right people on the team.

The Ant And The Elephant: Leadership For The Self

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When I was home recovering from surgery this week, I read a book by Vince Poscente called The Ant And The Elephant: Leadership For The Self.

It’s a brilliant little parable about the power of our unconscious minds and includes a plan and tools to work intentionally with your unconscious. It illustrates how the unacknowledged aspects of ourselves can sabotage us and keep us from realizing our goals.

Leading others begins with being a leader to one’s self through a greater realization of our talents, strengths, and vision.

Vince’s teaching about increasing self-awareness aligns closely with that of our SAGE Forums https://lnkd.in/dktaE-XM. This book offers a practical plan and simple tools to transform individual and team performance.

Seven take-aways:

  1. Like the ant who learns to guide the elephant with a wise owl as his guide, humans can tap into their potential by connecting with their unconscious.
  2. Shift beliefs, attitudes, and truths so they align with your vision.
  3. Never underestimate the power of emotion.
  4. Being committed to a task means being committed to the process of commitment.
  5. Strengthen confidence by instituting pattern busters.
  6. Have an intentional strategy for responding to unforeseen events.
  7. Stay the course. Change is gradual. Gratification will eventually come.

I can’t believe it took me so long to find this book. But then I’m reminded, “when the ant is ready, the owl will appear.”
I look forward to deepening the connection to my inner elephant.