FORGET YOUR PERFECT OFFERING

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Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.
– Leonard Cohen
Every leader has cracks,  imperfections in their personality. Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Eleanor Roosevelt, Gandhi, John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela – all had cracks. All the great contributors of our time had flaws. Why? Because they were bad leaders? No. Because cracks come with being human.
I often speculate that some of these great leaders would never have made it in the age of the internet, where their imperfections would be magnified and scrutinized in social media. They may never have stood a chance of earning credibility or making an impact.
With modern news access, especially in an economy when fear sells, the rarity is the reality, and the reality is the rarity. One murder in a million, amplified in the news reels, suddenly makes a whole city feel afraid. The action of one employee, magnified by social media posts, can color the perception of an entire organization. If we aren’t careful and judge the many by the one, the behavior of a single person can taint an entire race. If we fail to understand the context and the means by which news is fed to us, we run the risk of naïve prejudice when we turn on our devices. It is both difficult and essential to a civil, sustainable society to expose ourselves to competing perspectives and exercise our freedom to choose – to “screen in and screen out.”
So how do you work with the flaws in yourself and others? Here are three strategies to deal with the imperfect offerings we will inevitably bring to the world in our leadership:
1)    Be sincere. Sincere is derived from the Latin ‘sine’ meaning without, and ‘cera’, meaning wax. According to one popular explanation, dishonest sculptors in ancient Rome and Greece would cover flaws in their work with wax to deceive the viewer; therefore, a sculpture “without wax” would mean honesty in its imperfection. Sincerity means being honest with yourself and aware of the impact your behavior has on those around you. It’s about being open to seeing your inevitable cracks. You don’t need to shine a light on all your defects in public, but honesty and realness in the spirit of acceptance and a commitment to grow and change goes a long way.
2)    Start with the person in the mirror. It is human nature to see the flaws in others more readily than it is to see them within ourselves. Those in the public eye who risk daring greatly in the arena of critics, provide us with a great opportunity to look at ourselves before pointing the finger. Whenever you see arrogance, unethical behavior, or any other crack in a public figure, resist the human impulse to judge and instead take a close look at these potential blind spots within yourself. Get some feedback from trusted people in your life and listen carefully to what they tell you. Get some coaching. Grant yourself and others some grace. Reflect upon the notion that our judgement of others is often a defense against looking at our own flaws and a lack of courage to change.
3)    Find your gifts in the cracks. It’s within our flaws that the light of consciousness is able to see its way in and its way out. It is within our wounds that we are often able to use our gifts to make the world a better place. A huge part of my Authentic Leadership retreat focuses on how to transform the shadow side of our nature into our most important contribution to the world. True authentic leadership is fueled by a voyage that takes us inward toward the hardest realities of our lives. To attain the capacity to influence in today’s changing and demanding world, along with the depth to lead with a strong authentic presence requires an inner journey, a journey to one’s heart, a journey to what I call the “Other Everest.”
In my retreats we create a space to pause, go inside, and connect with your authentic self. It is an opportunity to understand your cracks and flaws and learn how to re-frame them through increased self-awareness and a stronger, clearer purpose and presence.
Remember – no one is perfect and it is through the cracks or imperfections that the light shines upon our gifts!
If you are interested in a journey to discover how your imperfect offering can make a greater contribution to the world, join me in Banff for “The Other Everest Retreat”. There are still seats available at the early bird price at until mid-October.

CELEBRATE AUTUMN With THE OTHER EVEREST

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It’s been many years since my daughters were returning to school in early September. But I still get nostalgic this time of year. Maybe it stems from the years I started back to school as a child or taught university and looked forward to returning to the classroom. Or maybe it’s because my corporate year-end comes in August and I’m starting a new fiscal year. Or maybe it’s the incoming cooler weather and the crisp smell of harvest and hay as I drive through the country and reminisce about my formative years on the farm.
For whatever reason, I love September. It’s a time for a new beginning, for moving into something fresh, for starting over. We all need times during the course of our lives when we give ourselves permission to reset and begin anew. September is a great time for this. It’s important to turn a corner and bring a renewed energy into our lives and our workplace, especially if we have taken time over the summer for rest and renewal.
What renewed vitality are you bringing into your work this September? What compass are you resetting? What restored resolve are you bringing to your life?
What I’m especially excited about this September is the release of my latest book on authentic leadership that arrived on my doorstep this week. I am immensely proud of this book. Over five years in the making, it is a culmination of my learnings and teachings gleaned over a lifetime in the personal and leadership development field. Encyclopedic in its insights and teachings on authentic leadership, The Other Everest is a book designed as a resource you can come back to time and again for inspiration and ideas. The sheer volume of information and tips it contains cannot be fully digested and applied all at once, and that is not the intention. Everyone creates and takes their own pathway to authentic leadership. Use the knowledge in The Other Everest as a source of support and replenishment that you can draw upon over time at your own pace. Getting started can be as simple as taking one or two concepts from the book that resonate with you and building time into your life to reflect and let them help shape your journey.
You can find a complimentary white paper about The Other Everest, and a preview of the book on this website. You can also order it now!
If you are interested bulk purchase prices, contact val@irvinestone.com

AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP The Strength of Your Presence Means Being Present to Life

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A participant who attended one of my leadership programs earlier in the spring has been traveling with her daughter in Europe and sent me an email with a line that has not left me: “…while traveling I’ve had time to not think at all, just wonder and be amazed…”
This put me into a reflective mode and I contemplated how, in a world filled with so many demands and expectations, we don’t have time even to think, much less “just wonder and be amazed.”
  • When was the last time you slowed down long enough to watch the sun go down?
  • When have you taken time recently to meditate, notice your breathing, and fully relax?
We are clever people, efficient and high-powered, but in our zeal to get things done we are forgetting the simple art of living. And I might add, the art of leading.
Since my schedule has tapered off for the summer, I am reminded how important stillness is in life; time to get away from the demands of the world and simply be. There is wisdom that can surface when we stop thinking, stop planning, stop doing, and make room for even a few minutes of stillness and attention to breathing. Whenever an answer, a solution, or a creative idea is needed, stop thinking for a moment by focusing your attention on what is going on inside of you. Momentarily get away from the burden of “thinking,” and become aware of the stillness. This may only take a minute or two, or it may require a walk outdoors. When you resume thinking, it will be fresh and creative. In any thought activity, make it a habit to go back and forth every few minutes between thinking and an inner kind of listening, an inner stillness.
“Beware the barrenness of a busy life,” wrote Socrates over twenty-four hundred years ago. While an overbooked schedule is exhausting, I wonder if he was also referring to the nature of the active mind, the human tendency toward busyness inside our heads. Whether it’s an over-extended timetable or a harried mind or a combination of both, be sure to take time, not just over the summer but in your daily living, to pause and be present to life. It not only improves your leadership; it makes life worth living.
If we don’t make time to befriend the present moment, to connect ourselves with the world around us and with the people who matter most to us, what is the purpose for doing anything else?

REFLECTIONS ON THE OTHER EVEREST RETREAT

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“You are a leader second. First, you are a human being.”  – John Scherer

I know from my own research, and my more than thirty years of experience in the leadership development field, that now more than ever, the world is in need of leaders who are committed to substance over superficial, character over charisma, and service over self-interest. In short, we need leaders who are authentic – people whose inner compass guides their daily actions and who inspire trust by being honest and real. To come to this place of impact and influence requires slowing down, going inside, and developing a relationship with an interior self. It’s about finding one’s voice away from the voices of the world. To attain the capacity to influence in today’s changing, complex, and demanding world, to lead with the depth of a strong authentic presence, requires an inner journey, a journey to one’s heart, a journey to what I call the “Other Everest.”

A year ago I had a dream to create an authentic community of like-minded leaders – difference makers – who are committed to go deeper than what I was offering in my keynote and one day leadership programs. Last week I saw this dream come to fruition at the Banff Centre when thirty-one remarkable, authentic, caring leaders came together to create a pivotal moment in my career. Assisting me by integrating mindfulness training, creativity, accountability, self-awareness, and yoga into the experience of deepening one’s leadership presence, were two extraordinary human beings, Julianna Veldtman and Jeff Lichty.

During the three days we co-created an amazing space to pause, to go within, and to connect with our authentic selves. These leaders are committed to amplifying their impact through increased self-awareness and a stronger, clearer purpose and presence and created a community of support with other authentic leaders. Together we discovered a renewed perspective on leadership and immersed ourselves, in the words of one participant, in “an inspiring space of complete trust, kindness and support.” Another participant, a CEO from Edmonton, explained it this way a week after the experience, “It seems so surreal looking back at it now. How was it possible to bring those exact people together at that exact time to make the magic happen? I cannot fully describe the life-changing event that you set the stage for and made happen. Truly, truly amazing.”

Words cannot adequately describe my own profound gratitude for the honesty, courage, vulnerability, engagement, openness, and trust that these amazing leaders put into the experience. They actually left their devices and technology at the door for three full days and engaged themselves completely in the process. I left with a deep and sustaining knowing that leadership is truly not about position; it’s about presence. Leadership cannot be reduced to techniques or tools. True Leadership is about connecting to our authentic self and bringing that self wholeheartedly to the service of others.

My father used to say that, “only so far as a man is happily married to himself, is he fit for married life.” By embarking on a journey of integration and inner peace, one expands their capacity to fully reach and influence the world. It’s about being engaged in a perpetual process of becoming. The experience last week has made me a better person. It has confirmed my conviction that a person enlarges their ability to lead and impact others through a strong presence that is attained, in large part, through an inner journey.

Each of us has within us a calling. While the outside world pushes us, something within pulls us. Let your deepest desires lead you. If this sounds like a journey upon which you would like to embark, watch for details for the next retreat in December on my website. Also feel free to send us a note expressing an interest: http://www.irvinestone.ca/contact/.

I look forward to having you join us for the next one.

Lessons From a Restaurant Manager

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The past few weeks I have noticed just how much caring there is in the world around us. Perhaps it is because I have written a book on caring and I believe that what you focus on is what grows. It’s the simple acts of kindness that have a powerful impact on the people around us. As Maya Angelou, the American poet, singer and activist reminds us, “People may not remember what you did, or what you said, but will always remember how you made them feel.”

My daughter, Chandra, is a supervisor at Moxie’s restaurant in Market Mall in Calgary. She works long hours to pay for her education at the University of Calgary. While she is getting an excellent education at the U of C, her schooling these days goes beyond what she’s learning in the classroom.
Recently, when three women came into the restaurant, Aaron, her general manager, checked on the table, only to discover that these three ladies came from the Foothills hospital, where one of them had just lost her husband. Aaron took the time to listen through their tears. He bought them a bottle of champagne. At the end of the evening he brought them their bill – with a zero balance. And with the paid meal came a $100 gift card for a future dinner at the restaurant.
Chandra has had some remarkable mentoring from this general manager. When we talked about the experience she explained how she learned that the motive behind caring isn’t because it’s good for business. You care because it’s good for life. And if you do what’s good for life, it will be good for business.
Here are three lessons about caring from Aaron the restaurant manager:
  1. S-l-o-w d-o-w-n. Caring isn’t a program. It’s not a technique or a strategy or a ploy. Caring is who we are. Caring, like beauty, is all around us. But we have to pause long enough to see it, to let it come through us, to bring it out to the world around us. On my bookshelf is a book I inherited from my mother at the time of her death. It is book written in 1930 by Nellie L. McClung, and signed personally to her family when mom was nine years old. Nellie became an inspiration to Joyce all her life. Within the pages, Ms. McClung makes a most profound statement: “We are clever people, efficient and high-powered, but in our zeal to get things done we are forgetting the simple art of living.” The simple art of living requires us to slow down enough to observe what is around us.
  2. Everyone has value. Years ago, in a university class taught by the late Dr. Stephen R. Covey, we were given a mid-term exam with a question, “What’s the name of the person who keeps this building clean?” While we all failed the test that day, I didn’t fail to get the lesson. People are what matter. Caring transforms the “bank teller,” the “restaurant server,” the “janitor,” or the “customer,” from an object into someone with a name and a story, with needs and wants, goals and aspirations, and a desire to belong and to feel good about their contribution. At Moxie’s that night, it wasn’t about the free meal or the champagne or the gift card. It was about someone taking the time to acknowledge another’s pain, even in the midst of a busy shift. It was about taking a few brief moments to listen and thus nourish the human spirit. It was about the value of human goodness. It was about taking the time to care.
  3. It’s about passion and purpose. Last week I had the good fortune to speak to a group of school teachers in an elementary school in my community. Before my presentation, Greg Woitas, the principal, took me around his school and shared the love that his teachers put into their work and their students. I was struck, as I am by so many leaders in education, by his passion and sense of purpose. He beamed when he introduced me to his staff and spoke so highly of their efforts and their deep love for children. It was an old building, but on the inside it shone brightly with the power of caring.
A sequoia can live two thousand years. A domestic cat does very well if it makes it to twenty. A mayfly: born at sunrise, gone by nightfall. Each life is complete in itself. The quality of an individual life has nothing to do with how long it lasts, and everything to do with how it is lived. Sometimes people come into our lives for a moment, a day, or a lifetime. It matters not the time we spend with them, but how our lives are impacted during that time.

THE OTHER EVEREST – Navigating The Pathway to Authentic Leadership

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As I design and deliver leadership development programs for organizations across the continent, one word that forms a common thread amid every person I meet today is the word
busy. Everyone is busy. When I ask,” How are you today?” the reply is always, “I’m busy!” Busy has become a badge of honour. If, for some reason, you aren’t “busy,” it implies that somehow you are less than capable. You aren’t in demand. There is something wrong with you.
My response is, “So… is it a good busy?”
Then comes a pause. We intuitively know there is a difference between good busy and bad busy, but without time to stop and reflect on the question, it’s not possible to answer it. It’s an old and ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way.
Peter Drucker, the esteemed management guru, said once “… There is nothing so useless as doing something efficiently that should not be done at all.” Amid the tyranny of the urgency of the demands of the world, how do we know if we are doing something efficiently that “should not be done at all?”
I see conscious leaders today struggling between having confidence in their capacity to live a life of purpose, and yielding to the daily demands of others. By too easily yielding to what is pressing, practical and popular, we have sacrificed the pursuit of what is in our hearts.
I know from my own research, and my more than thirty years of experience in the leadership development field, that the world is in need of leaders who are committed to substance over superficial, character over charisma, and service over self-interest. In short, we need leaders who are authentic – people whose inner compass guides their daily actions and who inspire trust by being honest and real.
To come to this place of impact and influence requires slowing down, going inside, and developing a relationship with an interior self. It’s about finding one’s voice – away from the voices of the world. To attain the capacity to influence in today’s changing and demanding world, along with the depth to lead with a strong authentic presence requires an innerjourney, a journey to one’s heart, a journey to what I call the “Other Everest.”
It is my intention to create authentic communities of like-minded leaders – difference makers who are committed to making a positive impact. To accomplish this, I’m facilitating a three-day retreat on Authentic Leadership from April 24-27 at the Banff Centre. I am inviting you to join me…
In this public workshop we will create a space to pause, go inside, and connect with your authentic self. If you are committed to be a better leader through increased self-awareness and a stronger, clearer purpose and presence, and could benefit from a community of support with other authentic leaders, join me for a renewed perspective on leadership and a life-changing experience.
Each of us has within us a calling. While the outside world pushes us, something within pulls us. Let your deepest desires lead you. If this sounds like a journey you would like to embark upon, join me April 24 – 27 in Banff.
And Remember: whenever you are in doubt, resist the natural human tendency to go faster, and instead, choose to go deeper.