The Power of Accountability Partners

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For the past forty years, I’ve been helping people make changes in their life. Rarely, if ever, do I see lasting change without support and some accountability from others. It’s just too easy to drift back to familiar patterns and habits when we attempt to make changes on our own.

Years ago I came across the notion of Accountability Partners. After every seminar, I have everyone choose an Accountability Partner before getting back into the demands of their lives.

There are five criteria for an effective Accountability Partner:

  1. They are committed to supporting you to grow and change in a way that is right for you. They have no hidden agenda.
  2. You choose them. Like a good mentor that you reach out to, you have to decide who the right person is to work with.
  3. An effective accountability process involves clearly defined agreements: What do you agree to in the relationship? What are you committed to change? What does support and accountability look like in this relationship to ensure the needed change?
  4. Accountability Partners help hold you accountable in a way that supports your growth and change, whatever way you define that to be.
  5. There must be mutual benefit. As you define the expectations and parameters of the Accountability Partner relationship, be sure to be explicit about the value each person is getting from the relationship.

I’d love to hear what your experience is working with Accountability Partners.

Leadership – Connecting Is At The Core

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Life depends on connections, and the quality of your life depends on the quality of your connections. Every system depends on connections. Circulatory systems, nervous systems, organizational systems, ecosystems, family systems. You name it – it’s about connection. If you can’t make a connection, not much else matters.

All the people in my life that I call a leader created a place where I belonged. And connection was at the core.

My grade 1 teacher, Mrs. Betker, cared about me. I was an anxious, shy kid, and in her class I felt safe. My grade 7 teacher, Miss Arnold, took time after class to help me write better. And my high school football coach, Mr. Gustafson, inspired me with a vision for my contribution on the team and a belief in myself. He took the time to know me and know what I could contribute best.

Compassion, humanity, grace, forgiveness, togetherness – unfortunately, these are not words that describe our world. We’re divided by hate and fear rather than united by love and empathy.

But not on Ted Lasso. The show provides a respite from all of that. More importantly, it reminds us what we could do if only we all tried to follow Coach Lasso’s lead. In the series, we see Ted’s capacity to create commitment through caring. His infectious positivity inevitably brings out the good in those around him, even those reluctant to embrace him. By doing so they all create a better, more loving, more welcoming place.

With all the important talk about diversity, equity, inclusion and treating people fairly, if employees still don’t truly feel that you care and they belong, organizational efforts are missing the mark.

How To Help A Team Member Who’s Experiencing Anxiety

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Recognizing when a colleague or employee is struggling with mental health challenges can be vital to making sure they get the support they need in a timely manner. Helping them to work through anxiety in a caring way is also better for productivity. Employees who feel respected and supported are more likely to thrive in their roles.

Here are a few tips to recognize and support a colleague who may be struggling. If working remotely, all the more reason to be in touch and aware of what’s going on.

  1. Accept that anxiety can be a part of a good life. There’s nothing “wrong” with you if you are experiencing anxiety. It simply means that you have lost some perspective and are trying to control an uncontrollable situation in order to feel safe. People experiencing anxiety need our support, not our judgement. When we’re anxious, we don’t need to get anxious about being anxious.
  2. Notice changes in behavior. Unusual behaviors like irritability, impatience, withdrawal, emotional outbursts, and fatigue can be indicators that a colleague is facing a challenge and needs support. Be aware that challenges like depression, grief, and trauma can accompany or present as anxiety.
  3. Start a conversation. Mental health challenges create opportunities for connection. If you notice that your co-worker’s behavior has changed, start a conversation with phrases like “How are you feeling?” “Are you doing okay?” “You don’t seem yourself these days. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” Or “How are things going today?” These questions open the door to support your colleague in the best way possible and offer resources when appropriate. Respect that timing is a factor and stay open for a response if/when they are ready. Of course, this is contingent on your relationship before the onset of their anxiety.
  4. Create a safe space for your colleague to share their feelings with you. Remember, anxiety, like all emotions, can’t be “fixed;” only supported. Create a safe, supportive, respectful space so they will open up to you at an appropriate time. Holding the space for them without rescuing or fixing is enough. You are their friend, not their therapist. After you have listened, you can explore whatever resources they may need and ways to help access them.
  5. Negotiate expectations and agreements. Letting people off the hook when they are anxious does not help them in the long run. Having expectations is generally helpful. Self-respect comes from being needed, not being rescued, and from showing up. However, expectations may need to be lowered and renegotiated. What is non-negotiable is lowering your standards of accountability and integrity. Follow through and keep the promises you make to each other. We all feel better when we do that.

What’s The Difference Between “Value Statements” and Real “Values?”

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A senior manager recently told me how her boss criticized their work to a contractor she had hired without speaking with her first. Because the values in the company included respect, open communication, and collaboration, she respectfully approached him about her feelings and a proposed plan of action going forward. He abruptly dismissed her, saying in no uncertain terms that it was his prerogative to speak with whomever he wanted, and held her comments against her thereafter.

Values are meant to guide our decisions and our actions, but we really don’t know what our values are until they are tested under pressure. Most of us are skeptical of the lofty declarations of those in leadership positions as we experience the hypocrisy of their actions.

Most organizations have “value statements,” but few have a process to turn these statements into real “values” – a process of accountability that ensures everyone is expected to live them.

Here’s a few guidelines for making your values real:

  1. Make your values aspirational, not just descriptive. Values need to inspire everyone in the organization to bring their best self to their work.
  2. Ensure that each value is accompanied by expected behaviors of every employee.
  3. Every positional leader needs a Values Conversation with every person they serve that includes:
    • What do these values mean to you?
    • What do we expect from each other?
    • How will we know that we are living the values here?
    • How can we support each other to live these values in a meaningful way?
    • What happens when we discover a gap between what we espouse and the reality of our actions?
    • How will we hold each other accountable – in a way that honours our values?

There’s an ending to my friend’s story. Through a continued series of actions incongruent with the values of the company, the executive was eventually fired. The Senior Executive Team understood that they needed to lead in alignment with what they espoused. The decision to fire this person made a significant positive impact on the culture. People started to have regain faith in their positional leaders and in the culture.

Let’s renew our workplaces with a firm resolve to know what we stand for and follow it up with a promise to turn value statements into real values. Talk is cheap but behaviour is expensive; that’s why behaviour is a credible indicator of authenticity.

If you need support with getting your value statements off the wall and into the hearts of your people, feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary call: marg@davidirvine.com

Overcoming Overwhelm

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I know first-hand what it feels like to reach a breaking point with the pressures of life. When you have so much on your plate, so much to do, so much stress that all you can to do is come home and veg in front of the television. Or when you are in a meeting and you are completely checked out, unable to focus on anything.

Here’s five strategies to counter overwhelm.

  1. Recognize it – with some appreciation. Overwhelm is a biological stress response. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. The recognition of being overwhelmed is a sign of self-awareness. Fighting it only adds to your stress. Appreciate that a conscientious, sensitive person is susceptible to being overwhelmed from time to time. Resist the natural reaction to get overwhelmed by being overwhelmed.
  2. Step back. When overcome with stress, it is important to step away from the situation to get some perspective. If you can’t step away physically, give yourself a five-minute mental break. You might need a day on a weekend to turn off your devices and take a complete break from the demands in your life.
  3. Investigate it. Resist the tendency to escape to devices, television or other vices, and instead take the time to reflect on any changes you need to make in your life. Get into nature for some relaxation. Call a trusted confidant. Do some journal writing. Sit quietly and practice listening to your inner knowing. What important values have you been neglecting? Pay particular attention to what you need to say NO to and what you need to start saying YES to.
  4. Break it down. Make a list of everything that is creating the overwhelm. Once you have written a list, separate it into three categories: (a) what needs to be done this week; (b) what needs to be done after this week; (c) things you need to say no to. Then pick the three things that need to be done today and have a “small giant” success.
  5. Plan a new structure. Start with defining what matters to you. Create space between a request and an impulse to say yes to prevent overwhelm in the future. And next time you get overwhelmed, appreciate that you are still learning.

Corporate Vision – Three Components That Are Often Missing

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The purpose of a corporate vision is to unite and inspire people around a shared goal. It clarifies what is important to the organization so everyone can get their hearts into working together towards a shared higher purpose.

There are three key components to a solid corporate vision that are often missing:

1. Corporate vision needs to start with a compelling personal vision. You won’t put your heart into a corporate vision until it aligns with what matters to you personally. People have to feel that their personal sense of purpose and values are in the game. To have energy and meaning, everything at the corporate level needs to start at the personal level.

2. According to Jim Collins and Jerry Porras, a corporate vision involves discovering your organization’s core ideology (the enduring character of an organization) and a vivid description of a ten-year ideal BHAG. The core ideology includes your core values (the guiding principles by which a company navigates) and your core purpose (your organization’s fundamental reason for being). You don’t create or set core ideology – you discover it. You don’t deduce it by looking at the external environment; you understand it by looking inside. Ideology has to be authentic.

3. You have to keep your vision front and center. Keep it alive. If it gets stored on your hard drive or merely sits on the wall in your office, it will become part of the background and will die a slow death. Your corporate vision is a living entity that requires energy – energy that comes from ongoing inspiring personal visioning, conversations, and agreements. Every person in the organization needs to understand how their personal passion, vision, values, and contribution aligns with the corporate vision.

If you need support with aligning personal and corporate vision and values, discovering your core ideology, or keeping it alive in your organization, reach out and schedule a complimentary call with me: marg@davidirvine.com. I would love to hear from you.