Leadership: Do People Trust You?

/in /by

This morning, my eighteen-year old daughter drove our truck to school. At noon I met with a prospective client who is considering our firm to help with leadership development. In between, my sales team discussed their goals for the quarter and made agreements to each other. There is a common thread that runs through all these scenarios: trust – a belief in and reliance upon, one another.

Trust is the most important issue facing the world today and lies at the foundation of every relationship. Trust is the keystone of success in work and in life. It’s the new global currency. It crosses cultures and generations. Building, restoring, and sustaining trust is your number one leadership challenge. Without trust there is no leadership, no relationship, no life as we know it in this interconnected universe. If you stop and think about it, trust lies at the centre of everything we do.
So, if trust is so important, how do you know if you are trusted by others? How do you assess it? How do you measure it? While trust has an emotional component to it, trust is not an emotion. Trust is an action. Trust is demonstrated by the way you behave in response to another person or circumstance.

In your most trusted relationships, trust is generally not even talked about. Instead, it’s demonstrated. You can take an inventory of how you measure up to trust:

You know you have earned trust when:

  1. People seek your advice. You know that you have earned the trust of others when they come to you for your input, your opinion, your perspective. Do others ask you for guidance?
  2. People are honest with you. People will have the tough conversations with people they trust. You know you have earned trust when others share good news or bad, negative feedback as well as celebrations, and when they are vulnerable, direct, candid, and straightforward with you. You can be polite with anyone, but the seed of trust lies within genuineness. Are people giving you open and honest feedback, bad news as well as good?
  3. People challenge you. As a corollary to #2, you know you have established trust, especially when you are in a position of authority, when others respectfully challenge your point of view, your approach, and your decisions. Are you being challenged by the people who report to you?
  4. People are competent. While you can foster competence for a time in a non-trusting relationship, it won’t last. Trust breeds competence. Trust builds results. Trust fosters capability. Are you getting the results you need from your team?
  5. People are relaxed around you. I recently coached a manager whose boss exploded every couple of weeks. He constantly lived in tension, never knowing what would set the boss off. Being relaxed is not the same as being complacent. It means being calm in the midst of activity. You are more effective when you aren’t wound up and stressed. You are more productive and do better work when enjoying yourself. Tension, stress, anxiety – all indicators of a lack of trust – can destroy a workplace. Are you aware of the level of tension in the people around you?
  6. People stick around. It’s been said that people don’t leave organizations; they leave bosses. The number one reason people leave marriages is because they no longer feel good about themselves in the presence of their spouse. People leave bosses for the same reason: they no longer feel good about themselves in their presence. You don’t feel good about yourself when you are around people you don’t trust. How’s the retention rate of your direct reports?

So… if you want to build trust, where do you start? With a willingness to give what you seek:

  1. Seek the input and advice of others. Genuinely look for opportunities for others to help you, guide you, and support you. Extend trust. The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
  2. Be open and honest with people. Tell people what you know; tell them what you don’t know. Show your humanness. You don’t have to be perfect to build trust; you only have to be real and honest.
  3. Challenge yourself in the presence of people. Let people know your weaknesses and what you are doing to work on them. Invite them to challenge you and thank them when they do.
  4. Be competent. Be committed to excellence. Stretch beyond mediocrity to mastery. Be dedicated to your on-going development. Nobody trusts an incompetent person.
  5. Be relaxed. Tension is an indicator of mistrust. People lack trust in a stressed, unpredictable leader. You can be firm, clear, and tough, but be relaxed and caring in the process.
  6. Stick around. People don’t trust quitters. They trust people are who dependable, reliable, and persistent.
  7. Above all, be trustworthy. Being trustworthy means being accountable, which indicates you can be counted on. Being trustworthy is about being a person of character. Character isn’t how you act when life is going the way you want it to. That’s easy. Character is how you act when everything around you is falling apart. Character is how you act when you are scared and angry and tired and frustrated. That’s when people watch you and decide whether they will trust you.

Trust is not built in a day. It is built daily. It’s built with consistent action. It’s built with care and compassion. It’s built with honesty and stability and strong character. Trust is built through paying unwavering attention to the small things and knowing what’s important to people. Trust is built with integrity and a can-do attitude. It’s built with a disciplined, focused approach of investing in the lives of people who matter to you.

Leadership: Have you ever treated someone like an ATM?

/in /by

I get my hair cut in one of those old-time barbershops. Where I go, you can’t make an appointment. You can go anytime you want. Sometimes you’ll find an “out for lunch” sign at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and you have to come back in a half an hour. Sometimes you’ll wait an hour. Sometimes you can get into the chair right away. But if you are waiting for a haircut, you are never really “waiting.” You are partaking in a little community experience. You get the gossip around town. You have some laughs. Make some friends. While the environment there is like the good old-fashioned barbershop, the barber is anything but. The “barber” is actually a beautiful woman from Cuba, who’s grateful to no end to have the opportunity to own a business and work in Canada. And if the line up for a haircut is long enough you’ll get to hear many of her wonderful stories. Going to get your hair cut is like going back in time, and an education. Not bad for twenty bucks. But it’s not just a haircut. It’s an experience.
But this week, I was in a hurry. I was “squeezing” my haircut in between appointments. And it was a very different experience. There was a young mother ahead of me with four young boys, each of them needing a haircut. Rather than coming back another time, I just sat and got irritated. The young mother was no longer a “person” with a family and a challenge of managing four youngsters in a barbershop. This mother became simply an “obstacle” to my objective for being there. The barber was no longer “Lazara” with a story. She was now “the barber” who was behind and needed to get on with these kids’ haircuts so I could get out of there and get to my next appointment. My irritation blinded me from the stories and for the beauty of the children or from the love from a mother or from anything positive from the experience.

I left the barbershop stressed and frustrated. And I left disconnected from the world around me. The people in the barbershop were no longer “people in a community.” They were simply “objects.” I hurried to my next meeting, only to find myself “waiting” again, irritated with the next customer service person who was keeping me from my appointment after her.

It was later in the day that I started to reflect on how many times, when we are in a hurry, when we are in our own little self-absorbed world, that we disconnect from the world around us, and turn the people around us into objects that are expected to serve us. Harried and rushed, we don’t experience the beauty that besieges us. When disconnected in this way, we miss the sunsets, the smiles, and the magnificence around us, and in the process, void ourselves of quality in our lives.

When we over-schedule or bring the wrong, people become objects. Instead of human beings they become mere tools to help us get what we want, a means to a “more important” end. The problem is that the end never gets here and we are never present in the present moment. When we stop learning people’s names and calling them by such, we objectify and de-humanize the world. The cashier at the supermarket becomes merely a “transaction machine, ” a means for getting the groceries, rather than a human being. The bank teller becomes merely an ATM that talks. And your employees become merely “direct reports” with a job to do and a result to produce. And in the process we become “consumers,” people who use others, instead of contributors, people who build others.

We are all intelligent and high-powered people. We have our smartphones and our apps and our productivity processes to accomplish our work with greater efficiency. But in our zeal to get things done we have forgotten the simple art of living. And in this absent-mindedness and use of others as objects we end up depleting the energy of our organizations, our relationships, our planet, and our lives.

The art of living can be grasped in the consciousness and mastery of two skills:  preparation and presence. Preparation is about knowing your priorities and scheduling space in your day. You obviously can’t be able to “hang out at the barber shop” every day. Maybe you have a life-style that you want to schedule your haircuts. Regardless of what you schedule, what’s important is to know what’s important to you and live in alignment with your values. Pay close attention to assess carefully how important connection is to you.

Presence is about your attitude. Presence is about “awakened doing.” Presence is not what you do but how you do it.  Presence is about your state of consciousness. Eckhart Tolle says there are three modalities of awakened doing:

  1. Acceptance – meaning letting go of the resistance you may have in a situation and flow with what is;
  2. Enjoyment – finding joy in what you are doing; or
  3. Enthusiasm – bringing passion to what you doing with an added element that you working for a higher purpose.

You will find, if you are not operating in one of these three modalities, you are causing some degree of suffering to yourself or others.

Here’s a list of ways you can get back to the art of living, of enjoying your life by practicing better preparation and presence, of connecting with the people around you, and, who knows, maybe you’ll even be more productive:

  • Everyday, take time to pause, to stop, to breathe, and to be present to the world around you.
  • Take a five-minute sabbatical every day – to think, reflect, and ask yourself what you can take out of your day to make some room for what matters.
  • Make a “don’t do list.” Make it a point to take something out of your day every day to make room for what really matters.
  • Each person you interact with – from the check-out person at the grocery store to the custodian who cleans your office, to the waitress who brings you your lunch – take time to find out their name, make eye contact with them, smile, and offer something positive to them. Treat everyone with the dignity that we all deserve.
  • Schedule a little space in between your appointments so you have some time to enjoy the experience of being at your appointments. Give yourself more time than you need.
    Be like the Greeks, and take a nap in the afternoon. Okay, if your boss doesn’t like that idea, then at least take a nap on Saturday.
  • Notice beauty whenever you can. In a person, in an act of kindness, in a flower, in the pride of a day’s hard work, in a hug at the airport. You’ll soon find that beauty is all around you if you s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and pay attention.
  • Stop “waiting” and start enjoying the moments by being present. If you are “waiting” you are living in the future, and there’s no joy in the future – or the past for that matter. There is only joy in the present moment, in being here now. You can stop “waiting” simply by changing your mind.
  • Challenge yourself to take a little stress off of everyone you meet. Practice kindness wherever you go. Practice being patient and a little less demanding in your interactions with strangers and loved ones.
  • Remember to say “thank you” at every opportunity, and bring an attitude of gratitude into everything you do.
  • Resolve to begin today to relax, putter, and be lazy and unproductive a little more often. Take time to meditate and watch the sun go down behind the hill. Be good to yourself so you can be good to others. Remind yourself of the great philosopher, Winnie The Pooh, who always seemed to have “so much time, and so little to do.”

Authentic Success and the Wisdom of Youth

/in /by

In my opinion, young people today are, for the most part, wiser than I was at their age. They’re wiser because they have observed the mistakes of their parents and the adults that have raised them and are determined to live life differently.

My daughter’s best friend, an amazing, authentic young woman, was valedictorian at her high school graduation. Here’s a couple of paragraphs from her speech:

“I think that sometimes people are too terrified of failure, and they let it stop them,” Janelle told her graduating class. “You are never a loser for trying. Never. To be honest, one of my favourite quotes comes from Little Miss Sunshine, of all places. When the grandpa is questioned on what a loser means, he says, ‘a real loser is someone who’s so afraid of not winning, they don’t even try.’”

“There’s a preconceived notion surrounding us,” Janelle continued, “that condemns one to be a loser simply for not being the best, or being imperfect. Please, never, ever let yourselves be degraded into believing this. I implore you all to have faith in  yourselves; have faith in your dreams; Our goals are unique and deserve respect; we shouldn’t let anyone make  us inferior for holding on to them. Success doesn’t lie in brilliance or being consistently perfect in all your endeavors. You’d never learn anything that way. Authentic success is discovering, growing, breaking, fixing, and all things to do with uncertainty. Success holds holds a different definition for each person, and no definition is inferior to another. There are so many ways to be successful, and it’s something that each one of us is going to discover for ourselves…”

Thank you, Janelle, for the inspiration of your authentic presence, not just in this speech, but in the influence you have had in my life since you first connected with our family years ago. I’m a better person for knowing you. May we all be a little more attuned to the wisdom of our amazing youth, that have so much to teach us about living authentically.

The Inspiration Of A Training Master

/in /by

I was inspired by an article in the Calgary Herald about the former Calgary Flame, Gary Roberts, who, by transforming his own life through nutrition and exercise, is now doing the same for the next crop of NHL stars.

Driven prematurely from the sport at the age of 28 because of bone spurs and nerve damage in his neck, Gary staged one of the most astonishing comebacks in recent memory, enduring two surgeries and extensive rehab to return to play for several more seasons with Carolina, Florida, Pittsburgh, and Tampa Bay.

“I had something taken away from me that I loved, the game of hockey,” Gary explains. “And like it’s often said, you don’t really know how much you love something until it’s gone. My desire to play again is what led me to becoming immersed in health. The injury changed my life. The fact that I began to train properly and eat right allowed me to come back and play 13 more years.”

Now, at the age of 44, Gary proclaims he’s in better shape than he was when he came to training camp at the age of 18. Since retiring from hockey in 2009, Gary now trains and coaches young elite hockey players in the area of fitness and nutrition.
This is leadership at it’s finest: Taking your trials and turning them into talents.
What’s your story?

How is the Clarity of Your Conviction?

/in /by

“Then I asked: Does a firm persuasion that a thing is so, make it so. He replied: All poets believe that it does, and in ages of imagination this firm persuasion removed mountains; but many are not capable of a firm persuasion of anything.” William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

To achieve a goal, a leader need a clear purpose and firm conviction. In the Sanskrit language there is a word for a firm mind: vyavasayam., which means agriculture. To reap a harvest, a cultivator needs a firm mind with one conviction that “by doing such and such, you will harvest this much.” With such conviction one does everything towards fulfillment. You don’t haphazardly throw seeds on unprepared soil or sow the seeds and say, “I don’t have time to care for it.” A good cultivator doesn’t change when the going gets tough. He continuously uses his effort until his goal is reached. That is what is meant by a firm mind.

People with a fleeting type of mind don’t stick to one thing. They may choose something, but become scattered. When things get difficult or uncomfortable, those with an infirm mind will lose concentration and be distracted by the allure of an easier, softer, or cheaper way. They’ll keep switching to something else. It’s like digging many shallow wells. They never find water and are always thirsty.

The achievement of a worthy goal will require you to ride out the storms with dedicated, focused effort, knowing you won’t get the fruit over night. It won’t be easy. And it won’t happen without the clarity and conviction of a firm mind.

Imagine a fisherman who is determined to catch a fish. He is in a small boat in the middle of the lake. It’s raining, chilly, and windy and his boat is being blown about. He casts his line and keeps his eyes only on that. Nothing disturbs him. He could be sitting comfortably at home in an easy chair, but knows he won’t catch a fish that way. Even for the simplest thing one needs great concentration.

With the clarity and conviction of a firm mind you can stay focused on your goal. It won’t matter if you experience some physical or psychological suffering or if people tell you that you are wasting your time. You won’t be distracted by discomfort or temptation. Nothing will move you from your purpose.

When you hear, “Leave that, and come watch television,” and you say, “No, I’m catching a fish and I won’t budge an inch until I do.” Then you are a true fisherman, not just someone who fishes as a hobby.

How is the clarity of your conviction? What have you achieved lately that’s come through having a firm mind?

Love And Profit: Do You Care Enough To Lead?

/in /by

In my work with executives, I am continuously struck by how those who have the credibility and the respect of their employees and colleagues are those that practice what I refer to as ‘caring leadership’. It was Voltaire who  referred to what I discuss in this article as a “triumph of humanity.” Innumerable triumphs of humanity occur every day when executives, managers, teachers, coaches, parents and others invest themselves selflessly in caring about and developing others.

During his thirty years at Meredith Corporation, James Autry was known as one of the most respected magazine executives in America, overseeing a $500 million operation with over 900 employees. “Leadership,” Autry was known to say, “is a largely a matter of love. Or if you’re uncomfortable with that word, call it caring, because good leadership involves caring for people, not manipulating them.”

Caring for people is not a fad. It’s a tried, true, and timeless principle that will always be a part of great leadership. James Autry had it right and in today’s increasingly complex, demanding, and changing world, it’s never been more true. In a position of leadership – whether executive, manager, supervisor, school principal, board chair, or parent – you are asked to hold a group of people that you serve in trust. However, having a title does not make you a leader. Holding a position of leadership is like having a driver’s license. Just because you have one doesn’t make you a good one. One measure of a leader is the capacity to influence, but another is the direction of that influence. Is the leader influencing others towards a goal worth pursuing? Leaders who influence are leaders who care – about their people, about the work they do, and about the difference they make.

Here’s what I believe it takes be a caring leader:

  1. A Decision. Caring is a decision. It’s not an emotion. You can decide to care about someone. If you care enough to look deep enough, you will find a reason to care. You can’t always control how you feel about other people, but you can certainly control how you behave toward others. Caring is not how you feel; caring is how you act. Caring is not a noun; it’s a verb. It’s leadership in action. The eminent NFL football coach, Vince Lombardi, said, “You don’t have to like your players and associates, but as leaders, you are called upon to love them.”
  2. Discipline. Almost everything humanly expressed beautifully in the world – a musical piece, a work of art, an athletic performance, or successful business venture – is manifested through discipline. The art of caring leadership is no different. Being disciplined about care means intentionally setting aside uninterrupted time to be present for people – in your office, in their office, on the plant floor. I’m not a fan of an “open door” policy for leaders. What I do like is structured office hours when employees know you will be there for them and with them. It takes discipline to carve out the time to show you care. The effort required to a build a discipline of paying attention and extending yourself for others takes work, but it’s worth it. Caring in this way is filled with rewards since having someone listen to them and acknowledge their story rewards everyone. The renowned business philosopher, Jim Rohn, once said, “for every disciplined effort, there is a multiple reward.”
  3. Space. So just what do you do in that disciplined time that you have set aside? You turn off the computer and the cell phone and anything else that can be an interruption, and you give people your full attention. You create an uninterrupted space that makes it safe to be open and honest. You can create a space in your office or you can create a space in their world. Creating space means making the workplace safe to do their work, to make mistakes, and to be who they are. Space is where the real work of leadership is done – sharing the vision, the beliefs, the values – and how all this relates to where the organization is headed and where the employee is needed.
  4. Kindness. Leadership is about producing results, but caring leadership involves being committed to people’s growth as you produce results together. Willingness to feel the pain of another’s journey and accepting without equivocation a person’s failings provides a sense that “we are in this together”. Kindness means expressing genuine concern through knowing the name, the interests, and the values of every person held in trust to you. Kindness means expressing appreciation, offering a word of encouragement, or catching people doing things right. George Washington Carver said, “Be kind to others. How far you go in life depends upon your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in your life, you will have been all of these.”
    The Absence of Self-Importance. T. S. Eliot once said, “half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.”Manipulation, by definition, is influencing people for personal gain. Caring means you don’t need to take the credit. Caring means you make it about others, not you. Caring means a willingness to leave your ego at the door and make others feel important.
  5. Service. Albert Schweitzer said, “I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know. The only ones among us who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.” Servant leadership is being committed to serve those in your care, insuring that they have what need to get their job done and grow in the process. Servant leadership is different than “pleasing” leadership, where your effort is spent trying to give people what they want. Pleasing breeds resentment, results in burnout, and turns you into a slave. Serving leads to freedom, self-respect, and well-being within and around you. You can’t make everyone on your team happy. What you can do is support their success by helping them meet their needs. Start by making a list of what you think your staff needs – resources, training, support – to achieve the results that are expected of them. Simultaneously, have them make a list. Then compare lists and have continual conversations about how you will work together to meet those needs.
  6. Clear – And High – Expectations. Caring means building a platform where people can grow. You don’t show caring by having low standards or letting people off the hook. You have to care about people and the results they produce. Caring requires high support and accompanying high expectations. You care by supporting people to go beyond what they thought they could do. Then hold them accountable for what they have agreed to. These expectations are part of a leader’s value system that must be communicated to those being led. It is important to define your top priorities with your workers and clarify the results and the attitude that you need from them. Then model what you expect – so you will be credible to hold them accountable.
  7. Organizations don’t give a leader power. Power comes from the people you serve. You earn power by earning the trust of others. And if you don’t use this power well, they will take it away from you. They take it away by making leading difficult for you by resisting and refusing to be influenced, even if they pretend to follow you because you have a legislated title.

When you choose to extend yourself by serving, sacrificing, and caring for others, you increase your capacity to influence. My good friend and high school principal, Larry Dick, says, “Caring leaders are invitational leaders.” When you care, you invite people along on a journey, and inspire them to join you. You offer them a seat on the bus – not because they have to but because they want to. A leader who knows how to influence through genuine caring will be a leader who is in great demand. The paradox, of course, is that caring leaders don’t do it to be in demand. They do it because they care.

When James Autry wrote his best-selling book, Love and Profit in 1991, he examined carefully the financial benefits of the timeless principle of leading with love. But I think he would agree that profit comes in many forms besides income, including personal and professional growth, increased confidence, friendships, community, an opportunity to contribute and make a difference, and a fulfilling, meaningful life. At the end of the day, why else are we going to work.