Tag Archive for: Articles by David Irvine

Obuntubotho – The Essence of Being Human – And of Being A Great Leader

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When Bishop Desmond Tutu introduced Nelson Mandela at his inauguration as the new president of South Africa, he described him as being a man who had Obuntubotho. “Obuntubotho,” he said, “is the essence of being human. You know when it is there and when it is absent. It speaks about humanness, gentleness, putting yourself out on behalf of others, being vulnerable. It embraces compassion and toughness. It recognizes that my humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.”

Obuntubotho is not only the essence of being human. It’s the essence of great leadership, because the essence of great leadership is being human.

Who do you know in your workplace or in your life who has this quality of Obuntubotho? When you stop and pay attention, you know when it’s there, and you know when it is absent. As a leader, how are you consciously developing this quality within yourself?

Remembrance Day, The Horrors of War, and Living Honorably: “Earn This.”

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My sister, Kate, lost her father (my mother’s first husband) in WWII, so Remembrance Day has always had significance to me. But with our Canadian Armed Forces in Afghanistan, Remembrance Day now has a different feel to it. It’s more real. It’s closer to home. I was moved this year by CBC’s stories of some of the Canadian families who have lost loved ones in the Afghanistan conflict.  I like to watch war movies this time of year, at least war movies with a message.

Saving Private Ryan is a classic. The opening scene of Steven Spielberg’s classic finds us in an American military Cemetery in present-day Normandy, France. An older Ryan, accompanied by his family, searches for one particular grave — Captain John Miller. When he finds it he’s overcome with emotion and his memory sweeps back in time to D-Day, the Sixth of June 1944.

A discovery is made in the condolence section of army headquarters. Three brothers of the Ryan family have been killed almost at the same time. A fourth brother, James Francis Ryan, is somewhere in Normandy with the 101st Airborne Division. The Chief of Staff of the Army, General George Marshall, orders him found and “get him the hell out of there.”

Captain Miller and a small patrol of his Rangers are ordered inland from the beach to find Ryan. At last, after taking much hardship through enemy lines, they find  Ryan. But in the village, where remnants of the 101st are defending the bridge, Ryan refuses to abandon his duty and his buddies. Reluctantly, Miller decides to stay and join in the defense. The prospects are bleak. Nevertheless, Miller organizes the men and plans the defense.

The Germans show up with two Tiger tanks, several armored vehicles and infantry. The fight for the town is vicious. The Americans fall, one by one. Miller won’t give in, even as the German tank approaches the bridge. But the tank is blown up at the last minute by a P-51 just as American reinforcements arrive. Miller, at the end, gives Ryan a life mission to take home with him: “Earn this.”

Ultimately, Spielberg’s message is not hard to get across: war is brutal. But this film is not simply about the horrors of war, it is a story of men and sacrifices. While all eight men lost their lives in the mission to find Private Ryan, we have all been given a similar life challenge. Think of the men and women who have lost their lives, their limbs, and their mental well-being for us. Are we earning the life we are living? Are we living honorably? Do we remain grateful?

Accountability Quotes To Inspire You

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“Accountability is the ability to be counted on.”

“Accountability is the keystone on the bridge of trust.”

“If you are trying to get someone to be more accountable, start by getting them more passionate. If you aren’t accountable, you haven’t found enough reasons to be accountable.”

“Vision and Passion precede accountability.”

“If people don’t own it, they won’t do it.”

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” ~George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright, philosopher, and co-founder of the London School of Economics

“It’s not greener on the other side of the fence. It’s greener where you water it. Now get busy and turn on the hose.”

“Where does change begin? It begins in this room. Why? Because this is the room you are in.” ~Peter Block

“How many of you have ever thought less of a person because they put up their hand and said, “I’m accountable for that?””

“If it is to be, let it begin with me.”

“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who make things happen and those who complain about what’s happening.”

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” ~Margaret Mead

Acknowledging Others

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I received an email this week from a friend who told me he had recently written letters to 10 people who had made a significant difference in his life. He felt this was a project that he wanted to do, and as I was on his list, he wrote and expressed appreciation for the difference I had made in his life. He wrote to some people who had died (his parents) and to two or three people from different phases of his life. He benefited greatly from doing this exercise as he reflected and gave thanks for the tremendous support and excellent role models in his life. He shared with me how doing this exercise became a great reminder of how blessed his life has been. It also helped him be humble. He would not have had the success and absolutely wonderful life he enjoys today without the help of all the good people he has known. He was also challenged to live his life so that he might be an example and a help to people.

It reminds of how Zig Ziglar has a “wall of influence” in his office, photos of 25 people who made a difference in his life.

How are you acknowledging others?

Contentment and Culture

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For those who follow me, you know that my focus is on building strong organizational cultures. It seems evident that cultures are a reflection of the people that live and work in them. I came across a great article in the New York Times about Costa Rica and how contented they are as a people. Costa Rica is certainly one of my favorite places on the planet. Take five minutes out of your day today to sit and read this article (link is below). Then reflect on how contented you are, and how your level of inner peace contributes to the cultures that you live and work in: your organization, your community, your family. Maybe culture isn’t so much what we “get from,” as much as it is what we “give to.”

The Gift Of Conflict

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In preparation for a workshop with a group of executives on “Managing Conflict,” I developed the following “Five Steps To Managing Conflict:”

Step 1.

Understand the nature of conflict and its importance in our lives.

Three Premises About Conflict:

  • Without conflict, you aren’t growing. We don’t grow without the challenges that emerge from conflict.
  • Without conflict, you are stagnant. If everyone were the same, most people would be redundant. Diversity and the resulting conflict is necessary.
  • Without conflict, life isn’t interesting. Have you ever seen a movie or read a novel without conflict?

… But we all need to get better at dealing with it constructively. We need to redefine how we think about it. Conflict is not “good” or “bad.” What makes it either constructive or destructive, is how it is dealt with.

Conflict is a gift – when you face it, work through it, and learn from it with the support from others.

Anger opens the door to conflict, as long as you keep it honest and respectful.

Anger: An honest and respectful dissatisfied  emotional response to a person or situation with the intent to bring either resolution or protection.

Inappropriate expressions of anger

  • Violence: The exertion of power with the intent to injure or abuse.
  • Bullying: A discriminatory act of force or coercion with the intent to be superior, involving a perceived imbalance of power.
  • Rage: Misdirected, dishonest, unbridled anger.

Because of their early exposure to some of these inappropriate uses of conflict, most people either withdraw from it or use it destructively. Either response will not help you use conflict productively.

Step 2.

Clarify Expectations and Accountabilities. Clearly defined expectations and accountabilities early on do a lot to prevent conflict, especially if you agree upon a process for talking about disagreements when you get off track – before you get off track.

Step 3.

Deal With Conflict Immediately – Before It Becomes Infected. I love Nelson Mandela’s definition of resentment: “Taking poison in the hopes that your enemy will die.”  Talk about your disagreements  up front, before they fester into something much worse.

Step 4.

Seek first to resolve the anger in the other, then between you. If you are in a disagreement with a person, clarify their interests and needs before focusing on your own interests and needs. Find common ground on interests, and stay away from positions. Communicate!

Step 5.

Reach for a shared meaning if there is respect and goodwill between you. Assuming there is respect and goodwill in a relationship, here’s my formula for reaching what I call a “shared meaning”:

  1. Person A speaks for self, using “I” statements.  No blame. Personal responsibility for feelings and needs.
  2. Person B repeats back what they heard Person A say.
  3. Person A fills in any missing pieces.
  4. Person B repeats back what they heard Person A say until  Person A says they feel understood.
  5. Person A then expresses a statement of need (expectation) from Person B. (“I need…”).
  6. Person B repeats back what they heard until Person A feels understood
  7. The process is then reversed, with Person B speaking for self, using “I” statements, etc.

In summary, conflict is a gift, but we need to develop the muscles of learning to embrace and resolve it effectively so as not to have it destroy us.