Tag Archive for: authenticity

The Essential Matters – What Is Your Reason For Being?

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Last month I was meeting with a group of very talented managers in a debrief session for an event I facilitated in December. We were discussing, among other things, employee engagement when one of the leaders said that what he learned in my session is that employee engagement can be boiled down to one word: authenticity. When people are authentic, they are engaged. They are committed to their own development and they are committed to bring to bring value to others.

Authenticity is about being the person you were created to be and bringing more of that self to what you do. When you are working in an environment that supports and encourages you to be authentic, you are naturally going to be engaged, empowered, and loyal. Authentic leadership is ultimately about discovering your own authentic nature and then creating a culture that enables others to discover and express theirs. It’s that simple and it’s that complex.

A helpful way to express, in practical terms, what it means to be authentic was shown to me by an authentic leader I worked with last year. The focus of my work with his organization was to help him build a stronger, more aligned, high-performing organizational culture. After the workshop he emailed me a diagram of Ikigai (生き甲斐), a Japanese concept meaning “a reason for being”. Everyone, according to the Japanese, has an Ikigai. Finding it requires a deep and often lengthy search of self and answering three fundamental questions:

  1. What do you love? Pay attention to your energy. Energy is a good indicator of what you love. We are energized by things we love and depleted by things we don’t. Leaders are the stewards of organizational energy. Leaders inspire or demoralize others by how they mobilize, focus, invest, and renew the collective energy of those they serve. To be aware of how your energy affects those around you, it’s important to pay attention to your own energy. How do you feel when you are doing certain things? Is it natural for you or are you trying to imitate somebody? What activities drain you? What activities fill you up? What work would you do if you weren’t paid to do it? What is your passion? What do you love?
  2. What are you good at? You can become good at many things with repetitive actions and thoughts, but this question is asking you to look deeper inside yourself to discover a yearning that is in need of expression. We all have unique talents and gifts. Whether these come easily or not, there is a longing within us to be expressed. It might require developing or it may come naturally. Just as good leadership is about fitting people, not fixing people, when you are doing what you are good at, it fits, not fixes who you are. Discovering what you are good at emerges from asking yourself questions like, “What have you been yearning for? What do you desire intensely to do? What do you do well – that you don’t remember learning? What are your strengths? What are your gifts?”
  3. What does the world need? What is the world asking of you? Where in the world do you feel needed? Perhaps, through your own experiences of grief or compassion you have found a capacity to reach others. Or maybe you see an opportunity to provide a service that is in high demand in the marketplace. Even if you can’t find your passion or your gifts, what the world needs is for you to be at peace with yourself so you can bring peace to the world – a positive, caring attitude to whatever you do. The world needs whatever you can contribute today. Above all, the world needs a generous spirit.

In the upcoming year, set aside some time away from the crushing wave of demands of daily life, to search for and gain some clarity about your Ikigai – your authentic self. Set aside some time every week to reflect, write in a journal, and ask yourself some of these questions. Take a course and explore a hidden passion;  create an authentic community – a coach, mentor, therapist, support group, or confidants – to help guide you to the truth about yourself and what you most desire to bring to the world. Don’t be concerned if you don’t get complete clarity. This is an ongoing, life-long process. What is important is persistent attention. Living authentically is a journey, not a destination.

In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke, the Austrian poet and novelist:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart.  Try to love the questions themselves.  Do not seek the answers which cannot be given because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything, live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers.

Encouragement File And Acknowledgements

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About fifteen years ago I started an “encouragement file.” Every time someone wrote me with positive feedback or expressed appreciation in writing for the impact I had on their life, I would put their note in a file. That file has grown and I now have literally thousands of letters that have come to me over the years. Back in the 1990′s there were a lot more cards and paper letters, and now they usually come in the form of emails. Nonetheless, this file means a great deal to me. Every so often, especially in moments of discouragement, I’ll sit and read some of the notes and remind myself of my life’s work and my reason for being here.

I read through some of the letters this past weekend and noticed how most of the notes were from people who only met me once or twice as participants in one of my presentations, workshops or retreats, or were impacted by reading one of my books. It made me realize that I receive far more direct encouragement and acknowledgement from others than I give. What about all the people who, day after day, support, encourage, nurture and love us? It is important, in our busy and hectic lives, to stop and acknowledge the people that we so often take for granted. My “encouragement file” not only lifted my spirits, it reminded me to appreciate those in my everyday life who get me through the good times and bad.

Authentic Leadership and Integrity

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This week I started coaching a senior executive who was recently promoted to lead a large office in his firm. He approached me for coaching to help him be accountable for living leadership with greater integrity.

When I asked him what this meant, he said: “Reflecting on the leadership responsibility I now face made me take a careful inventory of my life. I realized that in my efforts to advance in the business, I have been neglecting my health, my spiritual life, and my relationships with my family. Because I lack the discipline to live a life aligned with what matters, I don’t have the integrity, self-respect and credibility to influence people in the way I need to now. I want you to help hold me accountable for living in accord with my values.”

This executive gets it: integrity means being an integrated human being, and from that integration comes self-respect, credibility, and the power of sustained leadership presence. You will never get this kind of power from your position or your title alone.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “A person cannot do right in one department of life while attempting to do wrong in another department. Life is one indivisible whole.” A leader will never be able to have the strength to impact others if their life is fragmented or lacking wholeness. Integrity comes from the word “integer,” which means wholeness, integration, and completeness. Great leadership cannot be reduced to technique; great leadership comes from the identity and integrity of the leader. This is why leadership is about presence, not position.

This executive’s clarity, wisdom, and courage, reminds me of a story of Gandhi, which illustrates the power of integrity in leadership. During the time Gandhi was in office, a troubled mother had a daughter who was addicted to sugar. One day she approached Gandhi, explaining the problem and asking if he would talk to the young girl. Gandhi replied, “Bring your daughter to me in three weeks’ time and I will speak to her.”

After three weeks, the mother brought her daughter to Gandhi. He took the young girl aside and spoke to her about the harmful effects of eating sweets excessively and urged her to abandon her bad habit. The mother thanked Gandhi for this advice and then asked him, “But why didn’t you speak to her three weeks ago?” Gandhi replied, “Because three weeks ago, I was still addicted to sweets.”

What is your experience of the effect of integrity on leadership and its effect on your self-respect, your credibility, and your ability to influence others?

The Invisible Mother – And Invisible Leaders

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This story came to me from my good friend Don Campbell. It speaks to the work of mothers, and may we all celebrate the work of mothers today. Take a few minutes to appreciate you mother. But this story, in a larger way, speaks to the humility and ego-less work of all great leaders at all levels and in all walks of life.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! ‘Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?’

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock? Where’s my phone? What’s for dinner?’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature –but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.

It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read — no, devour the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it ‘ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does’.

‘No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last- minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand- bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there ….’”

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

Inspire, Illuminate and Encourage Authenticity in Leaders

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If anyone out there is attempting to grow thier business to a new level (and who among us is not), It can often be helpful to revisit your mission statement. The passion and promise of our business is to build cultures of trust that attract, retain, inspire, and unleash greatness. Its about making this world a better place to work. Through the strength of  authentic presence, leaders can learn to connect with their authentic selves, thus amplifying their impact on the world. The path to transform cultures is ultimately to inspire, illuminate, and encourage authenticity in leaders.

Inspire is about nourishing and creating learning environments and conversations that awaken the human spirit, connect with and tap into the power of the universal life force, touch the soul, open the heart, and move people to action through significant emotional experiences. This can be achieved through the expression of our own unique gifts – the strength of identity and integrity as human beings.

Illuminate is about shining a light on the gifts and the voices – those seeds of possibility – that lie deeply hidden within every one of us as we are besieged by a world that tells us how we “should” be. Illuminating is also about making a conscious contact with a deeper life force that carries, guides, and supports us to live authentically.

Encourage – Has its root in the Latin word cor, which means “heart.” So does the word courage. To have courage means to have heart. To encourage means to give courage, to give others heart, to give of my heart so that others may more fully develop and experience their own courage and heart.

Authenticity is the dedication to living congruently between our inner and outer lives. This ongoing inquiry and commitment leads to amplifying the impact we have on the world through deeper presence.

Leaders are culture makers at all levels of organizations and in all walks of life: people who are committed to find and express their voice in the service of others.

Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves. Leaders see the oak tree in the acorn, and create the environment that brings the oak to fruition. Leadership is about presence, not position. Leadership is like the sounding cavity of a violin: It takes in the sound, resonates with it, and gives back depth and fullness to another  voice. My work is built on a simple premise: great leadership cannot be reduced to technique.

Great leadership comes from the identity and the integrity of the leader. This involves making deep changes within so as to be capable of transforming others from the depth of our own experience. We lead from the inner strength of who we are. Greatness is the commitment and capacity to fulfill your natural, authentic potential. For further reading, please check out our “Authenticity and Art” blog.