Tag Archive for: Connection

You don’t have to be a people person to be a leader

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For years I have taught the principle, “fit people, don’t fix people.” I’m not about changing people. I’m about aligning people in a position that supports their strengths so it’s a win-win for everyone.

I’ve met many senior executives who do a great job building and running a company, but aren’t good at connecting with people. Not every great leader is a people person. We can’t possibly be great at everything. I can be good with people but suck at running a large company.

Many excellent CEOs aren’t interested in attending my Authentic Leadership Academies, but they have a sincere respect for the importance of people, and will support those who want to develop their skills in this area.

So… you don’t have to be a people person to be a positional leader. But what you do need is self-awareness. You have to know your strengths and limitations, and be able to find the right people to fill the gaps. You have to know that if your greatest strength isn’t necessarily connecting to people, that you will find and support the people who can and will lead the way in this area.

What’s imperative is that to hold a position of leadership requires that you care about people and care enough to make people a foundational priority in your organization.

If this topic interests you, and you’re committed to learning more about the power of connection, join me in our upcoming complimentary webinar on April 19: https://lnkd.in/d37Prt4a

Get the relationships right

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As I help CEOs and senior executives develop strategy and execute that strategy with a good accountability process, I have come to realize that if we don’t get the relationships right, none of this matters.

John Maxwell said, “People buy into the leader, then the vision.” But many people have this all backwards. They believe that if the cause is good enough, people will automatically buy into it. But that’s not how leadership works. You have to get the relationships right. It’s good to inspire people with a worthy vision, but you have to care about the people you need to realize that vision at least as much as you care about the cause. Otherwise they feel used and will eventually shut down, disengage, resist, or quit.

Three things I know about relationships:

  1. Care. If people know you care they’ll get behind you and cut you a lot of slack. If they know you don’t, it won’t end well. You might get compliance as a boss, but it takes a true leader to get commitment. And you won’t get commitment if people don’t genuinely know you’re in their corner and have their back.
  2. Listen with humility. Notice your ask/tell ratio. It’s good to spend at least twice as much time listening than talking. People will open up and provide input if you know you are aren’t the smartest person in the room and that everyone has something to teach you. And empathic listening becomes easier and builds trust if you sincerely care about the answers you get.
  3. Authenticity breeds connection. When it comes to leadership, ability matters. But inner qualities matter more. To bring these inner qualities out you need to get comfortable with yourself and past the gimmicks, fads, and flavours of the month and be real with each other.

Life will always include difficult people that pose challenges in our relationships.

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Life will always include difficult people that pose challenges in our relationships. The question is: how can we deal with our relationships the authentic way?

Join David as he shares his experience and perspective on dealing with difficult people in our lives – with courage, clarity, and compassion.

  • Discover how problems in relationships are designed, not to be solved, but to be instructive.
  • Learn practical ways to deal with the difficult people in your life in an authentic way.
  • Learn strategies to keep your mental health strong – the best way to respond to people in your life who irritate and frustrate you.

Sign up here for our complimentary webinar: https://lnkd.in/d37Prt4a

A Path To Better Leadership

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I recently was sitting with a friend while he was conversing with his sister who is single and worried that she won’t find a life-partner. She wanted advice from her brother. As I know them both well, she didn’t mind my listening in. ‘’How can I find a good husband?” she asked.

My friend’s response was, “Try being the kind of person that the kind of person you want, would want to be with.”

Here’s my take on my friend’s suggestion: If I ask, “How do I find the right partner?” before I ask “How do I become a loving person?” the result is likely to be a disaster because I first need to focus my attention on becoming a loving human being. First cultivate a life filled with compassion, and passion will be added to it. Search only for a great passion, and you will likely end up void of love.

Interestingly, this isn’t just a lesson about love; it’s a lesson for life. It’s about accountability. And it’s about leadership. When we ask, “How can we get better leaders – in our organization and in our country?” maybe we’re starting with the wrong question. Instead of seeking better leaders, maybe it’s more helpful to look in the mirror. “How can I be a better leader?” “How can I get better at what I expect from others?”

My notion is that rather than expecting others to be different, the path to better leadership is to be a better leader. We institutionally deny the fact that each of us – through our perceptions and our choices – is creating the culture that we so enjoy complaining about. Deciding that I have created the world around me – and therefore I am the one to step into healing it – is the ultimate act of accountability. Let’s stop complaining and start stepping up.

Building Belonging: The Power of Connection

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When Justin was early in recovery from a brutal, deadly five-year crystal meth addiction, his withdrawal symptoms were debilitating and painful, including excruciating paranoia and an inability to sleep. Some of his paranoia was grounded in reality. He had drug dealers and gang members breathing down his neck.
His grandmother, who was caring for him and desperate to help, asked if he wanted to go to church with her. “Maybe Jesus can help you sleep,” she said one Sunday morning. Justin had no interest in Jesus but liked his grandmother and had nothing else to do, so he went along.
It turned out that he got so bored with the sermon that he fell asleep.
Week after week, he kept going. And every week he would sleep through the service. He became a permanent fixture in the congregation. Often you could hear him snoring, but no one disturbed him. They let him be. In fact, long after the congregation left, Justin would still be lying there, fast asleep. The pastor let him sleep in the chapel all Sunday.
When I asked him why he kept going to church, he said, “It’s the only place I feel safe enough to sleep.” He eventually became an active member in the church community. It was a big part of his recovery journey.
Acceptance of another is not without boundaries, expectations, or consequences; it’s not necessarily about agreement or condoning behaviors that we would not choose for ourselves. Instead, it is a deep and simple respect for another human being. It’s an understanding that transcends judgement, prejudice, and marginalization.
Acceptance is the cornerstone to belonging and becomes part of the foundation of a psychologically safe place to live and work. Our awareness of the importance of psychological safety to create high trust, highly engaged, productive organizations, has increased dramatically in recent years as employees demand better workplace cultures. Building a sense of acceptance and belonging with your team is a critical factor in building a high-performance culture in your organization.
I suggest three critical strategies for ensuring that you are building belonging around you:
  1. Take time to think about belonging on your team. Reflect on whether every team member knows that they belong, that their contribution is recognized and appreciated, and they feel accepted as a valuable member of the team.
  2. Reflect on your own inner state. Pay particular attention to how you handle stress, and how your emotional state creates either tension or inspiration in the people who depend on you.
  3. Look at your own values. Take an honest inventory of how you feel about the people on your team. Examine carefully where you have judgements and how it’s helping or hindering your success.

How do you show the people you care about that you care about them?

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How do you show the people you care about that you care about them?

When I was eleven, our family drove across the county to experience Expo 67 in Montreal and on to upper state New York to visit my uncle.

As part of our visit, Uncle Reed took us into New York City for the day. My dream was to go to the top of the Empire State Building. My brother (who was four years older) had a dream, too – to see the New York Stock Exchange.

We were late getting to the Empire State Building and had to rush to make it to the stock exchange before it closed. So we only had time to get to the 86th floor observatory before leaving for the stock exchange. I never made it to the top. I remember crying all the way down.

This story has become legendary in our family. My daughters will tell you, to this day, that I felt sorry for myself for years that my brother always got his way and I always got the short end of the stick. They reminded me often that I had carried it long enough and it was time to let it go.

We’ve traveled many places as a family, but we have never been to NYC together, so when my daughter was there a few years ago, she texted me the image below with a message:

“Dad, you don’t need to be sad any longer that you didn’t make it to the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building. I brought you up here with me.”

When it comes to caring about the people we care about, the little things are the big things.

#caring #authenticity #authenticleadership